Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

I suspect the 'truck' in this 1936 song title is a euphemism, but it could be slang for something innocent.

Let's Get Drunk and Truck

"I thought you weren't going to follow me to lunch," Shego protested, when Kim joined her at a table in the Venice buffet near the pool.

"I recall you voicing some hope on the subject," commented Kim. "But I didn't agree."

"You didn't say you would. I wouldn't have loaned you the damn magazine if you'd said you were going to annoy me at lunch."

"You only handed me the magazine when I threatened to read over your shoulder."

"Any idea if I can take out a restraining order for someone on a cruise? Or maybe I can just report you to ship security as a stalker."

Kim shrugged, "I would imagine that, if they don't have you marked as a suspicious character already, you will go on their radar when–"

"I'm not wanted for anything!"

"Apparently not, but how well will the bribes and pardons to clear your record stand up under close scrutiny?"

"They'll stand up," Shego assured her, hoping it was true.

"Maybe," agreed Kim, "But with your history they'll still want someone to keep an eye on you. I may get a medal for this assignment. A medal, and maybe combat pay."

"No combat pay unless I take a swing at you. But if you stay on my ass I might."

"Oh! Wonderful idea! There's a gym on board, maybe several. A little sparring for old times sake – or would that get in the way of whatever it is you're on board to steal?"

"I'm not here to steal anything," snarled Shego. "You figuring they'll charge me with assault after I beat you?"

"Actually I figure you're probably out of shape. I'm curious if you're even competition for me now."

Shego narrowed her eyes and stared hard at Kim. Kim was throwing down the glove, challenging Shego. Should Shego pick it up: accept the challenge? Had the kid grown into a smug prat who needed to be taken down a peg or two? Was Kim as good as she imagined, or had she forgotten how good Shego was? Shego hadn't had a hard fight in years. She yawned, "You're counting on my competitive spirit to kick in, and you imagine that by distracting me you'll keep me from whatever evil plans I have – which exist only in your head. Not taking the bait, Pumpkin. Go play with yourself and leave me alone."

"I'd rather play with you," pouted Kim.

The green woman rolled her eyes, "Do you know how that sounds?" she snerked.

Kim winked, "Maybe."

"She's added a weapon or two. Teasing me is new. Maybe I should... No way!" Shego said nothing, and concentrated on eating her meal. After finishing she rose from her chair.

"Where now?" asked Kim.

"I don't care where you go, although I have a suggestion. I'm going to take a dip."

"Living dangerously?"

"Eh?"

"You should wait at least a half hour after eating before going in the pool."

"And you should soak your head," suggested Shego.

"Not for a half hour," Kim called at Shego's retreating figure.

Kim followed Shego back to the pool, and watched the green woman dive in. The water looked inviting, but Kim needed to change to her swimsuit. Would Shego still be at the pool when Kim got back? Was this a trick to get Kim to leave so Shego could go somewhere else? "I'm putting on my suit. If she's gone when I get back I'll just change back and find her."

Kim took a moment to admire herself in the mirror of the small cabin. She felt good about having purchased a new swimsuit before the mission. "I look good."

Shego was out of the pool and on a deck chair when Kim returned to the pool. The green woman had chosen carefully. There was an overweight couple to her left. It looked like it would require a large amount of dynamite to dislodge them from their deck chairs. On Shego's right was the Canadian agent who had tried to pick up Kim earlier. It appeared to Kim he was attempting to chat up Shego, hoping to wear down her resistance. Shego demonstrated her resistance by focusing on her magazine and wondering how long it would take for him to realize she was not interested, although hopefully he'd be patient enough to block Kim from taking possession of the deck chair.

"Took off the wedding ring, I see," commented Kim as she tapped the Canadian on the shoulder. "Would you mind moving so I can sit by my girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" he asked, then beat another retreat.

"So not my type," she thought again.

"You're going to ruin both of our reputations with comments like that," observed Shego.

"So worth it. He was trying to pick me up earlier. Oh, you owe me a drink."

"Why?"

"For saving you from the lech."

"And who's going to save me from you?"

"Good question. We can talk about this evening over drinks."

"How did I get here?" muttered Shego as she sat at a small table with Kim waiting for the evening show.

"Well, after the pool we changed in our respective cabins and you tried to avoid me at dinner... You hurt my feelings when you do that. It might make me think you don't like me."

"I can't imagine why."

"Then, after dinner, I stayed with you and suggested we take in the–"

Shego sighed, "When I asked how I got here, it was a rhetorical question."

"Oh, good! I was afraid you might be suffering from short term amnesia."

"Probably from banging my head against the cabin wall. There's a pest who's been following me around all day."

"The Canadian? I know. I am surprised. Canadians are supposed to be so polite, but he simply doesn't understand how to take a hint."

"You're really getting on my nerves," muttered Shego through gritted teeth.

"What would you like me to be on?" Kim purred, and signaled a waitress. "Remember you owe me a drink for saving you from the lech."

"Yes? Can I help you?" the waitress asked.

"A Tom Collins for me, and a strychnine fizz for the stranger sitting there," said Shego, pointing at Kim.

"A strychnine fizz?" asked the puzzled teen.

"Sorry. Wishful thinking. I meant a Shirley Temple. And give her an extra maraschino cherry for being a good girl today."

Kim modified the order to, "I'll have a Hudson Valley Cooler."

"I'm not sure I know that one."

"The bartender may," Kim assured her.

In three minutes she was back, "We have maple syrup, but we don't have Maple Cask Rye. Would–"

"Maple syrup?" snerked Shego. "Sure you don't want the Shirley Temple?"

Kim gritted her teeth. "Whiskey. Neat. A double from the well."

"Think you can handle it, Princess?" Shego mocked after the waitress headed to the bar for their drinks.

"I'm not a high school kid anymore. Learned things in college. Grew up. Changed."

"And you think drinking whiskey will impress me? You were an annoying brat in high school. That doesn't seem to have changed."

"Frustrated because I could defeat the most dangerous woman in the world when I was in high school?"

"Annoyed, because I'm not wanted for anything now? And you're on me like blue on Drakken."

"I have a job to do, and it's keeping you from getting into trouble on this cruise, and do I get the full story on why you left Drakken?"

"I just got tired of the loser and dumped him. Probably the same reason you dumped Stoppable."

"I didn't dump Ron, we just moved in different directions while–"

The waitress returned with their drinks. Shego picked up the Tom Collins and took a sip. Kim picked up her lowball glass and swirled the whiskey around. She didn't like whiskey straight. She wasn't much of a drinker, but wasn't going to say that in front of Shego. A cocktail, like Shego's Tom Collins, represented her occasional drink of choice. Shego had called it. Kim hoped to impress her. "Maybe it was a dumb idea to order the double, but if I don't drink it now she'll call me a wimp." Kim tossed back the double. She clenched her jaw tightly and tried not to show emotion as the vile stuff burned its way down to her stomach.

Kim attempted a smile, to give a 'That's nothing,' appearance. She failed. It is hard to smile while clenching your teeth.

"Well, you tried," Shego commented dryly.

"Okay, that was a mistake. Why do guys do that?"

"Real guys don't. They sip. The guys on movies and television do it to show they have balls. It's bad screenwriting – although I'm guessing simply having a character say, 'Hey, I'm tough', would be even more lame."

"Should have ordered a Tom Collins, like you."

"What the Hell is a Hudson Valley Cooler? Did you think ordering some drink I'd never heard of would make me see you as all growed up?"

"I actually kind of like them. There was a bar near campus that served them."

"So you spent college in a bar? I know some people like that... Don't think any of them graduated."

"I didn't spend college in a bar! But sometimes you just want a place to relax for an hour or two on Friday or Saturday night." Kim looked around, but the waitress appeared busy. "Hold on, I'll be back."

"You don't need to–" Shego started to say as Kim headed for the bar.

The redhead was back a few minutes later with a drink.

"Trying to get drunk?" asked Shego. "You aren't worried I'll slip off to commit evil after you pass out?"

"Virgin piña colada," Kim explained, holding it up. "I needed something to take the taste of whiskey out of my mouth."

The lights dimmed. The show began: a Billy Joel medley for the opening act.

After a few minutes, "I'm out of here," whispered Shego.

"It's just the opener. Don't you like Billy Joel?"

"That's the problem, I do. He's probably turning over in his grave right now."

"I'm pretty sure he's still alive."

"This show will kill him."

"Give them a chance. The real show will be better."

"It would have to be. And you're welcome to stay and find out. Give me a report tomorrow when you're annoying me. Like I said, I'm out of here."

Kim didn't find the show as banal as Shego appeared to find it, and the redhead was almost tempted to stay and see if it improved. But she had a duty to keep Shego from doing something, even if Kim was not sure what. The Global Justice agent reluctantly tagged along as Shego hit the forward lounge.

Several drinks and hours later Shego made another attempt to drive Kim away. The redhead had been evasive earlier in the day when asked about her relationship with Ron. And why had Stoppable started laughing hard and hung up when Shego asked... Shego couldn't remember exactly what she had asked that had brought on the laughter. She just remembered finding his response strange. Maybe Kim would leave if Shego pressed her on the subject.

"So, Cupcake. You and Stoppable. The real story on the break-up?"

While not deliberately trying to keep up with Shego, Kim had still gone considerably over her usual limit, aided by the earlier double shot. Still, even less than sober, she insisted, "Not a break-up."

"Ah, come on, there has to be some kind of a story. Tell Auntie Shego all about it. He dump you for someone who'd put out? You found a real hunk? Two different colleges and absence does not make the heart grow fonder?"

Kim took another sip of her Long Island iced tea, ordered only because Shego had ordered one – Kim didn't realize the potency of the mix, and almost giggled. "None of the above."

"Um, those are the top three answers in the category, 'Why did they break up after high school'. None of those? Really?"

"Nope."

"Ron come out as gay?"

"No."

"You sure? Junior told me about some fight where he and Ron–"

"Ron's not gay."

"Are you sure Ron–"

"I am."

"What?"

"In college, I decided I was–"

"Stop! Your cover story stinks. No one decides she's a lesbian. It's not like you decide you like Captain Crunch better than Fruit Loops. You've listened to too many televangelists who claim it's a choice you make. You don't choose to–"

"Fine," Kim snarled. "Realized. Are you happier with 'realized' than decided?"

"Better word. But your story's still bullshit. Peppy little cheerleaders are not lesbians."

"I didn't know I was! Not then. I mean, some people claim they know when they're five. I always... I mean, people always told me that girls like boys and someday I'd meet the right guy and... And I tried. I thought that was what I wanted. But in college–"

"But in college you did a little experimenting. It happens. Doesn't mean anything."

"You don't tell me what I am," Kim insisted, a little louder than necessary.

"Keep it down, you're making a scene. Did you tell mommy and daddy, or are you in the closet? Not that I believe a word of your story."

"I told my mom and dad."

"Got a more convincing story about that than saying you decided to become a lesbian? Going to give me, 'They threw me out and told me never to darken their doorway again' cliché?"

"Realized. I said I realized. My mom and dad love me! They– I think dad blames himself for–"

"Earth to Kim, it isn't carried on the y-chromosome."

"He always told me, 'No boys' when I went out. He thinks–"

"He listens to too many televangelists too. Please tell me your mom is normal."

"Mom is great. She loves me. I don't think she's... She tries to accept me the way I am."

Shego leaned back in her chair for a moment, silent. What in the Hell was Kim doing? Why did Kim need a cover story like the nonsense she was spinning? "She's trying to wrong foot me," was Shego's best guess. "Get me confused so I'll make some stupid mistake. Two can play that game." Shego felt there was an easy way to expose the fact Kim was lying. Shego got up from the chair.

"Leaving?" asked Kim.

"No," Shego answered. She took a step toward Kim, leaned down, and kissed the redhead on the lips. "She claims she's a lesbian. This will scare her off." With any luck Kim would run back to her cabin and not bother Shego for the rest of the trip. That was Shego's theory.

Kim's arms went around Shego, pulling her in tight. Kim's tongue was at Shego's lips, seeking admission, and in shock the green woman's lips parted and Kim's tongue began to explore her mouth.

Shego couldn't remember ever being kissed with such passion. She panicked, and struggled to free herself from the embrace. She finally pushed herself free. "Yeah, leaving now," she croaked and headed for the door. It was the fastest she had moved all day.