Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney the great and powerful. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Oh, what the heck, I'm pretty sure that I've never used a theme song from a James Bond film before.

I don't need love, for what good will love do me?
Diamonds never lie to me.

Diamonds Are Forever

Kim did not sleep well. Worry about Shego's wound, feelings of guilt that she might somehow be responsible, fear that Shego had committed some crime that would negate her legal status all conspired against the forces of Morpheus.

In one of the rare moments of doze Kim was awakened by a pounding on the cabin door. She stumbled over to answer it.

"Will? What– Is Shego okay?"

"Ms Jade is anything but okay. She is in a state of high dudgeon and demanded I investigate why you aren't answering your phone."

"Dead battery."

"Dead battery?"

"Yes, the reason I didn't answer my phone... Aren't you supposed to be guarding her?"

"Which is the reason she appointed me the whipping boy for her demands."

"You shouldn't have left her!"

"The alternative to playing errand boy was to subdue her with a tranquilizer gun. And while it appeared an attractive option I decided that verification of your status might be more appropriate."

"Do you know why she wanted to call me?"

"I was not privy to her reasoning, or hysteria. She–"

"Hysteria? She's hysterical?"

"That is my evaluation of her condition. She seemed unusually upset by her inability to communicate with you."

"Maybe she was just concerned that whoever wounded her would come back and I was a victim," suggested Kim. "Maybe she's afraid I found whatever it is I'm here to guard."

"I will tell her your phone is inoperative from lack of power, but that you appear in a reasonable state of... You appear to be in a state of not having had sufficient sleep."

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious. And you could just tell her the phone battery died." "Yeah, tired. Worried about Shego. How does she seem?"

"Clearly she is out from under the anesthesia – which allowed her to sleep well. I assume she has a considerable level of pain from her wound, but her inability to communicate with you appeared to be her primary concern."

"Pain? How much–"

"She did not deign to make me privy to her pain. Her threat presented me with the choices of either checking on your own health immediately or experiencing a plasma enema."

"Thanks for watching her, Will. I appreciate it. I hope she will too, when she calms down."

"Would you like to return to the infirmary with me? I don't know if there are official visiting times, but as a Global Justice agent you–"

"I'm allowing for the possibility there's something here she wants me to guard. Tell her I'm here and fine."

"I hope that will be sufficient to placate the harridan," muttered Du as he returned to the infirmary.

Several minutes later the cabin phone rang. Kim answered, "Hello?"

"You got a lousy battery on your phone, Princess. A phone with a bad battery isn't healthy. It could have injured agent starch-in-his-underpants here."

"Starch? I told you it was–"

"I'm talking about the way he acts."

"So why didn't you try your cabin phone?"

"I wasn't thinking, okay? You try waking up from anesthesia with your arm looking like something from the movie, 'Revenge of the Mummy' and see how clearly you're thinking. For that matter, try using your phone with only your left hand."

"Can I pass on that, I'll just believe what you're... How are you?"

"Feeling like an idiot."

"I'm asking about pain."

"There's a lot of pain. But feeling like an idiot may be worse. I can't believe he got the drop on me, it's been years since–"

"It's my fault, isn't it? I distracted you and–"

"How about you just shut up. It's my job to protect my own ass, not yours. And I did a fucking bad job of it."

"You knew there was someone looking to kill you?"

"No. I mean, there's always the chance someone was looking to settle and old score, but I didn't–"

"Someone from Thailand, where you stole a large blue gem?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Package on your desk here. You ditched me in Solna yesterday!"

"Maybe," admitted Shego.

"And, if it wasn't stolen you would have gone to the post office with me instead of ditching me."

"Anyone could have mailed it to me."

"Sure," snorted Kim. "Someone mailed you a sapphire that size as a gift? And it doesn't change the fact you ditched me!" She hoped that didn't sound as childish to Shego as it had to her the second it slipped out of her mouth.

Shego had other thoughts. Kim hadn't found the diamond. It was too well hidden. Or maybe she wouldn't recognize it as a diamond. Shego felt certain the attempted assassin hadn't found the diamond. But she could be wrong. She assumed he had found one of the dummies and thought his mission was complete. His mission, in Shego's mind, should have just been to retrieve the rock. Maybe the Thai government official was really taking it personally. Maybe his agent thought there would be some gold star for him, and a nice bonus, if Shego were killed – a cherry on the top of a job well done. "Hey, there is no stolen sapphire anywhere in my cabin," Shego assured Kim. "And you and me need to agree on defining the word 'steal' I–"

"We both know what 'steal' means," Kim shot back.

"Do we? We can debate that later. And I'll be back to my cabin as soon as they let me out of this prison they call an infirmary. I'm hoping they'll spring me when the doctor takes a look... A half hour or so." Shego felt a desperate need for reassurance that the diamond was still there, but not desperate enough to tell Kim where to look for it.

"Okay, I'm going to try and grab a nap. Oh, charging cords? Any chance I can plug in my phone?"

"Drawer in the little nightstand by... You didn't find them when you were ransacking the cabin?"

"I didn't ransack your cabin."

"You said you found some a blue stone of some kind, you claimed it was a sapphire."

"I found three or four. And I wasn't ransacking your cabin. I kept finding them when I was cleaning up your blood. And they were all fakes, and there is no way someone is going to attack you for a fake so–"

"Could have just attacked me for the hell of it," suggested Shego. "Some pervert, hide in a woman's cabin and attack her. Maybe he's got some weird fetish where he hides fake jewels around the cabin first, just to confuse the Global Justice agent who gets stuck–"

"Can it, Shego. There was, or still is, some stolen sapphire in this cabin."

"And I told you, there is not, nor has there ever been – to the best of my knowledge – a stolen sapphire in that cabin. And we will talk about the word steal later."

"No we won't! Shego, I... I have to report that you're still stealing things! I... You..."

"You won't report a damn thing until we've talked. No one, and I mean no one in the entire fucking world, is going to accuse me of stealing anything in that cabin."

"She's lying," Kim thought at the call ended. "Just like she lied about ditching me in Solna. I should tell Rose..." Should she tell Rose? Okay, she should – but did she have to do it now? Was it possible Shego didn't have a stolen sapphire in the cabin? Could Shego have some sort of story that made sense and exonerated her from any crime? Kim doubted it. She had to face the prospect of arresting Shego. She didn't want to, but it was her job. Maybe Shego would find some way to escape first. There was no way Shego could beat Kim in a fight with her right arm out of action.

Kim found a charging cord and plugged in her phone. Even a half hour would restore some life to the battery. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep, but lay down again.

Half an hour later the cabin phone awoke her. "Huh?"

"Princess? You sound–"

"I'm beat. Where are you? You were going to–"

"Idiot doctor thinks I should stay here – even threatening to send me to a hospital in Copenhagen when we dock there. Now, under normal circumstances I'd be happy to punch him in the nose and just walk, but I'd also have to take out secret agent man here too, and when he came to–"

Will's voice could be heard protesting in the background, "You would find yourself unable to defeat me! I am–"

"Shut up," snarled Shego. "Anyway, Princess," she said, addressing Kim again, "I was wondering about maybe playing happy camper here for a few hours. No point in giving the boy scout here a black eye until necessary. Can I impose on you to watch my cabin for a little longer? I'm sure I can find some way to repay you for your act of kindness. Some way you'll love."

"I want to find the man who–"

"You need sleep. And I said I'd repay you... Something with silk sheets? That doesn't sound–"

"You won't interfere with me doing my job. I will arrest you if–"

"You damn well won't arrest me. You're still the do-gooder little high school kid I used to–"

Kim hung up, angry with Shego for trying to seduce her. Kim had a job to do, she would do it. She looked at her phone. It was mostly charged, and she left it plugged in as she called Rose Gardner to give a report.

"Interesting," mused the senior agent. "It does sound like Shego might have a stolen gem of some sort." Something about a large blue gem and Thailand sounded familiar, but she couldn't remember any details.

"Should I be looking for it?"

"I... I'm not sure. If Shego stole a gem, and she was suspected as the thief, there would be a warrant of some sort out on her. I'll check again. To the best of my knowledge there are no charges of any sort out on her. Why would anyone send an assassin out rather than trying to make an arrest? Could she be a courier of some sort?"

"A job delivering valuable property from one place to another?"

"As a possibility. There may be other options that would leave your Ms Jade innocent of any wrongdoing."

"Then why doesn't she tell me what–"

"I've got no idea, Kim. I said a courier was one option, there may be others. I don't know what is going on."

"Should I search for the jewel?"

"We're in international waters. You have no search warrant. The fact she asked you to stay in her cabin might be seen as implicit permission. Still I think the safest course of action would be for you to not search, unless I discover she is being sought for a crime."

When the call ended Agent Gardner went on line to see if Shego's legal status had changed, and used a search engine to try and discover whatever had caused blue gem and Thailand to ring a faint bell in the back of her mind.

Kim was able to fall asleep.

The call from Ron awakened her. "You okay, KP? Your phone went dead, and when I tried to call you back–"

"Dead battery."

"Oh. How's Shego?"

"Hurting, but she didn't blame me... I'm not sure what's going on with her, legally. I'm scared she might have stolen something, but I really don't want to arrest her. I... I think she tried to seduce me to let her go."

"Seduce you?"

"Well, she offered... I mean, would she do that if she was innocent?"

"I'm not sure either of you count as innocent."

"Ron! You know what I mean."

"Not sure, Kim. Yeah, I'd be worried she's guilty of something. So, how tempted were you?"

"None of your business, and very. And then she called me a high-school kid and I hung up on her."

"Very mature of you."

"She started it! I'm not a high-school kid."

"Very mature of her too. I'm starting to think the two of you deserve each other."

Kim changed the subject, "Anyway, I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm catching up now."

"Okay, I'll let you... Did I wake you up?"

"Yes."

"Good. I owe you a couple more for this trip."

"Sorry, Ron."

"No problem, KP. I'm flattered you need my help to figure out your love life."

Kim laughed nervously and the call ended.

She managed her largest block of sleep between the end of Ron's call and Shego's next call. "Idiot doctor wants to keep me... Maybe not bad idea, but I want to talk with you for a minute. Can you and the boy scout tag team for a minute?"

"You mean send Will down to watch the cabin and I find the infirmary?"

"See, I don't know why people think security agents aren't the brightest bulbs in the socket."

As Kim entered the infirmary a male nurse told her, "Don't talk long. Ms Jade needs another shot of pain medicine."

"She has something she wants to tell me. I'm not sure how long it will take." The nurse gestured to a small room to one side, but Kim had seen the hospital bed through the partially open door and guessed Shego's location.

"Close the door behind you," Shego ordered.

The Justice agent felt another pang of guilt at the sight of Shego's bandaged arm. "Nurse said you're in a lot of pain."

"That doesn't begin to cover it. But that's not the point now. Cupcake, I'm going to give you a hypothetical. Person A takes something valuable that Person B owns, without Person B's knowledge or permission. That's stealing, right?"

"Of course, but–"

"I'm not done. Person C now takes the stolen property from Person B, and returns it to Persona A. Oh, and Person C had to find some way to get it from Person B without Person B saying 'sure, take it back'. It was valuable and taken without Person B's knowledge or permission. Same scenario as what you called stealing. Is is stealing if you take stolen property from a thief to return to the rightful owner?"

"Are you claiming you–"

"I'm not claiming shit about me, at the moment. We're defining stealing. And I've given you a hypothetical and demanded an answer from the girl who used to take back the things I stole for Drakken. Is the return of stolen property stealing?"

Kim hesitated, "I get the feeling whatever I say you're going to gloat and tell me you're right and I'm wrong."

"There are two reasons for that. One is you're smart enough to realize you're wrong. A lot of people in the world too dumb to even know they're dumb. Second reason for that is, I'm right and you're wrong."

"So, now we move from the hypothetical to the stolen sapphire, which you're going to say is not stolen?"

"No, now we move from the hypothetical to the abstract. Do you have the slightest idea how much stolen stuff there is in the world?"

"And this is where, if I say I have an idea, you tell me I'm all wrong?"

"Nailed it. Art museums with paintings sitting in their basements they won't show. Nazis were real good about scooping up art. Museums have bought things that... A few cheerfully return art when they realize it was stolen. More fight it in lawsuits. And a bunch just keep it hidden and hope the heirs forget about it. But let's not limit it to Nazi theft. Russian army looted everything not nailed down. Looted or burned, not as careful as the Germans. American GI's stole a lot of stuff and shipped it home as souvenirs. Their kids and grandkids sometimes find stuff in the attic. And let's not limit ourselves to Second World War. Ask the Greeks about the Parthenon friezes the Brits call the Elgin Marbles. I'm not sure even God can keep track of who should rightfully own the Hope diamond, it's been stolen so many times in the past. Nice blue diamond. Remember that. It went on a diet once or twice and isn't as big as it used to be. Five hundred million in art stolen from a Boston museum in nineteen-ninety. Teddy Tucker Cross, gold and jewels, stolen in nineteen-seventy-five. A hundred million dollars worth of diamonds in Antwerp, two-thousand-three. Want me to name a few more?"

"Don't bother. Point taken. Are you ready to tell me the story of what you have in your cabin now?"

"Sure. Nineteen-eighty-nine. Thai employee of filthy rich Saudi stole pounds, and pounds, and pounds of gold and jewelry. Shipped it home before theft was discovered. Not that he got to enjoy it. Between bribes to get it into Thailand past customs, and what was confiscated when the authorities heard of it, the thief got bupkis. But Thai officials stole a lot of the stuff for themselves – even sent fakes back. Saudi's who went to Thailand to look into the theft ended up dead. Most valuable item? A fifty carat blue diamond."

"A diamond?"

"Not a sapphire. Might have been a piece off what we now call the Hope Diamond, one of those times it went missing before it was called the Hope. I told you, to the best of my knowledge there has never been a stolen sapphire in that cabin. Jesus, Princess, even when I tell you God's own truth you won't believe me. It cuts my feelings... Not as bad as that bastard cut my arm. What does a girl have to do to get some respect around here?"

"I suppose asking for a little humility is out of the question."

"Hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. Great and in pain. I can't believe I was too stupid to–"

Kim considered telling Shego she was being smug, but knew Shego would answer it was okay because she was right. "So, you're telling that you didn't steal the diamond? You're returning it to the rightful owner?"

"That's right. I..." She shifted slightly, and grimaced with pain.

"Should I call the nurse?"

"Not yet. A little more on the blue diamond."

"A real diamond? That big?"

"Fifty carats."

"And you're returning it to its real owner?"

"Cross my heart. In Copenhagen. Now, why in the world I'm doing it in Denmark instead of Stockholm makes no sense to me. If it were mine I'd want it back in my hot little hands as soon as possible. On the other hand, several guys looking to retrieve this were killed. Maybe the Saudis feel safer in Denmark." Shego pointed to her bandaged arm in the sling, "And returning it in Stockholm would have saved me a lot of pain... Wonder if I can get a bonus for pain and suffering?"

"There's a reward?"

"I'm not doing this out of the kindness of my heart. Of course I'm doing it for a reward."

Kim stopped herself from accusing Shego of being mercenary. "So, how did you get into... And some of the 'rewards' are what got the warrants for your arrest to disappear?"

"Yep. Señor Senior's new hobby. He pulls off some of them himself. Sometimes he has detectives gather the information and then sends me out. Sometimes one of us is distraction while the other one retrieves hot property."

"Wondered why I hadn't heard anything out of him in awhile."

"He decided he'd rather not spend time in prison, and didn't want to lose too much money on lawyers and legal fees. He still gets the thrill... Probably less dangerous now."

Kim didn't say a word about danger, but pointed to Shego's arm.

"Didn't say no danger, Princess. And this particular thing is giant-sized, more than the millions the diamond's worth. I know who had it, and the jackass is worried I could bring him down... A very, very powerful person in the Thailand, which is how he ended up with the diamond. Now, if he had any sense he'd just say I was lying. Word of a big man in government vs someone with my past? He'll stay in power. But the guy I wouldn't want to be, when I got back to Thailand, is the guy he sent out to get the diamond back. He'll be finding out if there's life after death real soon."

"Why?"

"Because he's a Thai witness. The schmuck at the top doesn't want witnesses if he's worried about staying in power. You've got to worry about a Thai mentioning something to someone and starting the rumor mill going. The guy on top might want me dead, but he needs his agent dead. And if his agent gets back and says, 'I got the diamond' and turns over a fake... I suspect the bastard will have a slow, very painful death."

"You going to tell Global Justice the name of the Thai official?"

"Nope."

"Why–"

"Because my word isn't proof of anything. You don't know where I got the diamond. I could be lying. But more importantly, I may want to use the threat of exposure to blackmail the Son of a Bitch, he owes me for this," Shego said, pointing at her right arm. "What do you figure it's worth? Two, three million for a promise I never reveal his name?"

"That's illegal!"

Shego shrugged, "He can file a criminal complaint if he wants. Yeah, a couple mill for sure. I got thrown out of Thailand naked."

"What?"

"Well, not literally. I 'obtained' the stone, and got it mailed to Alexis Jade... By the way, I was not Alexis Jade then, but planned to be. I knew I might be suspected, but I figured they'd just search my room, it would be clean, and I'd be free to go. No such luck."

"What happened?"

"When the Bastard found the diamond was gone I got tossed in jail, everything – and I mean everything – was confiscated, I got a three day diet of laxatives in the Thai jail... Bet the jailers wondered why they were looking through my shit. Anyway, US embassy applied enough pressure that, since there was no evidence of any crime, I was sprung and had my passport returned – and was told to keep the prison wear. They probably figured I'd sent it out, but it was out of Thai hands at that point. The Swedes are an honest lot, and I doubt if the Thais were positive that a package mailed to someone they'd never heard of in Sweden was what they wanted. And, let's face it, way too many people were getting a clue something was wrong, even if they weren't sure what. At that point you check postal records and send out one or two trusted guys with special forces training to investigate possible targets."

"You're in pain. Talking is too much for you."

"Yeah, call the nurse, will you? I'll take that shot he's been trying to give me."

The nurse came in. "I'll give you this now. You'll get another shot tomorrow morning before we take you to a hospital in Copenhagen for recovery."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, that is what the doctor–"

"Screw the doctor. I'm walking out of here tomorrow morning, pain or no pain. Jane Bond here is going with me to keep me safe. Now, give me the shot and get the hell out of here."

"But–"

"Did you flunk nursing school? Never argue with a patient, it's bad for our blood pressure or something."

The nurse administered the medication. Kim stood nervously by as the drug began to take effect. Shego's face relaxed as the pain subsided.

"Feeling a little better?"

"Oh yeah, great stuff... L'il woozy, but... It's sorta like... drunk..."

"You said you wanted me to go into Copenhagen with you?"

"Keep me... In case..." Shego reached up with her left hand, grabbed Kim's blouse and jerked the startled Global Justice agent down. She kissed Kim, fiercely for a few seconds, then her grip relaxed and Kim straightened up. "Great schtuff..." Shego murmured before falling asleep with a smile on her lips.

Kim wondered if Shego was really telling the truth. She wondered about the kiss. Did Shego know what she was doing? She needed to relieve Will in Shego's cabin. Should she look for the diamond? Would Shego be able to return the diamond tomorrow? The doctor wanted her in the hospital for recovery. Should Kim return the diamond herself? Did her job as a Global Justice agent allow... "Need to catch up on sleep. Need to give Rose my report. Take a nap first, report when conscious."

Author's note: The 1989 theft of tens of millions of dollars worth of jewelry by a Thai worker for a Saudi royal is real, as is the 50 carat blue diamond that was part of the haul. Google "blue diamond affair" on Wikipedia. Much of the loot was stolen from the thief by Thai officials, with fake gems being returned to the Saudis, and Saudis who tried to investigate were murdered. As of 2020 no one claims to know where the blue diamond is, so it's fair game for fiction.