Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Search YouTube for "Kim & Shego Caramelldansen" to find Rina Cat's video, with sound. A clearer video on her DeviantArt page lacks audio.
Note to possible Scandinavian readers. I generally follow the chronology of the original shows, so this chapter is set before the Mall of Scandanavia opened in Solna. I did a bit of research before writing the chapter, with Feudor suggesting additional Stockholm details that I've included.
Lee Hazelwood's 1970 video "Cowboy in Sweden" got poor reviews. The soundtrack album fared better. The chapter title song reflecting the choices young men of my age, without the money to pay a doctor for a fake deferment, faced in the Vietnam era: obey the government and go to fight in an unjust war, prison time, or leave the country.
Saying freedom is where you think it is
But there ain't no train to Stockholm.
No Train to Stockholm
The ship arrived at Stockholm late in the evening. Too large to dock, it moored in the basin. Some passengers ferried into town to enjoy cheaper drinks than were available on the cruise ship. Shego and Kim stayed on board and took in the evening show in the main theater. It took Kim a minute to spot Clint Thienstein. She was taking mental notes on how he kept his surveillance low key. She almost wished she had attempted to remain out of sight, wondering if she could have pulled it off. The brown man, if he was still monitoring Shego, managed to do an even better job. Kim could not see him in the audience.
Both women stayed with non-alcoholic drinks. Kim assumed Shego had done so out of empathy. Shego had done so because tomorrow might see the start of danger.
In the green woman's eyes no definite danger existed. Shego assumed Kim's average looking individual was a security agent of some sort, and Kim didn't describe him as a professional courtesy. If any of her past 'indiscretions' were still inside the statute of limitations, and had been discovered, there would be a warrant for her arrest rather than a mere watcher. There was a chance the darker skinned man with the accent meant nothing. There were many countries whose accents Kim might not recognize – and Shego might not be able to recognize them either. And most of them had nothing to do with Shego's current plans or activities.
Shego evaluated the options. The man might have been interested in Shego as an attractive woman, and simply tried to pump Kim for information. While an obvious possibility the fact he hadn't been seen again argued against it. Someone who held an old grudge from something Shego had done years earlier? Not impossible. Another security agent, but one whom Kim did not recognize as a security agent? Kim's willingness to provide details in the description didn't mean he wasn't a security agent – simply one she didn't know. But someone wanting to interfere with her current actions seemed most likely. Shego saw two ways her plans could be messed up. One was her death. And it would tie up many of the loose ends, at least those known to the man behind the scene. He might settle for getting the stolen item back. Thief or assassin? Perhaps both?
Regardless of the man's orders, assuming he was onboard to interfere – and Shego needed to assume he was – Shego would need to ditch Kim for a time in Stockholm. Perhaps, if she were careful and fast, Kim wouldn't even know. Shego would prefer Kim not realize she'd been abandoned.
"Why do I even care? She's only watching me because it's her assignment," thought Shego. "She seems sincere... Could be acting... Not that good an actress..."
"What 'cha thinkin'?"
Startled, Shego asked, "What?"
"What are you thinking? You're staring off into space vacantly. You haven't even consulted your wrist in almost fifteen minutes."
Shego quickly looked at the device on her wrist. Not that it really mattered. If Mister Threat had no clue what was happening he would have tried something already. If Mister T had a clue he was biding his time until after Stockholm. "Just thinking about Stockholm."
"Oh. I'm disappointed. I hoped you were thinking about me."
"Well, how to fit you in with Stockholm."
"Much better. Now, what are you thinking about Stockholm. Have you been there before?"
"No," Shego lied. "First trip. But someone told me about some sort of shopping mall at the Solna train station, and suggested I visit."
"Who gave the recommendation?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Oh, just curious... I, uh, haven't followed you the way you followed me... I was... Never mind."
Shego smiled, Kim was fishing for information on a possible significant other. "Could she really be... Maybe she's just doing a really good job playing with my head." "I don't really remember. Like I said, it doesn't matter."
"And where is Solna? Will there be time to–"
"If I remember the guidebook, it's what we'd call a suburb of Stockholm in the US. I think they call them municipalities here. There's a church that might be see-worthy, some businesses that aren't, and the mall." "And Stockholm's central post office, where there should be a package waiting for me."
If everything went right she might be back to the mall in well under twenty minutes, she felt confident she could come up with a good lie to cover the time away.
"Can I go into town with you, or do you want me to check for possible threats?"
"Ummm," mused Shego, pleased that Kim was letting herself be manipulated so easily. "How about we go into town together, catch a train, and... Sometime at the mall we'll do the checking for follower thing. At least I'm pretty sure you said you wanted to go into town with me. Just can't get along without me, can you?"
"Something like that. I... Okay, when I got this assignment it felt so weird, watching you again after all these years. I... It's actually kinda nice to... Sorry. I don't mean to sound so sappy."
"That's okay, Pumpkin. I have some of the same feeling. When I first saw you out on the deck, trying to spy on me, I gave serious thought to pushing you over the rail. But the voice of reason hit me up along-side the head with a cricket bat and warned me that it might screw up my wonderful legal status."
"Any chance I'll get to hear the full version on that?"
"You're not even getting the abridged version. Be honest, would you rather be fighting me right now and hoping you could arrest me, or sitting in a chair and drinking your..."
"Cranberry juice and Seven-Up."
"Drinking your cranberry juice and Seven-Up, and chatting with me while we take in this fairly mediocre show?"
Kim raised her glass as if in toast, and Shego smiled and gently tapped her glass against Kim's. "To no crime," Kim proposed.
"I believe the toast is 'To crime'." Shego reminded her.
"Not in this case. You're staying clean so I never have to chase you to make an arrest again."
Shego winked at Kim, "So... going to chase me for other reasons?"
Kim blushed slightly. "No, I... Maybe. Hey, the rules were we're not supposed to be flirting!"
"I could point out that neither of us is doing especially well at not flirting. Instead I'll point out that there was nothing inherently flirty in what I said. You just took it that way. You have a dirty mind, Cupcake. I like that."
"It was so flirty! And I don't have a dirty mind. I just– You want me to have one? Maybe I could work on it."
"Oh yeah, nothing suggestive in that at all," chuckled Shego.
In the morning they landed at Logårdstrappan.
"C'mon," Kim pleaded. I was looking on-line, the old city... I think they call it Gamla Stan... It's right here! That's where the good stuff is."
"Later, Princess, I want to check out the Solna Centrum."
"And you can't even remember who suggested it to you. Not a high recommendation."
"Hey, you find the way to get us there, and if it's not exciting we can do something else."
Shego, pretending ignorance of the city, let Kim discover the Kungsträdgården they needed to take to Solna. On the metro platform they were the last to enter the train, looking over the other passengers. Kim did not see the American agent. She did not see the American agent she knew. It is possible the US had a rotation of agents watching Shego and Kim didn't recognize the man or woman in the current position. It was also possible that the NSA was only concerned with Shego stealing technology or disrupting meetings related to the conference. If that were the case their interest in the green woman ended when she left the ship.
Shego felt confident she could handle any threat likely to come her way. Of course, part of being prepared to handle any threat is to stay focused. Kim represented something of a distraction. Was it really necessary for Kim to sit so close to her? Not that it felt unpleasant. She might even enjoy some physical contact – other than their traditional fights – in a different situation. "Get that thought out of your head," Shego told herself. "Focus."
The mall was not as impressive as Kim had expected. "There was probably better shopping in Stockholm proper."
"If I can remember who recommended the place should I punch them in the nose, and tell them it was your idea?"
"No, it's– You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking."
"Hey, I'm willing to give the place the once over. You're the one passing judgement. Maybe they've got the greatest chocolate outlet in Sweden, or IKEA gives out free samples of reindeer meat and lingonberry jam."
"Okay, and where shall we–"
"Uh-oh," muttered Shego. "Think I see someone worth... You stay here, I'm going to go that way. I'll go down the hall here, and come back in a minute. See if there's someone on my tail besides you. Someone I don't want on my tail."
"Who–" began Kim, but Shego was gone.
Shego was not back in a minute. She exited onto Huvudstagatan street and ran the couple blocks to the CityMail. She had made it a point to wear comfortable shoes. Thankfully she would not need to stand in line. There was a nervous moment as she found her key – what if the small package wasn't there? There were a lot of miles between Thailand and Sweden, and a lot of hands would have been on the package. But a small, second-class package is often safer than a package insured for a million dollars. She allowed herself a small sigh of relief, shoved it in her purse, closed her PO box, and headed for the exit.
In her haste the brown man pretending to read junk mail he had pulled from a waste bin hardly registered. Solna has the highest percentage of residents not born in Sweden in the entire country. Yes, a brown man had been reading his mail in the Post Office. Duh. Of course you skim through your mail before heading home, no point in hauling the junk mail back.
By amazing coincidence the trip on Huvudstagatan street from Solna Centrum to CityMail is exactly the same distance as the trip on Huvudstagatan street from CityMail to Solna Centrum. "What was that old... theorem? If A equals B, then B equals A," Her math teacher had insisted they just had to accept the theorems, if that was the term, as true. Shego wasn't entirely sure it was always true, but it did seem to work most of the time. "Will my story work better if I come in the door I went out, or use this door?" Shego asked herself as she re-entered the mall. "And now to find Princess."
"So, what happened? I was beginning to think you ditched me."
"Ditch you? No way! I was only gone a minute."
Kim consulted her watch, "More like fifteen."
"Well, I was looking for a bank to rob. I'm running a little short on cash. This cruise is expensive."
"Tell me about it, and while you're telling me about it – how about a couple words of truth?"
"You are terribly suspicious, you know that. Can't a girl pick up a hooker for a quickie in the girl's room without–"
"Seriously. You said you thought you saw someone following you. I was worried you were in trouble.
"You were worried about me? Really?"
"Strange as it may sound, yes. I was worried about you."
"Okay. Truth is, I was being overly paranoid. I went for the hunted becoming the hunter route. I shook the guy I thought might be following me, and then started shadowing him. And it turns out he wasn't following us. I caught him looking our way and thought maybe he was watching me. I am now of the opinion he was watching your ass."
"Shego!"
The green woman held up her hands in an, 'I'm just saying,' gesture. "You've got a hot ass, I mean, let's face it."
"And now you're flirting again."
"Not I'm not. Just calling it the way I see it. The way just about everyone sees it – especially in that bathing suit you had on the other day. Now, should I pat you on that wonderfully rounded little bottom, that would be flirting."
"That would be sexual harassment."
"Are you sure," Shego leered. "I thought you might like–"
"Now that's flirting," insisted Kim.
"It... Okay, sorry."
"And I really was worried about you."
"And I'm not sure if that makes me feel happy that you care, or makes me want to suggest a psychological examination of your head. Mostly I feel stupid. I made a mistake. I wasted, like, ten or fifteen minutes for no reason."
"Doesn't matter," Kim giggled and impulsively took Shego's arm and snuggled up against the pale woman. "You came back. What's that saying, 'If you love something, set it free. If they come back they're yours.'?"
"I seem to remember there was another part to that... Do I have any sort of option?"
"Well, it think the other part is, 'if they don't come back, they were never yours'."
"Not the one I remember. The one I remember was, 'If they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them'."
"Well, it doesn't matter. You came back."
"And if you say that makes me yours I may slug you."
"Ron told me my failed relationships were because I can be difficult. You should spend some time with Ron so I can get his opinion of you. You just might be impossible to love."
"Good. I put on redhead repellant this morning and I wasn't sure if it was working. You're really invading my personal space, Princess."
Kim took two exaggerated deep breathes and announced, "I wondered what the smell was, but I was too polite to say anything."
"Clearly I need a stronger version." She extracted her arm from Kim's grip. "Look around the mall? Find the church that's supposed to be worth looking at? Head back to Stockholm proper?"
"Mall for awhile," suggested Kim. "Any idea where the interesting church is?" Shego lied and shook her head 'no'. "Well, we can spend a little time looking for it – and if we find a coffee shop first we stop there. If no kind Swede will give us directions, and we don't find a coffee shop here, we look for a coffee shop in the city proper."
They ate in Solna, before heading to the old city for the rest of the afternoon. Shego felt slightly apprehensive. There was little chance of anyone recognizing her, but Gamla Stan was the location with the highest chance of recognition.
"Shopping!" Kim suggested.
"Uh... How about some culture for a change? Something you'll be proud to tell your mom? I looked on-line too. The Royal Palace and the big cathedral of Stockholm are here. Maybe we can take them in." Shego felt confident she wouldn't run into anyone she knew at a church.
They ate in the city before returning to the ship.
"Show, lounge, or dancing tonight?" Kim asked as they boarded.
"You seem awfully sure I don't want to just curl up in my cabin with a good book and conk out early."
"Just sayin', an invitation for a pretty redhead to do whatever you want with her. You'll take it."
"Take it, or take her? You're stepping over the line again, Pumpkin. Inviting me to do whatever I want? Seriously? That goes way past flirting."
"Well, if it goes past flirting, it doesn't count as flirting."
"Wait, that–"
"Besides, I've decided you're too shy to actually try anything."
"Too shy! What the Hell are you–"
"So I'm letting you off easy. I gave you three choices."
"Four, you offered yourself too."
"Oh yeah," snorted Kim, "only because you're too much of a wimp to take me up on... Sorry. I am getting out of line."
"Thank you for noticing the elephant in the room."
Kim laughed, "They should have elephant yoga as an option. Instead the goat being on you while you do yoga, you do it on top of the elephant."
"I'm feeling good at the moment. How about dancing?"
"Sounds great. See you at the disco in twenty?"
"Make it an hour," Shego countered. "I want to shower and take it easy. Save my strength for the dance floor." "And make sure the package hasn't been switched, and get things safely hidden."
"An hour. I shall count the minutes."
"You could count the seconds, and divide by sixty."
"On second thought, I'll just count the hours. One."
They parted, and Kim decided an hour was better than twenty minutes. She hadn't made her daily report to Rose Carlson yet. The senior agent wasn't in her cabin, but had left a note saying she would be in the Italian restaurant if any agent needed to contact her.
Kim made a crisp, and unnecessary, salute on finding Rose. "I was with Alexis Jade most of the day."
"Most of the day?"
"There were a couple bathroom breaks. I also lost her for around twenty minutes. She thought she saw someone watching us, she left me and watched him for awhile – decided he probably wasn't and came back to me."
"Twenty minutes? That might have been time to get in trouble, and use you for an alibi. Any idea if there were any potential targets in the part of Stockholm?"
"We were outside the city proper, in Solna, when it happened. She had suggested it yesterday and I looked it up. The Swedish Institute for Infectious Disease Control is there. Stealing some sort of biological agent doesn't seem like her old style, and I don't think she could have done it in the time available, and I don't think she could have been carrying pathogens with her."
"Good job. I appreciate the update. Will you be continuing your surveillance of our Ms Jade this evening?"
Kim blushed slightly. "Dancing in," Kim checked her watch. "Half an hour. Oh, any luck on the Will Du – Seth Carlson front?"
"I've got another agent watching Carlson, so he is not getting into trouble, at least at the moment. But Du is still in a state of panic and... Kim, you might not believe this, but in better circumstances, Will Du is an effective agent. He can be a little..."
"Anal retentive?"
"Close enough. He can be slightly irritating at times, but he always tries to do the best job he can. Please don't ever interfere with another agent trying to do his or her job."
"I'll do my best. I actually thought about it the other day."
"But you stopped yourself in time?"
"I did."
"Good girl. Now go have fun... But not too much fun."
Kim grinned broadly and left.
Shego was reluctant to actually go out on the dance floor. She preferred to sit to the side. Kim bided her time, and plied Shego with a couple stiff drinks while Kim stuck with cranberry juice and Seven-up.
They were still in Swedish waters, and so it was not surprising when Caramelldansen began playing. Kim grabbed Shego by the arm, "Come on. We're doing this!"
"What? I don't–"
"Just dance to the beat, wave your hands together," she instructed the green woman. "Those might even be the words. I don't speak Swedish. Follow me."
The brown man waited in Shego's cabin in the dark, wondering why she hadn't already returned. He had entered six minutes earlier. He had assumed she had motion detectors alerting her... She might be further away than he guessed, or indisposed in some way. Clearly she was not nearly as good as he had been warned – and that meant she was not nearly as dangerous. Careless too. The opened package had been on the small desk, with what he sought simply inside the drawer. "The reward for finding it is great. But there should be an even greater reward for her death."