Thanks again for all the reviews. It always makes my day to read one :)

As I've almost finished writing the story, I decided to post another early update.

It is a little treat for all the McRollins fans out there. Enjoy reading.

Steve stood in the doorway, a surprised expression on his face.

"Catherine?"

"Good morning, sailor," she smiled and pulled him into a hug he didn't resist.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. The last time she'd knocked on his door without calling upfront it was because Doris had been in trouble. His eyes widened with the thought. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head and smiled. "I've got this weekend off so I thought I'd check on you."

Steve just stood there, stunned for a moment, wondering whether his best friend had something to do with her appearance or not. He hasn't seen Catherine since she left about a week after he'd been saved from Bennett's captivity. He didn't expect to see her again so soon. She tried to call him several times since then, but he wasn't ready to talk to her.

"Will you invite me in, or?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure." Steve shook his head to bring his mind to clarity and held the door open for her to come in.

Eddie rushed to welcome the visitor, wagging his tail wildly as he sniffed Catherine.

"Oh, Cath, meet Eddie. Eddie, this is Catherine," Steve introduced them.

She crouched down and scratched Eddie behind the ears. "Hi Eddie," she smiled.

Steve just stood there for a moment, still processing the fact Catherine came from who knows where to check on him.

"So, how are you doing?" Catherine asked, standing up despite Eddie's protests.

"I'm fine, thanks."

It was a complete lie and the look in Catherine's eyes told him she didn't buy it. He wasn't fine and he wasn't sure he'd ever be after what happened in the last year and half of his life. After losing two important people in his life and trying to kill two people he loved the most. He blamed himself for all of that and he knew it won't ever change. He still couldn't look Danny into the eyes without thinking about it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be here when you got home," Catherine said as they both sat down on the couch.

"No, no, it's okay, I get it. Work," Steve replied. "But you're here now. To be honest, I didn't really expect you to show up at all."

Catherine bit her lip nervously, staring at him. "Wow, I hope that was meant in a good way," she said.

"Absolutely," Steve said, smiling. "So how long are you going to stay?"

"Just the weekend," she replied. "I've got a flight to catch on Sunday morning."

"Well, right now Eddie is my only company so you can stay in Junior's room if you want," Steve offered.

"Actually, I thought I would stay in a hotel," she said.

"Don't be silly, Cath. You stay here, I insist."

"Won't that be a little awkward?" she asked.

Steve knew exactly what she'd meant by that. After all, they had a complicated history together. But it never felt awkward between them, even after she'd left. Every time he was around her it was like they've picked up where they've left off.

"Not at all," he said.

Catherine smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. She looked Steve into the eyes before she spoke up, her voice serious.

"I've heard about the Five-0."

"Williams," he huffed.

Of course, Danny told her, why was he even surprised? And he assumed he'd told her the rest as well. Steve didn't know how much had his partner spilled and he was not in the mood to listen to someone trying to change his mind about the Five-0 nor the court-martial.

"Yeah, I quit," he said. "But you already know that."

"Steve, how are you really doing?" she asked, resting her hand on his shoulder.

Steve took his eyes off her, staring into the distance, and didn't answer for a good while.

"You really want to know?" he said, his eyes still fixed somewhere behind Catherine.

"Yes." She fiddled with her hair, as though wanting to say more, but not sure whether she should. "I know this is tough for you," she said. "But it really does help to talk. No pressure. But if you want to, I'm here to listen."

"I appreciate it, thanks." He really did mean that. There has always been something about her that comforted him. She seemed to understand him as no one else did.

He'd talked to Danny a few times, but usually, he'd said what his friend wanted to hear, not what he was really feeling. It was just easier to keep the issues locked in than to talk about them. But maybe Catherine was right, maybe it was time to start opening up about what was happening to him. Even if just a little bit.

He let out a long sigh but eventually gave in.

"I'm scared," he began, his voice ridden with shame. "I've never been broken before and it feels like I failed. Like I betrayed who I am. And I'm scared it might happen again, you know. It seems I'm not so strong as I've used to be."

Her stare was focused on him the entire time he spoke but he didn't look over at her. She didn't say a word. Just let him carry on.

"I was trained to deal with pain. Trained not to break under torture. I was. And it worked. Until now. And do you know what's the worst?" Steve said.

Catherine still didn't say a word. Steve carried on.

"She knew hurting the ones I love would make me suffer more than physical torture. That's why she wanted me to kill Danny. That's why she wanted me to break into Red Hill. They never train you for that. To see someone you love suffering. Danny almost died, you too, and an innocent father of a small kid died. And to know that it was my fault - that caused me more pain than I have ever felt. "

Catherine reached out and put her hand on his shoulder again, wishing she could do more to comfort him. "Steve, that's what makes you human, feeling like that."

He shoved her off. "But don't you get it?" he said, his bleary eyes looking at hers for a second before returning to look somewhere behind her again. "He is dead. It should have been me."

"But you're still alive. And you will get her."

"I'm alive," he said. "But it had nothing to do with me. It's a strange feeling to know that you're only alive because of someone else's actions. To know that without them you'd be dead. That you have no control over your own existence."

They both fell into silence for a while.

"I get nightmares all the time," Steve said eventually. "More or less every night. I even get them when I'm awake sometimes. That's when it freaks me out the most. Most of the dreams used to be real. I mean, they were a retelling of real events. Bad things that happened back in that cell. But now they're different. More graphic. And more painful. The one I just had today, we were back in that house. Only this time I killed you both. I didn't do anything to save either of you, I just stood there and watch you and Danny die."

"I see, but you didn't do that. We're okay," she said, shuffling closer to him.

Steve nodded, his eyes met hers again. He fought to keep tears that were welling in his eyes at bay.

"Thank you for telling me," she said. "I know it must have been hard. Most people would have given up after what happened to you. But you didn't. You're still here, fighting. There aren't many people who could do that."

Steve saw what she was doing. He did give up. Telling him otherwise was just an attempt to make him fight. She tried to change his mind, just like Danny. She just used a different method. But he won't get himself be fooled. But he had to admit he felt a little relieved to get it off his chest.

"Thank you for listening to me. For trying to understand."

"That's why I'm here," she said, giving him a smile.

"Why don't we go out and get something to eat?" he suggested.

Without hesitation, she said, "Yeah, I'd love that."

After much-needed food and a short walk they came back to his place and just talked for hours. Like two souls merged into one, as nothing else existed. She managed to make him smile even when he thought everything was lost. Maybe Danny had been right, he still had feelings for her. That was probably the reason why his relationship with Lynn or any other woman didn't work. No matter how hard he'd tried to ignore the feelings, he just couldn't help it. He tried to move on, but there was only one woman who had a place in his heart. There was just something about her, something he never had with any other woman. Just being there with her made all his problems to lighten up.

Long after the sun had set, Catherine went to the shower. Steve made his way upstairs, headed to his bedroom and sat down on the bed. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, staring into the distance, thinking. His mind whirred, there was just so much going on in his head. He wanted to continue where they've left off at the hospital, but he wasn't sure that was a good idea.

"What are you thinking about?" Catherine said, standing by the doorway.

He didn't hear her coming, but he didn't mind. He gave her a slight smile.

"Nothing."

She moved toward him and stood over him at the side of the bed.

As much as he was trying to push his feelings to the back of his head, and as much as he hated to admit that, he was still in love with her. He never stopped loving her.

"I'm glad you're here, Catherine," Steve said, looking up at her and taking her hand.

"Me too," she said, squeezing his hand. "There is nowhere else I'd rather be."

She sat down next to him on the bed, close to him. Her hand reached out and gently touched his cheek. Steve could feel goose-bumps rise on his neck.

"It feels good to be here with you, even if just for a while," she said.

But Steve wasn't listening anymore. He was staring at her, his thoughts somewhere else. He looked into her eyes and tried to guess what she was thinking. It was probably completely the wrong move to make, but he was willing to risk it.

He gently cupped her face in his right hand and moved his face close to hers so their lips were only inches apart. She didn't make an attempt to move away at all. She lowered her hand from his face and looked deep into his eyes.

"Steve, what are you doing?" she said.

"I don't know."

And then she closed the gap completely, kissing him on the lips. Lightly at first, holding the position for a few seconds. Then, almost as if it were synchronized, they both parted their lips and allowed their tongues to dance. He pulled her closer to him and she gave him a faint murmur.

They released from the kiss, looking longingly at each other, both waiting to see how the other would react next.

"You sure you're okay with this?" he said.

"Steve, know when to stop talking."

She reached down, took hold of her tank top and pulled it off over her head. He did the same, then drew her in again, kissing her even more passionately than before. After enjoying the kiss for a long period, she began to move away from him, standing up. He followed, their lips not parting.

They began to fumble at each other's trousers. With one hand, Steve unhooked her bra, exposing her breasts. She pressed up against him, an incredible feeling of flesh on flesh. She murmured again as he lightly caressed the inside of her leg, moving his fingers slowly upwards.

They both removed what was left of their clothing, without ever halting their kiss, then fell back onto the bed, Catherine on top, her body draped over Steve as they made love.

Danny threw his phone to the desk, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Let me guess, he ignores your calls," Lou said, standing in the doorway of Danny's office.

"He turned his phone off," Danny replied with a hint of resignation in his voice.

Lou nodded and headed toward the chair opposite Danny. He frowned as he sat down, watching Danny. "You know, I can't say I'm surprised," he said.

Danny lifted his head and looked at his older colleague. "What do you mean?"

"Give him time, Danny. If anybody can get through this, it's McGarrett."

"Because time heals everything, right?" Danny scoffed.

"That's not what I meant," Lou protested. "He needs to sort the thoughts in his head. You pushing him to do so won't help. Give him some space, he'll come around."

"What if he won't?" Danny barked. "We don't have time, Lou. The court is in nine weeks and so far he showed up zero interest in defending himself."

"I know," Lou sighed. "I tried to talk to him but it was like talking to a wall. You know how stubborn he is. You can't force him to change his mind, Danny. No one can. He needs to be the one to find a reason to keep fighting."

Danny didn't answer. He knew Lou was right. But he felt so helpless and he hated that there was nothing he could do or say to help Steve.

"Just be there for him, man," Lou continued. "Keep doing what you're doing, show him how important he is to you, to all of us. That's the best thing you can do for him right now."

"Right," Danny murmured, lowering his eyes. "But I won't give up on him."

"I'd never asked you to do that. None of us will give up on him, not as long as we breathe," Lou affirmed him.

"Are Adam and Quinn back already?" Danny changed the topic.

Lou had been right, there was not much to do for Steve right now. He needed to focus on what he could do. Finding the woman who was behind all this, the woman who turned his best friend's world upside down.

"Not yet. They're still out, running a lead," Lou answered. "Hey, I'll be damned in we don't find her, Danny. She can't hide forever. Sooner or later we'll get her."

"We will," Danny said, with a new determination in his voice. "I gave him a promise."

And he intended to keep it, no matter what.

Steve and Catherine lay on the bed, naked, their bodies entwined.

"That was unexpected," Steve said.

"Was it?" Catherine smiled.

"Unexpected? Yeah. Not that it didn't cross my mind a long time ago."

Catherine hit his arm playfully. "Well, I guess it was a little unexpected," she said, snuggling her head into him. "But in a good way."

He'd not felt this relaxed for a long time. Not just in the last two months, but in years. All of a sudden, lying there in the bed, all of his troubles seemed so much further away. Not gone entirely, but at least momentarily appeased.

She was laying on her side. Her fingers running rings in the soft hairs in the center of his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. Her fingers moved to the scar starting under his sternum, meeting the horizontal scar running from the right to the left edge of his abdomen.

Steve winced reflexively at first, not from the physical pain, but from memory. With her light touch continuing to dance on his skin, he soon relaxed again.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" she asked.

"No, I didn't plan on telling you."

"Wanna tell me about it now?"

Steve remained silent for a few moments. It was not a memory he'd tried to push into the back of his head. But all his scars, including that one, and all the memories that went with them, told the story of who he was. They explained his life, they told the story of a lost soul. Of a lifetime of pain and suffering that was easier to ignore than to confront. And with Catherine, it felt completely natural to open up about this on an emotional level.

"A little over three years ago, Danny and I were undercover as drug pilots and it went south," he said eventually, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. "A helicopter showed up mid-flight, attacked our plane. I got multiple hits, one of the bullets perforated my liver, damaging it beyond repair. If I didn't get a new one fast, I would die. So Danny volunteered to share his with me."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. Danny is an amazing friend. I'm really glad you are both okay."

"He is," Steve smiled. Danny was much more than a friend. He was his brother. And after the transplant, they were officially linked by blood too.

"What's the long term prognosis?" she asked.

"Good, I think. I mean, I'll have to take anti-rejection pills for the rest of my life but it should be fine."

"I'm happy to hear that," she said, smiling.

He frowned, looking away from her, wondering whether he should keep talking.

"What is it?" she asked.

"There is more," he admitted and watched Catherine's body stiffen.

"Tell me."

He took a deep breath before he spoke up. "I got the radiation poisoning from handling a dirty bomb about two and a half years ago."

"What?" Catherine said, sitting up in the bed. "The radiation poisoning? Steve, but… but that means…" she stuttered, staring into his eyes. "What did your doctor say?"

He decided to be honest with her, there was no point in pretending. "He is certain I'll experience the side effects down the road."

Steve could see she was fighting to keep the tears at bay. "How bad is it? "

The answer to that question was something he wasn't sure was a good idea to tell her. He didn't even tell Danny. He could have lied, but in the end, he said the truth. "Not great, to be honest. I've got some blood tests done and my doctor said there's been some change since the last time he saw me. So it probably won't take as long as I thought initially."

A single tear rolled down Catherine's cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before she looked at him again. "Steve…"

"Please don't tell Danny," he said, holding her gaze. "I don't want him to be worried even more, he would drive me crazy."

She gave him a slight nod and a smile. It wasn't a light-up-your-face smile, but it was enough.

"Thank you for telling me," she said.

"Thank you for listening."

They spent the rest of the evening in the bed together, only going to sleep in the early hours of the morning. The next day, too, had come and gone with them barely leaving the bed. They got out only to get some food. It had been amazing two nights. Steve couldn't believe just how relaxed they had both been in each other's company even after all the years apart. It felt like Catherine never left, like they were destined to be together.

But this morning, Steve felt altogether different. He couldn't bear the thought that after this morning he may not see Catherine for a while again. The thought had been playing on his mind, preventing him from sleeping.

Steve left her in bed and headed downstairs, making his way to the kitchen. He made coffee for both of them and began to prepare breakfast. Just a few minutes later Catherine showed up in the doorway, already dressed.

"Morning, sailor," she said, smiling. "It smells good."

He smiled back. "Hey. I thought you were still asleep. I just made you breakfast," he said, holding up the plate with the pancakes.

Steve brought the food and drink over to her, laid it down on a table and held the chair for her to sit. Catherine responded with an awkward smile.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Nothing," Catherine said, giving him another less than convincing smile. "Thanks for breakfast."

"Come on, I can tell something is up. What is it?"

"It's nothing," she said, more bluntly. She seemed like she wanted to say more, but she didn't.

After that, they ate their breakfast in near silence. Not the uncomfortable kind of silence though. It was what made Steve feeling so comfortable around Catherine. Whether it was talking, or just being together in silence, it never felt awkward. Sometimes they could talk for hours and sometimes just sit next to each other without words.

"Last night was great," Steve said, sipping his coffee.

"Steve," she said. "Are you really going to let me leave without asking me the question you've been dying to ask me?"

Steve stiffened. She knew him all too well. He really wanted to pick up where they've left off in the hospital, but he still didn't know how to open up the subject. And knowing she was leaving again, he didn't really think it was a good idea anyway. It would just make things even harder for both of them. But giving it another thought, after this weekend full of such 'mistakes' it wouldn't make a big difference. And he wanted to know the answer.

"I wasn't gonna ask again," he admitted. "But you've started already, so go ahead. Answer it." He gave her a smile and looked deep into her eyes.

"You know, I wanted to…"

A knock on the door almost immediately followed by the sound of the opening door interrupted her.

Steve exhaled through his nose and sighed. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Steve?" he heard Danny's voice coming from his living room.

"Over here," he called out, giving Catherine an apologetic look.

"Hey, so you are alive, huh? I've been trying to reach you for a while," Danny said. He was about to continue when he noticed Catherine.

"Hi," she said.

The surprised look on Danny's face told Steve his friend didn't know about her visit as he'd thought initially.

"Cath, hey. It's good to see you," Danny pulled her into a short hug. "So you came to check on the animal?"

"Yeah, I did," she answered.

"I hope he didn't cause any trouble."

"Not at all," she said. "Quite the opposite."

Steve and Catherine exchanged the glances and a slight smile, which caught Danny's attention.

"Oh, I see," he said, turning to Steve. "Now I understand why your phone is turned off."

"Danny, did you want something? Shouldn't you be at work right now?" Steve said, crossing his arms in front of him.

He was anxious to finally get his moment with Catherine and Danny rambling about nothing had ruined it.

Danny's expression changed to more serious, a smirk disappeared from his face. "Uh, I should," he said. "And I would be if you Neanderthal answered the phone. But there is something I need to tell you."

"Can't it wait?" Steve asked. "We… we were in the middle of something."

Danny shook his head. "No. No, I don't think it can wait, buddy."

"What happened? You okay?" Steve asked, silently cursing himself for trying to push Danny away for his own selfish reasons when there was clearly something bothering his friend. "Are the kids all right?"

"Yeah, we're good," Danny said, nervously running his fingers through his hair. "Look, there is no easy way to tell you, so I'll just say it. Esther is back on the island. She got here two days ago."

Steve almost dropped his coffee.

*to be continued*

Yay, Esther is back. *evil grin* What will be her next move? How will Danny and Steve deal with her being back?

So, what do you think? I'd really appreciate if you found a few moments to review this chapter.