Christian's P.O.V.-
Coach Lederhosen made practice extra-hard for the team today to make up for the ones that were cancelled. I did the drills with everyone else, but my mind was elsewhere. No, rather….. it's was like it was shut off. If I didn't think, I wouldn't have to worry about that sinister inner voice popping up. But then… I secretly worried that this was something I could never shut off; not really. I am a wolf, and wolves have eaten meat for millennia. It's only been recently that society has made the purchasing and consuming of meat illegal. I never pictured myself as someone who eats meat… but I wonder if that's my desperate attempt to neglect a sincere part of myself. I didn't care if that was the case, however. No matter what, I couldn't shake this overwhelming disgust and guilt pulsating through my being.
I didn't even flinch when coach angrily tossed a school newspaper down onto the grass, glaring at it with contempt. "What is this? Don't they have someone in that club who can write a decent sports article? And don't get me started on the pictures!" Ah, this again. Coach was ultra-proud of our school's football team and never missed a chance to show off, even if only to the other students. "Someone needs to go down to that clubroom and give them a piece of my, er our mind," he growled. I did peer up at the sound of coach suddenly stomping over to where I was sitting on the field. My head lifted slowly, though I didn't say anything. Coach just stared down at me with his fists on his hips.
"Grey! Foster! I want you two to go to that journalism club and tell the editor to compose another article, only good this time!" Coach barked at us. I looked at John Foster, one of our running backs and fox. "The journalism club?" Then it hit me; I suddenly remembered… "Uh, sir? That's an herbivore club, right? Should I… really go there?" I'm not sure if I was ready to be around any plant-eaters besides Paul yet. But coach was having none of it. "What are you babbling about, boy? I don't suppose you have prior engagements, hmmmmmm?" "That's fine, coach. Christian and I can go," John replied for me. I blinked back at him terrified, but coach seemed satisfied; he nodded approvingly. "Right! You two go and report back to me. Don't be afraid to give that lousy editor a rough time if she gives you any guff." That's mean, I frowned. We shouldn't be encouraged to bully other students, particularly herbivores.
The walk to the journalism club room was horrible. I dreaded each and every step. Just imagine, a wolf showing up and demanding they write another article; I wouldn't have thought twice about it before, but now… We knocked on the door and when no one answered, John opened it. Odd, it smelt vaguely familiar in there, though I'm sure I've never been inside before. There was a giraffe typing away at a laptop at the table in the room. He didn't pause to glance up at our arrival, finishing up his work inside. "I'll be right with you," he said calmly, not bothering to glance up at us. When he was finally done, he pushed back his seat a little and grinned at us.
"Can I help you?" "Hi there. We're from the football team. Coach Lederhosen sent us to ask if the journalism club could publish another article on one of our games in the next school paper," I let John explain. The giraffe rubbed his finger under his chin considering; his eyes roll off into the distance. "I don't know…. We're already promised to do a piece on the spring festival which will take a lot of time. I'm not sure; you'll have to ask our club editor." "Ok, where is he?" "She is outside in the gardens; you'll find her by the flowers. Now if you excuse me, I need to send this off to my co-writer," the giraffe turned back to his computer screen.
John frowned and we left the room. "Man! I didn't sign up for this wild goose chase," he crooned. Neither of us did, I concurred internally. "Now we have to go find this flower-loving editor princess. Coach will skin us alive if we don't." I couldn't argue with John there. Still, I hesitated. I did alright around the giraffe just now, so maybe it'll be ok. But I didn't trust myself enough just yet- not yet. And just like the first journey, each step towards the school's extensive gardens was worse than the last.
Finally, after what was too short of a time in my opinion, we reached the doors to the garden entrance. Admittedly I'd never been out here before, so I had no idea what to expect. The scent of fresh flowers hit us before we even opened the door. "Ah, the flowers smell so good!" John sighed wistfully. That's when it happened again… without any preparation or awareness on my part, that gorgeous pink scent reached my nostrils. Completely without thinking, I inhaled it as deeply and profoundly as I could, letting it touch every inch of me. I know this smell…. My eyes gently shut for a moment. I know this… I've smelt such perfection before. I could almost envision her in my mind's eyes, the smell was that potent. She was walking upon the flowers, letting their lovely scent cling onto her as well. Yes, I knew this girl, this herbivore…. My eyes shot open in shock and terror.
The lamb from last night! She's on the other side of the door! I took an instinctive step back, trembling all over myself; my arms shot out at my sides. No…. no! This can't be happening! I can't see her again, not like this! I only just attacked her last night! Neither of us are ready for this! I'm not ready for this!
"Christian? You doin' ok?" John's eyebrow raised to me as he was totally unaware. When I did literally nothing, he shrugged and opened the door. It slid open to reveal what appeared to be heaven- heaven because there was an angel inside. There, surrounded by nothing but the purest of white, was she. She. The source of the most perfect scent to have ever existed. I couldn't believe my eyes, she looked so… so… so…. Long, brown hair; a slender figure; extraordinary pale skin; lips red as roses; and skin as soft as a new-born's. So this, I slowly began to realize, is what perfection looks like.
She looked at me with growing, alarmed eyes. Did she… did she recognize me?! But that fear subsided when her face relaxed and she actually grinned at us; albeit a tad forced. That's when I also noticed how small she seemed to me. Small and helpless….. A real lamb in every sense of the word. The garden of heaven suddenly turned into the garden of hell.
"A-are you looking for me?" Her voice was a bit shaky, because of course it was. The last thing she needed right now was to be in the presence of an apex predator. My being here must have been triggering enough for her as is. This is bad; I have to get out of here! John though… "Are you the editor for the journalism club?" He asked her, taking a step forward. This made my heart leap up into my throat. No, don't! Don't go any closer to her- stay away! She doesn't need us coming any nearer to her.
"I am," her head cockled a little. "Oh, good. The giraffe said you'd be out here." "Giraffe? Oh, you mean Jose! Is this about the journalism club?" John nodded. "Yes. Our coach has asked us to ask you if you can write an article about our next game for the school's paper; he's kinda insistent on it." "W-what? But we just wrote one. He wants another so soon….?" Her hand raised up to her chest. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that she kept discreetly glancing my way every minute or so. "Hey, it's not up to us, girly. Just write the article, ok?" John's hands went up into the air. "But what about my other projects? We're already swamped as it is," she protested, and I couldn't fight the urge but to side with her. "Look, what do you want us to do? Tell the coach you said no? Tell him yourself if you're serious," I didn't like the tone of John's voice just now. She's doing the best she could, after all….
The lamb thought for a second, then let out a sigh. "Fine. Please tell your coach I'll consider it." "You hear that, wolf boy? She said she'll consider it," John gave my back a light whack. "T-thank you," without realizing it, I spoke my first words to her. God dammit, Christian! What are you doing?! I suddenly scolded myself. I almost ate her; I have no right to look at her, let alone speak to her! What the hell is wrong with me?! It made things a thousand times worse when I caught her looking at me again.
"Are you… both on the football team?" Her tone was kinder now. I was too petrified to respond while John nodded his head. "What? You mean to say you've never been to one of our games?" He added a smirk alongside this. She immediately blushed slightly and spun her head away. No, don't do that; don't blush all cute and wonderful like that! Good god, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life…. well, second hardest aside from not devouring her alive last night. "W-what kind of article does your coach want me to write?" "Why don't you take this one, howler? I'm gonna head back," John gave me one last nudge before spinning around.
I instantly perked up in sheer horror. What?! Me? Her? Out here…. alone?! Oh, no; no, no, no. That can not happen! "John, where are you…?!" My cry was cut off by John winking her way. "Good luck, lamb cake." And then… the door was shut. The door was shut?! I actually pressed both my hands frantically against the metal, praying he'd come back. Damn that John; why'd he just up and leave like that?! What's he problem?! Doesn't he know that I'm a wolf and she's…. a lamb? She….. I very hesitantly peered back at her from over my shoulder. She was still standing there, watching me intently. To my absolute confusion, a smile bloomed across her lips. It was small but I could tell it was genuine- at least part of it. To have someone like her smile at a monster like me…. It's moments like this that profoundly change individuals' lives.
Neither of us said anything for a moment and she turned slightly towards the flowers. "So, you're on the football team? That must be fun; I have a friend on your team." Don't speak to her… Don't speak to her; she'll recognize your voice. "U-uh, y-yeah…." Dammit, Christian! To be honest, I don't think I've ever had a proper conversation with an herbivore like her before. Everyone I deal with is always so much stronger…. Compared to me, she was like a tiny baby. That only set me more uneasy; what could she do, if I should ever again…
I had to shake my head, trying so hard to banish any sort of thoughts like those treacherous ones. She looked confused by this. "Are you alright?" "I… I…. I…." Oh no! She might have caught me accidently staring at her! Nugh, why does everything I do feel like the wrong thing now? The best thing would be to get the hell outta here and away from her. The last thing I want to do is ever frighten her again. But….
But she didn't appear scared; more puzzled than anything. "You look… familiar." "Huh?!" Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit! Now what?! What do I do or say?! Should I break down and apologize? Grovel at her feet? What should I do? Dear lord, what should I do?! "What year are you in?" "U-um, s-senior year!" I can't believe how afraid I sounded. Her head cocked a tiny bit. "Me too. Do we… have any classes together?" "N-no! I-I don't… think so!" "Hmmmm, never mind then. It's just something stupid," her grin returned; her body, although still somewhat tense, was less so. As for me, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on.
Ironically, the most natural-seeming thing to do now was to keep talking. Now, I know that's the exact opposite of natural, but it felt like it would look suspicious if I up and left now. I wanted to ask her something, but nothing personal so to make her nervous. "A-are you and Jose the only members of the journalism club?" My mouth shyly asked without my brain's permission, again. "Oh no; my friend, Kate, is also a member. Plus there are a few more first and second years. We're not as big as the football team, though."
She's talking to me with such ease, although I can still tell she's a little nervous. But not… a prey kind of nervousness. No, this was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but this was definitely different. Miles away from the fear she had last night. I wanted to keep the conversation going; I wanted to hear her voice some more. Her angelic voice…..
"Y-you like flowers?" That's a real dumb question- of course she likes flowers if she's out here. But I couldn't think of anything else non-personal to ask. Her smile widened as her head lifted back to me. "I do; I've always liked flowers and meadows… maybe it's a lamb thing," her eyes lowered softly. When I didn't verbally reply, she continued gazing back at the blossoms. "They're weak… like me. I guess I see myself in something like flowers; weird as that sounds." I see, so she's aware of her own weakness. I guess she would have to be, especially after something like yesterday. Yesterday…
My eyes glided over to the white bandage all over her arm. Yes, she is weak… and I'm strong. The memory of me grabbing her flashed through my head. I lifted the hand that clawed her so I could see it. I'm dangerously strong. My hand rolled into fist. I lowered it and slowly straightened up.
No, don't ask her anything; don't bring it up. "Um….. well…..?" No! What are you doing? Stop! What's the point of asking her? Stop it! "Your arm…." Hey! Why won't you stop?! Shut up, you idiot! "What happened to it?"
This perfect lamb gawked up at me for a minute as if trying to think of what to say herself. While I was in the middle of a mental breakdown, she then looked down at her bandaged arm; her eyes grew narrow. "Oh, this? U-uh… I uh… I fell down the stairs at my dorm house last night. I-it doesn't hurt much! I-I just scratched it a little; that's all," I know she sounded carefree for my sake. She's lying to me. Why would she do that? Does she… really not remember anything from last night? Or does she remember and is terrified I might hurt her again if she tells the truth? But…. no, I don't think that's it. I doubt she knows it was me; if she did… the image of me almost biting her zoomed through my mind. If she knew, she'd be running by now.
And I found it the strangest thing. What she said doesn't comfort or torment me… Her face kept reappearing in my head no matter what I did; several images of her gentle self. It's just that…. I can't avert my gaze. Seeing her, being near her… I'd never felt this way about anyone before; I didn't know it was possible to feel this way. All of this made me want something else- this was also a new experience for me. I want…. I want… She looks at me and I just want to talk to her some more. I mentally kicked my brain for what must have been the millionth time that day.
But I can't! No matter how much I might want to, it would be weird for a wolf to ask her that. On top of which, I might scare her. Still, I couldn't bring my legs to start walking away from her. She's here and I want to be where she is. I just want to talk to her; hear her voice. No voice sounds like hers- it makes me want more. But I can't just say "I want to talk" when I've barely done any talking thus far. It's her I want to do the majority of the talking… Ugh, this is horrible! My hands brought up to my head, making her blink startled. My eyes winced shut in agony. As usual, I'm screwing everything up when it comes to weak herbivores. Oh, but she's so much more than that.
So, so much more.