Katsuki made it to the party late—much later than fashionably late. He was already behind schedule before Mizuno got the call from New York. They sat on his couch, rumpled and half undressed while his mom frantically relayed grim news. She was shrill and loud and Katsuki could hear every word without speakerphone. A building collapsed during a rescue mission, and his brother was buried in the rubble. They got him out quickly enough. He's alive, but he's critical, just about every bone in his body somehow compromised.
Mizuno sat like a stone, phone pressed to his ear with a horrified terror in his eyes. Katsuki had no way of knowing how to operate. He sat with him, patting his back awkwardly, thumb smoothing over his shirt while he tried to wade through his how to be a boyfriend panic. He waited while Mizuno took in his mother's information, only offering grunts of acknowledgement every now and then.
"I'll… I'll make tea," Katsuki said, after an overlong silence. He started to lift himself off the couch when Mizuno grabbed his wrist in an iron grip. His wet eyes fell on Katsuki, Adam's apple bobbing and cording over a lump in his pale throat.
"Stay," he hissed weakly, and it just about broke Katsuki's heart, that desperate plea. Katsuki could only nod and seat himself on the couch again. He threw an arm around Mizuno and he leaned into him, his large, muscular form curling against him as he worked to come to grips with what was happening.
Eventually, things turned to when and how Mizuno would get back to New York, and finally, Katsuki felt like he could be useful. He unearthed his laptop and found a hellaciously expensive flight to New York, leaving in three hours. He booked it on his own credit card in record time. Mizuno, to his credit, seemed to get a handle on his emotions after the plans were made.
Mizuno stopped short in the threshold of his apartment, as if he was forgetting something vitally important. He pulled Katsuki to him in a rough embrace, a biting kiss. They didn't usually kiss much; honestly, they weren't very physically affectionate at all aside from some hand holding and the events that took place only an hour ago. Most of the time, it was enough for Katsuki that Mizuno would put a reassuring hand on the small of his back or on the back of his neck. It was easy and reassuring in a way it never could've been with Izuku.
"I don't know when I'll be back." Mizuno's deep set eyes bored into Katsuki's soul. He wasn't even thinking of that—of the fact that he was leaving the country. Flying without a return ticket. Did that make him a bad boyfriend?
"Oh," he said dumbly. This… felt off. Like an end, an edge to fall over. A mile marker that said turn back now.
"I don't know if I'll be back," he amended, his voice a rough whisper.
"Oh," Katsuki said again, because he's an idiot and words and emotions have never been his thing. "You… you don't want to miss your flight."
It was the wrong thing to say, but he said it and he couldn't take it back. There was a blockage in Katsuki—something preventing him from really feeling this sudden loss. Maybe it would hit him tomorrow. Maybe the weight of this decision would feel like a physical blow to the chest, and he'll spend all day weeping on his couch. That was how it was with Izuku.
"I'll call you when I land. I'm sorry about missing the party. I know your rank will skyrocket. I'm proud of you."
"Don't worry about me. Call me if you need to talk," he said. That was good to say, right? Supportive? Why was this so difficult?
Mizuno gave him one last kiss, and then he was gone. Why didn't he feel worse?
—
He made it to the party with only fifteen minutes before the rankings dropped. He felt off-kilter and in no mood to deal with the press, but they loomed at the entrance, hunger in their eyes and prying questions on their lips. He took a deep breath, and barreled on.
There were parties all over the city, but this one was for the Top 20 only. Behind the wall of flashing cameras and recording equipment, he could see Kirishima's wild hair, and Ashido's skimpy gold dress. Kaminari was stuffing his face at one of the many trestle tables loaded down with food. If he could just get past this, everything would be fine.
Katsuki never liked dealing with the press, but he'd never been afraid of them quite like he was tonight. He was afraid of answering questions about Izuku—even questions about Mizuno. Ever since that fight with Shindo, since his life turned into a tawdry soap opera, the questions from the press have been barbarous and pointed. He knew now why Izuku hated his relationship with Shindo. He had a better understanding of why he wanted to keep their… dalliances a secret. That didn't mean he agreed with Izuku's decisions. He would've gladly fielded questions if it meant he could be open about his feelings for him. That train of thought was dangerous, though. He wouldn't think about him tonight—no more than he had already, at least.
"Ground Zero! We were starting to worry if you'd be coming tonight! How are you?"
"Peachy. Ready to see the ranks," he said, a low grumble. He never worked hard to make himself heard. Let the extras worry about his garbled soundbytes. It's no skin off his nose.
"What are you expecting from the rankings? Experts believe you'll be making a big jump."
"I've never stayed stagnant from year to year. I expect this year will be more of the same." Katsuki had learned to temper his brash confidence. Always under promise and over deliver. It made him look better in the end.
"Do you think your jump up the ranks will have anything to do with the recent attention to your social life?"
Katsuki tried not to roll his eyes. Honestly. He'd thought they'd at least ask him a few more questions before they pounced on tabloid gossip. He braced himself for the questions about Izuku.
"I'd like to say it's because I'm a badass hero, but I'm sure it has something to do with recent gossip." He tried to be winning and nonchalant instead of put-upon. He'd never been good at pandering to the press.
"We were hoping to see you with a date this evening. Any comment?"
"Clearly, I'm flying solo tonight."
"Where's Tidal? You two have been seen spending lots of time together."
"He's in New York with his family."
"And Quirkless? Was there some sort of falling out? Many suspect he broke up with Quake for you."
"You know by now I'm not a gossip. We're friends. UA keeps him busy."
"Just friends?"
Just nothing, he thought bitterly. He shouldn't still be thinking like this. How long would it take for that hurt to subside? When will the press let it go, and let him live? He decided to nip it in the bud quickly—throw them a bone, or whatever. He was tired of their bullshit.
"I think we all know I'm dating Tidal. Let's not mince words about it. I'd like to enjoy the party now."
His friends were good about not asking too many questions when he finally got past the threshold. They could sense something was off, but this wasn't the place to discuss it. Too many nosy fuckers around.
Katsuki was too proud to admit that he nearly teared up when he saw his name jump up to the number two spot, but it definitely happened. He was so close to his goal, he couldn't be bitter about not reaching it. He basked in the immediate congratulations from his friends. They all moved up one or two ranks as well, but he was clearly the winner of the night.
His eyes unwillingly found Izuku's name, hovering in the mid-thirties. His rank had gone down. He tried not to wonder how he was feeling about that. He tried not to feel sympathetic.
He tried not to genuinely wish that he was okay.
—
Izuku found his name easily. Thirty-four. Down two ranks from last year. The feelings of inadequacy never really go away, but he found himself accepting his lot in hero society. He would never be at the top, and that was okay. He wasn't flashy, and he worked in the shadows, and that wasn't by any means a bad thing. He remembered why he wanted to be a hero in the first place. It wasn't for fame or popularity, it wasn't to prove everyone wrong—it was to help people. He helped plenty of people as a thirty-something ranked pro. He was at peace.
That didn't mean the press was. They pounced the second it sunk in that he was one of the only pros there to drop rank.
"Quirkless, what do you have to say for yourself? Two ranks down. Do you think your work at UA is preventing you from doing your job? Or could it be your disastrous social life?"
Wow. They're really not pulling any punches, are they?
Izuku smiled tightly. He wasn't going to let these vultures make him feel bad.
"I'm happy dividing my time between teaching and hero work. As for my social life, well, I'm content. Thanks for your unwarranted input, though."
"So, you're content with the events of the last year and a half? Exposing your relationship with Quake—who's rank also suffered this year, presumably because of the fight you caused—and then leaving him for Ground Zero?"
The fight I caused? Christ.
"Zero and I are friends. None of us have time to date."
"No one? My sources tell me that Ground Zero, himself, confirmed that he's in a relationship with Tidal, now ranked fifty-eight. Any comment?"
"I'm really happy for him. I wish them the best. I'd like to get back to the party now, thanks."
DECEMBERKatsuki remembered all the times he thought his relationship with Mizuno was easy in a way it never would've been with Izuku. Of course, that was coming back to bite him. Things were always easy with Mizuno, so, when it came to an end, that was easygoing as well.
"I understand, Mizuno."
"I knew you would. That doesn't make the situation suck less."
"That's true. That doesn't mean we have to lose touch."
"I know. I just…" Mizuno started, his sigh crackled over the phone from thousands of miles away. It made Katsuki all too aware of the distance between them. "I really liked what we had going. I miss you already."
Katsuki pursed his lips, fighting a smile, as if anyone could see him.
"I miss you too."
"I'm not dumb enough to think either of us will have enough free time to visit."
"Being the number two hero has its drawbacks. So, does running your own agency."
"Congratulations, by the way. I wish I could've been there to see the unveiling." He sounded so genuine. It made Katsuki feel even worse about the smallest bit of relief he was feeling. It was an odd feeling to come to grips with. He didn't want to end things with Mizuno, but he also wasn't all that upset about the impending loss. If anything, this was a startling moment of clarity for Katsuki. He was never going to love Mizuno because he'd never really healed. Maybe someday he'd be able to move on from Izuku—he sincerely hoped that was the case—but it hadn't happened yet. He should never have been in a new relationship, no matter how steady and comforting it may have been.
"Your family is more important than your massively successful, super famous boyfriend." Katsuki smiled. He was sure it colored his voice.
"Ex-boyfriend, as it were," he said, a humorless laugh bubbling across the phone lines. "Right. Well, duty calls. Let me know when you get more settled. Maybe we can video chat or something."
"I'd like that. Talk soon, Mizuno."
It was a nice send off, much nicer than goodbye for the foreseeable future.
It shouldn't have been so easy to let Mizuno go, but it was. He wanted to feel worse. Mizuno was a good man and Katsuki could've seen them working out for a long time—even if he couldn't see himself in love. He liked him, but it wasn't until they ended things that he realized he didn't remotely love him. Maybe that could've come later, but now he'd never know. If Izuku had taught him anything, it was that love—when you lose it—was supposed to hurt.
He walked into his office and made a beeline for the spare closet, the one with boxes of all the things that reminded him of Izuku. He sat on the floor of the closet for some time, staring intently at the painting he left on his doorstep. This painting held more love in it than anything he ever felt for Mizuno. Looking at it didn't hurt as much as it should. Maybe… maybe he should call. Just to see how his ranking party went.
No. No, he couldn't do that to himself. He couldn't open the floodgates again.