Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

In Gilbert and Sullivan's Ruddigore the characters Ruthven Murgatroyd (currently in disguise as honest farmer Robin Oakapple – in an effort to avoid the family curse) and Richard Dauntless (a sailor and boastful twit) have a song with object of desire Rose Maybud. The message of the song is love can be confusing.

In sailing o'er life's ocean wide
No doubt the heart should be your guide;
But it is awkward when you find
A heart that does not know its mind!

When Sailing over Oceans Wide

Kim limited herself to one purple haze that evening, following Shego's example. By unspoken agreement they stayed for the live entertainment, under the assumption that there was less chance of a repeat of the previous night's scene there. However, they sat at a small table to the rear of the auditorium where a low conversation was possible.

"So, Bergen tomorrow," Shego pointed out. "Going into town or staying on the ship?"

Kim hesitated, "I, uh, haven't decided. What are you going to do?"

"Tell me, Pumpkin, if I go into town will you follow me, or is your duty restricted to only annoying me on the ship?"

"I'm not sure."

"I could have already stolen what I need at one in the morning while you were asleep. Maybe I'm going to pass it off to someone in town. Maybe someone in town will give me a bomb to plant on board. I definitely think you should watch me in town."

Kim smiled, "You're asking me to go along with you tomorrow?"

"No, I'm suggesting you should tail me. Keep a record of who I talk with. Make a note on anything I buy, and where I buy it. Run a background check on any store I visit. Try and see if anyone is following me."

"Why would anyone be following you?"

"Why do you ask about that?"

"Because you asked me to check if anyone was following you."

"I gave you a list of shit to do! Why that and not the other things I said?"

"Because it doesn't fit. You know if I'm watching you I'll see who you talk with, or what you buy. You're afraid someone might be following you."

"Maybe I'm a raving paranoid. Have you considered that?"

"Nope. I mean, if you aren't a raving paranoid you probably should be. There might be a hundred people on board who think you should be arrested. But I think you're worried that someone might be following you."

"Besides you, you mean?"

"You know I'm following you."

"Okay, how about this is a clever ploy to get you to back off for a day while I wander charming streets and poke my nose into quaint shops?"

Kim chewed her lower lip for a minute, then shrugged. "Maybe my duty is only to watch you while you're on board. I'll check with my supervisor. Maybe I can stay on board and let you enjoy Bergen by yourself."

"Remind him I'm dangerous. You don't know what I might be up to while I'm in town."

"Her. My supervisor is a her. But my duty is probably limited to what you'll do on the ship."

"That's a callous attitude."

"It's a realistic attitude. I can't be with you twenty-four seven," Kim gave Shego an exaggerated wink, "unless you want me to be. So I'll watch you as assigned and won't worry about what you do the rest of the time. I'm sure you don't want to mess up your status on not being wanted."

Shego forced a smile, "So, my ploy worked? I'll be free of you for a day?"

Kim felt like she'd been backed into a corner again. "Care to tell me why you might have someone following you?"

"Well, I've made a number of enemies over the years."

"Most of whom have the good sense to simply stay away from you."

"Like you?"

"Ugly job, but somebody's got to do it. Back to your current crisis, who might be following you?"

Shego shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe I am being paranoid. If there is anyone... I deserve more than one."

"That assumes an attack. If you have someone who wants to keep tabs on you it only takes one."

"True."

"So, are you worried about one person following you – or a gang? Being followed, or being attacked?"

"If I knew the future I wouldn't need you. Hell, I don't know the future, and I still don't need you. How about we just forget the whole thing?"

"Because you wanted my help. Is it the Canadian? The Canadian who was hitting on you? Worried about him following you?"

"Sure," chuckled Shego. "Why don't you see if he's following me?"

"Fine. Now, about my payment. I-"

"Payment! You want payment? You used to save the world for free! Now you want-"

"I didn't exactly save the world for free," explained Kim. "People owed me favors. I'd need a ride and Wade would-"

"You're not riding me," Shego muttered.

"That was an example. Tomorrow evening, back on board after a day in town, you'll be civil to me and we'll watch the show."

"Civil to you? That's it?"

"I'm hoping you remember how."

"I know how to be civil, there just aren't a lot of people who deserve it. What if we both think the show stinks tomorrow night? What if you think the show stinks tomorrow night?."

"We could drink too much and make out again," suggested Kim.

"We didn't make out. I was calling your bluff."

"That's your story. I don't remember too clearly what I was doing... People said it looked like I enjoyed it."

"Who's your supervisor? Can I complain of sexual harassment?"

"You were the one who asked what the options were if we didn't like the show. I gave you one. I've suggested going to a gym and finding out if you're still a match for me. Looking for an excuse to get your hands on me again?"

"Looking for an excuse to kick your ass."

"Want to set up a time to try? Before or after I help keep you safe in Bergen?"

Shego stood up, "Stay on the ship tomorrow. See if I care. I'm going to bed. Don't offer to come with me." "What in the hell is she doing? No way is she staying on the ship. She'll tail me tomorrow."

Shego took a deep breath and flopped down on her bunk. "What am I going to do about Possible?" The redhead was making life difficult. They were enemies. Kim was flirting with her. On one level Shego didn't mind someone paying attention to her, telling her she was attractive. It felt wrong for Kim to be doing it, it had to be fake. There were plenty of other people on the ship. "Is it safe to flirt with any of them?" Shego wondered. Anyone who initiated contact with her might be a potential danger. Anyone she tried to flirt with might turn out to be a security or intelligence agent. While it might not really matter, since she currently was not wanted for any crimes, Shego still felt hesitant about initiating a flirtation with someone in law enforcement. On one hand, the fact the ship was loaded with them made Shego feel safer and why the cruise had been chosen, on the other hand she also felt it constrained her options for a shipboard romance. "Too many damn other hands. It is nice to have someone to hang with... Just wish I knew what her game is."

Shego took out her phone. One person might know Kim's game.

"Hello?"

"Stoppable? Me again. And–"

"Me? Shego?"

"Yeah. Hey, I'm willing to forgive you for hanging up on me, twice. Normally I'd be threatening to chop you into small pieces and feed you to wiener-dogs for a stunt like that, but I want you know I'm a reformed woman. I know we've had our differences in the past, but I can overlook that and–"

"What do you want?

"What do I want? What makes you think I want anything?"

"You're not calling me just to chat. It's some question about Kim, right?"

"Well, as long as you mentioned Kim. I mean, you brought her up, not me–"

"Don't take this personally, but can the crap, Shego. You called to ask me about Kim. Yes or no. Be honest or it's hangup number three."

"Fine. Has Kim changed?"

"What are you talking about? Kim discovered she preferred gals to guys. Yes. It really happened. I told you that."

"Not that. I'm not sure how to ask this... Does Kim cheat?"

"Cheat? Cheat on a lover? I don't think she has a girlfriend right now. Why? You interested? I'll warn you – she's pretty high maintenance."

"That isn't what I meant. I'm talking about fighting. She... Both of you were honest. Hey, we were enemies. We got in each other's way, we tried to knock the other person out of the fight, right?"

"Yes," agreed Ron, slowly. "Still not getting your point."

"She's playing with my head. I don't like it. Technically I'm not wanted. Strictly legal? Let's not go there. I'm not wanted. Is she screwing with my head because she isn't allowed to punch me? Is this some kind of revenge thing – teasing me?"

"Playing with your head? Teasing?"

"Yeah. You know, flirting. It's..."

"You kissed her a couple days ago."

"That was different! I was proving she was lying. I, uh, was trying to prove it anyway."

"And what did you find out?"

"Hell if I know. She was drunk. I wasn't expecting her to kiss back, that's for sure."

"So, you interested in her? There was a rumor you're bi."

"Don't believe every rumor you... Okay. It's true. So what? She's Kim Possible. I'm currently Alexis Jade, but–"

"Alexis Jade isn't wanted for anything. Maybe Kim is interested in her."

"Follow your own advice, Stoppable. Can the crap. Kim Possible and Shego are enemies. Everyone knows it. And I don't think she's so stupid she doesn't know what she's doing. Is she trying to screw up my head? Is this some kind of revenge for all the times I beat her? Does she resent watching me and figures she may as well put me through hell and as long as she's stuck with an assignment she fucking hates?"

"You didn't beat her all that–"

"Who beat her more? And you aren't answering my question."

There was a pause. "Okay, you beat her more than anyone else she ever fought, but she beat–"

"Can we get back to the questions on the table?"

"And I've got no answer for you. I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

"I'll ask you a hypothetical. You think someone is screwing your head. Alice, her name is Alice. Now, if you think she's screwing with your head or trying to do you dirt, do you go up to her and ask, 'Say, Alice, are you fucking with me?'. Would you trust anything she said?"

"If you're going to put it that way, no. Sorry, Shego. I've got no idea what Kim is thinking. I can't believe she'd try to mess with anyone's head. That just isn't Kim. Hope you don't take this wrong, but I can't imagine Kim flirting with you either. Doesn't make sense."

"I know. But she is."

"I'm going to say something, and you're free to hang up on me. Any chance you're being paranoid? Could Kim just be 'Hey, this is my job, let's not fight' and not really flirting – but you're reading more into it than's really there?"

"You saying I'm crazy?"

"Didn't use the C-word. Just saying maybe you're so used to seeing Kim as the enemy that you don't know how to deal with Kim just being Kim."

Shego hesitated, "Nice try. I don't believe you, but nice try. I hear what she's saying, and it's flirting. But she wouldn't flirt with me, so it has to be she's fucking with my head. Yeah, that's it. I really needed to talk this out with someone who knows Kim to figure it out. Hey, thanks for listening. Really."

"No problem. But I can't believe Kim is trying to mess you up. I still think you should try talking to her."

"Like you'd talk to Alice Hypothetical?"

"I trust KP to tell me the truth."

"Well I don't. But, like I said, thanks for listening."

"And like I said, no problem. You get it figured out – feel free to call again."

"That resolved squat," Shego thought as she hung up. "I should have known he'd take her side." Had he taken her side? Okay, maybe not. He was out of the loop with Kim. Maybe he still saw her as the high school cheerleader who believed good would triumph over evil because it's nicer. That was not the Kim Possible facing Shego now. The game had been changed, and Shego didn't know the name or rules for this new game.

Kim glanced at caller ID before answering her phone. "Hey, Ron, wassup?"

"You somewhere where you can talk?"

"I'm talking now."

"I mean, for a private conversation."

"Oh, sounds serious. Is she late?"

"Late? What are you–"

"Sorry. I shouldn't joke. What's up?"

"Shego called me."

"Again?"

"Yeah, she asked for help. I get the feeling she's kind of scared."

"You're not making sense. Shego isn't afraid of anything. And why would she call you? If she needs help I'm right here. I could–"

"I think she's scared of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Are you trying to mess up her head? I mean if you're trying to confuse her you're doing a heck of a job, but she thinks you're fighting dirty or something."

"Ron, do you remember back in high school when you sometimes weren't paying attention and had no idea what was going on?"

"Uh, right this minute I've got no idea what you're talking about."

"That's how I feel now. Shego called you for help, and accused me of fighting dirty?"

"Yeah. She she felt like you were playing with her head. She said you were flirting with her."

"Me? Flirting with her? Kim Possible and..."

"Are you?"

"Of course not, I... I don't know, maybe... I mean... Ron, do you remember the first time you saw a picture of Shego?"

"No."

"I do. You growled and made some comment about how hot she was. Ring any bells."

"No. How many years ago was that? Makes sense, I guess. She is hot. What did you do, give me a dope slap?"

"I thought about it. It's just that, when I saw her a couple days ago, that was kind of my reaction. At first I think I just wanted her to recognize I'm not a kid any more, I'm an adult now and... I wasn't trying to arrest her, or stop one of Drakken's lame plans, I was just seeing her for the first time in years and... And she is hot."

"So you've been flirting with her?"

"Yes."

"And do you see why that scares her, why she thinks you're playing with her head?"

"She doesn't have any charges against her right now!"

"But she's still Shego, and you're still Kim Possible."

"Intellectually I know you're right. But... But it's so much fun!"

"KP, I love you, so don't take this the wrong way, are you friggin' crazy? Now, let me step back from that. Playing with someone's emotions is not good. Do you really believe that Kim Possible could possibly be interested in Shego?"

"When did you get so smart?"

"After nearly flunking out freshman year. Mom and dad said grow up if I wanted them to pay for college. Grow up or get a job. So, here I am in grad school. And you're avoiding the question. Are you really interested in Shego?"

"And I really don't know. It's like, I've known her for years. I like the banter back and forth. She's saved my life."

"She's also tried to kill you."

"That was years ago."

"You sound like you're interested in her."

"I might be. Maybe I'm just horny. It's been too long. Maybe it's just an exciting idea – me and Shego? Maybe it could work, I mean, she knows me. I know her. We–"

"You haven't seen her in years. How well do you know her? Maybe she's married and has two kids!"

"Does she? Did she tell you that?"

"Kim, you sound like you've got a crush. I'm telling you that sounds like a bad idea. I'm going to pretend for a minute you're in your right mind. You sound like you don't know what you feel at the moment. But you need to realize you're scaring her. You need to cool it."

"She kissed me first!"

"She was trying to show... It doesn't matter. If you're not really interested in her, you need to cool it. If you are really interested in her you still need to cool it."

"But–"

"Back off and try to get the relationship to grow – if that's what you're hoping for. And just back off if you aren't interested; Kim Possible plays fair."

"And if I don't know what I want?"

"Same advice, back off if you don't know what you want. It sounds like your hormones may be in charge at the moment. That isn't you. Back off. Think about what you're doing. Decide what you want. Don't scare her. Uh, Kim?"

"Yes."

"I'm not used to giving you advice. Good advice anyway. I mean, I think I've done it before. But you never listened to me."

Kim laughed, "Suggesting I order a triple chalupa grande, so you could eat half of it didn't count as good advice. But you're right. Thanks, for... What if I decide I want to try a relationship? How do I–"

"Slow down. Take a deep breath. It's the hormones talking again. Backing her against a wall and starting to kiss her could get you arrested for harassment."

"I suppose getting her drunk and taking advantage of her would be wrong too."

"I hear you're still a lightweight when it comes to drinking, so better not."

"Oh, I have a story about Will Du and drinking," giggled Kim, and told Ron the tale of the yoga goats.