Chapter 4: Passion Burns Blue
Ozai was relentless after he heard about her lessons with Iroh. Punishment was swift and training was harsher than it was before. He gave her less opportunity to languish about and filled her days with lessons, meetings, and training. He became much more hands-on with her training. She wasn't aware that she could ever be so exhausted. She knew father was never very fond of Uncle Iroh, but she never thought that she would be on the receiving end of his silent fury.
This routine went on for weeks. Some days she could barely move from the training grounds. Although it was grueling, she quickly began to notice the fruits of her labor. The more precise her katas and bending were, the more she pleased Ozai. She even noticed her fire getting hotter, her flames constantly flickering from orange to blue. As much as she hated to admit it, she found herself thinking about the discussion she had with her uncle. She had to reinforce her passion and desire. She had to focus on it and use it as fuel.
Azula sat down in her room and closed her eyes. Iroh's words started repeating in her head like a mantra, calming her and guiding the pace of her breathing. She wanted to be angry that his words were the only thing to guide her, but her desire for power overruled her frustration. She wanted nothing more than to feel that blue fire in her palms. The insatiable yearning to make that flame her own was nearly overwhelming. Azula had to take a deep breath and push all of her other thoughts aside. She felt for her inner fire and she thought of what drives her.
The need to be perfect, her overwhelming sense of pride and honor, the raw desire to appease her father; she let all of these desires fill her chest as raw emotion. This feeling alone was exhilarating. She put all of her newfound energy into funneling her bundle of desire down to her stomach. She wrung out this feeling until she thought she had nothing left to give. The full feeling in her chest was gone and she feared failure for the first time.
Suddenly, Azula's body felt as if it were on fire.
Her eyes snapped open and she looked at her hands as if they did not belong to her. It was as if pure fire coursed through her veins. She felt lighter and heavier at the same time. How had anyone lived without this feeling? It was like being reborn. She imagined that, perhaps, this is what it felt like to be a dragon. She closed her eyes and relished in the sensation. If she died in this moment, she would die happy. She felt pure.
It took her quite a while to ground herself and get back to the task at hand. She could barely tear her attention away from the torrential flow of her chi in her veins. Azula took a deep, centering breath exactly as Iroh taught her to. She kept her eyes closed as she opened her palm and conjured a flame. Unaware if it was the fear of failure or the utter anticipation of it all causing her hesitation, Azula couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. She had to. The young princess maintained the flame in her hand as she carefully peeked through her eyelids.
After barely a glimpse, Azula's eyes shot open so fast that they almost popped out of her skull. Sitting in her hand was a bright blue flame. If Azula hadn't known any better, she may have cried out of sheer joy. The feeling of happiness and pride took over all of her senses as a genuine smile found its way upon her lips. It was the first time she has smiled like this in years.
She kept the flame alive in her hand, worried that she may never be able to produce it again. Its azure hue never faltered. She had to tell father! All of the training had paid off. Maybe now he would allow her to have a break in her lessons, to have a leisure day for herself. She could barely imagine Ozai's look of pride. He just created a firebender that would go down in history.
All of a sudden, reality hit Azula and her grin faded. This was not Ozai's doing. She looked at her new, beautiful flame and closed her hand to extinguish it. Her success did not come from the harsh punishments and lessons from her father. Her new fire, her newfound purpose was all the result of her uncle's gentle direction. For the first time, Azula was truly at a loss. Instead of spending the rest of her night savoring her legendary achievement, silent tears of frustration burned her cheeks hotter than any fire could.
A/N: I wasn't planning on posting this chapter so soon, but I figured that it's short enough for me to not make you all wait. As a precursor to what is going to happen in the future, I want to remind everyone that Azula is currently 10 years old in the story. We are pretty far away from where her story converges with the main series and close to it at the same time. She still has a lot of growing to do and now that Iroh's influence is part of her blue fire, part of her identity, her dislike for Iroh blends with this and creates an interesting internal conflict.