My Blood
A week ago Katniss was elated because she and Peeta finished "Wolves".
Her nerves grew after Peeta warned her that Haymitch usually had intense vocal critiques before they went into his office to play him the final version. Haymitch listened to it closely a few times then announced that he was going to release the song immediately. Peeta's eyebrows were practically to his hairline. All Peeta said was, "well that's a first." She took it as a victory.
It felt even more like a victory after he put his arm around her shoulder as they walked back to their studio.
It felt vulnerable but exhilarating sharing a song that was so close to her heart to the entire world. This was way more daunting in comparison to the way she felt before sharing her songs with her once small audience on MySpace, which has grown significantly since her win. She still found her new career to be overwhelming if she lingered on the notion for too long. She's learned that it's better for her to try and appreciate the moment for what it is instead of getting caught in the cycle of over thinking.
Peeta's attention to detail when making "Wolves" was close to obsessive sometimes. It took some time getting use to his working process. It took even longer to get accustomed to receiving his critiques. It got easier when she realized it came from a caring place.
Of course it doesn't hurt that he's handsome as hell. She still finds it hard to maintain eye contact with him because of his deep blue eyes and stunning smile. There's more to it though. He seems to read her moods well. Like how he knows when she needs to be alone when she gets tense or when he knows she needs a Poptart because she might have forgotten to eat. He's sweet and intuitive. The only guy she knew this well was Gale but this was different. Gale doesn't make her feel anything like Peeta does.
Then she remembers all the actresses and models he's dated and she feels silly for feeling whatever it is that she's starting to feel for him. Besides, they have a job to get done. There's no room for distractions. At least that's what she tells herself.
This morning Gale called her from his university's parking lot shouting because Hot 101.5 was playing her song. Gale admitted he was wrong. "'Wolves' sounds perfect, Katniss. You and pretty boy did a good job."
Peeta had also called her when he heard the song playing in his gym. Later that day he greeted her in the studio with a hug.
She had only opened the studio 5 door when he scooped her into his arms. She let out a small squeal in surprise as she wrapped her arms around his neck in return. He smelled nice. Like laundry soap. His muscles felt warm and solid as she pressed herself into him. They both seemed reluctant to let go of one another. When they finally let go Peeta smiled at her.
"Congrats, Katniss. You're a hit." Her eyes shone in response to his compliment.
After "Wolves" was done, Peeta suggested to Katniss that she should write a love song. She was reluctant due to her lack of experience but she couldn't argue. She knew her album would need relatable themes if she wanted people to resonate to her music.
They both worked on writing a love song all morning. Katniss felt frustrated. They had been writing for hours and she only had one verse done.
"Maybe we need a change of scenery." Peeta suggested at hour three.
"Can we do that?" Peeta chuckled in response as he extended his hand to her. He helped her get up from the studio couch. She felt her fingers tingle from the feeling of his palm against hers.
She briefly wondered what it'd feel like to have him hold her hand in a romantic manner. She pushed the thought away as they made their way to the parking lot.
She rolled her eyes when she saw his car.
"Why are you rolling your eyes now?"
"Of course you drive a Range Rover." She teased as he held the door open for her.
"Of course." He replied in a soft voice as an amused smile settles on his handsome face as he circled to the driver's seat.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
She felt her face flush despite the cold. His car smelled good. She found the seats to be comfortable despite her bias towards luxury cars.
"So… a pretty girl like you has probably been in love at least once or twice."
"What?!" She almost spit out her tea. She wasn't sure what shocked her more, him calling her pretty or him thinking she'd been in love. She turned to him and saw that his grin was gone. He looked stoic as he drove.
"Think of your experiences with love. Maybe that's why writing has been so hard for you today. You've been writing from an outside perspective. Get in the mind of someone in love."
"I'm seventeen. I've never been in love." After a pause she continued, "Music has been my only love."
Peeta had a pensive look on his face as he focused on the road. He looked bashful as he asked, "What about Gale?"
"All my feelings for him are strictly platonic. He's not my boyfriend. I've known him my entire life. I can genuinely say I feel nothing in a romantic towards him. Also, he's been dating Delly for like three years now."
She turned to Peeta as she finished. She was somewhat annoyed that he even thought anything was going on between her and Gale. He was the closest thing she had to a brother but she was use to this question. Everyone asked them if they were an item.
Gale had joked around and asked Katniss on a date when they were freshmen in high school, she refused. They didn't talk for a month until Gale apologized for acting like a dick after she rejected him. He started dating Delly junior year.
Peeta looked relieved. He continued the embarrassing conversation by asking her if she had witness true love in her life.
"My parents really loved one another" She was quiet for a pause before continuing. "After my father died, my mom changed. She started working a lot. She's the dermatology lead at Mercy Philadelphia. She was different around him. He brought out the easy-going part of her personality. He was the only one to get her to belly laugh at his lame jokes. She's never dated after him." She stopped herself there before she started crying. Thinking about her parent's love was too much.
Katniss was not sure what made her want to tell Peeta so much about her parents but when she turned to look at him she saw the understanding in his eyes.
Katniss didn't mention the months it took her mother, Abigail, to begin speaking to her daughters again. How Abigail would go through the motions of her everyday life without speaking much to anyone. How seeing Katniss graduate grade school was the only thing that made Abigail come to her senses again. After that, Abigail and her daughters grew together again.
Katniss put the dark thoughts aside. She didn't like to think about those times if she could avoid it.
"Sounds like a great love." He said as he makes a turn.
"It was." She smiled sadly. Her smile drops as he parks his car and she asks, "A lake, Peeta?"
Peeta laughed and shrugged but gave her no further explanation. "Since music is your only love, at least for now, write about the love you've been around. Look the song you write today doesn't even have to be on the album. I just think it's important for you to start writing about things you wouldn't normally consider."
"Well 'Wolves' is kind of a love song." Peeta wasn't having it. His response was an eye roll of his own.
She wasn't quite convinced this would work. If she thought about her parents' love she'd probably end up sulking for the rest of the afternoon. She decided to just enjoy a walk on the pier with Lil Peeta M.
They walked around the water for a while as Peeta picked up flat rocks to skip. Katniss was humming as she followed along the path Peeta took. She was having a hard time thinking of anything other than how cute he looked with a beanie on.
"Love's the sweetest feeling
Openly believing
No matter what we find there
Come back in through the eyes there
Sole and born creation
The lion's in the house
Flowers are up in the air
Crashing against the dark"
She made her way to the nearest bench. She watched him for a bit until the inspiration for the chorus finally hit her.
She started to write as Peeta continued skipping his rocks. It was a short song but she hoped it'd be enough for him.
She completed the task her assigned her.
Peeta came up behind her bench and read over the lyrics. She felt his confident presence as he leaned over her slightly.
She looked up at his eyes and she swore she saw a blush on his cheeks. They were so close.
She turned back to her notebook to avoid the effect of his proximity. She wrote off his blush as possibly becoming exerted from skipping stones.
"You're amazing, Everdeen." He whispered close to her ear. She smiled as a tingle ran down her spine. "AH-MAY-ZING!" He yelled in a mock Caesar Flickermann voice that caused them both to laugh.
"Come on. I'll show you how to skip rocks. It's only fair I teach you something today." They both laughed.
She appreciated the break from the studio.
Katniss rushed into the studio Saturday morning. She forgot to set her alarm the night before. She had stayed up writing a song and ended up falling asleep on her made bed.
Her alarm was Gale as he rang the doorbell when he picked her up. She got ready in a hurry deciding she'd apply her mascara in the car. She was grateful that she had the mind to shower the night before. Her naturally straight hair got a quick brush through after she washed her face and brushed her teeth.
She realized she had little to no clean clothes left when she opened her closet. It was either her white sundress or the pantsuit her mom bought her after graduation. Spring in Philadelphia meant that it would still be cold so she threw on her coat after settling for the sundress. It fit a little short but she had no time to be picky when she was already 5 minutes late. She grabbed a long cardigan too for good measure. The last thing she wanted was to feel exposed around Peeta.
"A sundress, Everdeen?" Gale asked as she settled in the car and started curling her lashes.
"Just drive asshole."
She hated being late, it made her anxiety flare.
Peeta was at the soundboard bobbing his head in concentration. He looked up as Katniss closed the door to the studio. She was too preoccupied with taking off her coat and getting her journal from her bag to catch Peeta looking at her.
The white dress made her skin look tan and supple. He swallowed thickly as he took in her exposed legs and shoulders. She threw on her long beige cardigan to help conceal her exposed skin.
"I'm so sorry I'm late. I forgot to set my alarm. I had, like, no clean clothes left. I finished 'My Blood' at least. I think we can get it done by next week."Her voice died off when she finally looked at him. She was expecting to get chastised for being late.
His eyes were doing the intense, dark thing again. They get like that sometimes. She doesn't know what to think of it when it happens.
He clenched his jaw and exhaled as he looked away.
His voice sounded rough as he told her that he'd love to hear what she came up with.
"Welcome to my humble abode."
Peeta's office was on the second floor of District Records. He suggested they eat their lunch there to get away from the studio and clear their minds.
It smelled like leather and his signature soap aroma that she came to love over the last weeks. The walls were a grey-purple color and his leather couch and mahogany desk took up the majority of the office. His desk was neatly organized. He had green plants around the room as well. It was very cozy. Very Peeta.
"This is a big couch." She murmured as she took as seat and started opening her soup container.
He watched captivated as she licked soup from the lid of her container. He looked down at his chicken sandwich and began eating to distract himself.
"So Abernathy still wants me to convince you to do the music video for 'Wolves' with another director as long as they can manage to rewrites the concept."
She scoffed as she dipped a piece of bread in her soup. "I know that I have to do a video but me rolling around in mud doesn't cut it."
"Well, I think your mom managed to scare that director off last week. Abernathy is looking for another director that will be more age appropriate."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful my mom gave that creep a lecture on sexualizing minors." She laughed. "But I'm not a kid. I just want the video to reflect my style."
"I wish your mom would have stuck up for me when I was 15 and I had to shake my ass in the "Pick Up the Pieces" video."
Katniss burst into laughter. Peeta smiled at her in response.
He made her laugh so much within the past few weeks. She never thought her producer would be someone who would get her to genuinely enjoy writing and producing an album in such a short amount of time. She was expecting it all to feel like work.
He was nothing like what she imagined an ex-boybander to be. He was more than a producer; she was starting to see him as a mentor or… friend. Yeah, her mind wondered to being more than just his mentee or friend but she tried not to focus on that. She knew she was too unlike his type to ever tempt him in that regard.
Nonetheless, she felt comfortable around him. He seemed to feel relaxed around her too.
Of course, things change.
The next day Peeta burst their bubble of artist-producer bliss.
"That feeling, that doesn't go away just did
And I walked a thousand miles to prove it
And I'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts
The color of my blood is all I see on the rocks
As you sail from me"
Alarms will ring for eternity
The waves will break every chain on me
My bones will bleach
My flesh will flee
So help my lifeless frame to breathe
And God knows, I'm not dying but I breathe now
And God knows, it's the only way to heal now
With all the blood I lost with you
It drowns the love I thought I knew
The lost dreams are buried in my sleep for him
And this was the ecstasy of a love forgotten
And I'm thrown in the gunfire of empty bullets
And my blood is all I see
As you steal my soul from me
Alarms will ring for eternity
The waves will break every chain on me
And God knows, I'm not dying but I breathe now
And God knows, it's the only way to heal now
With all the blood I lost with you
It drowns the love I thought I knew
And God knows, I'm not dying but I breathe now
And God knows, it's the only way to heal now
With all the blood I lost with you
It drowns the love I thought I knew
And God knows, I'm not dying but I breathe now
And God knows, it's the only way to heal now
With all the blood I lost with you
It drowns the love I thought I knew"
Katniss finishes the song with a somber passion.
Peeta's puppy eyes looked into hers with worry. "Katniss…"
"Was that good enough for you?"
Her angry grey eyes refused to look at him as she continued to keep her responses short with him. She had been giving him the cold shoulder since lunch.
She finally snapped.
"Peeta, you don't have to pretend to care about me with things that don't concern music. I think Prim is waiting for you anyway."
Peeta's face fell as she gave him an angry glance. She refocused her attention to her hands as she continued to pack the guitar in its case. She remindsherself to breathe. She felt like she was going to cry if she looked at him for too long.
Today had been a horrible day for her. First, she was upset that she couldn't have lunch with Peeta earlier because of Gale's visit. That seemed to propel more disappointment into her day. Her eyes began to sting as she tried not to think about her lunch with Gale.
He looked a little pale by the time he got into the booth to try and slow her down.
"Katniss, your sister—"
"—save it. Do whatever you want with my sister."
He tried to grab her hand but she pulled away immediately. He doesn't get to touch her when the ink was still visible on his palm. His blue eyes reflected the hurt he felt from her refusal to let him near her.
She focused on getting out of the studio as fast as possible.
She knew it was a bad idea getting feelings for a boy band womanizer—for thinking he felt it too. She felt the sadness rise more as she tried not to feel so naïve at the thought. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath.
She just wanted to go home at this point. Nothing he could say could rebuttal the fact that her sister's number was written on his hand.
"Have fun on your date Peeta."
Sorry for the late post. Hope you all enjoyed nonetheless.
Feedback is greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading! :)