Hey there^^
So this chapter took a little longer to upload than what I first anticipated. The hot stuff for you horny readers will come in the next chapter, but for now, I hope you enjoy ~
One night, Law dreams that he can't wake up. He knew it was a dream from the beginning but let it play either way. It all started quite normally, just a dream where one revives past daily events, him just eating and walking around the deck like he normally does when awake. It only shifted when he couldn't bear with it anymore and went to bed to force himself to wake up, ending up just waking up in another dream, like in another reality, the same room but a different feeling, a different ambiance, darker, scarier, more uneasy. And it all became worse from there.
Every time he tried to wake up, he just managed to get himself into another dream, just like getting through layer after layer, and it all became progressively more difficult to do so. The room kept getting smaller and smaller, and the people sleeping around him started to disappear, one after another, until there was just his bed in the men's quarters, until he couldn't move any part of his body except for his eyes, watching as the walls started to close on him but without being able to stand up and leave through the door, it so close and shiny, inviting but so out of reach. He could hear Doflamingo's laugh and his footsteps in the background, getting closer and louder, could feel his strings inside of his body, moving around through his veins, ripping him apart from the inside out, but he still couldn't move his limbs to get away, and it only made him more and more anxious as time went by.
He doesn't remember what happened after that, just knows that he woke up, for real this time, because he could feel every single one of his muscles hurting, his heart racing inside of his ribcage, pumping the blood through his veins so loudly and so fast it made him nauseous, his lungs not expanding enough to get the amount of oxygen he needed. It took him a while to be able to get up and leave the men's quarters and, once he finally did, he only managed to stumble towards the door, gasping for air and shaking so violently he couldn't even stand on his legs properly, just like a baby deer.
He made way more noise than what he intended to on his way out, but no one woke up or followed him to check what was wrong, and for that he's thankful. He wouldn't be able to explain what happened, wouldn't be able to explain what fucked him so badly, wouldn't be able to explain how terrifying his nightmare was, the details quickly dissipating from his mind, getting blurred, like it never even happened at all.
Once he finally gets outside, the cold air of the dawn hits his sweaty skin like swords, gluing his clothes against his body. Taking off his hat, he runs a hand through his damp hair, wanting to pull it off chunk by chunk but not having enough energy to do so. He walks towards the railing without paying much attention to where his legs were taking him, the ship's movement suddenly getting too much for him to handle, too overwhelming, the waves crashing against the wood being too loud. He vomits everything he managed to put inside of his stomach during dinner onto the sea, only stopping when there's no food left to throw up and he just starts spitting saliva and bile, leaving a sour taste on his throat and a trail down his chin.
He feels miserable and pathetic, and just so vulnerable that he wouldn't mind if his body decided to give up and fall overboard, wouldn't even try to call for help or fight against his inevitable drowning. But he doesn't. In fact, he doesn't have time to get himself back together before someone approaches him, cautiously and without making any noise.
"Oi, you okay there?" Law hears then and turns around, taking a full look on the guy in front of him, a member of Bartolomeo's crew, someone so irrelevant that Law doesn't remember ever seeing him around the ship before, but having a face that now he's positive he's not going to forget so soon.
Realizing then that he left his sword in the men's quarters before stumbling out, Law makes his way towards the guy and grabs him by his neck with one hand, his fingers curling around it, his fingernails digging into the skin. He tightens his grip until he sees the guy's face turning red, gasping for air and trying to break free from Law's hand but without having enough strength to do so, a pathetic weak thing.
And then Law sees it, the look in the guy's eyes, the expression on his face, so full of fear that Law can almost smell it emanating in the air. It's so different from the way he got used to the straw-hats looking at him, and God, he has missed that, has missed being feared, has missed the terror on other people's eyes while looking at him and fearing what he might do, has missed the panic, the shaking, the fast breathing, all because of him, of what he is, of what he's able to do. It makes him feel like a wild animal, his heart hammering hard against his ribcage, the blood pumping furiously in his ears, loud and demanding for more, the voice on his head telling him to hit the guy, to break his nose until it turns into a hole on his skull, to cut him open until his guts fall off, to peel all of his skin until there's only flesh and muscle showing.
But Law shuts the voice off once the guy starts squirming and digging his nails deep into Law's hand, although he barely has time to register the pain before the realization of what he's doing hits him like a sea train. Law lets the guy go then, watching as his body falls onto the deck like dead weight, gasping for air and shaking violently. He gets up and tries to run away, barely being able to stand on his feet, but Law easily grabs him once more once he manages to, this time on the fabric of the guy's shirt, bringing his face closer to his own.
"You didn't see a thing," Law says then, low and menacingly, and only lets the guy go once he starts shaking his head furiously, tears falling from his eyes and running down his cheek, sobbing so violently his breaths come out as big and loud gushes of oxygen.
Law watches as he stumbles his way inside afterwards, disappearing and leaving Law all alone with his thoughts in the darkness of the night. The waves continue to crash violently against the ship. No one wakes up or comes out through the door, and it's just like nothing had happened at all. He wonders then what Luffy would think if he saw what Law did, wonders if he would interfere right away or wait to see what Law would do next, wonders if he would say anything at all, ask the reasons behind his action, disapprove it, mock him. Wonders if Luffy's trust on him would still be the same if he found out, if he would break his alliance with him right away, if he would also look at him in the same terrifying way as the guy did.
He doesn't go back to bed for the rest of the night, his mind too occupied, his body too drained out of energy. Instead, he finds himself a place to sit on the deck, away from sight, and watches as the sun starts to rise not long after that, people then starting to wake up and gathering in the kitchen for breakfast.
No one notices him until it's way past midday. No one confronts him about what happened either.
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Law doesn't really know why, but he starts training with Zoro regularly after that day, whenever the swordsman asks him too and until his own body is purely exhausted. He enjoys it probably way more than what he should have, enjoying the way he's able to feel his stitched arm regaining the strength it once had with each practice, enjoying how Zoro gets completely focused on him throughout the entire time, looking at him as an enemy but never once attacking in a way that could injure Law if he wasn't able to block it on time. He enjoys the fact that he has something to do, something to pass the time with instead of walking aimlessly through the ship. Enjoys the fact that Zoro doesn't take pity on Law's injured arm, and even tries to take advantage of that, pushing Law further with each attack. Enjoys the fact that he doesn't need to use his devil fruit abilities, it not being necessary as their swords and raw strength are enough to keep them occupied for hours.
But most importantly, and probably most surprisingly, Law enjoys the fact that each training with Zoro has Luffy's close supervision, no matter how much time their practice ends up taking. Enjoys the fact that Luffy keeps himself nearby whenever they start drawing their swords, and doesn't go away until it's all over, watching their match intently, his eyes digging holes on Law's back, making him feel self-conscious about his poor shape every time Zoro overpowers him, but also tremendously proud of himself whenever he's able to knock the other swordsman to his feet. Enjoys how in the end Luffy gives both of them a slight nod of approval before disappearing to do something else, as if nothing had happened at all.
Law knows the idea behind the trainings must have been Luffy's, him probably getting annoyed about Law's boring routine, and that fact somehow makes his chest warm up. Sometimes the trainings are a pain in the ass, sure, getting him exhausted and bruised by the end, but he finds out that he doesn't mind that fact one single bit. He feels his body getting stronger and his mood getting lighter by the day, mostly because being productive makes him feel less of a burden, less of a waste.
But, unfortunately, that doesn't mean his life suddenly became any easier, or neither does it make the nightmares go away, not even when he just collapses on his bed like a dead corpse, all his muscles twitching inside of his body with exhaustion, not needing to do much to fall asleep on top of the covers. If only, it makes them even worse, him not having enough strength to fight them back or to control his twisted mind and racing heart afterwards.
So, he starts borrowing some books from Bartolomeo's crew doctor too, trying to keep his mind occupied whenever he can, finding Nico Robin's company underneath the shade of the mikan trees, her eyes too occupied scanning the book on her lap to pay him much attention. But Law only manages to keep focused on what he's reading a few pages at a time, finding it hard to concentrate on the words in front of him whenever Luffy appears on the deck, making too much noise and running around with Usopp following him closely.
In fact, it's only when they disappear that Law manages to get through the one phrase he already read multiple times. And it's also then that Nico Robin decides to break the silence.
"Something seems to be bothering you," she says, her voice calm and without looking at him, instead flipping a page over and resting her chin on her palm, almost like she's talking to herself more than to Law. "Perhaps, it is due to the small amount of sleep you have been having?"
"I'm sleeping just fine," Law ends up responding, and it sounds like a lie even to his own ears.
"I see," she mutters, momentarily looking at him and giving him a smile before looking away towards her captain, appearing once again on the deck, this time with fishing equipment on both of his hands. Law watches as he settles himself not far away from them, sitting on the railing with his legs dangling out of the ship and tossing the fishing line into the sea, his bare upper body exposed to the sunlight and yelling at Usopp at how he's going to catch the biggest fish. "In any case," Nico Robin continues, smiling down at his book once more, "may I just say that sleeping with someone makes the nightmares less fearful."
Her words catch Law by surprise, making him look away from Luffy's back and clench his teeth together so hard his head starts hurting with the pressure of his jaw and the flux of blood pumping through his system, boiling hot with a sudden and unexplainable rage. Suddenly, as he looks at the book in front of him again, he can only see red. "What the fuck do you even know," he manages to spit out.
"I have had my fair share of nightmares," and she says it so carelessly and so normally that it makes Law want to punch her, make a sarcastic comment, but fuck if he isn't sure that's true as hell.
So, instead, he keeps his mouth shut and tries to calm himself under the raw scrutiny and silence that falls over them. He tries to resume his reading, but everything is suddenly too much for his senses, the sun being too bright despite him being under the trees' shade, Nico Robin's eyes on him being too heavy and making him feel uneasy and nauseous, like he's being turned open and analyzed from the inside out. He stays still for a while though, staring at the damn book despite not reading another word, listening to Luffy and Usopp's laughter in the background as they catch fish after fish, alongside with the sound of the waves crashing against the ship rhythmically and the seagulls just above.
It's weird how he's always the one acting differently, feeling out of place, being an emotional wreck. It's weird how everything around him is serene and peaceful, both during the day and the night, both with and without people. It's weird how he's never really able to fit in, to enjoy the parties to the fullest like the others do, to be able to appreciate small things like reading a book or fishing without his mind turning his thoughts upside down. As he looks at Luffy once more, he cannot feel anything more than pure jealousy. He wishes he too could enjoy the warm sun against his skin, getting rid of all the layers he always uses, wishes he could just so casually declare he will catch the dinner and promptly laugh out loud at the sky with every fish he catches.
As Law looks at Luffy's bare back, he wishes he could touch his skin too, wishes he could feel Luffy's muscles against his fingertips, run his hands down Luffy's soft rubber skin. Wishes he could grab Luffy's hair and dig into his exposed neck, feel the saltiness of the sea that Law's sure he has on him with his own tongue, leave a trail of red marks with his teeth behind.
The thought catches him by surprise and suddenly he feels like Nico Robin's still looking at him, now for an entirely different reason, reading Law's intentions towards her captain like an open book but, as he looks at her from the corner of his eye, he realizes she's not paying him any mind at all. It makes him feel weird, uneasy, uncomfortable and the feeling doesn't go away even when he raises up and storms off towards the kitchen, seeking a quiet and empty space to be left alone.
However, it's only when he's halfway in that he notices Zoro, sitting casually in the corner, a sword placed on his lap while the others were leaning against the wall right next to him. He looks at Law with his good eye and a raised eyebrow for a while, his face turning into an expression that Law can't quite read before he focuses once more on his sword, his movements gentle but precise.
As Law notices all the empty bottles of beer surrounding the other swordsman, he suddenly realizes just how dry his mouth and throat are. He opens the fridge mechanically and drinks down half a bottle of the first beer he sees in one go, feeling as the liquid makes his way down his system.
"Bring one for me too," Zoro tells him and Law complies without putting too much thought into it as he does so. Law grabs a chair along the way and puts it right in front of Zoro, handing him the beer and watching as he takes a few gulps before putting the bottle away, now empty, with a loud burp followed by a satisfied sigh.
With half of his own beer still on his hand, Law watches as Zoro resumes what he was doing before Law's interruption, taking care of his sword and ignoring Law's eyes on him entirely, his fingers moving along the length of the blade as if they're one with it.
"You seem troubled," Zoro states, not even looking up at Law, instead inspecting his work, bringing his blade to his eye level, the sunlight entering through the window behind him making it shine, making it look powerful, alive. He puts it away and grabs another, starting the process all ovee. "Robin sure does have that effect on people when she wants to."
Law decides not to respond to that, but Zoro doesn't seem to mind that at all. Instead, Law drinks the rest of his beer and puts the empty bottle alongside all the other ones on the floor, bringing out his own sword and placing it carefully on top of his thighs to clean and sharpen it like he should've done a long time ago, focusing on the soft rhythm of Zoro movements while doing so. Law feels the heaviness of Kikoku, feels the power contained on the blade, and for a while he doesn't notice the time passing by, doesn't notice Zoro finishing his two remaining swords, doesn't notice him looking at him with his good eye in silence, his mind too much of a mess.
"You killed Pika," Law hears himself saying without thinking, looking up just in time to see Zoro raising one eyebrow at him, giving him a prudent and dangerous look and, at first, Law thinks that he may have interpreted his words wrongly, that he has taken them has an accusation, but overall, Zoro doesn't seem too affected by the question, only nodding in response.
They fall into silence again and Law tries to concentrate on his sword, tries to figure out what words to say next, but he finds quickly that he's unable too, not with Zoro still looking at him, waiting, analyzing, not having anything else to do.
"You wished Luffy had killed Doflamingo, don't you?" Zoro asks him then, his voice cold and annoyed, like he already knew what Law wanted to say but didn't have the patience to wait for Law to actually say it. Zoro sighs when he doesn't get an immediate response, Law being too caught out of guard, and just raises from his seat, grabbing his swords and putting a hand on Law's shoulder. "There's no need to think too much about it now, he's just not like us," he says, then leaving Law all alone in the kitchen, Kikuko still on his lap.
It makes Law want to laugh then, to break all the furniture in the kitchen, to drink all the alcohol stored in the fridge, but he doesn't. Instead, he finishes cleaning his sword and heads out, feeling the soft breeze hitting his face as the sun starts to set on the horizon.
"Torao! Look!" He hears and easily spots Luffy in the middle of the deck, a big fish on his hands and a proud grin on his face, the Straw-Hats and Bartolomeo's crew closely inspecting the pile of fishes both him and Usopp had caught in a spam of a few hours. "We're gonna eat like kings tonight!"
Law cracks a smile at him, approaching the group and letting Luffy enthusiastically explain how he managed to catch so many and how difficult and powerful the last one was. As he looks down at Luffy, grinning and moving his hands around frantically while telling the details, Law realizes just how true Zoro's words are, just how different from everyone that Law has ever met Luffy is.
They do eat like kings later that night, just like Luffy said they would. In fact, they have so much food that they end up extending the dinner for hours throughout the night, with plenty of alcohol to drink alongside with it. Sitting in the deck against the railing with Zoro and Franky, somehow separated from the rest of the group and with enough food and sake for twenty people surrounding them, Law finds himself occupied watching as Luffy and Bartolomeo sang out loud some song that he doesn't know the name of before his eyes stop on a familiar face, looking straight at him. Easily recognizing him, Law stares back and the guy seems visibly frightened, quickly disappearing from Law's vision.
Law has seen the guy around the ship a few times after their incident, him quickly vanishing into thin air every time they happened to cross paths, but has never once seen him during meals or other situations that involved more people than only both of them, and that alone is enough to make Law feel on edge. For a moment, he contemplates the idea of going after him, frightening him some more, threatening him, but he decides against it once he realizes it would probably only make things worse for himself. Come to think of it, Law can't stop but find it weird how the whole incident had no repercussions whatsoever, how it was never once brought up again, how no one besides them seems to know what happened. Law was expecting the guy to tell his captain right away, was expecting him to at least tell something to his crewmembers, was expecting a confrontation of some sort, a discussion, a fight, just something, but nothing ever happened, and Law found it utterly frustrating just how easily he got away with it.
More so than expecting something to happen, Law was hoping it did and, as Law redirects his eyes to Luffy and Bartolomeo once more, he feels the sudden urge to get up and walk towards them, feels the sudden urge to tell Bartolomeo how he grabbed the neck of one of his men and how he could've broken it, feels the sudden urge to slice him open and watch as the blood pours out, watch as the life leaves his body until he can't sing along with Luffy no more. But, once again, he doesn't, instead remaining sat with sake on his hand and food on his lap, glaring to every person in front of him, feeling his blood boiling hot as he watches Bartolomeo drool over Luffy, following like a puppy, trying to catch his attention so desperately it's painful and pitiful to watch.
Law goes earlier to bed than everyone else, feeling too out of place and too stressed to be able to pretend he was enjoying the banquet more than what he strictly needed to. While laying down in the darkness, he's still able to hear everyone outside enjoying themselves, singing and chatting so loudly it's almost like Law is right there in the deck with them. But, even so, he's able to fall asleep in no time, muttering under his breath how annoying every single fucking person outside the men's quarters is, sliding into unconsciousness as easily as a tired child.
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One night, Law dreams about being chained to his own bed with seastone handcuffs, making him unable to set himself free and draining out his energy. He's alone in a dark room with nothing inside besides him and the bed, positioned right in the middle of it and exposed from all sides. He feels something crawling inside of him and, as he looks down to his stomach, his whole torso bare naked, he sees the skin moving as if something's underneath, as if his intestines are moving around like snakes. The bulge gets bigger as Law tries to frantically get himself free from the handcuffs, twitching his limbs in pain, almost dislocating his shoulder, but nothing seems to work, they're too thigh against his wrists and ankles and he's too tired, too weak. As times passes by, Law gets more and more agitated, and so does the thing inside of his belly, squirming around and eating his organs, making him cry in pain and beg for help, calling for every name that comes to his mind, Shachi, Penguin, Beppo, Jean, Luffy, Luffy, Luffy.
Then he hears footsteps approaching, hitting the floor in a rhythm that only increases his panic as they get louder and louder, Doflamingo then laughing hysterically once he enters the room, standing tall over Law and completely blocking the light coming through the door. He tells Law he's there to help him, pressing a cold hand against Law's torso and pressing him down onto the mattress, keeping Law still while cutting his skin open with his strings from the thorax down to his belly button, then laughing as vermin start to erupt from Law's insides, falling onto the floor and spreading through the rest of Law's body.
Law tries to get himself free from Doflamingo's grip but finds that he's unable to, that he's unable to make his body react to his intentions, instead staying still like he's frozen, like he has been sedated and is laying half-dead on the bed, only capable of moving his eyes to look around his surroundings, to see as Doflamingo's face twitches into a wide toothy grin, to watch as he suddenly gets surrounded by people using medical equipment, their faces so covered Law's not able to see anything other than their dead eyes. They start talking among each other, but Law doesn't understand what they're saying, too focused on the wound on his belly, now free of vermin but fully open and exposed, his internal organs displayed like the mannequins on his medical classes, moving and contracting with the flow of oxygen and blood. Then, Law realizes how he's no longer tied to the bed but is instead missing his limbs altogether, his arms being cut by the shoulders while his legs remain only down to his knees, bloody and rusty staples stitching the skin together in a disturbing and disgusting way.
Law joints awake then, fully covered in sweat and gasping for air, frantically checking his body and touching his torso, trying to reassure his confused brain how it was all just a nightmare and how he's not missing any limb.
He stumbles to get out of bed, stepping on the covers he had tossed to the floor on his sleep, and heads outside towards the bathroom to wash his face, the cold water then touching his sweaty skin and making him shiver. He stays there for a long while, just pouring water onto his face and letting it drip down his neck, then looking at his reflection in the dirty mirror just above the sink, repeating to himself out loud that it was all just a nightmare, that none of it was real, that he's safe. He lets the words sink in before venturing outside, feeling a lot more put together although his legs are still shaky and his mind is still a blur.
He's about to enter the men's quarters again when he hears a noise coming from the deck, putting him on high alert and at verge despite the rational side of his brain telling him he's safe there, that Doflamingo is way too far away do be able to catch up with them that easily. Even so, he heads towards the deck cautiously, walking slowly and silently, getting ready to use his room and to attack if necessary, but then he sees Luffy leaving the ship's figure, stretching his arms and yawning loudly. Law stays quiet for a while, just watching as Luffy heads to the railing, resting his elbows on the wood and leaning his body against it, looking down at the water, his straw-hat dangling in the back of his neck with the cool breeze of the night.
Law wonders then if he should approach him, maybe even attempt to give him a playful jump scare, wonders if instead he should just leave him be, go back to the men's quarters and pretend he didn't even see him there, wonders what course of action Luffy would prefer, wonders if he wants company at all, wonders why he's there at that hour of the night in the first place. Deciding he would be better off alone, Law starts doing his way back to the room, but he's only able to take a few steps before he stops on his track, hearing his name being called behind him. As he turns around, he sees Luffy waving at him, motioning for him to approach, to come closer, to keep him company.
"It's late," Luffy tells shim once Law gets close enough, and he can't stop himself from rolling his eyes in response to Luffy's obvious statement. "Any reason in specific to be awake?"
It gets Law by surprise and, for a moment, he curses his stupidity for not continuing his way to his bed like he first intended, for not ignoring Luffy's call, for not pretending he didn't even saw him there. "I could ask you the same thing," Law tells him instead, avoiding the question altogether.
"Touché," Luffy laughs and gestures vaguely with his hand, his laugh not having any trace of happiness at all and, as Luffy looks away towards the dark sea, Law notices unusual dark circles underneath his eyes, although they're barely even noticeable under the faint moonlight.
Law notices Luffy getting uncomfortable with the more he stares at him, senses him getting anxious, scratching the back of his neck and keeping his gaze focused on anything other than Law, and it makes him wonder if Luffy's feeling like he's been analyzed, like he's being read, just like Law has felt so many times already throughout the past few days. It makes him wonder what is going through Luffy's mind, what he's thinking, what he's hiding, what he's afraid of, it makes him want to know, but he doesn't ask anything, doesn't comment on how tired Luffy looks, doesn't ask if he has been sleeping alright. Instead, he averts his eyes from him, looking straight ahead, the sea in front of them more calm than normal and unusually silent, feeling how his sweaty skin cools off and makes him shiver as the breeze hits his body.
They stay like that for a while, just enjoying the view in each other company, but he senses Luffy getting impatient next to him, hitting his foot against the wooden deck.
"How long until Zou?" Luffy asks out of a blue, and Law suspects it's more of a way of making conversation than anything else.
"Around a week, I suppose," Law responds, and it's received with a dramatic reaction, Luffy letting his head fall onto his arms on the railing, whinning about how the whole thing is taking too long for his liking.
"I miss my friends," Luffy tells him, pouting like a child, and Law surprisingly finds that he can't really blame him. "Do you miss your crew too?"
Too damn much, Law thinks, but ends up just responding just a simple "yes". It has been so damn long since he has seen his crew, since he has seen his friends, since he has let Beppo give him one of his bear hugs, since he has heard Shachi and Penguin talking shit at each other and laughing out loud right after. It has been so damn long.
"Yeah, I bet you do," Luffy says and gives him a small smile, understanding what Law's going through, knowing what's like to be separated from his own crew too damn well. "Can't wait to meet them properly."
Law remembers then the events after the Battle of Marineford, remembers how no one from his men blinked an eye in opposition of Luffy's rescue, remembers how every single one of them was determined to save him and to make sure he would live despite neither of them having even spoken to him before, remembers how they did that just because Law told them to, no question asked. Law remembers Luffy laying on the bed of the medical ward of his submarine, half dead and covered in bloody bandages that were a pain in the ass to change, attached to all the machines they had on board just to be able to have his heartbeat stabilized but even so barely breathing on his own.
As Law looks at Luffy once more, he can't stop himself from wondering if the scar on his chest still hurts from time to time, wondering if he too relieves his traumas and has nightmares about his brother's death, wondering if they're as vivid as Law's, if they're as terrifying, if they also make him vomit and wake up covered in sweat. But, once again, Law keeps his mouth shut and doesn't ask him anything, instead appreciating the silence and peacefulness before Luffy gets tired of it once more.
"How's your arm? Do the stitches hurt?"
"Not really," Law says, raising his arm and moving it around. "It just feels strange at times."
"I see," Luffy says, watching Law's movements intently. "You've been doing good with Zoro."
Law rolls his eyes in response, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Don't act like it wasn't your idea."
"I only told Zoro to do it on the first time. I had nothing to do with the other trainings," Luffy says, bringing his hands up in surrender but laughing softly, silence then falling over them yet again, although this time it's different, heavier, more uneasy, but Law can't quite pinpoint how. "I like to watch you while you fight, you know."
"How so?"
"I don't know, I just can't bring myself to look away," Luffy simply responds, shrugging and it's ironic how he promptly looks away right after, avoiding Law's eyes like the plague.
Law finds it hard to come up with anything to say after that, finds it hard to also look away from Luffy then. He wants Luffy to explain further, wants him to say if that's why he always watches his trainings with Zoro from beginning to end, wants to know if he likes what he sees. But, once again, Law keeps his mouth shut, unable to form proper words, too afraid of the answers he could receive, and soon enough Luffy's yawning loudly, rubbing at his eyes with his closed fists like a small child.
"You should go to sleep," Law tells him instead, his voice sounding cold and distant even to his own ears, although Luffy seems completely unaware of it and just nods in agreement.
"You commin' too?" Luffy asks, sounding just like an invitation and, for a moment, Robin's words play inside of his head over and over again. Sleeping with someone makes the nightmares less fearful. As Law looks at Luffy though, he sees nothing more than sleepiness, his eyes glazed and yet so fucking inviting it's hard to tell him that he's staying for a while longer, and it's even fucking harder to watch him go away, stopping just before entering the men's quarters to wave at him a goodnight, then disappearing and leaving Law all alone in the deck.
Touching his chest with his hand, Law feels his heart beating hard against his ribcage, and he has to remind himself how that is what feels like to be alive. He wishes Cora-san was there with him to give him advice, wonders what he would say, wonders if he would laugh at his face and at his choices, wonders if he and Luffy would get along. As he looks up at the dark sky, he remembers Sengoku's words and plays them over his head, seeking some kind of comfort in them.
"And you live your life as you like. That's what he would say."
When Law finally goes to sleep later that night, he heads to his bed like he normally does, walking on a straight path and passing by all the other beds with people snoring loudly, completely unaware of everything. However, he stops by Luffy's bed almost unconsciously, noticing how instead of occupying it all like he normally does when fast asleep, it has a lot of space left behind him, his body curled into a ball near the edge. Before he has time to stop himself, Law gets himself underneath the covers and lays down next to him, back against back, the bed creaking with the sudden addition of weight. He has a hard time falling asleep, his mind being a mess, thinking about how weird it all is but not managing to regain enough energy to get up and leave to his own bed.
Much to Law's surprise, neither of them wake up until much later in the morning.
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Nodus Tollens - the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.
Mamihlapinatapai – a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin.