So...I had every intention of popping these chapters out rat-a-tat-tat style, but my own novel took more out of me than I had anticipated. I've gotten some nibbles and an actual bite from an agent (the agent for the author of Vampire Academy, in fact), but no dice to date. It's funny - knowing rejection is the nature of the beast is one thing, but experiencing it firsthand is quite another. I guess a bit of depression ambushed me and took me out like a linebacker, because I didn't want anything to do with the written word - reading it or creating it myself. But I kept getting reviews from you amazing readers in the meantime. And as always, when I started thinking that I suck and no one will ever want to read my writing, you guys kept me from giving up. So thank you :)
I also took an extra long time finessing this chapter into shape; I know this is a favorite scene of the fandom. I love it, too, and I hope I did it justice.
J.F
The abrupt sensation of the earth disappearing beneath her jarred Anya awake with a gasp, her face numbed by the cold glass window pressing against her cheek.
"Relax, Princess."
Disoriented, Anya's head snapped to the right. Dimitri lounged in the adjacent seat, reading what looked like a travel brochure. "You're fine," he said. "We only hit a bump in the road." With a little sardonic smile, he turned the page without looking at her. "Literally."
Anya let out a long sigh, a palm flat against her chest. Her heartbeat should have slowed once she recalled they were still on the bus in Germany, on their way to the boat that would take them to France. Waking to have Dimitri so close had the opposite effect.
She rubbed her bleary eyes and yawned, unable to suppress the smile spreading across her face. Simply breathing the same air as Dimitri seemed to make her ecstatic, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it.
Too exhausted at the moment to wrestle with her emotions, Anya smoothed some stray hairs out of her face and covered her mouth with her hand instead. "Hey."
Dimitri's eyes flipped up to meet hers, warm and impish. "Hey."
Her pulse continued to thump in the brisk, erratic tempo allocated to Dimitri's proximity. Anya was breathless for a different reason now.
A whimper from the floor below her seat stole her attention. Pooka had made a nest of the bags she hadn't been able to fit into the crowded overhead compartment. He stood up on his hind legs with his tiny front paws on the edge of her seat, tail wagging.
Grinning, Anya clapped her hands. "Aw, Pooka! You want to sit up here with me?"
He whined and wriggled in a delighted frenzy as she bent and picked him up. Muscles stiff from sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, Anya grimaced and tried to unfurl her body from its cramped position. Her cheeks heated when she realized there was only one place for her limbs to go.
She quickly stretched her legs out across Dimitri's knees and settled Pooka onto her lap.
Dimitri held his hands up and away from his body. He looked down at her legs in their ripped stockings then up at her, his face unreadable. "You can't be serious."
Anya crossed her legs at the ankle and batted her lashes at him. "What? I have to stretch at some point, Dimitri. Do you want me to get a blood clot or something?"
Dimitri grunted in what sounded like disgust but went back to reading. Anya was happy to note he made no effort to move her.
Scratching behind Pooka's ears, she glanced over her shoulder. The German countryside rolled slowly by beyond the window, an endless sea of young green fields soaking up the waning sunlight. "How long was I out, anyway?"
She heard Dimitri cough and flip another page. "Couple of hours. We're an hour or so outside of Stralsund now, I think."
"Dimitri!" Anya turned back and swatted him hard on the arm with the back of her hand.
"Ow! What?"
"Why'd you let me sleep? I told you I wanted to see Berlin before we left!"
Dimitri tried to throw the pamphlet at her in retaliation, but the thin paper caught on a breeze and drifted soundlessly to the floor. "We didn't have time to sight-see, for one thing. And besides, have you ever tried to wake you up? It's not pretty. Personally, I'd rather eat a bucket of live hornets than do that ever again."
Disappointed that she'd missed so much already, Anya crossed her arms and pouted. "Well, did you at least get some food from somewhere? I'm starving."
Dimitri snorted. "You say that like that's a departure from the norm." He leaned over where he'd hung his coat on the edge of the seat and returned with a small bundle wrapped in brown tissue paper.
Anya caught a whiff of the treat before he'd unwrapped it, mouth already watering. "That's chocolate, isn't it?"
"I hope. It was a freebie from a rather...unsavory fellow at the bus stop in Berlin, so your guess is as good as mine."
Anya made a face and took it from his hand. "I know you're trying to get me fat, by the way." Snickering at Dimitri's shocked expression, she added, "Why are you so surprised I noticed? Every time I turn around you're shoving food in my face." Pooka sniffed at the wrapping paper and Anya gently shooed him away. Unbothered, he crawled his way down the length of Anya's legs and curled up in Dimitri's lap next to her shoes.
Dimitri looked annoyed at both her and the dog. "I never heard you complain. As a matter of fact, mealtimes may have been the only time I didn't hear you complain, Your Highness." He shifted so her feet hung over into the aisle.
"Yeah, well...you don't turn down a free meal where I'm from. Although something with some meat and potatoes in it this time wouldn't have hurt." She broke the large sweet in two and held out the other half to Dimitri with a big smile. "But if I'm going to get fat, so are you."
"I think I'll pass -"
Anya leaned over and popped the chunk of candy past his lips before he could finish saying no. She sat back laughing, chewing with her mouth open wide because she knew he'd find it repulsive.
Narrowing his eyes, Dimitri readjusted the chocolate with a fingertip, which he sucked clean. The bulge in his cheek distorted his words as he chewed. "I hope you choke."
Anya just crinkled her nose and grinned.
They'd eased into an effortless camaraderie over the past few weeks, often joking and teasing each other this way during Anya's royal instruction and well into the night. To Anya, it now felt as comfortable as a well-worn sweater in deep winter. It became more and more difficult to remember her life without Dimitri in it, challenging her with his ridiculous opinion of the undue hype of Tolstoy's novels, or chasing her around the forest clearing after she'd put a fistful of beetles in his hair as payback.
Dimitri slid the fallen brochure within reach with the toe of his boot. "How do you feel, anyway?" he asked, turning back to the page he'd been reading. Pooka licked at his palm and he absently petted the pooch with his free hand.
"Still hungry, thank you very much."
"Ha, ha. I mean about the boat. About Paris being so close now."
Anya bit her lip, considering. Her main focus had been the sheer amount of memorization required of her over the last month. If she let herself linger on the fact that her dreams were coming so close to fruition, she might become too anxious to remember anything. "I feel ready, I think."
Dimitri raised an eyebrow at her. "You 'think'?"
"Well, who knows how I'll feel when we actually land in France." Her mouth twisted. "But I do feel as prepared as humanly possible. Having the same stuff drilled into your head day after day will do that."
"Good." Dimitri finally put down his reading material and crossed his arms, settling them atop Anya's ankles. After making a production of getting comfortable, he let his head fall back against the seat and closed his eyes. "You can thank me later."
Anya giggled. "Just you? Aren't you forgetting someone?"
Dimitri's lips curved upward just before he yawned. "Yeah, him too."
Shaking her head at his antics, Anya propped her chin on her fist and twisted to stare out of the window again. The lush pastoral landscape looked so different from the industrial drabness of the St. Petersburg she knew. She couldn't remember ever seeing such large expanses of green, open space.
Cows and farmland began to give way to buildings that gradually grew in size as they drew closer to civilization. Anya's mouth went slack as the outskirts of Stralsund came into view, the sharp angles of the skyline etched into a deep cerulean horizon.
She started to make Dimitri have a look and found he and Pooka had fallen asleep, Dimitri's head listing to the side as the bus bumped along the final stretch of road.
Anya studied his face against her better judgment. He'd transformed into a very beguiling creature while he slept, mouth soft and frown ironed out of his brow, long girlish lashes resting against his cheeks. Seeing that his hair had strayed into his face again, Anya used the tip of her finger to brush it aside without waking him.
She tingled all over, as if her skin had suddenly become effervescent, her lungs compressed by that sweet pressure she'd come to expect around him. The pins and needles in her feet indicated the weight of his arms had put her lower extremities to sleep, but Anya discovered she had no desire to move them.
She had to stop this. Watching Dimitri sleep was not in keeping with her newly formed plan to fall out of love with him, to make her interest as platonic and innocuous as it had been in the beginning. Nothing was. Everything he said or did now either made her laugh or warmed her heart. It was as if she had contracted some disease that eroded more of her good sense every day.
As Stralsund was a small coastal town, it didn't take long for them to rumble through the residential areas into the business district near the harbor. Excitement squashed all of Anya's thoughts as the bus rolled to a stop near the pier. She yanked her legs out of Dimitri's lap and swiveled onto her knees to scrounge around the floor for their things, making Pooka yelp and Dimitri wake with a start.
He groaned and rubbed his face, voice roughened by sleep. "What the hell, Anya..."
"Come on, let's go," Anya said, the din of their fellow passengers rising to stretch and gather their own bags nearly drowning her out. She stumbled down the aisle in her hurry on their row's turn to exit, Pooka under one arm and luggage under the other.
A brackish gust from the sea greeted Anya as she stepped off the bus onto the wet cobblestone road. She breathed deeply, taking a moment to gawk in awe. The tall, slender buildings here in the town's heart were built flush against each other in neat square blocks, butting against the edge of a narrow sidewalk where well-dressed residents hurried to their evening destinations. Wind and sea spray had faded their colorful facades, once painted vivid green or pink or orange, to the pastel hues of saltwater taffy. Anya had never seen a place so pretty.
But there was no time to play tourist. The three of them trotted the short distance to the docks the second Vladimir emerged from the packed bus. They had to push through the crowd of well-wishers and families locked in tearful embraces to reach the gangplank of their ship, a rusted behemoth of a vessel called the Tasha.
Dimitri handed their tickets over to the purser and led them to a passenger cabin, their home for the next five days. Anya trailed into the room behind them and set Pooka down with her bags, her eyes roaming the small space. This wasn't luxury cruise, that was for sure. The stains on the chairs by the door and the patches of wear in the matted carpet made that clear. But the bunk bed in the corner seemed sturdy, and the sheets and the sink attached to the wall near the porthole looked clean enough. Anya had slept in much worse.
No one wanted to stay inside after sitting on the bus for hours. Vladimir and Dimitri dumped their luggage and made a beeline for the upper deck. Anya started to follow suit and was surprised to find Dimitri still in the passageway, blocking her path.
He held up a mass of blue fabric with both hands. "Here, I bought you a dress."
Chuckling, Anya grabbed handfuls of the dress' enormous skirt and held it up high over her head. "Dimitri, you bought me a tent. I know you want me plump and all, but this is just wishful thinking."
Dimitri stuck his face into the neck opening when Anya inspected the inside of the dress from the bottom. "What're you looking for?"
"The Russian Circus - I think it's still in here!"
Dimitri tugged the hem out of Anya's hands to toss the whole dress at her. She caught it against her chest and his lips twitched, but he didn't smile. "Come on, just put it on. The big white bag in the room is yours, too." He turned and jogged up the stairs to the upper deck before she could respond.
Curious and touched, Anya draped the dress over her arm and returned to the room, locking the door behind her. She spotted the bag and knelt to fish it out of the luggage pile. The paper sack crackled as she peeked inside with a small gasp of astonishment.
One by one, she reverently pulled out the contents: a metal hairbrush, satin ribbons and a pair of silk stockings, a large bar of soap in the shape of a heart - even a set of cotton pajamas in blue a few shades lighter than the dress. Anya stared at them in disbelief for a long time. No one had ever given her such fine things. God only knew how much Dimitri had had to spend on them. Anya knew she'd needed an outfit for meeting her grandmother, but all this?
Her gratefulness gave way to glee in a rush. Pooka growled playfully at her feet as Anya scooped up her goodies and moved them to the edge of the bottom bunk, kicking her boots into a corner and peeling off her dirty clothes. She held the soap to her nose, smiling and breathing in the soft rose scent. It almost hurt to tear off the pretty floral wrapping paper, but she dashed to the sink to scrub herself clean from top to bottom with a rough towel she found in the dresser against the far wall. Finished, she took her brush to the thick hair that now reached her waist, gritting her teeth in pain as she worked through the tangles.
She took her time pulling on the new stockings, careful not to snag the delicate silk, then eased the dress over her head. The soft fabric settled over her skin like a whisper.
Anya did a turn after slipping on her shoes again and faced the mirror above the sink. The dress may have been the perfect color, but it was at least two sizes too big. She used her belt to cinch it in at the waist as much as she could. Even on the first notch she could still fit her fingers beneath the leather band. Oh, well. It'd have to do.
She cocked her head at her reflection. There was still something missing...
Ah, the ribbons. Anya pulled her hair back, tying a big bow around it with the blue ribbon from the bag. Smoothing her hands down the skirt, she smirked at herself. She couldn't wait to see the look on Dimitri's face.
Pooka followed her upstairs as she made her grand entrance, shooting past her to lunge at a seagull that had landed on a coil of rope nearby. The deck was deserted except for Vladimir and Dimitri. They sat hunched over a tiny wicker table, embroiled in an intense game of chess. Neither of them looked up when Anya stepped onto the deck.
She dramatically cleared her throat and did a full pirouette, the skirt of the dress swishing around her ankles. She could see how a girl could become addicted to that kind of thing.
When the men finally glanced up, Vladimir looked at her like she'd shown up with a bag of cash.
Dimitri paled like he'd seen a ghost.
They both stared so long in silence, Anya scowled and put her hands on her hips. "You don't have to look that surprised that I cleaned up nice - "
"Wonderful!" Vladimir boomed, snapping out of his trance and rushing over to meet her. "Marvelous!" He took her hand and led her into yet another twirl, though she needed little encouragement. "And now that you are dressed for a ball, you will learn to dance for once as well. Come, Dimitri."
When Dimitri just gaped, Vladimir had to grab him by the elbow and usher him to Anya's side.
Dimitri gave an uncomfortable little laugh. "I-I'm not very good at it."
Anya did her best to ignore how adorable he looked when he was flustered and focused on her impromptu dance lesson. Vladimir had she and Dimitri walk through the steps of a simple waltz, the two of them barely touching and Dimitri watching the movement of her feet like it held the meaning of life.
Vladimir stopped them after a few moments, tsking like a disapproving aunt. "No, Anya - you don't lead," he said and gestured at Dimitri. "Let him."
Oh.
Dimitri's dark eyes met hers at last and Anya felt the shift, the almost imperceptible change that this time made the fingers he placed on her waist press a little firmer, the hand he curled around hers grip a little tighter. The gentle authority with which he held her made Anya want to follow him anywhere he wanted to take her.
Maybe she should've been nervous, too.
"That, uh...that dress is really beautiful," Dimitri murmured after a while as he spun them toward the stairs.
Anya looked up through her lashes, struggling to contain the prickling blush creeping up her neck. "You think so?"
"Yes," he breathed. "I mean, it was nice on the hanger but it looks even better on you." He held his arm up high so Anya could do a pivot beneath his hand. "You - you should wear it."
Biting back a smile, Anya let him pull her back to him again. "I think I am wearing it."
"Right," Dimitri said with another uncharacteristically nervous chuckle. "Of course you are." His expression changed from bashful to apprehensive to earnest in a heartbeat. "I-I'm just trying to give you a, um..."
Anya sensed what he was struggling to say. "A compliment?" She suddenly wanted him closer. She could feel the heat from his body and he was still too far away. Her hands ached to feel more of his skin so badly they trembled. She wondered what would happen if she entwined her fingers with his, but she didn't dare.
"Yes," Dimitri said, his voice deeper and more husky than she had ever heard it before. "Of course, yes."
Anya allowed Dimitri to maneuver her toward the opposite end of the deck, trusting him not to lead her astray. Everything around them became immaterial, fading into the background. The distant cry of seagulls and the crash of the sea were like an old love song on the radio played too low to hear the words. By the time he'd dipped and swirled and waltzed her back to where they'd begun, Anya's entire world had become Dimitri and the sunset smearing a trail of fire across the sky.
In reality, it could have been the constant rocking motion of the boat that caused the weakness in Anya's knees.
It could have. But it wasn't.
Dimitri's eyes continued to bore into hers and Anya lost her orientation. Her feet weren't moving across the wet planks of the ship's deck anymore; she was gliding with him across the clouds, into oblivion. "I'm...feeling a little dizzy," she said, only half aware that she was speaking.
Dimitri's face brightened. "Kind of lightheaded?"
Anya nodded. "Yeah."
"Me, too." He gave her a knowing grin and brought their dance to an end, taking both of Anya's hands into his. He stroked her palms with his thumbs, robbing her of the ability to reason or breathe. "Probably from spinning," he said, his voice like suede. "Maybe we should stop."
"We have stopped," Anya said, practically gasping.
Dimitri's gaze darted from her eyes to her lips and back again. "Anya, I..."
"Yes?"
Anya's whisper took the form of a question between them, feather light and weighted all at once, but she wasn't really asking. Her heart and mind and body were on one accord for the first time, and the same word that had just left her lips began coursing through her bones - not as a query, but an invitation. A demand. A plea.
She could feel whatever it was that constantly seethed between them like it was a living, vital thing, sometimes a low-level static, a white noise; other times charged and sparking and crackling like lightning in a storm.
Like it was right now.
The wind picked up, whipping tendrils of hair across Anya's cheeks and mouth. That same moving air seemed to have pushed Dimitri even closer, because now he was there, right there, near enough to hear her heartbeat fluttering in her throat, for her to smell the coming rain on his skin, nearly close enough for her to taste the salt spray on his lips -
"You're doing fine, Anya."
Anya hadn't realized she'd closed her eyes until she opened them to witness Dimitri's withdrawal, accompanied by a patronizing pat to the back of her hand. Wide-eyed and numb, she watched him walk away without a backward glance and vanish into the dark bowels of the ship.
She stared at the empty space he'd left behind, a burning ache in her throat as she swallowed convulsively. Dimitri had felt what she'd felt. Anya had no doubt. It had been right there in his eyes, a shimmering reflection of her own need. But he'd been able to walk away like it meant nothing. Like she meant nothing.
He might as well have spit in her face.