Izuku stared at the roses on his counter, like he was trying to decipher a coded message, and the clues were hidden among the offending crimson petals. What on earth would possess Shindo to send him these? They hadn't spoken much in the last two weeks—whether it be more from a fight they'd had, or the fact that the agency Shindo worked at found themselves unexpectedly understaffed, and thus, he'd been incredibly busy, Izuku couldn't say. But roses? With a card that said I miss you so much?
It was overkill by a long shot, and it irked Izuku to no end. It felt like an omen, a rain cloud hanging over the one night Shindo was able to get off work to come visit. He'd told him repeatedly that he didn't need to come—and that seemed to bother Shindo, so they'd no doubt already be in a bit of a fight by the time he arrived in the city. One night was nothing when you factor in the travel time. It wasn't worth it, but if Shindo missed him that much, Izuku figured nothing he said would deter him.
Izuku often felt like there were two Shindos: Boyfriend Shindo and Best Friend Shindo. Boyfriend Shindo was clingy and overly affectionate in a way that made Izuku itch. Boyfriend Shindo was jealous of just about any guy Izuku expressed any kind of fondness for, however small or seemingly inconsequential. Boyfriend Shindo was possessive, and liked to bring up Bakugo Katsuki for no apparent reason other than to start a fight that'd inevitably end in a stalemate.
He'd recently spent an entire therapy session on this topic, and Dr. Shimada was visibly was less than enthused to play the role of a couples counselor. It was his job to be impartial, but something about the way he seemed to stick up for Shindo led him to believe that his therapist somehow liked Shindo more than Izuku without ever meeting him. He'd never felt like his choices were being attacked with his old therapist. Nowadays, he felt like he was constantly defending himself. Dr. Shimada had asked him on multiple occasions to get to the root of why he was so against being in a relationship with Shindo, and Izuku had always been quick to clarify that he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone.
The only pearl of wisdom Izuku was able to glean from that disastrous session was that he realized that he only wanted to have sex with Best Friend Shindo—and wasn't that a conundrum?
—
Katsuki spent the last hour of his patrol shift getting patched up by Recovery Girl—can't have a top hero missing patrol shifts to let something as inconsequential as three broken ribs heal—so he was near the campus, and feeling too drowsy from the healing to even think of cooking his own dinner. As he walked to the pub near Izuku's apartment once again, Katsuki couldn't help but entertain the thought of seeing him. He was trying not to think about him, but it'd been far too long, and the smallest notion of hope kindled in his chest. He'd given Izuku space, but he was starting to wonder if all that space would turn back into estrangement.
And then he was there, sitting at the same stool as last time, looking only marginally less pathetic. Katsuki was struck by how happy he was to see that familiar head of bushy hair, all the drowsiness and pain and frustration he'd felt throughout the day no longer an issue. He wasted no time sliding into the stool next to him. Izuku looked up, and Katsuki was happy to find that he didn't look nearly so out of it as last time, though his cheeks had a nice, rosy beer blush that did things to Katsuki's stomach.
"Oh, it's you," he said, a little off-handedly, and Katsuki must've frowned or something because Izuku immediately added, "I mean, hi, it's nice to see you."
"Were you expecting someone else?" Katsuki hedged, feeling like an idiot. Had he interrupted something?
"No, not really. I'm just finishing up," Izuku said, giving his half-empty bottle of beer a little shake.
"How are you?" Katsuki blurted, hoping to keep his attention, so he didn't down his drink and run off. He cleared his throat, and tried for a more measured cadence. "Sero mentioned a while ago that you were a little homesick."
"Homesick." Deku chuckled and took a large sip of his drink. "That's a nice way of putting it."
"What's the not so nice way of putting it?" Katsuki asked. Izuku was silent for a moment, mulling over his response.
"I feel like I'm drowning and instead of throwing me a life vest, he's throwing me… I don't know, what's the least useful thing to have on the open water?" Izuku asked, needing help to finish his lofty metaphor.
"Chum? Dumbbells?" Katsuki supplied as best he could. Just then a waitress came by, and he'd hastily ordered the first thing he saw on the menu, so as not to break the spell of pleasant conversation that had fallen over them.
"Roses," Deku muttered, something of a bitter edge coloring the word. He looked sad for a moment, but then he laughed as he realized his metaphor went completely off the rails.
"Who? Shindo?"
"Guessed it in one. Maybe you do know me better than I thought." Deku was being sarcastic, but Katsuki's stomach still flipped at the suggestion. It was not lost on him that this was the most civilized conversation they'd ever shared. Katsuki felt like he was glowing.
"What's the deal with you two anyway?" Katsuki asked, in as nonchalant a way as he could manage.
"You really want to hear about my relationship with Shindo? I thought you hated him."
"I definitely hate him."
Izuku guffawed at the bold statement, his hand falling from around his beer to the bar top.
"I enjoy your honesty sometimes, Kacchan."
"Wish I could say the same. You're good at deflecting."
Izuku fixed him with an amused look, never breaking eye contact despite the fact that he titled his drink to his lips.
"You just missed him, you know. He left before we got into a spectacularly public fight. What we are… well, it's not really straightforward."
Katsuki waited, hoping for more, but refusing to betray too much interest.
"We're not together but we've definitely dabbled in dating-like behavior. I didn't realize how codependent we were until I came here." Izuku looked down, a little wistful, scratching along the wood grain of the bar. "He was so mad about that article."
Katsuki didn't even want to broach the subject of the article—the buzz it created had finally died down, and he refused to be the one to resurrect it. Instead, he pushed Izuku for a more definitive answer.
"So, not dating?"
"You know, that's the first suggestion when you Moogle my name? Whether or not I'm dating Quake is somehow the most important thing about me."
Katsuki did know that. He'd also read most of the search results, but he'd never cop to that.
"Happens to me too. It's just shipping bullshit. Apparently, I'm really compatible with Red Riot."
"Hashtag bakusquad," Izuku said with a small smile and a flourish. Katsuki got the feeling he was being made fun of, but he didn't mind it that much. Not when it was Izuku.
"So, you do follow my career," he said, a smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. The waitress appeared with his food, a burger and fries, and Izuku absently grabbed a fry from his plate. Katsuki wanted to implode from the uncharacteristically fuzzy feelings that small action induced.
"Not on purpose, Number 5. You've always been hard to ignore. Congrats on that, by the way. Nine to five in only a year is a huge jump."
Katsuki chuckled, picked up Izuku's beer in a fit of madness, and took an experimental sip from it, their eyes locked on each other's. Izuku gave him a wry smile and whispered, "Indirect kiss."
Katsuki choked, totally thrown off, and while he was coughing and trying to get his shit together, Izuku's smile was vibrant and triumphant. They were playing a game of chicken, and Izuku just won.
He was desperate to play it cool while all his brain cells were running around a burning room screaming phrases and obscenities at each other—phrases like indirect kiss and you've always been hard to ignore. Before Katsuki could think of a suave response, Izuku spoke again.
"That doesn't bother you? People thinking you're gay?"
Katsuki never openly came out to anyone. No one really ever made it worth his while, and the instinct to keep his life private went deep.
"Does it bother you?"
"No. But I'm actually gay, and actually sleeping with Quake."
"Well, same. Not the shit about Quake, obviously— I—" Katsuki flubbed his words. He wasn't expecting Izuku to outright admit anything about his relationship with Shindo.
"I get it, Kacchan," Deku said, his mouth a lazy smile around his beer bottle. He tipped it back to drink from it again. Katsuki hoped he wasn't a flustered, blotchy red, but the heat he felt all over gave him little assurance.
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes while Katsuki did his best to eat and compose himself. Izuku continued to steal fries off his plate, but Katsuki didn't dare sip from Izuku's beer again. He couldn't handle it. It was nice to not be working overtime to plug all the holes in the conversation.
"I follow your career too, you know," Katsuki said once he felt his body temperature was back to normal.
"I know. You like all my Winsta posts."
"My PR guy likes all your posts. I just look at them every now and then," Katsuki said, pointing a fry in his direction.
"Is that why your profile sucks so much? You've got a stranger running it?"
"Excuse me, but not all of us can get away with posting inspirational quotes and cappuccino artwork. That cutesy shit isn't really part of my brand."
"What is your brand?"
"Fucking shit up. Being a badass," Katsuki said in a very duh fashion.
"Never being vulnerable," Izuku said, and his gaze seemed even more penetrating than usual. Katsuki thought that was rich coming from the only person he'd ever been vulnerable around. His bone-deep embarrassment about all the mushy things he said to Izuku the last time they saw each other still kept him up at night.
"I believe we were talking about your shitty life. Not mine."
"You told me my life was full. What did you mean by that? I've been wondering about it."
Katsuki was floored by the thought that maybe Izuku spent as much time staring at his ceiling thinking about Katsuki as Katsuki did thinking about him. Probably not, but a man could dream.
"I don't know. Well-rounded? Colorful. Happy."
"Ah, more adjectives. How helpful."
Katsuki rolled his eyes.
"Smartass. I'm not that good with words—that's why I pay some creepy basement dweller to manage my social media accounts."
Izuku laughed again. It was warm and loose. Katsuki hoped the one and only positive interaction they'd ever shared wasn't owed to the fact that Izuku was slightly drunk, but the hazy look in his eyes told him otherwise. Izuku held out his open palm.
"Give me your phone."
Without much thought Katsuki unlocked his phone and put it in Izuku's waiting hand. He watched as Izuku opened the camera app and held the phone at what he assumed was an optimal angle for selfies. Izuku made a peace sign and held it close to his cheek, his fingertips skimming along his scar. Without any sort of countdown, he snapped a few pictures. Katsuki managed a smirk in at least one of them.
After opening his Winstagram app, choosing a photo, and typing out a short caption, he posted the photo and put Katsuki's phone on the bar.
"There. Now you can give your PR guy the night off." Izuku hopped off the barstool, a little wobbly from the drinking, and gave Katsuki a rueful smile.
"I should probably go. Thanks for picking up my tab!"
"Hah?"
"Don't act like you don't make more than me, Number five. I'll see you around." He started to leave the bar before turning around and snapping his fingers, like he just remembered something vitally important.
"Send me those pictures!"
—
Katsuki didn't look at the post until he got home. It wasn't a bad picture; Izuku looked cute despite also looking a little drunk, and Katsuki didn't look bad either, but he clearly wasn't ready for the picture. He was just staring at Izuku the way someone might stare at a warm fire, like he was lulled by the light and warmth of the hearth. If not for the fact that it already had double the amount of likes and comments any of his usual posts got, he might've deleted it. The look Katsuki was giving Izuku was incriminating. It was a look he felt was reserved for time spent behind closed doors. The caption said, "Ran into an old friend at bar56 . officialquirkless #hometownheroes #thirstythursday."
An old friend, Katsuki thought. He'd take that over bully or tormentor any day. He hoped this was a step in the right direction. He fell asleep that night, his phone pinging softly with Winstagram notifications and his head and heart full of Izuku Midoriya.
—-
Izuku didn't know why he did that. He thumbed through the pictures Kacchan sent him after Shindo fell asleep, and a flicker of guilt ignited in his gut. Maybe he did it to make Shindo angry—and, by god, was he angry when Izuku finally got home from the bar, but he was even more concerned because Izuku came home tipsy with plans to turn tipsy into drunk.
"You're not supposed to drink with your anxiety medication," Shindo said, his voice soft and placating. His gentle admonishments fell on deaf, angry ears. The concern needled at him, poking and prodding at him until he'd worked himself up into a bit of a rage.
"Please, don't mother me tonight," Izuku said uncharitably around the drink he'd just poured. It wasn't strong enough to burn, and Izuku found himself disappointed by that.
"I don't want to mother you. I'm sorry about earlier."
Izuku could hardly remember what exactly they'd argued about in the restaurant. Something stupid, to be sure. A build of stupid somethings that always hung over their heads until it toppled over and ruined their evening. Shindo stood behind him, his hands spreading over Izuku's shoulders, just shy of massaging him. His hands were warm as they caressed down his arms, leaving trails of gooseflesh in their path. Izuku did his best to ignore the way his body reacted to Shindo. He took another deep sip of his drink as Shindo kissed along the nape of his neck. Izuku tried to hide the fact that he shivered, but Shindo was too close not to notice. They knew each other too well to hide from each other, and that thought struck Izuku like a knife in the gut. He suddenly felt the need to cry frustrated tears. He hated that no matter how much they argued over petty nonsense, the cage persisted. On some level, Izuku wanted to remain in the cage because who else would ever know him like this? Who else would ever love him?
Izuku turned, unable to hold out any longer, his lackluster cocktail deposited on the countertop, and if Shindo noticed the wetness trailing down his cheeks, he was nice enough to ignore it. Izuku's hands made their way into Shindo's hair, and Shindo's hands wound deftly under the fabric of Izuku's shirt, his fingertips dancing lightly across his back. Shindo's mouth was soft and pleading, coaxing him into a place where they couldn't fight because they didn't use words. No matter how angry Izuku was, or how jealous Shindo got, or what shitty things they said to each other in the heat of the moment, they had this—and it was always perfect until it ended.
But it always ended eventually, and Izuku found himself equal parts guilty and selfishly satisfied. Sweaty and spent, Shindo fell asleep, the sheets still a messy tangle around them. And Izuku rolled away to look at the Winstagram post he made on Kacchan's profile. He really didn't know why he did that.
Maybe he just wanted to lean into a good moment, to memorialize it. He had so few good moments with Kacchan. It was nice to be on relatively good terms. Maybe it was because he was a bit drunk, and Kacchan had a nice smile—and the moment he thought that, Izuku did his best to scrub that fleeting thought from his mind. Maybe it was because when Izuku asked for space, Kacchan gave him months of it, and continued to give him that space in long, comfortable increments. Would Shindo give him space if he asked for it? Maybe. He wasn't so petty that he couldn't give Shindo the benefit of the doubt, but the cage squeezing on his heart begged to differ.
JUNEIzuku's life was oddly quiet. School was great—his students were more than capable and ready for their internships. His therapist was still an asshole, but he'd found some solace in being surly with him instead of the other people in his life. He'd stopped talking about Shindo and his relationship phobia with Dr. Shimada entirely, and in doing so, things were a lot calmer between him and Shindo. His agency was working him more than ever, and that was, at the same time, both comforting and exhausting. Sleep, when it could be had, was fitful and dreamless.
Shindo had three days off and Izuku decided to go to him, since his students would be gone on their internships.
He hadn't been back to the country since he moved, and he was looking forward to some quiet time with his mom, and he was scheduled to do some guest training at Ketsubetsu on Monday. He was in high spirits, and so when found his way into Shindo's arms, he didn't hesitate to kiss him. Shindo seemed surprised by it, and a little uneasy.
"It's good to be back," Izuku said, nuzzling into the hollow of Shindo's throat, doing his best to coax a smile out of him. Shindo gave a hapless, breathy laugh, and kissed the top of his head.
"You're in a good mood," he said, and it sounded just shy of an accusation. Izuku let it go because Shindo's smile looked especially handsome.
"It's nice to be out of the city, and I'm excited to see my mom. Are you coming to dinner?"
Shindo shook his head. "I figured I'd give you your alone time. It's been a long time since you've seen her."
Izuku smiled. Even though his mom would probably be a bit sad to miss Shindo, he was happy they'd have time to themselves. After he'd placed his bag in Shindo's room, they went for a run on one of the trails nearby. Though it was July, the air was crisp and fresh in a way it never could be in the city. They kept a leisurely pace for most of the run. Shindo was uncharacteristically quiet, and that worried Izuku. They used to run together all the time, and it was always full of playful jabs and competitive jeering. Izuku felt, for the first time, how awkward Shindo must've felt around him when he was in one of his moods. He felt a need to be extra happy, to outwardly show his excitement in hopes that it might be contagious.
"Race back to the house?" Izuku asked, flashing him a winning smile.
"We playing for stakes?" Shindo seemed to perk up a bit. He pushed his hair out of his face and, after Izuku nodded in the affirmative, he smiled.
"What do I get when I win?"
Izuku looked around to make sure they were alone on the trail before he moved closer to Shindo. He looked wary of him, but in a cute, almost excited kind of way. Izuku cut into Shindo's personal space and planted a kiss on his sweaty cheek.
"Me!" And then he sprinted down the trail before Shindo could respond, laughing like a loon.
By the time they'd gotten off the trail and back on the street, Shindo was gaining on him, defaming him as a cheater. Izuku was too breathless from the sprint to defend himself. They were nearly neck and neck when they turned the corner to the street his house was on, and if Izuku could breath, he'd be pouting about losing such a large lead.
"I'm gonna get you." Shindo huffed, and Izuku noticed the double meaning. He was downright giddy, whether it be from the endorphins or the thrill of the chase, he couldn't say. He didn't care, either. He just loved feeling this way.
Izuku could feel Shindo right behind him, but he was so close to the house. Right before he crossed through the gate to claim his victory, Shindo grabbed him. It was unexpected, to say the least, and exceptionally graceless. Izuku was hardly off the ground before their feet got all tangled up. Shindo tripped and they fell to the grass in his yard. Izuku took the brunt of the fall, and what little breath he had was knocked out of him. To add insult to injury, Shindo landed on top of him. They were cracking up as much as they could, given how winded they were. Somehow, it was a perfect moment. Shindo kisses him, rather sloppily, but it hardly mattered as sweaty and dirty as they were. It wasn't exactly appropriate, Shindo lived on a pretty populated street. Anyone could see them. With that clarity, Izuku turned his head to break the kiss.
"Someone might see us," he whispered, though he didn't move to extricate himself from his prone position underneath him.
Shindo sighed and rolled over to lay next to Izuku. He put a hand over his eyes, and said, "Right."
They lay like that for a long time, until their ragged breath went back to normal. Izuku was the first to get up, and in spite of the soreness setting into his muscles, he helped pull Shindo to his feet. Once they were back in the house, away from any prying eyes, Izuku pulled Shindo to him, ready to pick up where they left off.
"I think you technically won," Izuku practically purred against Shindo's sweat-damp shirt. He murmured against his neck, right below his ear. He hoped Shindo could feel the smile curling his lips even if he couldn't see it. "So, I guess you get to have me now."
"But for how long?" Shindo asked, and even though he wound his arms around Izuku's back to pull him closer, his words sounded immensely sad.
"What?" Izuku was shocked. Shindo had been off all day, and he wasn't quite sure he could do anything to fix it.
Shindo put a hand on Izuku's cheek and gave him a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Nothing. Let's get you cleaned up."
—-
"Izuku!" His mom was barely out the door to greet him and she was already crying.
"Hi, Mom," he said, and allowed himself to be pulled into one of his mom's legendary hugs. She was a bit thinner and greyer than the last time they saw each other, but she still had an undeniable warmth about her that permeated the very around around her.
"My baby, I've missed you so much! Oh, where's Shindo?"
"Ah, he decided to stay behind. He figured we would want a chance to catch up on our own."
"That's sweet of him, but I cooked for three. You'll have to take some leftovers back to him."
She released him from the hug, but continued to hold his hand, like she just couldn't let him go, and they walked into the house. It was small, but always well-kept. They'd been in this house since they moved away from Musutafu, and though Izuku hadn't lived there since he was eighteen, his room was always there waiting for him, the door always open and ready to receive him.
They sat at their small dining table. It was set for three, and the food was waiting to be plated. She made katsudon without having to be asked, and he was so excited to savor her home cooking that he'd basically fasted all day in preparation for it.
"Mom, you know you could turn my room into an office or something, right?"
"I'd never! Just because you don't live here anymore doesn't mean this isn't your home," she said while handing him a heaping bowl of food. She eyed him furtively before letting go of it. "So, any particular reason why you're not staying here this weekend?"
"Any particular reason why you're asking?"
"Well, you know I try not to listen to what the internet says about you, but I'd have to live under a rock not to know about Quakeless," she said, chuckling at that cursed moniker.
"Not you, too. That's all anyone ever wants to know about." Izuku pouted, and promptly stuffed his face with fried pork.
"Izuku, I've never pried, but you two aren't exactly subtle."
"Do we really have to do this right now?" He asked, shoveling more rice in his mouth.
"Well, I spared you the sex talk when you were younger. Would you rather get up to speed on that?"
His mother was a sweet woman, but she could be ruthlessly calculating when it suited her.
"Just to be clear, are you really asking if I'm sleeping with Shindo?" Izuku's face felt hot. He'd never thought he'd be having a conversation about sex with his mom.
"I already know you're sleeping with Shindo, honey. I'm asking why you've been so secretive about it."
"I thought you said we weren't subtle about it?"
"Don't do that," she scolded him.
"Do what?"
"That thing where you don't answer any of my questions. Your father used to do that. Somehow, you're better at it than he ever was. I swear, if Heroics didn't work out you'd be a hell of a politician."
Not for the first time since it happened, he thought of that day he saw Kacchan at the bar. He'd called him evasive then, too.
"I'll be honest, I'd rather have the sex talk than talk about Dad."
His father was always a sore spot for him. He left right around the time Izuku was diagnosed as Quirkless. He sent money to keep them afloat for a while, but he'd left them in the lurch only a year later. They hadn't had contact since. Dr. Shimada seemed very fixated on getting Izuku to talk about his "abandonment issues"—his words, not Izuku's. He went as far as to suggest that his parents' divorce was possibly the root source of his "commitment issues." Again, his words, not Izuku's. Izuku found this to be egregious.
"Sex it is, then. How long have you been dating?"
"We're not dating," Izuku mumbled, knowing this answer would only launch a thousand more questions he didn't want to answer.
"What do you mean?"
"Mom, please don't make me talk about this." He leaned back in his chair and dragged his hands down his face. His appetite was completely gone.
"He spends all his free time in Musutafu. You guys go on dates. How are you not dating?"
"We're just… casual. We're friends."
He avoided her eyes for a long time, until the silence was too much to bear. She was giving him the most incredulous look.
"I see the way he looks at you. And you don't look at him like you're casual, either."
"I really don't want to talk about this."
"Alright, let's talk about Bakugo."
"My god. Why?"
"Because I read an entire article about my son being involved in a love triangle with his apparently casual friend with benefits and his childhood tormentor."
"You make it sound so sordid."
"So do the tabloids. I just want to know what's going on in your life. I worry about you." She reaches across the table to hold his hand again, and Izuku sighed, thoroughly guilt-tripped.
"I am not, nor have I ever been involved in a love triangle. I have talked to Kacchan a bit. He's apologized for everything, and we've called a truce. That's it."
"Is that a good thing? For you, I mean. I couldn't care less about Bakugo's feelings."
"That's surprisingly cold of you, Mom. I'm oddly proud."
"You're deflecting again," she said, crossing her arms. Izuku held up his hands in surrender.
"Shindo's not happy about it, and it's caused some...tension, but other than that it isn't really changing my life or anything. It's not a big deal."
She was silent for some time, appraising him, as if to detect whether or not he was lying.
"I really like Shindo. Not everyone gets a chance to be loved like you are, Izuku. That's all I'll say about it. I just want you to do what makes you happy." She smiled at him again, and Izuku could tell the interrogation was over with. He could actually feel his muscles relaxing. Izuku took a long sip from his water glass.
"Well, let's get these leftovers boxed up. Maybe Shindo can eat them off you later."
He choked on his water, sputtering and coughing. It was all down the front of his shirt by the time he'd been able to cough out, "Mom!"
He'd never heard his mom laugh so hard.
—-
"You would not believe what my mom said to me earlier," Izuku said as he used his key to let himself in. Shindo was sitting on the couch going through old records. It's funny how things always came back in style—even relics like longplay records. Shindo was mildly obsessed with the trend when they were eighteen, and he'd given him all the old records his Dad kept from the last time it was trendy.
"Oh, wow, I can't believe you still have these." Izuku put the leftovers on the coffee table next to the box of records and watched as Shindo thumbed through his collection.
"How's your mom?" Shindo still seemed a little gloomy, and the low lamplighting in the living room didn't seem to help.
"She missed you tonight, but she sent me home with leftovers—and likely a decade's worth of nightmare fuel."
"Sounds like an interesting story," Shindo said, a small smile playing at his lips. He pulled out a familiar album and flipped it over to read the track list.
"You know my parents' wedding song is on that album," Izuku said, running his hand on the worn edges of the album sleeve.
"Which one? Aren't all of these songs a little… depressing?"
"Their marriage, in a nutshell," Izuku said, and Shindo scoffed. He took the album from Shindo and went to put it on the record player. Despite the fact that the song should never have been used to kick off a marriage—at least not one they'd hoped would last, he'd always liked it.
Something about break up songs sounded more real to Izuku. There was so much more emotion in a song about losing love, than one about lasting love.
The first notes of a melancholic guitar sounded in the living room, and Izuku turned to Shindo.
"This one," he said, "May I have this dance?"
Shindo seemed mildly reluctant, but he allowed himself to be pulled off the couch and into a lazy slow dance in the middle of the living room as the first words of the song lilted around them. They let the English lyrics wash over them in the dim light. Shindo looked like he was concentrating on translating them—he'd always been slow on the uptake with English. Izuku's dad lived in America before he'd met his mom and he'd taught Izuku the language by playing his records. He knew the words by heart.
"This is the deep and dying breath of this love we've been working on." Izuku whispered the song as best he could in Japanese for Shindo. He really did love this song.
Shindo pulled him closer, and though he was taller than Izuku, he put his head on Izuku's shoulder as they slowly turned around the room. Shindo heaved a large sigh as the song was winding down, and in it Izuku could feel how shaky he was. That's when he realized his shoulder was damp.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
In all the time they'd be friends, he'd never once seen Shindo cry. Izuku was the crybaby in their dynamic, and Shindo was the shoulder to cry on.
"I can't do this anymore, Izuku. I won't give you an ultimatum because I know how that'll end, but I have to be done with this." Shindo looked like it physically pained him to say it. Izuku was stunned. He knew something was wrong with Shindo all day.
"But...why? I thought things were great today."
"They were. It was like it used to be. We haven't been this good in a long time, but that almost hurts more. I feel like I'm waiting for it to go bad again."
Izuku started to say something—what, he didn't know—but Shindo shook his head.
"I don't want to pretend we're not in a relationship anymore. I don't want to hide. I don't want to feel bad for being in love with you."
They were still holding each other, and another song had queued up on the record. It was useless background noise now. Shindo cupped his cheek, and that's when Izuku realized he was crying too.
"I make you feel bad?" Izuku asked, and his own voice sounded so foreign to him, strained as it was. Shindo shouldn't feel like that. He didn't answer, and when he started to untangle himself from their embrace, Izuku held on tighter.
"I'm sorry, Yo. I'm—I love you, too. I'm sorry, I didn't know how much I was hurting you."
"I told you, I won't give you an ultimatum. You don't have to—"
"No, I'm being honest. I'm in love with you too." It felt odd to say, but it didn't ring false. Izuku wanted Shindo. He didn't want anything about their arrangement to change, and if that came at the cost of calling him his boyfriend, he could be okay with that. Hopefully.
"Just don't leave me," Izuku whispered, and though he didn't want to think about it, Dr. Shimada's condescending voice rang in his ears. Abandonment issues. Commitment issues.
Izuku had so many issues, and Shindo still loved him. His mother's words stuck with him too. He spends all his free time in Musutafu. You guys go on dates. How are you not dating? The points she tried to make were no different than Dr. Shimada's, but when she said them, he could at least acknowledge their truth.
So, he caved. Because there was a difference between hurting himself and hurting Shindo, and he couldn't lose him.
"You're my boyfriend. I'm yours. Only yours."
Shindo kissed him then, and only then had he realized how much he'd been holding back that day. He'd put years of love into one kiss, and—as if that wasn't enough—he murmured against his lips, "I love you" over and over again. It was no surprise they ended up in the bedroom, tangled together in his sheets, the record player still spinning without an audience.
Later, when they lay together, cuddled up in each other, Izuku started to worry he'd made a mistake. He couldn't feel the cage, so much as he worried about how much tighter the cage would feel when it inevitably resurfaced. He didn't want to think about it right then. At that moment, he just wanted to make Shindo happy.
"I told my mom about us," he said, and Shindo beamed. He didn't need to know that she'd basically tortured the confession out of him.
"And?"
"She approved so heartily that she suggested you eat leftover katsudon off my naked body," Izuku said, trying to maintain a straight face. Shindo guffawed, much the same way Izuku had when she first said it. They both giggled much longer than they usually would, high on endorphins and each other.
"Sounds messy," Shindo said, his finger softly tracing the lines of his collar bone.
"We'd be picking rice out of places for weeks," Izuku agreed. Suddenly, both his and Shindo's phones went berserk, pinging and vibrating with notifications.
"Wonder what's going on?" Shindo said. He reached for Izuku's phone, it was the closest one he could reach. They were from Winstagram and Tweeter, a flurry of tags. Izuku pushed his head closer to Shindo's to peek at the screen. HeroBuzz tagged them in a photo, and by the looks of it, it was popular.
"ITS OFFICIAL ! Pro Hero's officialquirkless & proheroquake share a hot and heavy post-workout smooch #theshipissailing #Qsquared #Quakeless4ever"
"Oh my god," Izuku said, and Shindo looked worried for a moment. Izuku felt the need to clarify that he wasn't worried about being found out—they indeed, were official now, anyway.
"We look so lewd! Look, I can see your tongue in my mouth!"
"Well, at least the timing worked out," Shindo locked the phone and tossed it back on the bedside table. "Besides, we can be way more lewd than that."
Shindo kissed him again, sloppy and gross, rubbing his tongue all over Izuku's face. Izuku giggled, and settled in for a long, sleepless night.