A short chapter, but there is more to come soon.

As always, I'd like to thank you for your support and all the reviews.

No more rambling, enjoy reading!

Steve bolted awake, panting heavily. The same nightmare again. He threw away the covers and shivered as the cold air waved over him. The snippets of the memories flooded his mind. Danny leaving the bloody trail on the wall, his shirt staining red. The panic in Catherine's eyes as she was struggling to draw air into her lungs. And the guilt that followed, the guilt that was too much to bear, the guilt that was tearing him apart.

He fought hard to banish the melancholic thoughts. He knew they were useless. Knew they wouldn't help the situation and would only make him weaker. For that very reason, he'd been taught to control and ignore emotion. At times he wished he still could.

Glancing over the clock on his bedside table, he saw it was almost seven in the morning. Three hours. That's how much sleep he managed to get. It wasn't much but it was better than the most nights.

He headed toward the doorway and walked downstairs to the kitchen, trying to move as quietly as possible. Waking up Danny, who was equally as tired and fighting his own demons, was not what he wanted to do.

Steve had started to prepare his morning coffee when he heard steps coming from behind him. Turning around he saw Danny with only a towel wrapped up around his waist, his hair still wet from the shower. His bloodshot eyes reflected a rough night he'd had. A proof that Steve was not the only one fighting insomnia.

"Hey," Danny said. "Looks like I'm right on time," he smiled, pointing at the coffee.

But Steve didn't listen. His body stiffened, his heart rate sped up as he stared at Danny. He couldn't tear his gaze away from the remainder of the gunshot wound on Danny's bare chest. He'd caused that. He had hurt his best friend, he had almost killed him. He had been controlled, used as a lab rat to do this, but it was still his fault.

"I'm sorry", Steve muttered. It was all he could do. It's been almost three weeks since he was back home, but the guilt didn't subside at all. The pain from his experience was still all too real, too vivid in his mind. Pain and shame were burning in his heart like a wildfire. "I didn't want to do any of that. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Steve, stop apologizing. I've told you already - I don't want to hear that anymore."

Steve nodded, but he couldn't stop thinking about that moment. About the look in Danny's eyes, the relief of finding his friend that quickly changed to confusion and fear.

"By the way, you got some post," Danny pointed his finger to the envelope laying on the kitchen counter.

Judging by the look on Danny's face, his friend already knew where the envelope had arrived from. "Is that…?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Steve didn't answer. He poured the coffee into his favorite mug and added a piece of herb butter into it. He turned on his heel and walked away from the kitchen, frowning. It wasn't like he didn't expect it, but he just wasn't ready to face it yet.

"Steve?" Danny called. "Steve, where are you going?"

Steve didn't answer. He headed toward the back door of his house and walked through the backyard until his bare feet sank into the warm sand on the beach. Drawing a salty air into his lungs he blankly stared at the horizon, sipping his coffee in silence.

A few moments had passed before Danny stood up by his side, now fully clothed, his hands in the pockets of his trousers. He didn't say anything, just watched his best friend intently, with concern in his eyes.

Listening to the sound of waves crashing onto the sandy beach, Steve wished they could wash away all the pain, all the sorrow, all the guilt he felt. His conversation with Aaron Bennett crossed his mind as he watched the blue waters of the ocean.

"Look, there is no need to die for this. If you help us, maybe… just maybe we can discuss your future."

"In that case, you can put a bullet into my head right now."

He meant it back then. He'd rather die than do what he'd been forced to do. But Esther knew that and she used it against him.

No one blamed him for the things he'd done, for the problems he'd caused, for the innocent life lost. And that drove him crazy. As weird as it was, he wanted them to blame him, to hate him for that, because that was what he deserved. Danny never stopped repeating to him how it was not his fault, that it wasn't him and Steve wasn't sure he could listen to that anymore.

Steve lowered his eyes and clenched his fists as hard as he could, trying to channel away the anger. "I should have died there."

He spoke through clenched teeth, angry with himself as never before. Because even though he desperately wanted Danny to be right, he knew that he wasn't. It was all his fault and he'd rather be dead than be dealing with the unbearable guilt eating him alive.

"I should have died there."

Danny suddenly had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had sensed Steve's pain, had sensed it from the moment he woke up in the hospital, but this was the first time he'd heard Steve say something like that. No matter what had happened in his life, his best friend always had the will to fight until the end, to fight for his life. Until now.

"Please don't ever say that again, don't even think about it," Danny said, sounding sympathetic, but also aware of the growing anxiousness that he was feeling at Steve's unusual behavior.

Danny was well aware of how much Steve had been through in his life, how much pain he'd suffered, how many people he'd lost. Every person had their limits and Steve had reached his. He couldn't take any more pain in his life. It just wasn't fair, Steve didn't deserve to suffer like that.

"I know you're hurting, Steve," Danny said. "But think about your family. Do you really think it would be better that way?

Steve kept his gaze locked at the ocean, the pain in his eyes was hard to swallow. "Yeah, I do," he whispered. "Because I'd never hurt you or anyone else I love. No one would threaten you or your kids because of me anymore."

"That's not true," Danny objected, standing right in front of Steve and grabbing Steve's shoulders.

Steve bowed his head, letting the tears escape his eyes.

"Look at me, babe," Danny said. He lifted Steve's chin with his finger, making Steve look into his eyes. "We're safe because of you. You are protecting everyone you love and even people you don't know. You're a superhero not only for Grace and Charlie but for me too."

Steve didn't answer.

"But you know, you're also a human," Danny said. It felt like talking to Charlie at this point, but he didn't care. His best friend, his brother was questioning whether it's worth living. He had to give him enough of a reason to keep fighting.

"And people can be hurt, they can be broken, they can make mistakes sometimes," he kept talking. "And even if they try their best, even if they do everything possible, everything that's in their powers, they still lose sometimes. No man can win every battle."

The tears were flowing freely down Steve's face by now, it split Danny's heart into two pieces. "Right now you might feel like you've hit the rock bottom and it's good. Because the only way to go from here is up. And I know you'll find your way, you'll heal one day. It's who you are, who you've always been. A fighter."

Still keeping his arms on both Steve's shoulders, Danny held his gaze, trying his best to keep his own tears at bay. "You've got a lot of people around, people who are willing to do anything it takes to help you find your way back up, people who love you."

Steve remained silent, wiping out the tears from his face.

"You're not alone, Steve. We're in this together. We will get through this. Whatever there is inside of that damn envelope, whatever will happen, I'll be here for you till the end."

"I know you will," Steve broke his silence, staring into Danny's eyes.

"I love you, buddy," Danny said, pulling Steve into a hug, patting his back slightly. "We love you. So please… please don't ever think it would be better if you died, all right?"

Steve returned his hug, holding him tightly. He pulled away after a moment, looking at Danny, who was waiting for some kind of affirmation.

"Okay," he said eventually, his voice broken. "Love you too, Danno."

"Okay," Danny said, watching his friend with compassion in his eyes.

Danny's heart was bleeding when he saw his partner like this. Steve saying those words out loud was simply too much to take in. The worst thing was that he couldn't do much to help him. He could only be there for him, promise him he'll get through that despite knowing that might not be the case. Sure, it might get better over time, but he didn't think anyone could truly recover from all the horrors Steve's been through, especially in the past few years.

"So are you ready?" Danny asked, taking out the envelope out of his pocket, holding it in front of Steve.

Steve swallowed hard, staring at it for a moment, then he nodded.

"Wanna read it? Or should I?" Danny asked.

"Do it," Steve answered.

Danny gave him an affirming smile and opened the envelope carefully. With butterflies in his stomach, he skipped the first lines of the text, moving to the part that he knew was important. And against all his hope, the words he found in the letter were not the ones he'd wanted to see.

Danny woke up after another restless night, panting and sweating. The conversation he'd had with Steve yesterday haunted him in the sleep, bringing on another vivid nightmare. The first rays of the sun were now trying to find its way into the house, making Danny wonder what time it was. He looked at the watch. Half-past six.

He stood up and headed to the kitchen, partially hoping he would find Steve there. After yesterday's conversation, it was a fight to make him to at least eat something. Steve spent most of the day and night in his bedroom, refusing any human contact and Danny didn't blame him. But he hoped Steve would change his mind in the morning.

But there was no sign of him anywhere downstairs. And he didn't hear him walking around the room as usual. Maybe he was still asleep. He didn't want to wake him up.

Yawning, Danny headed to the bathroom. He undressed and got into the shower. As the hot water coursed over him it seemed to relax not only his body but his mind too. By the time he turned the water off, all remnants of the nightmare had been banished.

After the shower, he put on some clothes and headed to the kitchen to prepare the coffee. That's when he'd noticed Steve's cell phone on the marble counter. Was he awake yet? He didn't hear him coming downstairs. This was actually the first morning he didn't hear him being awake. There was just quiet.

He poured the coffee to Steve's mug and headed back upstairs, deciding whether to knock on his door. Listening carefully, he didn't hear a thing. He was about to turn around and leave, but his instinct was telling him something was off. It was too quiet. He would be awake by this time, Danny was certain of that. And why was his phone downstairs if he was still sleeping?

Danny knocked on the door. "Steve? You awake?"

Nothing. Again, not a sound, not an answer. He knocked again.

"Steve."

The silence was his answer again.

Risking an angry partner, he decided to push the door halfway open, knocking one more time. As he didn't get any response, Danny opened the door completely. The bed was empty and messed up.

"Steve, are you here?" he called out again, louder.

By now, there was a weird feeling in his stomach. He headed to the bedside table, leaving the coffee on it and opening the drawer. There was Steve's gun inside.

"Come on, Steve. Where are you?"

Danny headed back downstairs, checking the whole floor again before going to the backyard. He wondered whether Steve could have gone for a swim, but there was no towel on the chair and no sign of his friend in the ocean. Coming back in and checking the front of the house Danny could see Steve's car still parked at the same place as always, the front door unlocked.

"Steve!" Danny yelled, panic creeping into his voice. His head began to whirl. "Steve?" he called out again, even louder.

He didn't like it a bit. Danny reached for his phone and dialed Lou's number.

"Hey, man. How are you doing? How is our boy?" Lou said.

"He's gone," Danny said without any pleasantries.

"What do you mean he is gone?"

"He's not here, okay?" The panic in Danny's voice was now evident. "His phone, gun, and the car are here, but I can't find him. I haven't seen him since he'd locked himself up in his bedroom yesterday."

"Damn it," Lou's voice turned more serious. "Do you think…?"

"I don't know," Danny cut him off. "I don't know what to think. The front door was unlocked, but there is no sign of forced entry. And his phone was in the kitchen, I'm sure it wasn't there last night."

"That doesn't sound right."

"No, it doesn't. Call the rest of the team, I'll meet you in the headquarters," Danny suggested. "We need to find him."

"On my way."

Danny had been already on the way to his car when he ended the call. His head whirred as he tried to figure out what had happened. He jumped into his Camaro and sped out of the driveway.

*to be continued*

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