Hold Me Now

Part Eight

Josh went out to the courtyard area of the hospital and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Leo, what's going on with the President?"

"Josh." Leo sighed. "Why aren't you with Donna?"

"Her nurse kicked me out of the room for a moment." He explained. "So what is going on with him? Sam says he is holed up in the residence."

"He's going to be fine." Leo assured.

"It's a little hard to believe that when he is calling for a media blackout and canceling press briefings." Josh argued.

"We're letting him grieve in his own way. Ok?" Leo explained. "Are you going to tell the President that he can't grieve the death of his wife?"

"No." He sighed. "Of course not. But someone has to tell him that this strategy is weakening his position."

"Don't you think I know that?" Leo argued. "Because of course I know that, Josh. I'm not happy about this either, but it's what the President wants and what he needs right now. Trust me. I have it under control."

"It's a little hard to believe from where I'm standing." He sighed. "That's all I'm saying."

"Do you think you could do better?" Leo scoffed. "Because I highly doubt it."

"I'm not saying I could do better. I think I could do it differently though."

"Kid, you are skating on a very thin piece of ice with me right now." Leo warned in a low voice.

He recognized that tone and the warning his statement made. When Leo called anyone else kid, it was a term of endearment. Somehow, when kid was directed towards him it became a warning. This would usually be the time in the conversation when Josh would leave Leo's office. He sighed.

"Look Leo, I'm sure you are doing everything you can. I mean no disrespect. It's just that this is uncharted territory."

"I know that." Leo agreed.

"Have you made any progress on finding out who did this?"

"We know who and have options to retaliate." Leo explained. "But that's all I can say since you aren't on a secured line."

"Fair enough."

"How's Donna?"

"She is awake." He reported. "And she knows what happened."

"How is she taking it?"

"It's hard to tell." He said truthfully.

"It's going to take some time, for both of you." Leo told him. "How are you?"

"Great." He scoffed.

"You need to take care of yourself too." Leo told him. "But I have to go. Feel free to call and question my actions again."

He laughed as the phone went dead. He wasn't sure how long the nurse needed with Donna. Although he wanted to go back, he didn't want the nurse kicking him out again. So he decided to sit out on a nearby bench for a moment.

"You are a very lucky woman." The nurse told her as she was changing the bandage on her wrist.

"Really?" She questioned. "How so?"

"Well to begin with, you are the sole survivor of the attack." The nurse told her.

"What?" That was news to her.

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew."

She knew that the First Lady was dead. But not the others. "You mean the Secret Service agents are dead too?"

"Yes." The nurse nodded. "I'm sorry. I really thought you knew."

"I only knew about the First Lady." She explained.

"Well it's not just that which makes you lucky. I'm also talking about the devotion of your husband. The nurse I replaced earlier this morning told me he's been by your side non-stop since he got here. He must really love you."

"Yeah." She nodded. "He must."

"I know this can't be an easy time for you." The nurse continued to babble on. "My mother used to always say that we never truly know what we are made of until times of trouble. I believe in that. It's easy to be strong when you have no problems. It's a lot harder when things go wrong."

She started to tune out the nurse and focused on other things. She hated that their baby was lost. It wasn't a surprise though. She knew from almost the time the car started to flip that the baby wasn't going to be able to survive the attack. The confirmation still tore her into pieces though and she couldn't help but wonder if Josh was upset with her. After all, he didn't want her to go to the conference. He thought it was too dangerous from the beginning. He asked her several times if she would stay home or cancel it. But she refused to believe that there was any credible danger.

And look where that led her.

The baby was gone, the First Lady was gone and the Secret Service agents were gone. Her wrist was all messed up and she was in a Canadian hospital. She wouldn't be able to blame him if he was mad at her. She was mad at herself.

She and the First Lady were so singularly focused on getting this initiative started that they didn't see the danger. Maybe they did on some level but they pushed it aside, believing they were invincible.

They weren't.

She thought about the President and his daughters. They must be in so much pain right now. Abbey was everything to them. She was the glue that held them all together when things fell apart. Her heart broke for them.

"Can I get you anything?" The nurse asked.

She looked over at the woman and shook her head. "No thank you."

"Ok. Just hit the button if you need me."

She watched the nurse leave her room and let out the biggest sigh she could without causing pain. It was hard to believe she was the only one who survived the attack. It really made her wonder why. Why was she spared?

She wasn't an overly religious person. Sure she was raised with religion and believed in God. But she didn't know if she believed in providence or whether things happen for a reason. What was the point of all the death from this attack? Was God trying to tell her something? And if so, what? And what if it was just something that happened and there was no reasoning behind it? What then?

The whole thing was giving her a headache. She resigned herself to her exhaustion and closed her eyes.

When she woke up again, she saw Josh sitting next to her. He had the television on low and was watching MSNBC Canada. They were showing a news story about Abbey Bartlet's life, while also commenting on the attack.

"It's important to point out that this is the first time in history that any First Lady of the United States has been assassinated." The man on TV said.

"And let's be clear. That's what this was. It was not some accident. Whoever filed that rocket launcher knew exactly what they were doing and who they were targeting." The woman chimed in.

"Exactly. And it's going to be interesting to see how the United States picks up the pieces from an attack like this. It's unprecedented." The man spoke.

"Of course our thoughts and prayers go out to President Bartlet, as well as the families of the Secret Service agents and the family of the only survivor of the brutal attack, Donnatella Moss." The woman paused. "Ms. Moss has been the First Lady's Chief of Staff for over a year and half now, also previously worked in the White House and is married to the President's Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman. With so many ties to the White House, one can imagine the staff feel like they have been hit with a double sucker-punch to the gut right now."

"That's right, Sheryl." The man spoke up. "And surprisingly the White House has been silent. The only statement they have put out was the blanket statement announcing the attack and the First Lady's death.

They flashed the screen to a graphic with the statement on there as the man read it.

"It is with a heavy heart that the White House announces that the car containing the First Lady, her Chief of Staff and three Secret Service agents was attacked by an unknown assailant with a rocket launcher as they were making their way to the airport to return back to Washington, D.C. tonight. The three Secret Service agents, Sean Delaney, Michael Holsapple and Brent Hosler died at the scene. The First Lady's Chief of Staff, Donnatella Moss, is in stable condition at a hospital in Vancouver. Although the doctors did everything they could, they were not able to save the First Lady's life. Abbey Bartlet passed away around 12:30am Vancouver time. We ask that you respect the privacy of those families involved in this tragedy as they take time to deal with their loss."

"Any idea when the White House might make another comment or release any other details?" Sheryl asked.

"No. There has been no attempt all day to give the press any other details, which has prompted some in America to wonder if President Bartlet is hiding something. Some are speculating that this shock has caused a flare up with his Multiple Sclerosis. Others are simply wondering if he is able to lead the country right now or if he is too far gone into his grief. Keep in mind that there has been no update about if they have leads on who orchestrated this attack or what the plans are to find out that information. There are a couple of groups claiming responsibility. The American people need some kind of leadership right now and they aren't getting that from the President."

"It is understandable." Sheryl spoke up. "The man did just lose his wife."

"I agree it is understandable but the American people are not going to be understanding for long."

"That's what I keep saying too." Josh said quietly, shaking his head.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to alert him to the fact that she was awake. She tuned out the television for a moment and just focused on watching him. He was clearly frustrated with the way the President was handling things. She could see it on his face. He thought he could make a difference and swing things in a different direction.

But he was here with her instead of back in D.C. where all of the action was.

She knew that he loved her, which meant that he would stay here as long as necessary. She also knew that he loved being able to fix things and influence others. It must be killing him not to be there to help with this crisis.

It was almost like he knew she was watching him because he turned his head to look at her. "You're up." He immediately turned off the television and threw the remote onto the bed. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." She told him. "So what is the President doing?"

He looked over at the television and then back at her. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to know that the team needs you." She explained.

"Leo has it under control." He assured her.

"Oh really? It doesn't look like it." She started to laugh but was still sore so she winced a little.

"You ok?"

"Just sore." She saw the concern in his eyes and it broke her heart. She hated that he was worried about her. "Why isn't Leo pushing the President more? He needs to let CJ speak to the press."

"I agree." He nodded his head. "But Leo assures me that he knows what he is doing and I'm trusting that he does."

"Leo's making a mistake." She pointed out. "I know it and you know it. I see it in your eyes."

"It's Leo's mistake to make though." He admitted. "And there isn't anything I can do from 3,000 miles away. They are smart people. They will figure it out."

"And if they don't?" She questioned.

"They will." He assured her. "Now let's stop talking about this for a moment. You shouldn't worry about it right now. You shouldn't be worrying about anything. You need to be relaxing and healing."

"I'm just saying that they need you." She sighed.

"Not as much as you need me."

"I'll be fine." She pointed out.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No." She assured him, but honestly she wasn't sure at this point. "All I'm saying is that they need you. The President needs you. And all I'm going to be doing is lounging in bed until they dismiss me so that I can come home. So you could…"

"No I can't." He interrupted her. "And I can't believe this. You are trying to get rid of me. Why?"

"You place a lot of your self-worth on being able to fix things." She explained. "There's nothing you can do to fix me right now. But you could fix the situation with the President."

"I'm not leaving you behind and going back to D.C."

"I'm just saying I would understand if you did." She sighed.

He stood up and shook his head. "I can't believe you are trying to get me to leave. I flew out here on Air Force One with the President as soon as Leo told me what happened. I didn't stop for red lights. I have stayed by your bed this whole time. All because I love you."

His voice started to get louder as he continued. "And yes, I do feel like I could fix what's happening back home. But I'm not leaving you because you are more important to me than my stupid job. So stop trying to get rid of me. Ok?"

She was surprised at the fact that he was practically yelling at her.

He took one look at her face and softened immediately, sitting back down next to her. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I shouldn't have yelled. I just…I don't want to leave you. Ok?"

"Ok." She nodded. "I just wanted to give you the option."

"As far I am concerned, it isn't an option."