how can one man stop his ending?

Beth practically fast-walked back to the apartment after leaving the park by the East River. The smell of ocean air drifted farther away and her thighs were starting to burn. There was a cramp in one side and on the other, the gun was making its presence obvious against her ribs. She didn't slow down until she was within three blocks of the apartment building, when the burning in her lungs began to bother her. And the cop that had looked at her in the park didn't leave her mind until she could see the apartment building coming into view.

She had her phone in her hand, pulling it out and preparing to look at Daryl's text again with the intention of sending a reply. Then she looked at the clock on the screen for the first time since she'd left and realized it read 5:54. Daryl would be home any minute, and Beth hadn't even noticed how late it was getting. The overcast sky didn't help to accurately depict the time of day either. Though she'd been so lost in her own head that she hadn't even been paying attention anyway.

When she looked up from the phone screen, she spotted the familiar bike parked in its usual spot, with Daryl atop it. The back of his winged vest caught her eye immediately. She marveled at the timing of their arrivals and headed toward him instead of toward the entrance of the apartment building, watching as he unstrapped and pulled off his helmet, shaking his shaggy hair free and briefly running a hand through it. He must've spotted her as he was riding up the street, when she'd been looking down at her phone and not paying any attention to the sound of a motorcycle amongst all the other city noises, because he glanced over his shoulder and met her gaze, smirking as soon as he saw that she was approaching him. She smiled back and her heart leapt, the fluttering coming to life in her stomach.

Suddenly, all the thoughts that had been bouncing around in her head when she was staring into the East River were a distant memory. There was a lightness in her chest that felt like her first full breath of air, and the gun was practically non-existent against her side.

"What're you doin' out an' about?" Daryl asked, climbing carefully off his bike and pocketing the keys in his hand.

Beth shrugged. "Jus' went fer a walk. Kinda lost track a time. How was work?"

He nodded and held out his black helmet, and she took it without hesitation while watching him turn and open a compartment beneath the seat of his bike to pull out a tightly-folded tarp, which he unfolded and worked on draping over his bike. He replied, "Good. Got a lot done. How was yer day? Get inta any trouble while you were out?"

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, even though he wasn't looking at her as he worked on carefully covering his bike. "Nah, I behaved myself. Any ideas fer dinner? Or requests?"

Daryl shrugged and finished protecting his bike, then turned around and reached out to take his helmet back before stepping up onto the sidewalk. The two began to head to the front entrance of the apartment building, walking close together as Daryl muttered, "Dunno – Mal didn't ask fer anythin' this mornin' but we'll see what he's got in mind when we get upstairs."

Beth nodded and stepped back as Daryl reached out and grabbed the handle of the door, pulling it open and stepping aside for her to enter first. She did so and he followed closely behind, and as the door fell closed behind them and they took a couple more steps into the lobby, she slipped her sunglasses up to the top of her head and blinked in the contrast of the indoor lighting. Then she spotted Clementine sitting behind the desk of the lobby, and she was looking right at Beth and Daryl with a mischievous smirk.

Daryl didn't seem to notice the look on the tawny-skinned girl's face, because he proceeded to stroll through the lobby beside Beth casually, glancing at Clem and briefly greeting her. "Hey, Clem."

Clem nodded at him, then looked back to Beth and said, "Hey – you busy?"

Beth furrowed her brow, suspicious of the glint in Clem's brown eyes. She stopped and stood beside the desk, giving Clem a quizzical look. Daryl stopped, too, and turned back to wait for her.

"What's up?" Beth asked, studying Clem's face but unable to figure out what she had in mind exactly.

Clem was still smirking as her eyes darted to Daryl, then back to Beth before she said, "Just wanted to talk to you about something – remember what we were talking about after class?"

Beth nodded slowly, still staring at Clem with a furrowed brow as she remembered the girls voicing their opinions at lunch. "Yeah…"

"Well, I have this cousin – he's twenty-two, and he just moved to the city," Clem explained. "I was wondering if I could give him your number. I think you might like him – like, he's my cousin, but a bunch of my friends think he's super cute. So…"

Beth blinked and raised her eyebrows, and she could see the look of confusion on Daryl's face from the corner of her eye. Clem watched her expectantly, that mischievous smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth again.

Beth suddenly felt extremely awkward and on-the-spot, and she could feel her cheeks heating up. She smiled sheepishly and chuckled quietly, like it was some kind of joke. Surely Clem couldn't be serious? Beth muttered, "I, um – I don't really think – "

Then Daryl took a quick step back until he was at her side again, and he spoke up, "She ain't lookin' fer any dates. He can come hang out with both of us, if he really wants. I'll show 'im around the city."

Clem's eyes widened and she looked back-and-forth between Beth and Daryl while Beth's lips parted but no sound came out. She looked over at Daryl and he flashed her a brief smirk, which she returned gratefully. Clem was blinking in disbelief, then she leaned back in her chair and crossed her thin arms over her chest, gazing at the two as a pair, as though she were taking in the sight of them together for the first time. Her mouth slowly formed a satisfied smile.

Beth cleared her throat, fully aware that her cheeks were a bright shade of pink by now. But she couldn't hold back the tiny smile that appeared on her lips as she muttered quietly, "Yeah – um, what he said…"

Clem gave Beth a bewildered expression, then grinned and raised her eyebrows suggestively. "So it's true. You admit it…? Finally?"

Beth rolled her eyes and felt her face growing even hotter, and she had to chuckle and tug on the edge of her hat awkwardly before glancing over at Daryl and seeing him giving her a reassuring nod and smirk. Then she looked at Clem again and shrugged sheepishly, still smiling.

"Finally," Beth confirmed, and Clem clapped her hands together triumphantly and let out a loud laugh.

"Took you guys long enough," she teased, and Beth glanced over at Daryl again to see his cheeks turning a little pink, too.

I don't know why I ever thought this would be a bad thing, she thought, Clem's laugh still ringing in her ears.

Once the Beretta was hidden safely inside the bag and shoved to the back of the dresser drawer again, Beth volunteered to keep Malachi busy while Daryl showered and changed. She wound up having the toddler as her own personal assistant in the kitchen while she made dinner. He asked tons of questions, but was eager to help and learn. They made plenty of messes along the way, but she made sure to maintain her patience and carefully show him how to clean up and fix mistakes. When Daryl emerged from the hallway, freshly showered and wearing clean pajamas, his hair still damp, Beth was surprised at how quickly the time had passed. He offered to help them finish dinner, but Mal ordered his father to go set the table and wait patiently for him and "Rosie" to finish cooking. Daryl obeyed with a chuckle, and he and Beth exchanged amused smiles.

After dinner, and lots of stories and questions from Mal, they sat and read at least four chapters of Harry Potter before Mal decided he wanted to spend the remaining time before bed playing with his toys. Daryl agreed and joined him, and Beth couldn't resist joining in herself. They wound up spending an hour playing out an elaborate superhero storyline that Mal had come up with, in which Beth voiced the damsel in distress and Daryl helped orchestrate the arrangement of bad guys. Mal, of course, was the superhero. And once the day was officially saved, the toddler resigned to his bed with no arguments, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Of course, he asked for a bedtime story, and Beth took her cue to slip out of the bedroom while Daryl took a seat on the edge of Mal's bed and began telling him a story.

A couple of steps outside the door, Beth paused. She stood in the hallway and listened, intrigued because she'd originally assumed that Daryl was reading short children's books whenever he gave Mal a "bedtime story." But it seemed that he actually told him stories the old-fashioned way – from memory or imagination, and with no book in front of him. She hadn't really thought about it until she heard his low voice beginning to speak, and she wasn't sure that he knew she was listening.

"Alrigh', um – let's see," Daryl rumbled. "What kinda story you wanna hear tonight?"

Then Beth heard Mal's voice, "D'you have any about um, about a warrior?"

She heard Daryl's low, quiet chuckle. "A warrior, huh? Like Xena or somethin'?"

"Who's Xena?" Mal asked, his voice growing sleepier by the second.

"An old TV show," Daryl replied with a grunt of amusement. "Okay, I think I got somethin'… I'ono, though, ya look like yer about t'fall asleep right now. You even need a bedtime story tonight?"

"Da-ad, I always need a bedtime story," Mal said, yawning halfway through his sentence.

Another quiet chuckle from Daryl. "Alright, whatever you say, kid… So, there was this warrior. 'Cept she didn't know she was a warrior – "

"She didn't know?" Mal asked.

"Yeah – she didn't know," Daryl answered. "She wasn't officially trained, but she had the warrior blood in her. Know what I mean?"

"Uhh – yeah," Mal yawned out.

"Alrigh' – so she was a warrior," Daryl continued. "But she didn't know it, an' this evil guy in her village weaseled his way into her life – ya know, lied to her an' all that, made her think he was a friend."

"Oh – he's a bad guy?" Mal asked.

"Yeah – pretty bad," Daryl replied before continuing. "So anyway, once he's got her, he locks her up. Tells her she'll never get out, that nobody'll ever wanna save her. So she decides ta save herself."

Beth furrowed her brow as she strained to listen, Daryl's voice growing quieter. Mal's voice didn't pipe up and she started to wonder if he'd fallen asleep already.

"So she manages t'get away from this dude, fights him off an' all that, fights her way out," Daryl continued. "An' she runs away, leaves the village 'cause she knows everybody's on the bad guy's side 'cause he's got 'em all fooled, jus' like he had her fooled at the start… So she gets away, an' she runs… an' runs… a-and yer asleep, so I'm gonna stop tellin' this story."

His voice had lowered to no more than a whisper, and when Beth realized what he'd said, she shook her head with a small smile and quietly continued walking toward the living room. She wondered if Daryl made up stories like that for Mal every single night. She couldn't help but find it endearing. A small part of her had wanted to step into the bedroom and curl up beside Mal to join them.

Daryl emerged from the bedroom about a minute after Beth had walked away, and he found her in the kitchen, making a mug of hot tea. She looked over and met his eyes with a smile.

"Want some?" She asked.

He shook his head. "No, thanks. Wanna watch a movie?"

She nodded, still smiling, and picked up her mug carefully with both hands, following Daryl to the living room. They sat down on the couch together, a breeze blowing in from the window that was substantially cooler than earlier in the day. Daryl shut off all the lights except for the usual stove light in the kitchen, and then it was just the dim glow of the TV on them as they sat close together on the couch. Beth sipped her tea while Daryl scrolled through movie titles with the remote.

"Please don't make me watch somethin' scary again," she said quietly.

He looked over at her with a smirk and she couldn't help but smile back. He muttered, "Wouldn't make ya do anything. I jus' didn't tell ya how scary The Exorcist was."

She giggled and took another sip of tea, rolling her eyes playfully.

His gaze lingered on her, then he looked back to the TV screen and continued scrolling through movies. A few seconds later, he asked, "This any good?"

Beth furrowed her brow at the movie summary on the screen. "You've never seen 50 First Dates?" But she immediately felt dumb for asking it because she could already tell Daryl wasn't the type to watch any sort of romantic comedy. She shrugged and added, "You probably wouldn't like it – it's a rom-com. When I said I didn't wanna watch somethin' scary, I didn't mean we had t'watch a chick flick."

Daryl scoffed and smirked. "Can't be that much of a chick flick if it's Adam Sandler. 'Sides, I pretty much already watched all the good movies on here."

Beth smiled, raising her eyebrows in surprise. She was half-sarcastic when she replied, "Okay – well, play it."

He nodded and pressed the Play button, and they quickly got comfortable together, cuddling closer and relaxing into the soft cushions of the couch. Daryl wrapped an arm around Beth's shoulders and held her close against him while the movie played. Whenever he chuckled, she could hear it from his chest first. And every time she did, her heart did a little cartwheel. She smiled to herself and snuggled into him, drifting away on their tiny, personal island where nothing else existed except the movie playing before them and the couch they were lying on.

By the time the credits began rolling, they were wrapped up in each other, kissing slowly. Daryl's hands were on the back of Beth's head as she lay atop him, her arms around him and her hands tucked between his back and the couch cushion. They didn't notice that the credits were over for a few minutes, when the total silence finally caught their attention.

Beth broke their kiss and glanced around, then giggled quietly to herself before climbing off of Daryl and sitting up to stretch. He groaned in protest but did the same, grabbing the remote and turning the TV back to a cable channel at low volume.

"You laughed a few times, so did you actually like it?" She asked with a playful smile.

He gave her his lazy half-smile and a brief nod. "Wasn't bad. I'd prob'ly watch it again – maybe by myself, though, so I could actually see how it ended."

She giggled and chewed on her lower lip impishly, then he snaked an arm around her waist to pull her in close, kissing the side of her neck softly and causing her to giggle again. But she didn't pull away, tilting her head to the side and leaning into him as the feeling of his lips sent shivers down her side, goosebumps forming up and down one leg.

"How much longer we gotta wait again…?" He whispered against her skin, planting more tiny kisses.

Beth groaned in frustration, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in closer. "Like, nine days. Give or take."

Daryl grunted and let his lips linger on her throat, then pulled back and sighed. "It'll be worth it – I mean, the makin' out ain't bad, but – "

"Kinda makes ya want… more," she finished for him.

He smirked. "Yeah, exactly. You been takin' the antibiotics, right?"

She nodded. "'Course."

He nodded in return and glanced away from her, toward the clock. She could see the exhaustion on his face and she wanted to suggest that they both retire to the bedroom for some sleep. But she could also see that he had something else on his mind, and maybe the mention of how much longer they had to wait until she was healed had reminded him of something. She wasn't sure, but he appeared contemplative for a moment while they were both silent. Then he turned his head back toward her, arm still lazily wrapped around her middle, and licked his lips.

"So, nine days from now… what should we do?" Daryl asked quietly. "You back on the Pill, or…?"

Beth quirked an eyebrow and said, "Well, I bought some condoms, I kinda jus' planned on… that."

He shrugged. "That's cool, but what if it breaks?"

She gave him a quizzical look. "Well – I dunno. I got some birth control pills from the clinic, like samples, but… I didn't know if I wanted t'take 'em."

Daryl was studying her, narrowing his eyes briefly, then he asked, "So, you – lied about bein' on the Pill?"

Beth's heart skipped anxiously and she froze for a second, blinking in surprise. "What?"

He still appeared to be studying her, working something out in his head, and his arm was gradually loosening from around her middle as he leaned back. "You… I asked ya what the deal was, 'member? An' you said you were on the Pill. So… were you even on it t'begin with?"

Her lips parted but she didn't have anything to say. She stared back at Daryl, searching his face and realizing he expected an answer.

"No," she finally breathed out, and it hung in the air between them as he tried to decipher it.

"No…?" He repeated, as if he were struggling to process that she'd just admitted to lying. His eyes narrowed again and he withdrew his arms back to his sides, pulling back a bit and looking at her as he said, "What if you hadn't been pregnant – what if I'd knocked ya up? You told me – "

"I already knew I was pregnant," she interrupted.

There was no other logical thing to do except tell him the truth, come clean about at least one of the lies she'd weaved. There was no use in covering this part up anyway – he already knew most of the truth. He'd seen the black eye, he knew about the abortion, and he was smart enough to piece most of it together. It didn't affect her criminal case in any way. She'd just hoped that it wouldn't come up, because she was sick of thinking about it and talking about it, and she was exhausted with reliving it. But there was no escaping this white lie. She knew, now that she and Daryl were together, something like this was completely unacceptable.

For a second, she feared this was just a small taste of what was to come if he figured out what else she'd lied about.

To her surprise, he seemed more ready to hear her out than she would've thought. His mouth opened again as if to say something, but quickly closed as he mulled over his words, glancing her up and down for a second. Then he asked, "So why'd you lie? Why didn't you jus' tell me?"

Beth sighed but didn't break their eye contact. "'Cause I couldn't even tell myself… I knew it, but I didn't wanna admit it. I didn't – I didn't really think about it."

"No, you didn't," Daryl snapped, and she winced slightly at the sharpness of his words. "What if you had some kinda disease? Wouldn'ta told me that either?"

She furrowed her brow and tried not to sound as defensive as she felt. "Daryl – I got tested, I don't have anything. I'm sorry I lied – I know it was wrong. It was stupid. But… nothin' happened. I jus' – "

"'Cept you don't know that," he argued. "Ain't even about that – it's the fact you lied. I never woulda done it raw like that if I thought you'd lie about bein' on the Pill – "

"You weren't exactly insistent on protection either – don't forget that," Beth snapped, growing more defensive while she struggled to keep her voice hushed. "We were both caught up in the moment. I don't have anything an' I already knew I was pregnant – literally all I was missin' was the fourteen positive pregnancy tests t'confirm it."

Daryl pursed his lips and she could see all the racing thoughts behind his dark eyes as he leaned away from her, the physical distance between them mirroring the emotional distance she was beginning to feel. Then he rumbled, "I thought yer pregnancy was some kinda Pill fuck-up, but you were never even on it in the first place. Might not a caught anythin', but how d'you know that bastard you were with didn't leave ya with somethin' serious? Obviously you weren't usin' protection – "

She had wanted to explain it to him vaguely, so that she wouldn't have to rehash the disgusting details. But now he was assuming things about her that were just plain wrong. Yes, she knew the pregnancy was mostly her own fault. But to say that she had done nothing to prevent it? She'd never been that irresponsible.

The words burst out of her before she could stop them or rethink them, cutting Daryl off in the middle of his sentence as she struggled to keep her voice from rising. "The condom broke, okay? We didn't – I didn't want it t'happen. I knew it broke, I asked him to stop – but he didn't. He couldn't – he didn't want to. And then it was too late. I didn't do anythin' to stop it, I know. It's my own fault I got pregnant… But I was never irresponsible like that. I might not have been on the Pill, but we always used a condom, and I never had any scares before… that."

Daryl blinked, clearly taken by surprise at her words. Beth's eyes widened slightly, surprised at her own voice, and she quickly shut her mouth. She'd been so fired up a second ago, so ready to defend herself. But now that she was seeing Daryl's reaction, watching him process what she'd said, she was deeply regretting having let it all slip out.

Then he narrowed his eyes, studying her even harder than he had been before. He was no longer leaning away from her, but he wasn't moving closer to her either. He licked his lips and slowly opened his mouth and spoke, his voice quiet and hesitant, "You… asked him ta stop. And… he didn't?"

She nodded, biting down gently on her tongue and holding back any other outbursts that might've wanted to slip out. Her eyes were locked on his, unwavering. She kept thinking about how Jimmy had reacted when she'd dared to utter the word rape aloud. She had a feeling this would be similar. She could already tell she'd said too much – what if he thought she was absolutely abhorrent now?

An expression that resembled disbelief mixed with disgust crossed his face, and for a second she thought it was towards her. But then he rumbled, "That's – rape. You told 'im the condom broke, an' he finished anyway? Even though you told him ta stop…?"

Beth nodded again, heart speeding up inside her chest as she stared back at Daryl. Again, his reaction was catching her off-guard. She wasn't sure what she was hearing right now – did he think she was lying? Or was he going to try to give her the same spiel Carol had given? Was he even more disgusted with her for lying and allowing herself to get knocked up? She couldn't even tell if he was still angry.

"I'm sorry," she finally choked out, finding her voice again and allowing it to escape her mouth. Whether he was still mad or not, she wanted to apologize, to at least try to explain. "I didn't mean t'lie. It – I wasn't sure what t'do…"

Daryl blinked and shook his head, looking away from Beth for a short moment. He seemed to be trying to make sense of something in his head. He licked his lips and asked, "It's – fine. I mean… it's not fine that you lied. But yer right, I didn't insist on protection either. An' if you say it wasn't intentional… Not like – I can't understand why ya didn't wanna talk about it. I jus'… I told you already, ya don't gotta lie ta me – or hide anything. I don't want ya to."

She nodded, forcing back tears that were burning at the back of her throat. She swallowed painfully, watching him as he stroked his chin hair thoughtfully, lips parted as though he wanted to say something more. He gazed off at the open window, then looked at her again and leaned the slightest bit toward her.

"Gettin' pregnant – you know that ain't really yer fault, right?" He rumbled.

Her heart thumped hard inside her chest, and her mouth formed the words almost mechanically. "We were together – it wasn't rape. What he did mighta been wrong, but I didn't do anything to stop him. I shoulda left him way before that – when he started… changing. I-I coulda fought back, I coulda done more. It was… my own fault."

Haven't I been over this enough with Jimmy, with Carol, with myself? She thought. I know – I know I fucked up, I was stupid and thought I was in love. I just wanna move on from it already.

Daryl furrowed his brow and gave her an incredulous look. "That ain't how this works. He's a piece a shit, plain an' simple. You don't hurt somebody you claim ta love, an' you sure as hell don't keep fuckin' 'em when they tell you ta stop… I know yer smarter than that, an' maybe yer in denial about it like you were about bein' pregnant, but it was rape. An' it sure as hell ain't yer fault."

Beth swallowed hard and looked down at her lap, unable to meet Daryl's eyes at the moment. She suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed. It was so stupid, though – he sounded just like Carol. Maybe they'd been spending too much time together. She couldn't think of any other reason he'd feel the need to say these things to her. And what had happened to his anger? Was it gone, just like that? At this point, she'd rather see him angry at her than feeling pity for her.

But she couldn't see any pity on his face or in his eyes. He was looking at her with something like a new understanding. Other than that, he only seemed to be upset – not quite angry anymore, but frustrated, maybe. Either at her or just the world in general. There was still a trace of disgust in his expression and Beth wasn't sure if he was disgusted with what Jimmy had done or with her. Maybe a little of both. She could admit that she was pretty disgusted with herself lately, too.

She shook her head and mumbled, "You sound like Carol…"

Daryl grunted and she lifted her eyes to see him give a brief head nod of agreement, looking down his nose at her for a moment. "Yeah – 'cause she's right. If ya told her what you told me, I can't see her sayin' anything else."

Beth had no argument for Daryl's statement. Her mouth was dry and she wished she had more tea.

After a long moment of silence, and once he realized she wasn't going to say anything, he leaned a tiny bit closer to her with apprehension and rumbled, "He gave you that black eye – right?"

She nodded, lips pursed, frozen where she sat. Their faces were only about a foot or two apart, but he felt far away after being pressed closely against her for the last couple of hours.

"He do that kinda shit all the time? Beat ya, force ya t'do stuff in bed?" He asked quietly.

Beth sighed and shook her head, closing her eyes for a long blink. She pushed away images of Jimmy that wanted to appear in the black of her eyelids, staring ahead at Daryl instead. It steadied her pulse just the slightest bit.

Ignoring the flips her stomach was doing, she replied quietly, "No – not till the end… After the – um, broken condom… we got in a big fight. I wanted t'break up. He threatened ta kill us both. I fought him off but… He never woulda hit me or – or done any a that stuff if he'd been sober."

And that, Beth knew, was the full truth. There was no need to lie about this. Jimmy was long gone, and so were the possibilities of any repercussions from him. Unfortunately, he would not soon be forgotten.

"Oh," Daryl said, realization crossing his face. "Drugs."

She nodded with pursed lips, confirming his assumption and staring back at his dark blue eyes as he studied her under a new light.

"Kinda sounds like my brother. Not that we experienced any a the same… bullshit. But I know how that shit can make somebody act," he rumbled.

She glanced away for a split-second, overwhelmed by the look in his eyes and the deep pit of grief that was beginning to open wider at the bottom of her stomach, resisting the urge to look down towards the scar that she knew was hidden beneath his shirt. But then his gaze softened and he blinked, sighing so quietly that she barely noticed it.

"I ain't really one ta talk," he said softly, leaning in another inch. "But… ya can't blame yerself fer everythin'. Sometimes, shit jus' happens to you. Not because of you, not t'teach you a lesson – an' it don't mean you did anythin' ta deserve it, or cause it…"

Without hesitation, Beth whispered back, "But I didn't do anything to stop it…"

Daryl stared into her eyes unblinkingly, and she didn't know why, but another look of realization crossed his face, if only briefly. He pressed his lips tightly together, then parted them and said softly, "Sometimes you can't... Jus' can't. Never could. I know it ain't easy to admit. Trust me – I know."

She stared back with wide eyes, taking in his words, her lips absent-mindedly parted.

After a couple seconds of silence, he rumbled, "I'm still tryin' ta learn that one, already told ya I'm not really one ta be preachin' about it. But… I'll tell ya every day, if I gotta… Maybe we can learn it together. Eventually."

Beth felt like the rest of the world outside of her and Daryl on that couch had drifted away. She stared into his intensely focused eyes, processing his words and trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. Something about what he said, though, and the way he'd said it had brought her a new comfort. Like maybe Carol hadn't been quite as full of shit as Beth had originally thought. Like maybe she didn't have to walk around and carry these impossibly heavy loads of guilt everywhere. Like maybe Daryl wasn't trying to push her into the deep end of the pool to learn how to swim, but instead, he was slowly wading out into the water, waiting for her and offering her a lifejacket and his support.

"Aren't you… still mad?" She asked hesitantly, holding her breath as she watched his face and awaited his response.

He blinked slowly, thoughtfully, and let out a soft sigh. Then he shrugged and rumbled, "It's not like I don't get it – I've done shit like that when I was… havin' a hard time dealin'."

She nodded feebly in understanding, silently grateful that he'd been more understanding than she'd expected.

Then he continued, "But – I got nothin' ta hide… I know you don't either, but I also know there's a lotta shit ya ain't tryin' t'deal with right now, or talk about. That's alrigh' – long as it don't affect me somehow, then you got no obligation t'tell me... An' as far as all that goes, let's jus'… plan on takin' some more precautions when the time comes. One kid is enough fer me. 'Least fer right now."

Beth didn't miss his last few words, but she chose to ignore them. She gave him a weak smile and then he had a small smirk of his own.

A few seconds later, he was leaning in again, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around her middle. Their lips met and they kissed softer than before, deeper, with a new understanding that they could both sense.

He pulled away from her momentarily, and when she opened her eyes to gaze up at him quizzically, he was staring down into her eyes with a solemn expression. His arm tightened around her waist, their bodies pressed close together.

"Better hope he never comes lookin' for ya," Daryl growled. "'Cause I'll kill him."

Beth's heart skipped and she nodded, giving him a weak smile before pressing her mouth to his again, closing her eyes and breathing in his comforting smell.

I wish I could tell you it's not Jimmy that I'm afraid of finding me, she thought longingly, slipping her tongue between his lips. I wish I could tell you that Jimmy already paid the ultimate price for everything he did.

They kissed for a while longer, whispering quiet apologies and comforting words against open mouths and the tender skin between earlobes and chests. Beth tried to ignore the aching in her gut that urged her to come clean, to pour out her darkest secret to Daryl right there on the couch, in the dim glow of the TV, with his arms wrapped around her and his lips pressed against her throat. A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away before Daryl could lift his head to notice. She grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him up to meet her lips, kissing him greedily. Inside her head, she'd told him the truth about everything in at least five different ways. But there wasn't a single way that ended with him understanding, or ever kissing her like this again. Or at all.

With the night growing later, they finally agreed that they were both tired and ready for bed. Daryl briefly checked in on Mal to make sure he was still sleeping soundly before joining Beth in her bed, leaving the bedroom door half-open while they cuddled close beneath the blankets.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders while she rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat gradually slowing and beating steadier and more evenly. She was sleepy, but her mind was still jumbled from the day in its entirety. She told herself that she'd have to make another trip to the river soon, that she'd eventually muster up the courage and find the right spot to dump the Beretta. When her thoughts began drifting toward Jenny Jones and the court case, she started tracing shapes with her fingertips across Daryl's bare stomach beneath the blanket.

He squirmed and grunted, causing Beth to giggle softly and stop her fingers' movements.

"Ain't ya tired?" He rumbled.

She shrugged against him and rested her hand on his stomach. She mumbled, "Yes, and no… Can't stop thinkin'."

"'Bout what?" Daryl asked softly.

"I'ono," Beth replied quietly, sifting through the stack of answers she had to choose from – there was more than one thing on her mind. But not a lot that she could really share with him yet. "Y'know Clem's gonna tell everybody, so you might wanna get ready for all… that."

He grunted, a sleepy half-chuckle. "Y'mean all the shit they're gonna give us? Yeah, I already figured."

She smiled weakly to herself and snuggled closer against him, thankful that he didn't seem to mind the attention they'd be getting from the others. Though she wasn't positive he was quite as prepared for Carol's reaction. But Beth didn't think she was ready to deal with that either. She didn't know exactly what to expect, but she knew there'd be at least one long lecture in there somewhere.

When she didn't say anything for a long moment, Daryl asked quietly, "Y'ain't actually worried…?"

She shook her head against him. "No – not about them."

His arm tightened around her shoulders and he muttered knowingly, "Don't worry 'bout it – Carol's jus' overprotective. She's more worried 'bout Mal than anything… She just… don't know you like I do."

Beth blinked back tears that were stinging her eyes and threatening to escape. She lifted her head up from Daryl's chest, leaning up on her elbow and gazing down at Daryl in the darkness. He looked back at her quizzically with heavy eyelids.

"Daryl, there's – there's some stuff I can't… tell you. Yet," she whispered out, swallowing back more tears.

He furrowed his brow but nodded, a look of understanding in his eyes. "I know."

She stared back, watching him study her face, even in his sleepy haze, trying to figure out why she was so distressed by something that he thought was already made clear.

"I will tell you everything… eventually," she whispered. Promised.

He shrugged. "Ain't a big deal – there's shit I still don't talk about... Some things ain't worth talkin' about. Better off in the past, where they belong."

Beth nodded and laid her head on Daryl's chest again, relaxing against him once more and trying to clear her head with the sound of his heartbeat.

In the past, where it belongs, she repeated in her head. If only this were all in the past. If only Jimmy hadn't died in jail. If only Shane Walsh's murder weren't an active case. If only…

After several long moments of silence and stillness, her fingers began tracing shapes on his bare stomach again, causing him to squirm and grunt in protest.

"Go ta sleep," he rumbled, and she could feel the vibration from his voice in his chest.

She sighed melodramatically. "Maybe I need a bedtime story…"

He chuckled quietly. "Jeez, what y'all think I am, a damn story factory?"

She giggled and poked him in the stomach playfully, and he grabbed her wrist to gently hold it down, suppressing his laughter. Then she shrugged and relaxed into him again.

"Maybe I jus' wanna hear how that story you were tellin' Mal ends," she said quietly.

"Oh – you were listenin' ta that," he grunted.

"Couldn't help it. Yer a great storyteller," she chuckled.

He scoffed and went quiet for a moment. When his voice came out, it was heavy with sleep. "Most a the stories don't got an end. He always falls asleep 'fore I have ta make one up."

Beth smiled to herself, imagining how many nights Daryl had spent telling a half-story at Mal's bedside while the toddler drifted off to sleep within minutes of lying down. She said, "Oh… well, it sounded like a good story. I was pretty enthralled."

He grunted, a sleepy half-chuckle. "Heh… What was it? The warrior or somethin'…?"

She smirked to herself again, snuggling closer against him and nodding. "Yeah."

There was a few seconds of silence, and she thought he might've drifted off. But then his voice came out again, deep and drawling, just loud enough for her to hear. "Right – so she ran away from the village… an' the shithead that fucked her over. She ran till she didn't know where she was, and nobody knew who she was… An' she runs inta this dude. He ain't a prince or nothin' like that – just a normal dude, mindin' his own business. But he can tell she's a warrior, so he can't say no ta helpin' her, ya know?"

Beth nodded against Daryl's chest, listening intently to every word as his voice drawled out slowly and leisurely. She was grinning non-stop, but her face was turned away from him and it was too dark to see anyway, which she was grateful for.

"So then," he continued, pausing to sigh deeply before speaking slower and more sleepily as he went on. "They fell fer each other an' lived happily ever after."

She furrowed her brow and let out a quiet laugh. "What – that's it?"

He chuckled. "Well, the asshole from the first village sent some goons after her, but she fought 'em off, an' the normal dude helped her… An' then she realized she was a warrior, but it didn't matter 'cause she already won the battle... So, she settled down an' had a couple kids, an' they all came out with the same warrior blood... An' then they lived happily ever after. The end."

Beth was still smiling. "Okay – I guess that's better."

Daryl grunted in reply.

Not even a minute later, his breathing was steady and she could tell that he'd finally drifted off to a deep sleep. Beth listened to his heartbeat, felt his chest rising and falling beneath her head. She was still battling to clear her mind of all the intrusive thoughts that liked to haunt her at night, trying her hardest to replace them with enjoyable images. And a few minutes later, while imagining Daryl in a medieval prince outfit, she fell asleep.

to be continued…