Anastasia's P.O.V.-
"You sure you're doing alright?" "I'm fine, Paul; really," I grinned. Currently I was sitting on my dorm room floor with my back resting up against the side of my bed. There was a very comforting pillow in my lap which I cuddled into. "Ok, good. You got nothing to worry about. You'll be happy to hear that I told that bitch, Elena, off today." "You did?" My eyes grew a little. "Yes; she won't be bothering you anymore." "Thank you, Paul," my smile deepened. He's always looking out for me…..
"You're welcome. So you just gonna go to bed, then?" "Yeah, I'm tired. The movie was good but really crowded; we should have waited until next week." "Nah, I think it's good you got out; I would have joined you if I didn't have practice." "That's ok; I'll see you soon anyway." "Speaking of which, what time did you want to go to the festival?" "Uh, the festival?" I perked up. "Yeah, this Friday night. What time do you want me to pick you up?" "Well uh….. I guess… I guess eight works? But we'll have to meet there; I'm manning the journalism booth from five til eight." "Sounds good. I'll meet you there, then." "Yeah, see you there," my eyes lowered. "Have a good sleep, Ana." "You too, Paul. Thanks again for checking in on me." "Anytime! Night!" "Good night." Click!
The festival…. I snuggled closely into my pillow. I wonder if Christian is going to be there? Well clearly he's going to be there; he is part of the football team. It's just… "We're going to the spring festival together; we're going to light lanterns and everything." Is that true? She said that, but are they really…? "Christian and I are perfect for each other; we're both wolves and he's an alpha." Oh, why do I keep trying to kid myself? She's right; of course I know she's right. She and Christian would be the picture-perfect couple, and while it would break my heart to see him wind up with a girl like that, I can see she her point crystal-clear. They're the same species; they don't have to worry about going out in public together. It's socially encouraged that they should date; I don't know if wolves have to date who they imprint on exclusively. I have no clue how imprinting works. But that doesn't really matter I don't think. They could get together, if they really wanted to….
But what should I do? Elena told me to stay away from Christian, and despite Paul saying that he's dealt with her, I still feel really weird about the whole thing. I can't help but agree with her on some level. I've been raised to believe I'll marry an herbivore; I've never met a carnivore and herbivore couple before. It just seemed so natural that I would, like graduating from high school or getting my period. These sorts of things just happen in life… But Christian… He's the first boy to ever make me question what I thought was fact. He's making me question everything…
I think it's more than obvious now: I like Christian. I like him a lot, even though I know I shouldn't…. God, what's wrong with me? I'm a lamb and he's a wolf…. Then again, does that really matter in the end? Of course it does! But… does it really? Ugh! I'm all mixed up. I've been really confused lately, and I keep getting more and more confused each time he smiles at me. Christian…. His face flashed through my mind. Christian! I want to see you, Christian. I want to hear the soothing sound of your dominant voice; I want to hold your hand. I want to stay by your side, Christian….
My head rested its side on top of the pillow. Maybe I should tell him how I feel. I doubt it'll do any good though. Elena's right. Whether I ignore it or not, Christian is a wolf and I am a lamb. We weren't meant to be together; it's not like he'll ever imprint on someone like me. He deserves to be the lady he imprints on…. that lucky, lucky lady.
"What's the point of even telling him, then?!" I fired off frustrated with myself. It's not like it'll change anything… it might freak him out actually. A lamb, confessing her feelings to an apex predator? That's definitely unheard of. Still…. "Nugh, where does that leave me? Am I just supposed to pine from a distance for the rest of my life? I don't want that….." I want to tell him how I feel; I want to say how much I like him, how unbearably happy he makes me…. how much I love that smile of his.
My lips parted to let out a long, upset sigh. I hate Elena; I truly hate her, but…. There's always a "but". She has a point; anyone can see that, including me. As much as I would love to go to the festival with Christian, to hold his hand, it's ultimately impossible. Society wouldn't like it, and even if no one cared, I still have no proof that Christian even likes me as more than a friend. He's always be so shy and hesitant to get too close to me. I used to think he was respecting my boundaries and trying not to scare me, but maybe it's something else. Maybe… Both my hands balled into little fists. I'm lucky I had that run-in with Elena in reality; it was a real wakeup call. Christian and I are friends, but we can't be more than that. I doubt he even wants to be more than that… it would be so much easier for him to pick Elena over me, and I care for him too much to stand in his way. That's because more than anything, I want Christian to be happy… I want to hold his hand so, so much; but I want him to smile more. This means that'll just have to except the fact….
There's no room for me in his heart. Me, a lamb? Why would there be?
I think I've made my decision too. I'll tell Christian how I really feel; the sooner, the better. I'll be honest with him about everything, then we can move forward as just friends- assuming he still wants to be friends that is. He'll go off to date Elena or some other wolf, and I'll move on too, I guess. But I don't want to date anyone else. I don't know how long it'll take me to get over Christian, but it won't be anytime soon- that's for sure. Yes, the sooner I tell him, the better. Once I do that, we can put this whole thing behind us.
Then we'll finally have the chance to get back to our normal lives.