Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Huey "Piano" Smith wrote 'Sea Cruise' and recorded it with the Clowns. In an unfathomable record executive decision a young singer, Frankie Ford, provided overdubbed vocals with added sound effects. The 1959 song was the highest charting release in Ford's long career. I'm not a huge fan of the 1967 song by Every Mother's Son behind this chapter title, but any port in a storm... Which might end up a chapter title.
Alert readers will immediately pick up that Kim has graduated college and joined Global Justice. This hint provided for the less alert.
Come on Down to My Boat Baby
"May I go on record as opposed to Agent Possible's inclusion on this mission?" Will Du asked the mission coordinator.
Rose Gardner sighed, "Agent Du, the senior agents have a rubber stamp that reads, 'Agent Du objected.' We use it on our orders before we sign them and return them to Doctor Director. Agent Possible may be new to Global Justice, but she has the director's full confidence and–"
"This is a highly confidential assignment and–"
"No, not especially. Have you read your orders or not?" Du blushed as she continued. "If you had you would also see why Agent Possible, is particularly suited for the assignment."
"Excuse me," Kim asked timidly. "This is my first session on the mission, and I'm not sure I've been fully briefed on it – or why I'm particularly suited for it."
"Okay... I'm not sure how... Doctor Directer trusts you, so I'm telling you more than you will need for this. I suspect you'll be going on some of Du's highly confidential assignments before too long. Security costs for international meetings have skyrocketed. Anarchists rioting at meetings in Italy. Basque separatists disrupting Spanish meetings. Idiots in Guy Fawkes masks. Skin heads. Skin head counter-protesters. Environmentalists claiming governments aren't doing enough... At least the environmentalists clean up after themselves. So some meetings are held secretly on cruises. Limits the ability of protesters to disrupt, keeps delegates from walking out and flying home, nice break for us security personnel... Mind you, it's going to come back and bite us in the ass someday when word of high level talks being held in secret get out, but–"
Kim coughed gently to get the conversation back on track.
"Sorry. This is not a secret meeting, per se. It's an exchange of technology and strategies for reducing world carbon emissions. Expect the Chinese and the Indians to be even bigger idiots than the Americans. There will just be a few of us from Global Justice on board for security, but there will be small security contingents from every nation represented on board. Most of them play nice and furnish Justice with the names of their personnel. A few don't. Not all passengers are there for the global warming conference or security. Some governments buy extra tickets and give them out as perks for bureaucrats and friends. There are regular paying passengers on this particular trip. Still, it would usually be considered a cruise vacation for a Global Justice agent."
"Usually?"
"Ah, and that is where you come in. Among the scheduled passengers? Alexis Jade."
"Alexis Jade?" asked Kim, clearly puzzled.
"You haven't followed your old enemy? Alexis Jade is her latest alias, you knew her as Shego."
"It's been years. That was high school. It seemed like she dropped out of sight."
"Not completely out of sight. She's had someone doing favors for her, and she is currently not wanted. Global Justice is very curious what she did to earn those favors. And we sure as Hell would like to know what she is doing on this cruise. This isn't top secret, but there are quite a number of important scientists and inventors attending, and technology will be discussed. She specialized in stealing technology when she worked for Drakken. Under normal circumstances making sure you had an even layer of suntan lotion would be the biggest worry on this mission. She represents a unique potential threat, and you are unique in having fought, and defeated her, more than anyone else in the world."
"We can't just arrest her?"
"No. Like I told you, currently there are no warrants out on her. Doctor Director wants you there in case something happens to change that status quo."
"So... I'm on the mission to watch Alexis Jade, AKA Shego, who currently has no warrants out on her, but is still considered a person of interest?"
"Correct. Her presence may have nothing to do with the conference. She could be there to steal something else. She might simply be taking the cruise for pleasure. But at this point in time she represents the biggest known potential threat, so we need her watched – and you have point on that."
"Got it."
"I'll mention she's using a Maltese passport."
Kim nodded, "Not surprising." Malta was one of several countries that sold citizenship, and passports. What made Americans, who were afraid that a US passport might be dangerous for traveling, like Maltese passports in particular was the fact English was an official language of Malta, so they wouldn't be asked to speak another language to 'prove' their nationality.
Will Du waited to speak with Kim after the meeting.
"Agent Possible?"
"Call me Kim."
"Thank you. Please realize there was no personal animosity in my objection. You are very new and–"
"I know... Can I call you Will?"
"I would prefer you... Yes. Will is fine. I feel it is incumbent upon me to warn you that agents have been hazed on these assignments and, as the most recent addition to the team, you are in a vulnerable position."
"What do you mean?"
"The first time I was on a security cruise? Other agents spiked my drink and–"
"Drugs?"
"No, simply additional alcohol. I have a low tolerance and, while I do not remember the evening, I awoke the following morning in a lifeboat with a goat. I can assure you that any pictures you might see were photo-shopped. I would not have, uh, done anything with a goat."
"A goat? A goat on a cruise ship?"
"A small goat. The cruise line offers something called goat yoga."
Kim appreciated that Du had offered her advice on staying safe. But Kim did not fear the other GJ agents. She had already been invited to join in some as yet-to-be-determined prank on Agent Du. Despite being sorely tempted she had turned down the offer. "Thanks for the warning. I'll be careful. Will, I, ah, don't want this to sound bad, but have you considered the possibility maybe someone has it in for you, and that was why you were the victim?"
"I can't imagine anyone having it in for me," he replied in a haughty tone. "I'm simply warning you to be careful."
"And I am grateful. Thank you."
Security agents from cooperating nations were invited to a cocktail/social hour the evening before the cruise.
"Lousy cocktail hour," grumbled a Canadian. "No cocktails."
"We're supposed to stay sober," his partner reminded him. "You heard about the Poles that time?"
The first Canuck chuckled at the reminder.
The major purpose of the session was to familiarize the security personnel with one another. A second function was to allow each group to mention anything unusual about conference delegates or other issues to watch for during the cruise. Shego fell under the heading of issues to watch for.
Rose Gardner addressed the group, "Agent Possible is very familiar with Alexis Jade, as she now calls herself, and will take point duty." Kim waved to the others to indicate her identity. "If you observe suspicious activity from Ms Jade please alert Kim. As usual Global Justice has a suite, this cruise it's D suite on deck five. There will always be beer and soft drinks in the fridge and crisps and biscuits. Help yourselves. There will be a large bulletin board on which you should post information to share with the rest of us. It is open twenty-four seven. The suite itself is open. I'm in the bedroom. Please don't think it is available for hook-ups; and try to keep the noise level down between eleven p.m. and eight a.m."
There was some laughter at the expense of a French security agent who had not realized the bedroom in the suite was taken.
"Will we be playing out-the-agent?" called someone.
Gardner rolled her eyes. "That is a deplorable game. I do not condone or approve of it in any way. However, there will also be a small bulletin board available in the suite as well, if any of you indulge. Just remember, I didn't approve."
"Out-the-agent?" Kim whispered to Will Du, who was standing near her.
"I'll explain after the social hour," he replied.
As the meeting ended Kim stayed with Will Du to remind him, "Out-the-agent?"
"Yes. I agree with Agent Gardner. A deplorable game. I don't know why she allows a bulletin board in the Global Justice suite to–"
"What is it?"
"Essentially it is an attempt to identify security agents for countries who do not cooperate with Global Justice. The assumption is that they may not merely be security personnel, but are intelligence agents who do not wish to have their identities compromised."
"So Global Justice agents try to compromise their identities?"
"This Global Justice agent does not. Several national security groups seem to take delight in it. There may even be some point value assigned... I really don't know. I believe that to get full points for United States you need to also identify the agency they work for... Apparently the CIA, NSA, military intelligence, and occasionally even the FBI will provide agents – and not only will they not let Global Justice know who they are sending they won't even share the information with the other American agencies. At least the Russians and some of the other non-cooperating nationalities let their people know the other members of their own security teams."
Kim suspected that monitoring Shego would take the majority of her time, but filed the fact away in her mind – a reminder that the security agents she had just met were not the only ones who would be on-board. She also recognized that, as an American, she had a bias towards trusting US security personal – but she probably shouldn't. And, also as an American, her bias would be to distrust Russian or Chinese agents – although she knew intellectually that they might be trustworthy.
The cruise originated at Invergordon (Inverness). Kim wished the starting point had been in a location where English was spoken, remembering from Duff Killigan that intelligibility could not be expected from the Scots. Passengers were requested to board at least two hours before departure to insure the necessary paperwork was completed. Global Justice and other cooperating security personal huddled in the cool darkness at four a.m. for their boarding. They would be the first passengers on board. Non-cooperating nations probably had some of their agents working as cruise staff who would have checked for security issues (and possibly planted bugs) while the ship was being prepped for the cruise.
Kim dropped her luggage in her cabin, and grimaced at its tiny size and Spartan furnishings. She had been warned to expect economy for all the Justice agents except for Rose, whose suite served as a gathering point, but hadn't expected this much economy. She reminded herself, "Just for sleeping. I'm supposed to be out making sure there aren't any problems when I'm awake."
The redhead unpacked and put away her clothes and headed for the Justice suite. All the Global Justice agents chatted in the common area. Kim developed a theory as she noticed the national agents who were, or were not, also there. She whispered her idea to an older Justice agent, "Can I assume that the people here have cabins as bad as ours, and those who aren't here come from countries that provide better cabins?"
He gave her a conspiratorial smile and winked, "You nailed it. I punch in and spend my shift on a bar stool in the forward lounge. Never know what trouble could start in the lounge. Sometimes I put in overtime." He sighed, "Sounds like you've got a real assignment. Somebody needs to do it. These missions are usually more fun than you'll probably have."
"Thanks. If I get a free minute and need a sympathetic ear I may look for you at the bar."
"You're always welcome... Uh, unless I'm chatting with someone attractive. In that case..."
"I have no idea who you are and ignore you."
He nodded, "Right. Oh, and a bit of cruise romance is accepted – just don't hook up with a goat. Did you hear about Willy and the Nanny?"
"I'm ignoring the story as best I can."
As dawn began to lighten the skies passengers began arriving at the dock. Many of the security force remained socializing in the Justice cabin, but Kim was among those who went to an upper deck to observe the arrivals.
"The non-cooperating nations try to sneak their security personnel on as ordinary passengers," a Canadian who had joined her at the railing explained. "Don't know why they bother – we've probably ID'ed two-thirds of them at this point."
"I'm looking for Shego – Alexis Jade."
"Good luck with that. I hear she's real dangerous."
"I can confirm that."
"If you need any help with her, give me a call. Hey, give me a call for anything, anything at all."
"Does your wife know you flirt on missions?"
"I'm not mar–"
"Always wear a wedding ring?"
"Damn," he muttered and moved away, taking off the ring and thrusting it into a pocket.
"How are you not my type," Kim thought to herself as he retreated. "Let me count the ways."
Guidelines suggested passengers board at least two hours before departure, which, of course, meant a huge crowd trying to board at the same time. Kim did not see Shego in the throng. It meant nothing. The green woman might be in disguise. Perhaps Kim had missed seeing her in the crowd – although Kim doubted that was possible. The older woman might have arrived even before the security agents and bribed her way on board. Kim allowed for a slight chance Shego had abandoned plans for the cruise. The more likely scenario, in Kim's mind was confirmed a little more than an hour later when Shego got out of a taxi on the dock and the driver pulled her luggage from the vehicle. Shego was ignoring the guidelines in order to arrive 'fashionably late'. Kim wasn't sure if it reflected Shego's contempt for following rules or was common sense on the older woman's part. The crush of passengers that had clogged efforts to board at precisely two hours before scheduled departure had largely thinned by the time Shego arrived and she breezed on board easily.
It took Kim a couple seconds to recognize her old enemy. "Why did I think she's be in that green-and-black catsuit?" she asked herself. "I'm not wearing the clothes I wore five years ago." Shego's tailored dark green jacket, black skirt, and sea foam silk blouse were slightly formal as cruise wear, but Kim suspected Shego would change in her cabin... A much nicer cabin than the one to which Kim had been assigned – Kim had checked.
Assuming it would take Shego a few minutes to settle in, Kim checked in the Justice suite. "Shego's on board," she reported to Rose.
Gardner gave her a small cluck of sympathy. "Too bad. Figured out how you'll keep her under surveillance?"
"Not really," Kim confessed. "She's probably too suspicious for me to remain hidden. I'll probably just try to hang around wherever she is. She'll assume I'm watching her but, hey, I am. Maybe it'll make her think twice about whatever she's here to do."
"I guess it's a plan. She's such an unknown it's hard to know what strategy to adopt. If you need a break I can give another agent a shift... Think that would work to keep her from recognizing you've been assigned to shadow her?"
"If I stay anywhere near her she'll know I'm watching her. She'd figure I'd just walk away to avoid her if I was on my own. I may just go for 'in your face' surveillance – I think that's the best way to discourage her."
"Well, good luck. Don't know what else to tell you."
Kim returned to a rail, ostensibly to look at the last-minute arrivals and preparation for departure. Having checked out Shego's cabin earlier Kim had a clear view of the door Shego would most likely use to get to the deck.
The blast of a steam whistle announced the start of the cruise, and gangways were pulled up. The decks were crowded as seemingly all passengers were on deck to watch. Kim had not seen Shego. Could the green woman already be stealing something? Kim worried she might already have failed when she heard a familiar voice behind her, "Princess? Long time no see. What the Hell are you doing here?"