Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Kim can't talk about her security job, and Shego won't talk about why she's on-board.
Whatever you say, say nothing
When you talk about you know what
For if you know who could hear you
You know what you'd get
Whatever You Say, Say Nothing
The blast of a steam whistle announced the start of the cruise, and gangways were pulled up. Seemingly all passengers swarmed to a deck to watch. Kim had not seen Shego. Could the green woman already be stealing something? Kim worried she might already have failed when she heard a familiar voice behind her, "Princess? Long time no see. What the Hell are you doing here?"
Startled, Kim spun around – kicking herself for concentrating on the door she had thought Shego would use instead of being aware of her own surroundings. She tried to sound casual, "Shego? What a surprise! What are you doing here?"
"Taking a cruise. Duh. What did you think I was doing onboard – alligator wrestling?"
"Do they offer that? I hear they have goat yoga."
"And, as a point of information, it's not Shego anymore. I'm currently Alexis Jade."
"In my heart you'll always be Shego."
"And you probably knew all about my current status and name, since it doesn't appear Global Justice agent Kim Possible wants to arrest me."
"Not sure what you mean by 'wants'. I'd love to arrest you, but I heard a rumor there weren't any warrants out on you. It seems a bit hard to believe. What do you mean, Global Justice agent Kim Possible?"
"Are you going to deny it? I've followed you, Cupcake."
"I'm flattered. But like you, I'm just here for a cruise."
"What a coincidence."
"Indeed."
"Just a cruise? Totally innocent?"
"Just like you," drawled Kim.
"Well, it's a very large ship. Let's try hard to not see each other."
"After following the news about me you want to dump me now? You'll hurt my feelings. The ship isn't that large, I'm sure we'll see a great deal of each other."
"Like, every time I turn around I'll find you hiding behind a potted plant or something?"
"You're being paranoid. Or perhaps you have something to hide. I'm sure I'll turn up everywhere you go simply because our tastes are so similar."
Shego opened her mouth to reply, thought better of conversation, spun on her heel, and stalked off.
Kim stared at Shego's retreating form. "She looks good." Shego had removed the jacket and traded in her heels for sandals. The short, black skirt and green silk blouse tastefully proclaimed casual elegance. Kim suddenly felt ill-at ease. She now felt like her pink sun-dress screamed fourteen year-old, or older woman trying to look younger than her age. While she wracked her brain to remember something better in her luggage Kim found a reason to congratulate herself. She felt like she 'won' the exchange – and Shego's warning, telling Kim to stay away, was an admission Shego had something to hide. Kim would count that as a second 'win'. Score: two to zero... On the other hand, Shego had surprised her when Kim had lost focus. Score: two to one. And Shego dressed better than Kim, but would not be awarded a point for that.
"She's here to steal something," remained Kim's top guess. "Could she be working security for a non-cooperating country?" Kim couldn't rule out the theory. She'd watch the out-the-agent bulletin board in the Justice suite to see if anyone discovered Shego's employer. Could she be here strictly as a vacation? Kim couldn't rule that out, but had it down as theory number five. She currently had no theory three or four. But when she added another theory it would have to be more plausible than Shego's presence on-board being mere coincidence.
Before going after Shego, Kim decided to hit one of the ship's boutiques to check for nicer outfits. "If I'm going to be staying around her, I should be dressed as nicely as she is, right?" Another advantage to the delay – it would give Shego a head start. If Kim could find Shego in a half hour or less after she began looking Kim would award herself another point. If it took Kim an hour or more to locate Shego the point went to the green woman. If Shego had gone into her cabin to sulk and hide after talking with Kim that would also be a point for Kim. "Should be two points if she's avoiding me," Kim thought. "How do I check and see if she's in her cabin sulking?"
One pair of white canvas shorts, a yellow blouse, and a coordinating yellow sunhat later Kim went looking for Shego – after a brief detour to throw the sundress in her own cabin.
Intellectually Kim knew the cruise ship was huge. It is one thing to intellectually recognize the fact, but while trying to locate Shego the reality of how huge hit. "Would have been worth two points if I could have found her in a half hour or less," Kim decided for any further scoring of points. Still, Kim counted it as a victory that she found Shego in less than an hour.
The large pool was not crowded yet. Most passengers were still organizing their cabins. The deck overlooking the main pool area promised to be crowded in the near future, and Shego occupied a position that allowed her to watch the activity. It was a location Kim would have chosen if she were doing surveillance, and in a sense she was. Shego had changed to a black-and-green one piece bathing suit. Kim guessed the over-sized watch on Shego's wrist contained a variety of monitoring and communications capabilities. On the other hand, the canvas carryall sitting on the deck beside Shego probably contained more magazines, like the one the green woman was reading, sun-tan lotion, and something to drink.
"Sorry, couldn't find a potted plant to hide behind," Kim announced as she moved a deck chair nearer Shego's chair and sat on it.
"Nice outfit. Did you buy it just for me?"
"This old thing? I've had it forever."
"So the price tag has been on it since forever?"
"What?" Kim quickly removed the hat, removed the tag, and replaced the hat on her head.
"If you're trying to impress me, try green," suggested Shego. "First, it's my color. Second, it will really make your red hair pop with the contrast."
"I'm not trying to impress you."
"Says the woman in the new hat."
"I bought it for the cruise. I just happened to change now."
"You'd be more convincing if you didn't change your story."
"I wasn't planning on being interrogated."
"And I planned on reading," Shego said, turning her attention to a magazine.
Kim wondered what she should do. Shego apparently meant to ignore her for the time being. Kim could make herself a bloody nuisance, which didn't really appeal to her. She could watch the passengers who came to the pool, which was probably what Shego planned for herself whenever her target or employer appeared. Kim had a paperback romance novel in her cabin she did not want Shego to see her reading. The onboard drugstore had a rack of more acceptable paperbacks and magazines, and there was a small ship's library... Would Shego still be here if Kim ran to get something to read?
Since Kim understood her assignment to be keeping tabs on Shego she decided to settle back in her deck chair. It was an excellent location for studying the passengers who would soon be arriving at the pool.
Security agents, who had come on board early and knew this was more of a vacation for them than an actual assignment were some of the first at the pool. Several waved to Kim when they arrived. Two initially considered her sitting by Shego, who was on the list for potential threats, to be unprofessional. Kim was, to their knowledge, the only security agent who had a real assignment on the ship, the rest of them were simply there 'in case', and nothing was expected to happen. Was it unprofessional for Kim to be seated by Shego? She was supposed to be working even if they weren't. They reflected that Shego knew Kim, so covert surveillance would be problematic. Apparently Kim had decided that the 'in your face' approach was the best strategy – let the thief know she was on the radar.
"All Global Justice agents?" asked Shego. "There seem to be a lot of you on board."
"I told you, I'm just here for a vacation."
Shego rolled her eyes.
"C'mon, Pumpkin, I know who you work for. If you were really here for a vacation you wouldn't be sitting beside me. You'd be... Where's Stoppable? I didn't hear about him going to work for Global. He's not an agent, is he?"
"No. It's... It's..."
"Complicated or none of my damn business? Did you dump the chump or are you engaged to Mister Loses His Pants?"
Kim pulled out her cell phone. It took a minute for the phone to be answered. "Ron? Sorry to wake you up. ... No, something really weird going on, and– ... No, I'm sitting by Shego and– ... Of course not!" It appeared to Shego that Kim blushed. She wondered what Ron had said. "I'm trying to show her you're still my best friend in the world!"
"Give me the phone," ordered Shego. "You been lying since you got here, I want to hear his voice."
Kim handed the phone over. "Stoppable? ... Yeah, you sound like you. ... No, I'm just sitting on a deck chair trying to enjoy a cruise and your girl-friend– ... What is she then? ... Look, I really don't care what happened with the two of you. Any chance you could tell her to get off my ass? ... What's so funny?" Shego handed the phone back to Kim. "He started laughing, and hung up. What the Hell?"
"It's probably like four in the morning or something for him, he wasn't thinking clearly."
"Does he ever? Getting back. You're a Global Justice agent, and you're in my face. These people, who are all in decent shape and not old and overweight, are waving at you. They're either other agents or you're part of a tour group without the required number of old, fat people."
"Okay, a couple were Justice agents."
"Only a couple? Get real– Ah, a couple Global Justice agents. Others come from different organizations. Will you let me know if I can guess any right? The guy in the Speedo™ thong? He should not be in a Speedo™. Now, I'll admit he can almost carry it off, almost. France. I'm guessing France. Am I right?"
"I'm not allowed to tell you if you're right."
"Are you allowed to tell me that I'm wrong?"
Kim hesitated, then confessed, "Yes."
Shego gave Kim an honest grin. "Well, I didn't hear you tell me I was wrong."
"And, while you're in a good mood, how about you tell me why you're really here."
"I told you, I'm on vacation."
Kim rolled her eyes, "Do you even know how to tell the truth?"
"I'll have to get back to you on that one. I'm not sure if I remember. But Global Justice agent Kim Possible has been assigned to watch me, who does she think I am?"
"She hasn't made up her mind. There are a couple people who think you might be a security agent of some kind."
"Huh? You don't know all the security agents on board? I thought–"
"Some countries choose not to share information on their–"
"Ah, they're some pricks on board. I should have guessed. And some people think I'm a security agent? Really?"
"That's a minority opinion. And even they go along with the majority opinion: you're regarded as the highest risk on the ship."
"You flatter me, but you're sure I'm not just here to enjoy the cruise?"
"No way. I mean, you had to have been doing some heavy lifting for someone to get those charges against you dropped. No one is sure who, or what you did. You could still be paying off the debt."
"But you still haven't said what you think I'm doing here. You said you don't think I'm working security detail."
"Right. You're allergic to having anyone with authority over you. And doing good is not on your résumé."
"Au contraire, as the guy in that thong might say. The problem with you, Cupcake... well, one of your problems, is that you see the world in black and white terms, and I see the world in shades of glorious living gray. What's good to one person may not be good to another. I'm always doing good."
"When you were working for Drakken?"
"He thought it was good to have me on the payroll."
"So, you're always doing good?"
"Right."
"So, how about letting me read one of your magazines?"
"What's in it for me?"
"Well, I could move my deck chair even closer and read over your shoulder."
"My good deed for the day," grumbled Shego, and pulled a magazine from her bag and surrendered it to Kim. "And in return you'll let me eat lunch in peace."
"When fish start doing algebra," thought Kim. But she said nothing, opening the magazine and starting to read. "And the way you keep checking that thing on your wrist it has to be way more than a watch."