Hey there^^
I know, I know, I should be updating chapters on my main story… but I'm currently having an enormous writers-block so yeah, I thought maybe focusing on a smaller story could help, and if it didn't then at least my account would have more content I suppose. Plus, it just feels good to share the drama and emotional baggage I like to inflict on the characters with you guys.
IMPORTANT NOTES: this story will deal with some issues that you might find triggering, such as references to minor character's death, references to grief, some signs of depression, anxiety, references to amputation and injury recovery, sexual content. Although I'm by no means expert in any of these matters, please be aware of this.
A bit of cannon divergence on the amount of time it took them to recover from the battle of Dressrosa and arrive at Zou, and on what they did meanwhile. Maybe Law and Luffy are a bit OOC too, but I tried my best while being sleep-deprived and caffeine-induced only. Plus, poor Law over here doesn't know how much he's worth.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Piece.
I hope you like this piece.
A journey about how a caged bird becomes free and has to remember how to fly again.
As Law watches Luffy giving the final punch right at Doflamingo's face, he feels like he's in a dream, in a bubble, just watching everything unfold from afar, without being able to do much other than just taking in the moment, making sure he doesn't miss anything, any detail, making sure it really is the final blow. It's almost like he's watching the movie of his life unroll right before his eyes, showing all the suffering, all the waiting, all the plans, just for that precise moment to happen, just for Doflamingo to get some of what he deserves.
The words Law said out loud to infuriate Doflamingo during their battle only a few hours ago play on his mind then, over and over, and he realizes just how true they are, how true the fact that the straw-hats really can cause miracles to happen is, and all of it feels so odd, so foreign. He was expecting this outcome for so long, imagining it, planning every detail, but now he can't help but be filled with a bittersweet feeling, overlapping all the enthusiasm and excitement.
As Doflamingo gets sent flying through the ground, it's almost like Law's purpose on life went down with him, hitting the pitch that is the underground hidden underneath Dressrosa, now uncovered and exposed for everyone to see. For thirteen years the only thing on his mind was his savage need for revenge, the need to make Doflamingo pay for Cora-san's death. It was all his life rotated around and now that he's finally seeing it happening in front of his own eyes, now that he's finally seeing Doflamingo's reign over Dressrosa fall, now that his purpose is finally complete, he couldn't feel more empty, as if everything he fought for suddenly had no meaning at all.
He feels his heart clenching, aching as if someone was squishing it, and it takes all of his remaining strength to use his abilities one last time, to push himself to make a room large enough to reach Luffy and bring him closer, to check his vitals and his wounds, to make sure he's alive, to feel his presence. It drains everything out of him, and he feels the air getting sucked out of his lungs and all his muscles tightening once Luffy's body successfully appears on the rooftop, landing more harshly than what he intended it too. He barely registers Rebecca crawling in Luffy's direction right after, but he wants to stop her, wants to send her away along with Viola, wants to scream at her once she finally gets close enough to touch Luffy, once she lifts his head to put it on her lap. But he's not able to, and it's with anger that he watches as she starts crying and sobbing loudly, as he watches her tears falling onto Luffy's face, getting mixed with all the blood and the scratches covering it.
Law can't help but feel his blood pumping fast and loudly on his ears, and he finds it so difficult to breath that he has no other choice than to just lay down, letting his sour muscles find rest against the hard surface of the rooftop for a little while. He feels like his whole body is shrinking, getting tighter and tighter around his bones, aching so badly even keeping his eyes open and his face towards the sky is too much. But he does so anyway, watching with a sense of pride as Doflamingo's cage around Dressrosa starts to fall apart, the strings disappearing from the top down.
It's only when the sky above him starts shining over the country without any barrier that the overwhelming realization of Doflamingo's defeat finally strikes in. It's only then that, for the first time, he recalls that he's free, and he tries to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks and from getting lost in his neck, but his remaining energy doesn't allow him to do anything other than cover than his eyes with his hat and bite his bottom lip to stop his sobs from coming out, to allow himself to retain some sense of dignity.
He hates how he feels the ecstasy and fulfillment leave his body like they are physical things, so fast that it's almost like they were never truly there, almost as if he didn't wait for that outcome for a great part of his life. He though defeating Doflamingo would bring him peace, would stop the guilt and anger from consuming him, would stop his feeling of uselessness and weakness, but it didn't, not at all. He still let Doflamingo take advantage of him, overpower him, mock him, fuck, even cut his arm off, all because he was too weak, too reckless, too stupid, and suddenly the tears falling from his eyes aren't from fulfillment anymore, and instead turn into something else Law can't quite put into words, can't quite explain, a mixture of rage and despair.
Despair.
He covers his eyes with his closed fists, trying to stop his headache from building up, to stop his memories, to stop his mind, and he feels his nails digging into his palms, pinching the skin so hard he wouldn't be surprised if there was blood already pouring out and getting mixed up with his tears. When his body starts shaking, there's not much he can do to stop it, to control it, and neither can he stop his heart from beating furiously against his ribcage almost like it's trying to get out. It makes him feel like a hopeless child all over again and he hates every second of it to his core.
He senses Viola's eyes on him then, reading him, analyzing him, and he wishes that he could do something to poke them out, to prevent her from seeing him like that, but he can't bring himself to, can't bring himself to do anything other than to try and control his body.
He tries to remind himself once more that he's finally free, letting the words play over his head over and over again, but deep down he knows that a bird that is caged for too long doesn't remember how to fly right away.
.
.
.
Law doesn't know how long it took him to get his body under control again, doesn't know how much time passed since all the events unfolded, doesn't know if maybe he passed out for a little while either. He feels like hours have passed, his mind being too exhausted to process everything around him, so he keeps his eyes shut and doesn't open them even once he starts hearing voices around him, loud and happy but far away, like in another dimension, celebrating the freedom most of them didn't even know they lacked, chanting the stupid name Luffy came up with at the Corrida Colosseum.
Then, a few others catch his attention, closer, much closer and louder, more annoying. The Straw-hats, Law realizes quite easily, and he no doubt feels some weight falling down of his shoulders, making him feel lighter, they're all fine.
He cracks one eye open just in time to see Viola standing up and walking towards the edge of the rooftop with a smile on her face, waving and calling them with a voice full of emotion and happiness. Law tries to get up too then, to get some kind of composure over his own body, to try and pretend he's fine too, but he can't do more than sitting upright without having to stop to catch his breath, an excruciating pain rushing down his back right after, picking at his veins. The arm Leo stitched back on feels odd and foreign, like it was never even part of his body before, and it's so useless he can barely even put any strength on it once he tries to stand up again, this time succeeding although miserably.
He watches as, one by one, the straw-hats climb to the rooftop, all of them immediately heading towards Luffy to check on him, to make sure he's alive, only for then to lift him effortlessly, putting him on top of that damn ugly sparrow and stating that there are too many marines around for them to stay on plain eyesight and exposed. Law tries to help them, but gets near too late, barely even stumbling his way towards that stupid drawing like he's a drunk man. He tries to move Luffy into a better position, one that won't injury him even further, but even the act of standing on his feet his torture.
"Careful there," Zoro says close to him, too close, grabbing Law by his elbow just hard enough to keep him upright, his voice so low it's almost like Law had imagined it. He easily brushes him off, glaring at him but without having the desired effect, all the straw-hats having stopped reacting to him as a treat a while ago. "You should go on the bird too."
Zoro's words are simple, and Law's aware they're probably meaningless too, just a simple observation, a simple remark, but at the same time, Law can't stop himself from perceiving them as an offense. You'll only slow us down. You can't even stand straight. So weak.
Law tries to brush it off, but he knows too well that it's the damn truth, so instead, he tightens his grip on Kikoku, feeling its weight over his shoulder, and finds himself a place on top of the sparrow, it struggling with the sudden addiction on weight.
I'm weak, a burden, just like I always was.
Luffy's just in front of him, laying down and occupying most of the sparrow's back, snoring loudly and mumbling on his deep sleep. Looking down at him, it's almost like the guy is just peacefully sleeping and, if it wasn't for the teared-up clothes and the blood all over him, it would almost be like nothing had happened at all. And it frustrates Law so much, makes him so mad how everyone around them seem so oblivious, how everyone seems to be completely unaware of just how much pain Luffy must be in, how much his whole body must feel like it's exploding from the inside out, burning, reconstructing itself while still looking calm and serene.
Law tries his best to make that fact a bit less true by using the energy he had managed to regain. He puts a hand over Luffy's chest and uses his room to help the other captain heal his wounds a bit faster. He stops paying attention to where they're heading, doesn't even keep his eyes open to acknowledge their surroundings, his mind being too focused on what he's sensing underneath his palm, all the damage and pain and pure exhaustion, but also the calm and regular beating of Luffy's heart. Law gets so focused on his task that it's almost like his own life depends on it. He thinks of it as the least he could do in that situation, after everything, almost like he's paying his debt towards Luffy even though he won't even be aware of that fact once he wakes up.
Law does it because he feels the need to do so, feels the need to be helpful, to at least do something right, to at least pretend his role in the whole picture mattered. He does it for as long as the ride lasts, only stopping once they reach a small house on top of a floral hill, so exposed and in such an open field that it's almost like they're inviting the marines to find them. And he does it afterwards too, bandaging Luffy's wounds the best he can manage despite his whole body complaining and hurting with each movement, despite the stitches holding his arm feeling like they'll rip off every time he puts too much force and weight on it.
Usopp tries to stop him at first, with his shaky and high-pitched voice stating that Law should treat his own wounds first and get some rest too, but Law quickly shoves him aside, paying him no mind, too focused on the man lying down in front of him. Why would he treat himself and rest when the person that handled it all couldn't? What right did he have to even think about doing such a thing?
The whole process takes him more time than what it should have, considering how many times he had to bandage people throughout his life, and he's completely aware of all the eyes on his back, craving holes on his skull, probably wondering if he has gone mad, but none of them says anything, they just let him do what he has to do, and for that Law's thankful.
It's only after it all that Law allows himself to finally relax. It's only when there's nothing else he can do to improve Luffy's condition than to leave him alone that he allows himself to rest, laying down on the floor right next to the bed, not managing to get much further away from the straw-hat's circle. He puts Kikoku underneath his head, and he's uncomfortable beyond words, the floor being cold and hard against his back, but he finds that none of it matters as he quickly drives into sleep, hearing Luffy's snoring and the Straw-hats talking to each other on the background, a feeling of company and warmth filling up his chest.
After that, Law ended up taking care of Luffy for as long as it took him to wake up. He changed his bandages more times than what he needs too, checked on his pulse and temperature more often than not but, mostly, he just sat by the bed, Kyro's bed as he later found out, looking and expecting something he couldn't quite put into words, seeing as Luffy's face twitched with his dreams, hearing his incomprehensive mumbles. He did it because he lacked anything else better to do, lacked the will to bear with the straw-hats noise for more than a few minutes, lacked the security Luffy irradiates even while unconscious. And he didn't even mind staying that way for two whole days, taking care of Luffy, but once he woke up, or better yet, gained conscious for just long enough to shove food inside of his mouth, Law started avoiding him like the plague, like seeing him laughing and talking loudly and eating was a painful realization that everything could've unfolded a lot differently, that everything could've gone on a much more dark path. And the sensation is just like receiving a punch in the face.
And it's weird really, after all, they were still hiding inside of Kyro's minuscule house and, even if Law went outside to pretend to do something, there weren't that many walks he could do on the flower field by himself without being questioned. But, at the same time, Law finds it easy to avoid him, so easy it's ridiculous, mostly because Luffy keeps zoning on and off of his sleeping state, and that leaves him with a little amount of time awake, it being mostly spent eating and hearing his friends beaming with excitement about some stupid fucking story.
Somewhere inside of his chest, Law feels his heart sinking every time he's successful, every time he ignores Luffy's calling his name only for his attention to be quickly caught by someone else, every time he manages to leave the house once Luffy wakes up, stating that he's going to check the surroundings, or every time he manages to check and change Luffy's bandages without waking him up. Every time, it's almost like his heart is suddenly too heavy for his ribcage to hold, like it's crushing all the other organs underneath.
And Law finds quite early that it's too much for him to handle, so much so that when the news of the marines were finally taking action and stopped pretending they didn't know about their location, Law couldn't be gladder. But then there's one name reaches his ears, and one name only. Sengoku. His presence in Dressrosa was unexpected, was a kick in Law's stomach from his fucking luck, from his fucking faith, because from all people it had to be him.
Law doesn't think much about his actions when he steps away from the group during their escape, they being too focused on their own shit to pay attention to him, doesn't think much when he goes to try and find Sengoku right in the middle of the marines camp, doesn't think much when he confronts him and reveals how he was related to Cora-san, doesn't think much about Sengoku's reaction. And maybe he did a mistake, or maybe it was the best thing he could've done, but he has no way of knowing, not now and probably not ever, the only thing he could tell for certain being how overwhelming hearing Sengoku talk was, how him saying that Cora-san only betrayed him one and one time only made Law feel even more guilty, even more disgusted with himself.
Law's confront with Sengoku about the meaning of the D. didn't help, and neither did saying out loud how he was sure Cora-san only helped him because of that damn letter make it any truer. In fact, it only resulted in making everything worse, more confused, a blur on his brain mixed with the blur on his eyes from his tears, threatening to pour out and he barely even managing to hold them back properly.
He doesn't know how he managed to reach the Straw-hats after that, doesn't know how he managed to find them at all or how he managed to get on the ship that took them away from Dressrosa, the whole country becoming a commotion once again, too loud and too crowded, too many people everywhere, too many marines everywhere. His mind was too overwhelmed by Sengoku, and his words play on his head over and over again, like a haunting he can't get rid off, repeating painfully inside his brain, making him numb, empty.
Don't try to find a reason for someone's love!
Orlumbus' flagship, the Yonta Maria, is also too much to handle. The feast, the other pirates, the noise, everything is just too much and Law can't help but feel like he's suffocating with everyone's enthusiasm, with everyone's happiness, with their laughs and their drunkenness. So much that, every time someone tries to talk or approach him he just feels like there's vermin crawling underneath his skin, eating his flesh, making him rot from the inside out. He wishes he could make a room large enough to send everyone flying away into the sea, but he can't, the ship is too big and he's too weak for that right now, too fucking weak.
But the ship's size may as well be the only real good thing about the whole situation, it not being that hard to find a place to be left alone, despite having so many people on board. Law doesn't know at what time in the night exactly, but at some point he found himself on the back of the ship, looking at the dark extension of the ocean around it with no one else to bother him, the party having come down to an end. He can't quite explain what he felt once he realized Dressrosa was nowhere to be seen or once he realized it was finally a finished chapter in his life. He just knows that, whatever it was, Nico Robin managed to dissolve it, to scatter everything to pieces while sneaking up on him like only she knows how to.
She doesn't say anything at first, approaching him slowly and deliberately, like a predator approaches its prey, but the next thing he knows he's grabbing the railing like he's holding on for dear life, getting ready for the impact, and he knows it's ridiculous, he truly does, but he can't stop himself from feeling uneasy with her presence, underneath her observant eyes, being so easily read like one of her books.
"You archived your goal by taking down Doflamingo, didn't you?" It's all she says, and Law can't stop his blood from boiling up inside of him. Deep down he wants to laugh at her, but it all comes down to a snort, a pathetic sound that leaves his mouth.
Law lost count at how many times he heard the same story about Doflamingo's defeat over the course of the few hours he stayed on that fucking ship. Lost count at how many times he heard the same story told by different people, with different points of view, everyone just trying to show the others how much their role mattered, how much they accomplished, how many people they beat, and it all makes Law so mad it's beyond words. They did so much. They accomplished so much. But the truth is that Doflamingo's still alive. The truth is that, despite him being defeated and held prisoner by the navy, he's still alive, he's still a treat, he's still a presence on Law's head and underneath his skin, mocking him, laughing at him, at his plans, at how weak he was during the fight, at how he didn't manage to kill him, at how he had to rely so much on Luffy, at how he didn't manage to fucking do anything than to make a fool out of himself.
So he just looks at her, right in her fucking eyes, and doesn't expect her to understand anything, because none of them seem to get it. Not Luffy, not her, not the rest of the Straw-hats, not any fucking one on that damn ship. Not at all. Not even one slight bit.
"Leave me alone," he says instead, and she does without arguing, without saying anything, just looking at him for a while and then nodding, leaving Law all by himself in the silence and darkness of the night, just looking towards the empty sea, Sengoku's words playing once again on his mind.
If you want to do something in his memory, both you and I should always remember him. That's good enough. And you live your life as you like. That's what he would say.
And it pains Law so much how that is so much easier said than done.
.
.
.
The next few days pass by like a blur. Three weeks is the amount of time it will take them to finally reach Zou. Three weeks is the amount of time it will take him to see his crew again. Three fucking weeks. And fucking hell, doesn't that seem like an eternity, doesn't that seem like Bartolomeo's crew is just taking so long on purpose.
He spends his days doing nothing, closed inside of the ship's ward during the day, pacing around in circles or just staring into space, and walking around the deck during the night, with no path and unconsciously, unable to sleep properly for more than a couple of hours without being awaken by nightmares, so vivid and so frightening it's hard to distinguish what's real and what's not afterwards, to distinguish what are memories and what was a product of his stupid imagination.
Luffy comes to talk to him at some point, on a night just like the others, when Law found himself restlessly walking around Bartholomeo's ship without being able to fall asleep, his mind always on alert mode and his body cold, just like he was expecting something bad to happen sooner or later. And it was inevitable really, Law knows, and he's aware the only reason it hadn't happened sooner was because he kept avoiding Luffy just like he did at Kyro's house, was because Luffy had so many people and so much food around him that he didn't even notice Law in the background.
But even knowing he couldn't avoid Luffy forever didn't make that fact any easier to swallow, and it still managed to catch him unprepared.
Law had passed by the ridiculously shaped figurehead, resembling Luffy but at the same time looking nothing like him, only a wooden figure with dead eyes, then walked by the area of the mikan trees where he ended up staying for a while, hearing the wind rush through the leaves and enjoying the smell, contrasting with the usual odor of saltwater and reminding him of the scent the Straw-hat's navigator always had on her. He stopped by the stern of the ship and almost touched one of the ornaments occupying each side, looking just like Chopper's antlers, just bigger, way bigger. And there's where Luffy had found him. He didn't make as much noise as Law expected him to, but instead moved quietly, without saying a word, even his sandals not making a sound while hitting the wood of the deck, him approaching Law so slowly it was like he was expecting him to run away. And Law can't blame him, after all, he would do just that if only there was a place he could run to. Instead, Law grabs the railing harder, until his stitched arm starts hurting, until he feels his teeth clenching together, until his whole body goes stiff.
Luffy's gets close to him, too close, standing right next to him, his scent filling Law's nostrils and his presence being too overwhelming despite Law staring blankly into the dark ocean just ahead, pretending nothing is happening. Luffy thanks him from saving his crew and the Sunny from Doflamingo at the beginning, thanks him from saving him at the end, when everything was over and when he lost his strength with Gear Fourth, and then apologizes for letting Law get so badly injured. And it's weird really, how Luffy keeps his voice so low it's barely a whisper, like it's a secret, his tone so soft it's unlike him.
As Law looks down at him for the first time that night, he sees him with his face pointing to the other way, his straw-hat dangling on his neck with the wind and his head slightly ducked, his posture so tense it makes Law wonder if maybe he too didn't know how to approach the subject. It makes Law relax a little bit, his breath coming out like the air was stuck inside of his lungs.
He waits a while until Luffy turns his face to him, looking up with expecting eyes, but Law only gives him a small smile in return, and he hopes Luffy understands what it means. Thank you for defeating Doflamingo despite it not being in our initial plans. Thank you for carrying me around despite how embarrassing it was. Thank you for getting the keys to the handcuffs. Thank you for being my ally. Thank you for coming to Punk Hazard. Thank you for not dying, not now and not two years ago.
And it's weird really, how Luffy truly seems to get it, to get everything, to read right through him much easily than what Nico Robin or Viola could ever do. It makes Law uneasy all over again, and he can't do more than sigh and look ahead again, staring at the nothing in front of them. He feels his head heavy, putting too much pressure on his neck and on his shoulders, and, from the corner of his eye, he notices Luffy still looking at him, with that dumb curious look on his face that he always has when he finds something remotely interesting, probably sensing Law's discomfort. And it all just makes Law truly angry.
"You and your crew were all too reckless. You could've blown everything up," Law tells him after a while of silence, lacking anything better to say but wanting to do something other than stare blankly at the temporary trail left by the ship on the surface of the sea, white foam contrasting with the dark water.
The response gets a few seconds to arrive, and for a moment Law wonders if probably Luffy didn't hear him, but then he let's out a snort, an unpleasant sound, and it makes Law turn his head to look at him, finding nothing on Luffy's face, just a blank expression, still staring at him. "Says the one that I thought had died multiple times."
It's such a raw statement that it catches Law out of guard and feels like a punch in the gut. And it makes him laugh really, a bitter sound leaving his mouth instead of a pleasant one. He really had been close to dying more times than what he wants to think about, more times than what he wants to admit to himself, but he knows that, in reality, it was not like his death would've matter that much. He knows, and he's sure Luffy knows too, that Luffy would bee able to defeat Doflamingo on his own just the same, either Law had been there or not, and it's hard to admit, but it's true. Law always thought he was playing the Straw-hats but, in the end, he was barely even playing himself. "I would've died for a reason."
Luffy crosses his arms in front of his chest then, in defiance, and Law's not surprised to see a frown on his face, and neither is he surprised when the other captain voices out loud his simple mind and his simple logic. "Dying with and without a reason is still dying."
"It's not the same thing and you know it," Law bites back and feels the blood pumping on his ears, his heart beating with the thrill of a conflict emerging, and he can't stop himself from taking it further. "Tell me, did you know Nico Robin-ya used her body to protect me from Doflamingo?"
And it's true, she did it. Even though Law's sure she knew exactly how much she was risking with that action she still decided to do it. Even though she had no way of knowing Cavendish would show up and help them in the end she still did it. And from the look on Luffy's face, he didn't know about that, it being too conveniently omitted on all the conversations and stories that were told regarding that day.
However, Luffy didn't react the way Law wanted him to. In fact, other than his eyes growing a bit bigger, he didn't even move, his face didn't even twitch.
"And?" He just calmly asked, unbothered, and it all made Law grown angrier.
"And what?" Law snaps, hitting the railing with his closed fists, his stitched arm complains but he was too focused on looking at Luffy to notice, too angry at the blank expression he was wearing, impossible to read, impossible to interpret. Luffy doesn't even react to his snapping, almost as if it didn't bother him, almost as if he has nothing to fear from Law, almost as if he doesn't consider him a treat at all. "Why do you allow shit like that?" Law snaps again, getting closer to Luffy, to his face, trying to find a way to provoke a reaction on him, to make him angry. "She could've died for nothing."
The look Luffy gives him then tells him he's pushing it, getting under his nerve, and its exactly what Law was wanting, finding it exciting, thrilling. "Robin's free to do whatever she wants. She wanted to protect you and that's what she did. Dying to protect a friend is not dying for nothing."
"I'm not your friend," Law bites back, low, challenging, but, of course, Luffy reacts with the same lack of fear as he did before, with the same lack of caution.
"Yes, you are," Luffy simply declares instead, and Law knows it's useless to argue with him about that, him being too goddamn stubborn to see the reality in front of him even if it hit him like a brick wall. "And now that you mentioned, Cabbage told me you were willing to die with me if I did."
Of course he did. Of fucking course he did. Law thinks, and it's the only fucking thing his mind does before going completely blank, before turning completely useless. He suddenly feels like a kid all over again, caught by his mother stealing chocolate from the kitchen, and it makes the anger inside of him burn out like the fire of a candle after a blow.
Where you ready to die for me? Where you ready to die for nothing at all as well?
Law prepares himself for those questions, for a remark, to be ridiculed a bit further, but Luffy doesn't ask or say anything similar to that, doesn't mock him, doesn't care. "Did you really think I wouldn't beat Mingo's ass?" Luffy asks instead, and for a moment it almost makes Law laugh, a real laugh, at him, at himself, at this whole fucking situation because of course that's the question that mattered most to Luffy, from all things. Of fucking course. Law should've known better.
"No, I didn't," Law answers, and it may as well be the sincerest thing he has said that night. "But there was a possibility and I was the one who brought you into the mess. It would be only fair."
I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if someone else died at Doflamingo's hands because of me, Law realizes then, and he doesn't need to look at Luffy to know he isn't satisfied with his answer, doesn't even need to look at his face, it being plain obvious on the way Luffy's body twitched, how his posture next to him changed.
It was plainly obvious, and yet he didn't question Law any further, just sighed and frowned, his hands going to rest on his hips. "I was there on my own will. So was my crew. We did what we wanted. It was our choice. Stop being so complicated about things."
And, once again, it's easier said than done. Being overly complicated was Law's design, was a part of him, was a part of his method to make his plans, overthink about everything that could've happened differently in order to come up with the best possible solution. He couldn't just stop, it wasn't that simple.
Law realizes the conversation was pointless. Luffy would never hear him, would never understand his logic, after all he's too obtuse, too stubborn. They fall into silence then, both of them just looking ahead, doing nothing, and he senses Luffy getting impatient after a few minutes, hitting his nails against the railing with a rhythm Law doesn't recognize, hitting with his foot against the deck, the sound of his sandals echoing against the wood, sighing every once in a while.
He doesn't mind the silence, not at all, and deep down he hopes it will make Luffy go away, will make him bored, but time passes by and neither of them moves, Luffy showing no signs of intending to leave him alone anytime soon, and it makes Law feel on edge, uneasy.
"Why didn't you kill him?" Law hears himself ask then, before he has time to think about what he's doing. He needs to know, needs to know what stopped him, what made him think only putting Doflamingo unconscious was good enough.
Law feels his body getting tense while he waits for a response, feels his jaw tightening, but Luffy just shrugs and responds with a simple and childish "Dunno."
It's infuriating really. "You should've."
Luffy moves to look up at him, turning his back to the sea and resting on the railing with his elbows. He looks thoughtful for a while, and Law knows he's taking in the implications of what he just said. "What good would kill him bring anyway. It's not like it would change anything."
It would've changed everything, Law thinks, grabbing the railing until his knuckles turn white. He can't expect Luffy to know in detail what happened in Law's past. And even if he did, Law can't expect Luffy to really understand it, to know what it felt like, to know how it crushed his soul, how it changed Law and turned him to what he is today. As he looks down at Luffy, he can't really expect any of that, but he wants to, so bad it makes him angry.
He swallows hard then, feeling his body so hot with anger he may as well be burning, hearing the voice on his head mocking him. Would you be able to sleep in peace then? Would you eat normally then? Would you celebrate his death? Would it give your life more meaning? Would it make you feel better about yourself, about what happened? And it's too much, just too fucking much, his mind, the silence, the ship, Luffy's eyes still staring at him, expectant, shinny, so full of life and acceptance that he wants to burn them, melt them until they're just two black holes on Luffy's face.
So instead Law hits him, his closed fist hitting Luffy's face so hard he feels the skull against his knuckles, using so much strength that he feels the stitches holding his own arm ripping off. And he hates how much he regrets it right after, hates how loud Luffy's head bangs against the wooden deck, hates how the blood starts dripping from his own knuckles down his fingers, hates how he's not able to say anything before Luffy punches him back, so hard Law feels his whole skull trembling, his ears ringing.
They fight for a while, fighting for dominance, but not to injury each other, using their bare fists, no haky, no weapons, no abilities, just raw punches that hurt so much on their own way. It's brutal, exhausting and exciting all the same, a sudden urge of pure animalistic rage rushing through him, making him feel more alive than what he has ever felt in the past few days, his blood pumping on his ears, boiling hot, his heartbeat racing with every punch he gives and takes.
As Law looks at Luffy, he sees how he's mirroring himself, his eyes looking so predatory and so alive it startles him. It doesn't take long for Luffy to overpower him after that, and before Law knows it, he's falling against the deck with Luffy on top of him, still punching, still breaking his defenses no matter how many times Law tries to bring them up, still fighting despite Law only having enough energy to block a few of his punches. In fact, Luffy only stops when he too gets tired, gasping hard for oxygen, his chest expanding and contracting fast, looking down at Law with a bloody grin before letting himself fall onto the deck too. They stay in silence for a while then, both of them catching their breaths while contemplating the dark sky above them, filled with bright stars.
"If you were fighting against who killed your brother, wouldn't you kill him?" Law asks after a while, his voice low and lacking the anger that was consuming him before.
"I can't give you an answer to that. I don't know what I would do," Luffy answers simply, turning his face side to be able to look at Law, their eyes then meeting. He touches the scar on his chest then, looking vulnerable and still full of determination to make his point across. "I just know it wouldn't bring Ace back."
Law keeps eyes on him, even after Luffy turns his face to the sky again. There's blood everywhere, dripping from their noses and their bruised lips, on their clothes, on the deck underneath them. It's a mess, but Law couldn't care less, too occupied wishing he could just be so bluntly honest like Luffy is, wishing he could express himself and be understood like that.
"You don't need to worry about Mingo anymore. He's not coming back. And even if he did, I would just kick his ass again," Luffy says, staring at the sky and crossing his arms in front of his chest, and Law can't help but believe him, feels the need to do so.
"You know we're not going to sail together for much longer," Law says instead, letting a laugh out once Luffy frowns at him.
"I would find a way," he mutters, and Law doesn't doubt he would.
They stay like that for a while, and Law pretends he doesn't notice Luffy snuggling closer, his head awkwardly pressing against Law's shoulder. Law finds that he doesn't mind it either, actually enjoys his presence, helps him calm down, makes him think about things other than just his misery. But eventually, Luffy starts yawing more and more often and refuses to go to sleep when Law tells him to, refuses to leave him alone and, despite wanting to stay for a bit longer, Law follows him.
Neither of them says anything as they cross the ship to go to the men's quarters, there's no need to. However, once they get to the door, Law stops with his hand on the handle and looks back at Luffy. He wants to say thank you, to say something, but the words get caught in his throat once his eyes catch Luffy's, him looking straight him with a soft and sleepy expression on his face.
Law ends up not saying anything at all, finds that he's unable to, just uses his room to fix the mess of their faces, to treat the swelling and the cuts. The blood could be dealt with in the morning. Luffy gives him a small smile after Law's done, and it's almost like he knows, like he understands what goes through Law's mind, and he tries not to think too much about it once he finds himself a bed, tries not to overthink.
Surprisingly, Law has no nightmares that night.
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Nodus Tollens - the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.
Mamihlapinatapai – a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin.