Christian's P.O.V.-
I'd been sort of numb since my conversation with Jason. To forget Anastasia…. It felt so wrong that it almost tangibly pained me. But that just emphases how bat-shit crazy all this is. I barely know the girl, for god's sake! Why is it then, that the harder I try not to think about her, the more she subconsciously appears? Subconscious…. "How would I know if I imprinted on… er, anyone? Will I ever know?" "You won't know for a while, but soon it'll become clear. She'll be the centre of your world, and there'll be nothing you can do about it." Nugh! This is so confusing! Sometimes being a wolf really sucks. It should come with a warning label and a manual.
Rob, Leo, Paul, and I went to the spring festival grounds late in the afternoon after class was over. Coach was hounding us to get the booth built and finished; he'd been anxious to yell at someone since he wasn't hollering at us on the field or in the locker room anymore. We had to paint it today; coach picked out the colours to match our team colours. Not my first choice but whatever. Made our booth stand out- I'll give it that.
"We need more clean water," Rob announced to the rest of us who were busy painting away. "I'll go," I offered, setting down my brush and grabbing the bucket; Leo filled it up last time. While I was filling it up at the park tap, that familiar, glorious scent of pinkness found its way to my nose. This wonderful, wonderful scent…. That's why it's bizarre that I was surprised when someone suddenly tapped on my shoulder from behind. I instinctively glanced over to see her…. her. The only angel I've ever seen here on earth.
"Hi, Christian!" She sounds happy…. oh god, how lovely her voice sounds when she's happy. Now don't panic, I had to remind myself quickly. She's just a friend- that's it. "I didn't know you'd be here today. I'm glad!" She's also glad…. Damn, this is bloody hard. I set down the bucket so I could turn all my attention onto her; maybe not my brightest move but it's what I wanted to do just then.
"Oh… I see. The journalism club is hosting a booth here too, huh?" My voice was calm but still a tiny bit shaky. I had to stifle a smile as I spoke to her, which was particularly difficult since she was smiling at me. "Sort of. We're going to set up a collage highlighting this year's events; it's not to raise money or anything. But we will be selling papers at the festival." "That's a good idea," I really didn't know what else to say. I wanted to ask her more about this collage they're setting up, but…. But…
"Hey, I was wondering….. Since I'm the only club member here right now, would you…. if it's alright with you, Christian, would you mind helping me? It's a lot of work for one animal." No! No, no, no, no. Don't ask me that; don't ask me to spend time with you. This is already hard enough… I don't think we should be alone together until I've worked out all these complicated feelings, regardless of how much I want to…. I don't want anything to happen to you, Anastasia; I never want to hurt you. I have to be sure that whatever is going on with me will never negatively affect you. I couldn't live with myself, should ever….
"Ah… I-I… I don't know about that," and the sudden look of disappointment in her eyes made me continue. "C-coach is really on our tails to get the booth all done; we're all pretty busy. It's just… I might not have the time…." Anastasia watched me for a half a second, like she was digesting what I'd just said. Then she grinned up at me once more; this time peppered with an obvious hint of sadness. "That makes sense. Don't worry about it; I wouldn't want you to get in trouble on my account. I'll see you around the festival grounds…. Good luck! Have fun," she waved as she started to walk away from me. "Yeah…." I watched her go, feeling this intense sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. It's like someone just punched me hard in my gut. This is how it should be, isn't it? All I'm doing is maintaining the natural distance that herbivores and carnivores should have. I'm doing this for her, right…..?
Leo sighed as we reached the last part of the booth to paint- the front. Paul and Rob had gone off to take a break, leaving Rob and I to get started. I picked up some tubes of paint and began to unscrew one of the lids. Rob, meanwhile…. "How's that fair that they get a break? Seriously, Paul thinks that just cause he's the quarterback, he can do whatever he wants," my teammate complained. "He's been here longer than the rest of us. I think he's earned a break," I countered softly, trying not to sound the least bit intimidating. Though I was now a bit curious to see what he'd gotten up to; he's been gone for five minutes now. I paused to look over the festival grounds, only stopping when I finally spotted him. He was walking towards another booth…. A booth with a recognizable smell emanating from it.
Wait…. My heart froze once I noticed her inside. Anastasia…. Paul is going to talk to Anastasia. I don't know why that made my blood pressure spike up like it did. I did feel every inch of me tense up when, after a moment, his hand reached up to brush some hair behind her ear; he proceeded to caress Anastasia's cheek. My pounding heartbeat could suddenly be heard in my ears again. Paul, you… "There's no one else like her, anywhere at all. She's one of a kind, I'll tell ya. She's sweet, and gentle, and interesting….. But more than that, whenever I'm with her, it's like… I-It's like, I've found a reason for my strength. It's like I'm strong for a purpose; my strength has meaning. She is that meaning…. I look at her, and I know why I'm strong. I was born strong…. for her; for her sake. Heh, I just know…. I don't even have to think about it. You know what I mean?"
I hadn't realized how hard I was squeezing the tubes of paint in my hands. How could I have been so blind? I get it now, I understand…. My eyes sharpened on the pair, and I felt like I wanted to tear Paul away from her when he had the audacity to hug her… embrace that one angel on earth. How dare he? How dare he touch her? I knew I smelt it before on him, her pink essence, but to see it in person…. I'd never felt anything like this before- this was also a new experience for me. Friends or not, Paul had no right…
My hand clenched a little too hard, and soon different coloured paint went flying everywhere. That's when reality hit me again; I raised up my multi-coloured hand to gaze at it. She takes my breath away, and drives me crazy, and I feel nothing but pain. Anastasia! Her smiling face zoomed through my mind. Anastasia….. "Do… do you think… we could ever… be friends?"
To hell with all this- to hell with everything! I don't give a damn anymore about all that "carnivore" and "herbivore" crap. I'm a wolf: a male, alpha, grey wolf. And wolves imprint on their mates…. I've been denying my true nature ever since I can remember. I've supressed my beast-mode so far down inside me, but there's another aspect of being a wolf I've unintentionally neglected as well. I can't fight this part of me; I can't help that I've…. I've…
I am a wolf, god dammit! Being a wolf doesn't just mean being a mindless killer- no, it's so much more than that. Whether I like it or not, I was bound to imprint on a female eventually; it's not like I have a choice in the matter. And why not? Who cares if we barely know each other? This is natural for me; this is part of my biology. I'm a wolf, after all; I have to stop expecting myself to be something else. I can't keep pretending I'm something I'm not. After all, I understand it perfectly now…. Looks like the panda was right and I would know soon enough.
It looks like it's you, Anastasia- it's been you all along.