Thanks a lot for your continued support. It means a lot!

Danny tried not to take it personally, he really did. He knew Steve was hurt, his brain was probably still confused and he felt guilty about what had happened. He knew his friend just tried to push him away because he felt like he didn't deserve Danny's support. Danny was aware of all that, but what Steve had told him didn't hurt any less anyway.

He sat in his living room in silence, wondering. It felt so wrong. He should be happy, Steve was alive, that was all he'd hoped for in the past nine miserable days. But here he was, alone in his house, tears pushing into his eyes.

It was not over yet. Steve's body will heal, but Danny knew his partner's mental wounds were severe enough to leave him out of action for quite some time. Will he ever be able to move on? Danny didn't know how long it would take, or whether Steve will forgive himself at all, but he was certain of one thing - he will be there for his best friend every step of the way, no matter how much he'll try to push Danny away. He'll be there to remind him who Steve McGarrett is, he won't let him give up on himself.

He hated that after all Steve had been through with Joe and his mother recently he'd became a victim of the twisted plan. His hands curled into fists with the thought of Esther, still roaming free. Danny knew the longer it took them to find her, the lower the chance of succeeding was. Five-0 ran every lead possible, however weak it was, they monitored all the ways of transport out of the island, spent countless hours going through the security footages but they were no closer at all.

Another thought crossed Danny's mind, another concern regarding his best friend. The Navy officers in Red Hill didn't care who Commander Steven McGarrett was, they didn't care why he'd done what he'd done. Jackson was pretty clear about that. Danny didn't want to be the one to tell Steve what he'd probably known by now, that the investigation had been opened.

He glanced over the watch, it was just after midnight. Releasing a long sigh he headed straight to the bed. As he laid down, he realized how much he'd missed the soft and warm blankets of his bed. He hasn't slept in it for nine days, since the day Steve had disappeared. It felt great, yet he would rather be sleeping on the couch in Steve's hospital room.

But Steve didn't want him to and Danny kept replaying his words in his mind. You should go home. It was breaking his heart. But he had to keep in mind why he'd told him that and his own feelings had to go aside. He decided to do what Steve asked him to do and give him some space, but not for long. Steve needed him, now more than before, whether he was willing to accept it or not.

Switching through the TV channels for the third time, Steve scoffed. There was nothing he was interested enough to leave it on. Despite being tired he couldn't sleep and hoped that watching some boring movie would take his mind off the dark memories that kept coming at him in snippets.

It was almost noon and Danny hasn't been there since he'd sent him home last night. Maybe he shouldn't have done that. But how could Steve be certain Danny was safe with him? His partner almost died because of him, as well as Catherine. They shouldn't be anywhere near him, he didn't deserve it anyway.

Just as she was reading his mind, Catherine showed up in the doorway, smiling at him as nothing had happened. The bruises on her neck were lighter than the other day but still visible.

"Hey," she greeted him. "You look much better today, sailor."

Steve felt better too. He was still tired, but the fever had subsided and the doctor said he was ahead of schedule, healing well. The only thing that still bothered him was a terrible headache, bordering with migraine, which didn't go away no matter what he'd done. He was told it's probably the side effect of messing up with his brain.

"Hey," he said, forcing a smile. "You shouldn't be here."

Catherine's smile turned into a frown, but she lowered herself into the chair anyway, ignoring Steve's attempt to push her away. "That's up to me to decide, don't you think?" she said.

Steve wanted to object, but then he just exhaled with resignation and nodded as he was in no mood to fight. He looked back to the TV, avoiding Catherine's eyes on purpose. The news were on the screen, the young, male reporter was talking about the emergency repairs needed for Kamehameha Highway in Hauula.

"How are you doing?" Catherine asked, watching him intently.

"I'm fine," Steve replied automatically, without even thinking about it.

Catherine noticed the look of discontent in his face and didn't buy it, but she decided to let it slide.

"Cath?" Steve turned his face back to her. He didn't know where to start but he had to know the answers to his questions. "Back in the underground storage… How bad was it?"

Catherine's brain whirled as she thought how to answer the question. In the end, she decided to tell the truth. "Well, the Navy and Five-0 saved the day, the bombs were defused, a lot of lives saved, the national security protected," she stared with the good part. She could say by the glare on his face he wanted to know more. "The security cameras were off, so there is no way to be certain about the details, but as far as we know, you didn't hurt anyone."

The way Catherine formulated the sentence was enough of an answer. He didn't hurt anyone, but someone else did. He remembered being under the heavy fire that Aaron and his team returned, the men falling. "Casualties?" he asked straight away.

Catherine remained silent for a moment, staring into his eyes with compassion. "Steve…"

"Just tell me."

"Okay. Four people are in a hospital, but the doctors say they'll be all right. But…" Catherine paused, looking for the right words. "One guy didn't make it. I'm sorry, Steve."

It felt like a punch in the gut. He felt his body stiffen and the beeps of his heart monitors were noticeably faster now, as well as his breathing. He hadn't had high hopes when he asked the question but he wasn't ready to hear it anyway. Four injured and one dead, all because of him. Bennetts would never get in had he been stronger. But he'd allowed them to break him, to get into his head, to make him help them with their crazy plan. Those people were in a hospital because of him. A man died because of him. He shook his head in disbelief. "No," he mumbled. It was the only thing he could say at that moment.

Catherine reached for his hand and she could feel as Steve's body began to tremble.

"What's his name?" Steve asked, his voice shaking.

"Steve, don't do this to yourself."

"The name," he repeated, raising his voice.

Catherine released a sigh and squeezed her eyes before she answered. "Lieutenant Matthew Harris."

She knew the name would make it more real for Steve, more personal. It would be the name that would haunt him for the rest of his life. But he would find out sooner or later and he deserved to know. "Steve, it's not your fault. You know that, right?"

Steve looked like a scared child, wildly shaking his head, eyes wide and full of tears threatening to fall. "It's my fault," he whispered. "I … I failed, I was too weak."

"It's not true," Catherine said. The pain in Steve's eyes was breaking her heart.

"You weren't weak, Steve. It's not always your choice. You could have given up straight away, but you didn't. You've been through hell in your life and a weaker man would have given up a long time ago. Your body and mind have kept you going through all of this. Through everything that your life has thrown at you."

Steve disagreed. His mind had left him this time. And he could see clearly that Bennetts had worked his capture exactly as they wanted. They haven't succeeded with their plan but Esther still managed to mess Steve's head up. His mind was full of doubts, anger, shame, guilt, and regret now. He didn't respond.

"You know how these things work," Catherine said. "No-one is unbreakable, Steve. You're the toughest man I've ever met but you're still human. I've seen people break in a matter of a few hours under the influence of those drugs. Sooner or later everyone has lost their fight. Don't beat yourself up about this."

Steve clenched his fists together tightly, frustration threatening to boil over inside him. He didn't want to listen to any of this. How could anyone think it wasn't his fault? Esther got into his mind, made him do things he would never do. How could anyone trust him after all that? How could he trust himself?

"I know you, Steve. I know you would never do anything to jeopardize national security or hurt innocent people."

Shifting a little higher in his bed, Steve nodded. He knew he wouldn't. That's what he'd thought as well, but he did all that and more. A man died because he'd spied on the military facility, he'd broken into it later on and he'd endangered its essential existence by getting a group of criminals inside.

Matthew Harris. This man had been killed, trying to protect what Steve was supposed to protect too. But it was not the only thing Steve'd done. No, he'd tried to kill his best friend on top of that and almost succeeded. Danny would have been dead if Catherine wasn't there. He'd tried to kill the woman he loved just because she stood in his way.

Esther's words replayed in his mind. I would be more satisfied if you survived. Because that means you'll suffer. You'll live knowing what you've done. You shot your partner, darling. You helped us with our plan. People died because of you. And once the drugs wear off and you remember it all, you'll hate yourself. Esther had been right, the pain she caused him by letting him live with all that felt way worse than death. She got exactly what she'd wanted.

"Steve?"

Catherine's voice shook him from his thoughts. He realized then that he was panting and sweating.

"Hey," she squeezed on his hand and looked him into the eyes. "I know you're hurting. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. But I want you to know I'm here for you, okay?"

"Okay," Steve replied, squeezing her hand back, his voice broken.

He couldn't explain why, but just her presence and her touch made just a sliver of his pain and anger go away. They held hands in silence for a few minutes before Steve decided to speak up again, changing the painful subject. He couldn't help but think about one question lingering on his mind.

"What you said yesterday, did you mean it?"

Catherine drew her brows in confusion. Their conversation after Steve had woken up the day before was just brief, a couple of sentences mostly to make sure Steve was all right. He was too tired to talk anyway. "What are you talking about?"

Then it clicked. The words she'd told him when Steve drifted off to sleep, at least that's what she'd thought. She smiled at him, still holding his hand. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I wasn't," Steve tried to crack a smile but failed. "But you didn't answer my question. Did you mean it?"

"Steve, I…"

Her sentence was cut off by the sound of the opening door when the familiar doctor entered the room.

"Commander, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better," he replied. "My head feels like it's gonna explode but that's it. When can I go home, doc?"

"I need to do some tests first, but I'll be able to tell you when I get the results."

Catherine took it as her cue to leave and stood up from the chair. Steve stared into her eyes, frustrated about the doctor coming in just when he was about to get the answer. She leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek. It sent a tingle all the way down the left side of his body. "I'll be back later."

Steve tried to move toward him, but his body wouldn't react. It was like his feet were in quicksand. The more he struggled, the less he could move. The woman held the knife high and then thrust it down into the man's chest. There was a sickening sound as the blade penetrated his flesh, but nothing more than a whimper escaped his lips. The man turned his head.

Danny. Those pleading eyes. Begging for it to stop. Begging for Steve to help. Steve tried to reach out to him, but he couldn't move. His arms were numb and lifeless.

The woman turned to him. Esther. A grin on her face, her eyes red with rage. She drove the knife down into Danny's body, again and again, moaning as she did so.

Steve tried with all his might to move. But something was stopping him, holding him back. He looked down. There were arms around his waist, around his neck. Pulling on him, preventing him from moving, from speaking.

He looked up. Esther stood right in front of him now, her eyes bleeding onto her face. The bloody knife in his hand was only inches from Steve's chest. The knife broke through his skin. Slowly, assuredly, Esther plunged it deeper. The blade tore through Steve's flesh with ease.

"Steve!"

Danny was still alive! He had to save him. But how? Esther was forcing the knife deeper and deeper, the smile still on her face. Steve felt the blade touching his heart, then piercing it.

With one last burst of energy, he tried to break free but he couldn't. He wanted to save him. But it was too late now. He shut his eyes.

"Wake up, buddy!"

All of a sudden the arms that had been holding him back were gone. He found a burst of strength, at least he could move. He sprang into action.

He opened his eyes. Confusion swept through him. He was sitting upright in the bed, his body was clammy, his breathing heavy.

"Are you all right?"

Danny. He was okay. The images had gone now, and his confusion was dissipating. His mind wasn't completely with him yet, but he knew where he was. When he turned to look at Danny, Steve saw he was upset and scared. Then he remembered how he'd thrown the arms off him in his dream.

"I'm sorry. Did I… Did I hurt you?" Steve stuttered.

"No, no you didn't," Danny lied. He got punched in his not yet healed wound when he'd tried to wake Steve up, but Steve didn't need to know that. "I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yeah. It was just a bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Danny hesitated, unsure whether to push Steve to talk to him. He decided not to. "Okay."

Steve looked at the clock, it was almost two in the morning. He noticed there were a pillow and a blanket on the sofa. He lay back down, staring at Danny. "What are you doing here?" Steve said.

"I know what you're doing, Steven," Danny answered, flapping his arms in the air. "I know what you're doing and you have to stop it, all right? Just don't. You can't push me away, cut me out like that."

"Danny…"

"No, let me finish. You can't do that, Steve. Let me ask you a question. If it was me, or Catherine, or anyone from the team, would you let us close up and refuse your help?"

"Danny, I wa-"

"Hell, no! You wouldn't," Danny kept going. "Because that's what family's for, to be there for you in the time of need. And you get into that head of yours I'll be here for you no matter what, all right?"

"Okay," Steve said.

"And I don't care…" Danny got stuck, realizing what Steve had just said. "Wait a minute, did you just agree with me?"

"Yeah, I did," Steve smiled at him. The first genuine smile in ten days. "You're right. I wouldn't let you cut me out. I actually wanted to say I'm sorry. I had no right to ask you to leave."

Danny stared at him, speechless for a moment. Did Steve just say that he was sorry and that Danny was right? "Let me call the doctor," he said, standing up with a smirk on his face. "I think this fever is getting to you again."

"Danny!"

Danny lowered himself back to the chair, the smile gone off his face. He looked down to the floor as though he was ashamed of something.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, immediately noticing the worry in his friend's eyes.

"It's nothing," Danny replied, forcing a smile. "It can wait. How are you feeling? I've spoken to your doctor, she said the animal will be released on Friday, isn't that great?"

Steve didn't buy it but decided to let it slide. He knew Danny well enough to know he'd been through his own personal hell in the past ten days, including a gunshot in his chest. And just like himself, he wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Yeah, two more days and I'm out of here."

"Did Junior speak to you?" Danny asked.

Steve nodded. Junior and Tani visited him a few hours ago. But Danny's question was specific and Steve knew that. "He did, but you don't have to…"

"No, no, stop it, Steven," Danny cut him off, his hands in the air. "As you know, his dad is not feeling well lately and he'll need to spend some time at his parent's place, so he offered me to stay in his room for a couple of days."

"What do you mean he offered you his room? It's my house, Danny," Steve snapped. "And you really don't have to stay with me, I'll be fine."

He knew it wasn't necessarily the truth, but the images of his best friend dying right in front of him had haunted him every time he closed his eyes. It wasn't that he didn't want Danny to be around, he was just scared. Scared he would hurt him again, or worse. And like it wasn't enough, every time he looked into those blue eyes, he felt guilt eating him alive, piece by piece.

"Would you calm down?" Danny protested. "I won't babysit you, don't worry. You can consider it extra time spent with your BFF."

Steve looked away from him, thinking about the events of the past days. He wasn't sure having around a walking reminder of what he'd done was the best idea. But he knew his partner and he knew Danny wouldn't back off. He wouldn't have either had their places been switched. So he agreed.

"So just pizza and beers? Promise?"

"Just pizza and beers."

*to be continued*

So Esther is still on the loose. What could possibly go wrong? *evil smile*

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