Everything belongs to Jk is inspired by Laura Marlings song, goodbye old England.
love is frail and willing to break.
I will come back here,
Bring me back when I'm old.
I want to lay here forever in the cold.
I might be cold but I'm just skin and bones
And I never love England more than when covered in snow.
I wrote my name in your book,
Only god knows why,
And I bet you that he cracked a smile,
And I'm clearing all the stuff out of my room,
Trying desperately to figure out what it is that makes me blue,
And I wrote an epic letter to you,
But it's 22 pages front and back and it's too good to be used
And I tried to be a girl who likes to be used
I'm too good for that.
There's a mind under this hat,
And I called them all and told them I've got to move.
Feel like running
Feel like running,
Running off.
"Remus" she says. Her name is Anna. "I understand your point of view. I really do. But I can't fight for a society that shuns me. I'm not saying I'm going to join Fenrir. But maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if He wins."
Remus nods politely and heads off on his way. He's down Knockturn Alley. Dumbledore asked him to try and get in contact with the werewolves, try to persuade them to join their team.
It's cold in knockturn alley, and Remus doesn't feel well. It was the full moon two days before, and Sirius had said he was busy on order missions. Remus is no fool though, he knows that Peter and James thought he was the spy, and it was only a matter of time before Sirius did too.
It was hard being the only werewolf in a group of wizards. They all suspected him. It was obvious that there was a spy in the order. And he was a dark creature, a half breed, a monster. Why wouldn't they suspect him.
Remus begins to walk home, it's snowing now, and Remus pulls Sirius's red scarf further around him. He's so cold, England's weather in October is never warm. When Remus gets home Sirius is there. "we need to talk" Sirius said. They sat down, Remus looking at Sirius expectantly.
"Remus. James and I were talking, and we just think it might be better if you leave for a bit. Go and get a flat somewhere else." Remus nods quietly. "you're throwing me out. You think I'm the spy." Sirius bit his lip, neither confirming nor denying it."I love you, Sirius. I know you think it's me, but I wouldn't betray you like that."
Sirius pauses. "Remus, love is frail. Does your love for me out balance what you gain? Love is weak. Love is powerful, but fear is stronger."
Remus nodded. "yes. Fear is stronger than love. Otherwise this wouldn't be a thing." Remus sighed. He bowed his head, and when he looked up, he looked resigned. "I'll leave. When you rethink this madness, tell me. I'll keep coming to the order meetings unless Dumbledore requests me leave. If you need me, ask the werewolf registry."
Remus turned and left. He felt like running, running Sirius's cruel words off. Running, leaving England, coming back next time it snowed, when all this madness was over.
Sirius sighed heavily. He already regretted his words to Remus. He hadn't meant for Remus to realize they thought he was the spy. He just didn't feel safe. He sat down at a desk and began to compose a letter. A letter to Remus.
It surely didn't matter that he wouldn't, couldn't, send the letter. It was probably to good to send. But it would take away the guilt. The pain.
"Dear Remus" the letter began. "If I die, then read this. I'm sorry. I do love you, but I know you are the spy. I want you to know that I know why you did it. I understand. Voldermort is offering you so much more than you could have on our team."
"a life, a job. Acceptance. A potion to control the wolf. The sorting hat wanted to put me in Slytherin. It said I was capable of doing terrible things to the ones I supposedly love for what I believe in. It said 'trust me, there's a mind under this hat.' and I said no. It's our choices who make us what we truelly are."
The letter went on. 22 pages. Practically a whole book.
Remus ran down the street letting tears slip down his face. He sat down, on a pavement amongst the snow. He pulled an old book out of his pocket. Remus only had his battered old case on him now, and no money.
He began to write in the front of the book. "Sirius. Why did I write your name in a book? I don't know. Only God knows. He's probably laughing at me. I love you. And I solemnly swear I am not the traitor. Marauders honor." Remus slipped the book back into his pocket and kept walking.
Kept walking, away from Sirius. Away from the heartbreak.
He has no one to turn to. His mother's dead, his father doesn't like werewolves. His friends think he's the traitor. It's cold, Remus thinks. He likes the cold, the snow. The red scarf slips to the floor, and Remus let's it go. "goodbye Sirius" he silently whispers.