Hold Me Now

Part 7

"Yeah…No, I don't think you need to make the trip up here…The doctors are certain she will be fine…I will have her call you when she is awake and alert…Of course…Ok, bye." He hung up the phone. Donna's parents were just as relieved as he was that she would be ok.

A knock on the door caused him to turn around and see the President in the doorway. "Sir." He stood up.

"I hope you don't mind but I spoke to the doctor about her injuries. But how is Donna doing?" Jed asked, looking past him at the empty bed. "And where is Donna?"

"The nurse and an orderly took her down for a CT scan. They wanted to monitor how her wrists' blood flow is after the surgery and also check for blood clots." He explained. "All in all though, they think she will be fine."

"I'm glad." He gave a small smile. "For both you and for her."

"How is the First Lady?" He could tell from the look on the President's face that it wasn't good. He had never seen the President look so disheveled. His eyes, which were usually bright, were dull and listless. He didn't want to pry, but he knew that once Donna woke up she would want to know what was going on.

"Abbey…" Jed's voice cracked slightly. "She didn't make it through her surgery."

He didn't know what to say to that. It caught him off guard. "Oh. Sir, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm shocked, just as I'm sure you are too."

"It's alright. You don't have to say anything." He gave a small nod. "I'm going back to D.C. The girls are going to meet me there. I need to be back there with them."

"Of course." That made sense. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No." Jed shook his head. "But thank you. I appreciate the offer. I just need to see my girls. Leo's having Toby and Sam craft a statement for CJ to give the press because I certainly don't feel up to facing the press yet. But we have everything under control. So of course you should stay here with Donna as long as you need to. I'm leaving some Secret Service here just as a precaution. I don't think this is a dangerous situation but just in case, you should be safe."

"Thank you." He wasn't sure what else to say in this situation. He tried to think of a time when a First Lady was killed like this but wasn't able to come up with anything. There were First Ladies who died while their husband was in office, but not like this. Never like this. This was uncharted territory. This was an assassination. This was going to change everything. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"Thank you Josh." Jed nodded. "Just take care of Donna. I'm so sorry that this has happened to her and she got caught up in all of this."

"I'll take care of her." He promised, watching the President leave the room. Once he was certain that the man was out of earshot, he dialed a number on his phone.

"Hello?"

"Leo, I just spoke to the President. What is going on? How did the First Lady die?" He heard Leo sigh heavily.

"She had a lot of injuries. She had internal bleeding and a bad head injury. They tried to go in with surgery to repair the internal bleeding and to fix the damage done in her head but she kept flat-lining. After the third time they just couldn't bring her back." Leo explained.

"I can't believe she is gone."

"Me too." Leo agreed. "The President is going to be lost without her."

"I bet." He couldn't help but think that Donna would be lost without her as well. He dreaded having to tell his wife about Abbey's death.

"How is Donna?" Leo asked.

"I think she will be ok." He replied. "The only thing they are worried about at this point is if she will be able to regain full range of motion with her wrist. She got some metal stuck in her wrist and it has messed up an artery and muscles. She also has a collapsed lung, which they fixed, and a concussion. But the doctors are optimistic."

"Poor kid." Leo sighed. "I'm glad she will be alright. I know everyone here is worried about her and wishing her a speedy recovery."

"I'll be sure to let her know that when she wakes up." He promised. "So I don't know how long it will be until Donna can be released…"

"Say no more." Leo cut him off. "You just stay with Donna. We have things covered."

"Are you sure?" It didn't feel right to leave the team when they were in the middle of a crisis. And the death of a First Lady was a big crisis. "This is…it's an all hands on deck situation."

"I'm positive." Leo assured him. "If we need anything we know how to reach you."

"Ok." He agreed reluctantly. It wasn't that he wanted to leave Donna. He never wanted to leave her side ever again. He just struggled with the guilt over not being able to help.

He couldn't help anyone right now. He couldn't help the President, the team, or Donna. No matter what he felt helpless. He hated that feeling.

"I have to go." Leo told him. "We'll talk soon."

He didn't even get a chance to say bye before Leo hung up. But he couldn't blame the man. It was probably a madhouse over there right now. He walked over to the window and stared out.

It was late in Vancouver, or early. However you wanted to classify 2am. Either way it was dark outside. Back in D.C. it was only 11pm.

His thoughts went back to the First Lady and the President. The First Lady was everything to him. All you had to do was watch them together and you could see how much he adored his wife. They were together for decades. They built a life, a family and a political empire together. The president counted on his wife's love, support, guidance and ability to kick him in the ass when he needed it. Questions circled his mind about how the President would be able to get through such a big loss when the person he usually leaned on was the one lost.

As horrible a thought as it was, he was so relieved that things weren't reversed and he hadn't lost Donna. He didn't want to sound dramatic but he wasn't sure how he would get through it if he ever lost her. He always assumed because he was older he would die first and in many ways he was fine with that. This incident reminded him that wasn't necessarily the case.

She could have easily died in that car. She was surrounded by the Secret Service and it still wasn't enough to protect her from getting hurt. He wasn't mad at the Secret Service though. He was sure they had followed all of their protocols. It just showed him that life was fragile.

He didn't relish having to tell Donna about what happened to the First Lady or their baby. She was going to be devastated about both pieces of news.

It was hard enough for him to wrap his head around the fact that earlier today they were going to have a baby in a few months. Now they weren't.

A noise behind him caused him to turn around and see them wheeling Donna's bed back into the room. "How did it go?"

The nurse smiled at him. "The doctor will be in shortly to give more details but between us, everything is looking good."

"Thank God." He released the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. It didn't take long for them to get her hooked back up to the monitors.

"If you need anything, just hit the call button." The nurse told him before leaving the room.

He immediately went back to her bedside, sitting in the chair and grabbing a hold of her left hand. Normally he hated staying still and doing nothing. But there, in the relative silence of her hospital room, he was content to just sit and stare at her.

Donna winced as her eyes struggled to get accustomed to the brightness of the room. It took a few moments before she could open her eyes. Once they were open, she noticed she was in a hospital room. Her eyes zeroed in on Josh. He was sitting at her bedside, his hands tightly clasped around her left hand and his head resting up against her body.

She could see that he was fast asleep, but it wasn't a peaceful sleep. He had the same look on his face that he always got when he was having a nightmare. Thankfully he didn't have many of those about Rosslyn anymore, but they did happen occasionally. Whether the nightmare was about Rosslyn or her she didn't know, but she suspected the latter.

Every part of her body hurt and she looked over at her right wrist, wondering how bad that was. She desperately wanted to wake Josh up—not just to get him out of his nightmare but also to find out what happened to her and the First Lady. She was fairly certain that she had lost the baby. The odds of miscarrying after what happened were too high. And she remembered seeing how bad the First lady looked in the back of the car.

She tried to speak, tried to make some kind of noise to wake him up. But she found that her mouth was so dry that nothing came out. Her eyelids started feeling heavy and before long she found herself going back under.

Josh paced around the small hospital room. It was now morning. He hadn't been able to sleep much during the night. He had a terrible nightmare about losing Donna. Once he woke up from that, it was difficult to get back to sleep again because he was afraid it would happen again. Plus he wanted to be awake when she woke up. They told him she would most likely wake up in the morning. Now it was just a matter of waiting.

When his phone rang, he debated not answering it, but pulled it out of his pocket anyway. "Josh Lyman."

"Josh, it's Sam. How is Donna?"

He was relieved to hear his friends' voice. "She isn't awake yet but the doctors are optimistic about her recovery."

"And the…"

He understood Sam's hesitancy to bring up the baby. "No, the baby didn't make it."

"I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." He could tell that Sam was sincere. "But it could have been worse."

"Yeah." Sam agreed. "I suppose so but it still has to hurt. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Josh…"

"I'm really fine." He said, not sure if he was trying to convince himself or Sam. He walked over to the window and looked out. Now that it was brighter outside he was able to see more of Vancouver than last night.

"I hate to say it but I don't believe you." Sam countered.

"What do you want me to say?" Josh sighed. "That I'm a wreck? That I hate this situation? That I am petrified I'll somehow still lose Donna? That I'm devastated about losing the baby? How will that help anything?"

"You can't keep your emotions held inside." Sam counseled. "You're going to have to let them out."

"My emotions can wait." Josh sighed. "Donna is what is most important right now."

"Ok. I can see you are going down the avoidance route." Sam chuckled.

"How are things going there?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Did you see our statement?"

"Yeah. What happened during the press briefing this morning?"

"We didn't have one." Sam stated plainly.

"What?" He couldn't believe that. It was highly unlikely to cancel the press briefing. "Why not?"

"The President ordered it." Sam explained. "He doesn't want any more details going out to the press right now."

"Well CJ could have just deflected questions."

"That's what we all thought too. But we were overruled." Sam sighed.

"Is the President ok? I mean, I know he's not great considering the situation. But is he having an MS flare-up?"

"No. At least we don't think so. He's been secluding himself in the residence with his daughters. The only one of Senior Staff that's been able to see him has been Leo. But Leo assures us that the President is fine. He's just grieving."

"Well he's certainly allowed to do that but he has to let up on the press block. It won't take much for the republicans to jump on him and criticize his actions."

"It's already started." Sam chuckled.

"Are all press briefings canceled today?" Josh asked.

"Yeah. We can't even issue any statements. It's a total blackout."

"This is the wrong move." For a moment he wished he was there to convince the President, but it was more important for him to be with Donna. "He needs to be getting out ahead of this. I'm not saying parade his grief around, but there needs to be some statements going out."

"I agree."

"What does Leo say about it?"

"He says not to worry about it and it is only temporary." Sam explained. "He thinks the President just needs some time and will snap out of it soon."

"I hope so." He looked over and saw Donna staring at him. "Sam, I gotta go. Donna's awake." He didn't even wait for Sam to respond before hanging up the phone and rushing to her side. "Hey there. Boy am I glad to see you." He smiled, before kissing her forehead.

She slowly lifted her hand to her throat and it took him a second to realize what she was doing. "You want some water?"

She nodded.

He rushed to get a cup filled with water and put a straw in it. He held it up to her lips and waited while she took several sips. When she was done he put the cup on the table next to the bed. There was no telling how long she had been awake before he realized it and he wondered how much she heard of his conversation with Sam.

"How are you feeling?" He realized it was a stupid question but he couldn't help asking.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Some pain."

"Do you want me to get the nurse?" He didn't want to leave her side now that she was awake but he would if she needed something.

"No. It's fine." She shook her head. "You need to shave." Her hand reached up to touch his face.

He couldn't help but smile. "I've been a little busy."

"The baby is gone, right?" She asked.

The smile left his face. "Yeah." He watched as she closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip. She always did that when she was trying not to cry. He grabbed her left hand and started rubbing small circles on her palm. "I'm sorry. But the good news is that you are going to be alright."

She didn't say anything for a long time and kept her eyes shut. After a while he wondered if she fell back asleep.

"What's wrong with my wrist?" She finally asked.

"A piece of shrapnel severed the artery and some muscles. They have apparently repaired what they can but you might need another surgery to finish repairing it completely. There may be some permanent damage, but it's too soon to tell." He kept watching her reaction to these things. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he didn't expect her to be so calm and collected about everything. It was almost alarming in some ways.

"And the First Lady?" She asked. "How is she?"

He paused for a moment. There was no way he could lie to her about the First Lady. He wanted to though, just to give her a break from bad news. But then she would know that he had lied and it would become worse than just telling her the truth from the start.

"I'm afraid she didn't make it." He started to explain.

"What?" She scoffed. "No. You're wrong. You've got to be wrong."

"I'm not wrong." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I know how close you two were. But she died in surgery." He watched her reaction as she stared off to the side was about to say something else when the door opened.

"Well hello!" The nurse greeted with a friendly smile. "It's nice to see you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"She said she's in some pain." He spoke for her.

"Well let's get that under control then." The nurse nodded. "I have to change her bandages and stuff like that. Why don't you go get something to eat or even take a walk to get out of the room?"

"I can stay." He argued.

"It's not necessary." The nurse insisted, practically shooing him away.

He leaned down and kissed Donna on the forehead. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be right here." She said in a deadpan voice.