Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

More than one song has this title, I'm referencing a 1910 version.

The morning after the night before,
Gee-whiz but don't your head feel sore.

The Morning after the Night Before

Kim groaned. Her head hurt. She had definitely consumed too much liquor the night before. She had gotten more bombed twice in college, but had told herself she would never make the mistake again. She tried to tell herself she had not broken her vow to herself. Her head didn't hurt as much this time as either of those two occasions. On a scale of zero to ten, with zero feeling absolutely fine and ten wanting to die so the headache would end, she was no worse than a high three or low four. Okay, more of a four. Maybe even a five. Low six perhaps, but definitely not a seven. Trying to evaluate how much her head hurt caused even more pain. Better to try and remember how she got in this condition. Too much drinking. That one was easy. There was a vague memory of kissing Shego... That couldn't be right. Maybe Shego kissed her? That didn't make sense either. Kim tried to think. She was pretty sure that you were more likely to forget things that really happened than to remember things that didn't.

Thinking hurt. Kim decided two aspirin would be in order and tried to stand up. She decided to postpone the aspirin until after throwing up.

Several minutes later Kim sat quietly on the edge of her bed, hoping the aspirin would stay down. She would get dressed and eat breakfast after the tablets worked their magic. She noticed a slip of paper under her cabin door. Moving very slowly she picked it up, unfolded it and read, "Kim, see me at 8:00. Rose."

Kim looked at the clock. It was already eight-ten. She would skip the shower she felt certain she needed and might be only a half hour late, if she were lucky.

"You're late," were the senior agent's first words, spoken far too loudly in Kim's opinion.

"Not feeling great."

"You don't look great. Sick or something else?"

"Something else... Is this the point where I confess I drank too much last night, and discover you already knew that and were seeing if I'd be honest?"

"That's one of the reasons you're here."

"One?"

"You said you planned to do 'in your face' surveillance of Shego. I had imagined that was something different than the scene in the bar last night."

"Scene in the bar?"

"You don't remember?"

"Not really. I think Shego kissed me. I'm not sure."

"The report indicated she might have initiated the kiss, but you appeared to be an enthusiastic participant. My understanding was that you two were not friends, and you were given the assignment of keeping your eyes rather than your lips on her."

"I had too much to drink. I admit that. I think... I think was trying to show her I was an adult. I was in high school the last time we fought and I wanted to show her I wasn't a kid anymore. I wanted to act tough."

"So you acted stupid?"

"Yeah."

"Hopefully you're smart enough to not make that mistake again."

"Oh yeah, the way my head feels now? I can promise I won't end up in this condition again."

"And the other condition?"

"Other condition?"

"The mouth-to-mouth."

"I don't have a clear memory of what happened. We aren't friends. She doesn't like me. My guess is that she was playing with my head – trying to get me confused or something."

"And your response?"

"I'd had too much to drink. I was confused or something."

"Would you like me to give the assignment to another agent? Your first day was not impressive."

"I can do it, I just had a bad first day. A little bit of high school insecurity. I feel I'm the most suited for..." Kim chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I just imagined you assigning Will Du to watch her, and what he might do if she kissed him."

Rose managed a smile. "How about you keep your nose clean for the rest of the mission so we don't have to find out?"

Kim breathed a sigh of relief as she left the Justice suite to plan her day. She needed to rethink her approach to watching Shego, or maybe just keep her brain in gear and not try to impress her old enemy. But a little breakfast might be a good idea. A little ballast in her stomach, if it weren't a complete mistake, could help. Then a shower and get dressed before looking for Shego. Did she have a good outfit, or did she need to visit the boutique again? Maybe something in green; Shego was right, green did set off Kim's hair. No, green was a bad idea. It would look like she was following Shego's orders.

In the green woman's cabin Shego stretched. She'd consumed more alcohol than usual, though not as much as Kim, but felt no ill-effects. Her main feeling was one of confusion. "What the Hell is she doing?" The kid was trying to show she was no longer a kid. That was clear. Why was she trying so hard? Kim was the one enemy who had defeated Shego more than once in a fair fight. She had Shego's respect for that. And it also meant Shego was willing to take unfair advantages in a fight. What was this, "realized I'm a lesbian" crap? Was Kim taking a page from Shego's handbook and fighting dirty – trying to get Shego confused and off-balance? Suddenly she wanted Ron to explain his laughter yesterday before hanging up. She didn't have Ron's number. She found the number for his parents without any difficulty.

"Missus Stoppable? I'm sorry for disturbing you so late, but I've known Kim and Ron for years. I happened to run into Kim recently and she didn't have time to say much about Ron, I think she said he was still in college. ... Thank you, that was what Kim meant. But what I'd really like is his number so I can call and– ... Roberta Smith, I had a couple classes with them in high school. He may have never mentioned me. ..." Shego wrote the number down. "Thank you, Missus Stoppable, I really appreciate it."

"Glad the sucking up is over," Shego thought as the phone rang.

"Yes?"

"Stoppable? You bastard, you hung up on me yesterday!"

"Who is this?"

"How many people did you hang up on yesterday, after Cupcake put them on the phone with you?"

"Shego?"

"Technically it's Alexis Jade for the moment, but Shego is close enough."

"Why did you call me?"

"To find out why you hung up on me."

"You're Shego. I'm Ron Stoppable. I need a reason to hang up?"

"You laughed. You laughed at something I said before you hung up."

Ron's voice took a suspicious edge. "I don't recall. What did you say?"

"I, uh, think I said something like 'would you tell Kim to get off my ass' and you laughed."

"You asked me for help? Why shouldn't I laugh?"

Shego hesitated, "That could make sense, I guess, but Kim said something later in the day and..."

"What did she say?"

"Okay, I'm not making this up. She said that while she was in college she discovered she, I'm gonna say 'liked' girls more than guys."

"She told you that?"

"She was drunk off her ass at the time."

"You got her drunk?"

"She got herself drunk. She's a big girl now."

"That doesn't sound like Kim."

"You're telling me? So, the liking girls thing is just something she said 'cause she was drinking and I should ignore it?"

"No, her getting drunk doesn't sound like Kim."

"She wanted to impress me by showing she could hold her liquor. She flunked."

"Okay, basic competitive nature sounds like Kim. I still don't understand why you called me."

"Are you still an idiot? I told you, she said she likes girls!"

"Okay, she said that. And what's your point? Why do you care?"

"Is it true? Was she playing with my head? Is she trying to get me confused or something?"

Ron laughed, "I'm not going to comment on anything Kim said while drinking. But you calling me up says she did one heck of a job of getting you confused."

"Bastard," Shego snarled. "Tell me if–"

Ron hung up again.

Shego stopped herself before hitting redial. He'd just hang up again, and then block her number. Redial would be a sign of weakness on her part: weak or petty. Shego was neither weak nor petty. And there was the slightest chance in the world she might want to call him back at some point. She didn't want him to block her number on the chance she wanted to call again.

Kim had finished breakfast and was sipping a cup of coffee as she tried to plan her day when her phone rang. The caller ID identified, "Ron?"

"Hey, how's my favorite redhead?"

"Fine. Ah, you don't call me very often to ask about my health."

"I don't get calls very often saying you were drunk the night before."

"Who told you? Was it Will Du? I'll–"

"It was Shego."

"Shego?"

"Did you give her my number or something?"

"Of course not. At least I don't think so. Last night is, ah..."

"A little hazy on some of the details?"

"Oh yeah."

"She claims you told her you prefer female companionship."

"I did... She called to ask you about that?"

"I couldn't believe you told her that! I mean, it's not exactly a secret, but it's not something you rub people's noses in. I didn't tell her anything. I was evasive and then I hung up on her again."

"She'll love you for that."

"Well, while I'm here and she's there I'm safe."

"True enough."

"KP?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you tell her that? And any idea why she would call me for confirmation?"

"Okay, my memory of last night is less than perfect. She asked why we weren't still a couple and suggested maybe you were gay. I said you weren't... You aren't, are you?"

"Not the last time I checked."

"And I told her you weren't, and then I said I am."

"Kim, you drank too much last night."

"I know. I was there."

"And I still don't get why you were with her. You told me she's not wanted. You didn't explain how that's possible, but if she's not wanted why are you watching her?"

"I told you what I know. You can bet she didn't use magic to clean up her record. She's got to be doing something dirty for somebody, and GJ wants me to keep an eye on her."

"Was drinking with her in the job description."

"No, I kind of ad libbed that. Uh, not sure if I should tell you this."

"Well, you have to tell me after saying that."

"Apparently we kissed last night."

"Apparently?"

"The memory is a little foggy. I think she gave me a kiss and then witnesses say I sort of got carried away."

"Witnesses? You kept your clothes on, didn't you? Please tell me you kept your clothes on!"

"Ron," Kim blushed. "We were in the lounge and I'd had too much to drink, and I wasn't thinking, and she started it, and, and..."

"And now Shego is calling me to see what is going on. Hey, if you were trying to confuse her – it worked."

"Thanks loads. I've got a hangover. My supervisor chewed me out for inappropriate behavior. And now you're telling me I messed up."

"I never said that. Those are the voices in your own head."

"You... Okay, you didn't. Sorry to drag you in."

"No problem. It's what best friends are for."

"Thanks for being careful when you talked with her, but, yeah, I told her."

"Okay. Well, good luck."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Whatever you want it to mean."

Kim's headache did not allow her to speculate on any hidden meaning in Ron's words. Besides, it was time to head back to her cabin and prepare to face the day and Shego. She detoured by way of the boutique. "I'm not trying to impress Shego. After seeing other passengers were wearing I need a couple more outfits to help me blend in." She worried that she might end up spending her entire salary for the mission on cruise wear.

Kim carefully removed the tags before venturing forth. It was almost noon before she found Shego near her previous spot at the pool. Kim opted for a chair at a short distance. She had a clear view of the green woman, but wasn't close enough for conversation. She had also picked up a book she almost wanted to read, the best of a number of poor choices available. The good news about a bad book was that she didn't get so engrossed she forgot to watch her target. The bad news about a bad book is that when she looked back at the page she forgot where she was and found herself rereading pages multiple times.

The rookie agent was not having a good day. Between the headache, making a fool of herself the night before, and being chewed out by her supervisor she felt confident things could not get worse. At half past noon Will Du sat in the empty deck chair beside her.

"Agent Pos–, Kim, I wonder if you might perhaps be correct."

"What are you talking about?"

"You suggested that someone might harbor some sort of grudge against me."

"Yes," Kim said slowly. "Why? Did something happen?"

"You didn't hear? Someone switched the number plate on my cabin door. I tried to get in to the cabin I believed to be... And the woman called security."

"Ouch. Sorry."

"If there is an attempt to recruit you for some sort of practical joke–"

"I won't accept the offer."

"I was hoping you might inform me as to whom made–"

"I'm sure the fact we know each other will keep whoever is behind it from asking me," Kim lied.

"I wish I knew what caused this animosity."

Kim said nothing.

"Oh, I heard that my apprehension concerning your assignment to this mission was warranted."

"Excuse me?" Kim asked coldly.

"Your behavior yesterday. I believe you–"

"Pardon me, but I'm working now and don't have time for this. Why don't you go try and find who switched the number on your cabin?"

"But–"

"Now. I'm busy." She gave a fast glance in Shego's direction, it appeared the green woman was gathering her belongings, probably before heading for lunch. Kim could have said more. She wanted to say more. But telling Agent Du that he needed a total personality transplant if he wanted the pranking to end – no matter how much she wanted to say it, and no matter how true – was probably not a good idea. Kim wondered about the security for the goat yoga livestock. Was there any way she might 'borrow' one and put it in Will's cabin?

Will Du had managed to make the day worse. Kim followed Shego to the small Mexican restaurant onboard. Kim made no attempt to talk with Shego. Shego knew Kim was following her, but was grateful for the redhead's distance and silence; still trying to process the events of the previous evening.

"Too much time hanging out with Ron," Kim thought as she ate her carne asada, "I like Bueno Nacho better than real Mexican cooking." It would have brightened her day to call him and share the revelation, but the time difference meant he could be sleeping. Thinking about Ron provided the impetus for her to finally speak to Shego as they exited the restaurant. "Ron said you called him."

"He called you to tell you he hung up on me again? Better warn him that doing it a third time is bad for his health."

"I had a question about the call."

"He probably already told you everything we talked about."

"We were curious how you got his number... I, uh, didn't give it to you last night. At least I don't remember giving it to you."

"How much do you remember?"

"I think I remember everything, but some parts are kind of fuzzy."

"What do you... Never mind. No, you didn't give me his number. I wanted to know why he hung up on me, so I called his parents and charmed the number out of them."

Kim raised an eyebrow, "And you can be oh, so charming when you want to be."

Shego appeared nervous, "I don't know what your game is, Pumpkin. But I appreciated you keeping your distance just now. How about we keep our personal space that size?"

"I'll consider it. If you help me with my suntan lotion."

"What part of personal space do you not understand?"

"Look, with my fair skin I need to keep the SPF effective. As pale as you are, aren't you worried about burning? Tell you what, you do my back – I'll do yours."

Shego gnawed her lower lip and thought for a second. "And you'll back off for the rest of the day?"

"Afternoon."

"Day."

"Afternoon. Take it or leave it."

"Afternoon lasts until six."

"Over at four."

"Four! That's still mid-afternoon."

"Five, final offer."

"Five-thirty or no deal."

It was Kim's turn to hesitate. She'd declared five her final offer. Shego had demanded five-thirty. One of them had to blink. "Okay, five-thirty – this time. Next time I want my final offer."

"Next time I may just throw you off the side of the ship."

"I offered you a sparring session. Want to find out if you still could?"

Back near the pool Shego gingerly applied sunblock to Kim's back. "Finished," she declared.

"Now your turn." Kim spent more time rubbing the lotion onto the pale woman.

"What are you doing?"

"Sunblock, remember?"

"I mean the whole 'you like girls' thing."

"I was being honest with you."

"Like you were honest about the outfit yesterday?"

Kim remained silent for a minute. "Shego?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you kiss me last night? I'm pretty sure you kissed me last night."

"To prove you were a liar."

"To prove... What are you talking about?"

"I was calling your bluff."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did you? Did you prove I was a liar? I'm told my response was, uh, enthusiastic."

"You don't remember?"

"Not exactly. Hope that doesn't hurt your feelings. I kind of remember... I remember liking... You kiss..."

"How 'bout we keep this professional? Global Justice agent Kim Possible maintains her overly paranoid surveillance of innocent cruise passenger Alex Jade?"

"There is no innocent Alexis Jade, just Shego running something. Want to tell me about that monitoring device on your wrist? How many functions does it have? Any chance there's a GPS chip in there so your current boss can monitor you? Does he get to listen in to this conversation?"

"It's just a watch, and phone, and fitness monitor."

"You can get those in something a third the size."

"Early model."

"You're wearing an old prototype instead of the latest model?"

"Early model of the new style. Stylishly blocky - it's the retro look. Don't you follow fashion at all?"

"I fear you've left the price tag on your new hat."

"Are you suggesting I'm lying?"

"No suggestion about it, I'm waving a red banner saying, 'Pants on fire'."

"Fortunately I have until five-thirty to come up with a suitable retort. My back is done, now out of my face."

"But-"

"You used to play by the rules."

"Fine," grumbled Kim and moved away, to return to her own novel. At least Kim intended to resume reading. She spent so much time watching Shego that Kim made little progress in reading. But if Shego made another lame claim that the device offered only limited functions Kim was ready to quiz her on why she consulted it so often.

Kim caught herself consulting her own watch often, waiting until she could talk with Shego again.

Shego relished the time away from Kim, but knew there was no way to really keep the redhead at a distance for long. "I could try eating a ton of garlic... No, that's for vampires... It might work." Another option presented itself: using Kim. If Kim was going to watch her regardless of what Shego did then at least the former cheerleader could make herself useful. "But she might get suspicious," Shego told herself. "She's already suspicious," came the counter-argument. Tomorrow would be the first port of call, Bergen. Theory said there should be no problems of any kind. Nothing would happen. Nothing should happen. But just in case unknown players in the drama didn't know the plot or wanted to improvise their role it might be nice to have Kim on her back. "I did not just say I wanted Kim on my back," Shego told herself.