Hello there! This is not my first Steven Universe fanfiction story, but this is the first one I actually published and want to take more seriously!
This chapter has been beta read by ToothPasteCanyon as I have mentioned before. I hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 1: Analysis Paralysis
The only thing that is constantly changing is change, and change is always changing for the worse - Lou Reed
It was quiet for once. At least it was for Steven. The night sky overcame the Earth, while a large shadow from the outside patio appeared in the middle of the bedroom. He lays on his bed, but he didn't feel the need to sleep. Instead, he stared at the blankless, white ceiling.
Earlier today, Connie had been over. This was the only day she had off, considering it was the weekend, and the two spent as much time together as they could squeeze in. In the morning around 8 AM, both Steven and she took a mini road trip around Delmarva, heading any and everywhere. Although they had a warp pad to travel to many cooler places, it was the simple things that mattered. Plus he was always excited to drive his car whenever given the chance.
During the evening, they came back to his house and stayed in to watch classic anime movies. The first choice was "Spirited Away" Connie's personal favorite. They continued this up until they'd fallen asleep.
Unfortunately, things didn't play out the way they hoped for. Their peaceful nap was later interrupted by a loud ringtone. This didn't alarm them at first. Then, a few seconds later, Connie had begun to panic, recognizing it was her ringtone. Steven could recall her eyes bolt up after she looked at her phone.
"Oh my gosh! My parents are gonna kill me!" She freaked out. Before the half-asleep teen could say anything, she was already down the stairs and out the door.
Steven grabbed his phone out of his jean pocket and opened the device. The time read 11:05 PM. It had been twenty minutes since she left. No message yet from her. Surely she should be home soon.
He knew for a fact that Beach City wasn't entirely dangerous. Little Homeworld was right around the corner, and many gems would visit here from time to time. Still, he felt uneasy with her walking home at this time of night. He couldn't help it. She had a long distance to go and when he tried offering to drive her home, she'd mostly deny.
Connie was quite aware of what he was doing. It was hard to stop at first, given that it's in his nature to worry about those he loved and protect them at all cost, but he eventually did. She was independent after all. He saw her grow stronger by the day and knew she was fully capable of handling almost anything in her way. Plus, he figured she would text him when she got home at least.
The two started dating not too long ago, although it was technically the same way things were when they were younger. Neither one made it official, but it just kind of felt that way. The only difference would be that they're much older now. They've kept things simple such as her coming over his house, hanging out at Funland, or whatever they could come up with with the amount of time they had in their hands. He liked how things were at the moment, and wanted only for their relationship to build up naturally.
Steven scrolled through their past messages. They usually texted almost every day, unless she was in the middle of doing tests or whenever she needed her full concentration on projects. And lately, Connie had been busier than ever. As she got older, so did her responsibilities, and he certainly didn't want to cling all over her. Steven admitted to himself that he also had a lot on his plate as well. From holding responsibility as the Guardian of the Earth to having the title as monarch of the Diamond Authority, it was more than obvious that they couldn't pursue anything further than what they had at the moment. Not like it wasn't anything serious, other than two close friends bonding when they are available.
The only time he could recall a bit of romance in their relationship was his very first kiss from her. It was nothing more than a kiss on the cheek. And nothing else came out of it rather than just a hug here and there, and holding hands. Still, it meant something for the two of them.
Steven proceeded to open up his photo gallery. There were ranges of photos, and a majority of the photos were the two of them together. This morning on their road trip, Connie had access to his phone and would take pictures when he wasn't aware at first. Steven chuckled from one of the photos with him giving her a scowled look after realizing what she was doing. He found his serious expressions kind of funny. He then scrolled down to the next photo of the two with cheesy smiles on their faces. This made him smile as well. It was moments like these that allowed him to sometimes forget about the past. Even on that day...
Steven winced at the thought again as he blankly stared at his phone. That day. Why did he have to remind himself of it? The same day he received his first kiss and his almost happily-ever-after was the same day another problem would arise. And he was the person to fix it. No one else could. Steven quickly puts up his phone and placed his arms behind his head. He was once again nightdreaming...
Again and again.
Spinel came into the picture, and this changed his whole perspective on almost everything. it was all confusing at first. From the time she came to his home, to ruining almost everything he built up to. Steven almost lost hope that day, thinking it was all over, but the puzzle pieces came together with the help of the enemy herself. Only to find out she was betrayed by his mother to the point of leading her into madness. The teen lets out a breath of air from his sudden pause.
Part of knowing what happened to the gem, he began to wonder what he could've done that was never in his control as a child. If he had somehow activated the warp pad to that place accidentally or learned some sort of hint through his mindscape, he knew his would have willingly taken her in or fought tooth and nail just to find her. Only for it to never happen. And after six-millennia, it was only last year when she had only found out of his mother's demise, followed by the events that took place from Steven's message of peace throughout the galaxy.
Steven shifted himself slightly on his bed, letting out another small 'hm'. He wondered if he was in the wrong. He couldn't deny that it has been on his mind for quite some time now. His intentions were to stop the Injector and get his friends back, and he did just that. He uplifted Spinel enough only to help him save the Earth, and she gave in.
In the back of his mind, though, he couldn't stop thinking of his happily-ever-after. He felt selfish even during that time. It was very inconsiderate to have just told her to "forget it ever happened" and for him treat her like another walk in the park. It felt like a betrayal, and she panicked. Of course, she did. He should've remembered how much mental distress she was going through, shouldn't have said it like that… but...well, he did, and there was no going back.
All he remembered too well was their last altercation. It was at this moment when he realized just how wrong he felt. He could still hear her broken voice from each sentence she spewed at him, the surface of it changing drastically, and bringing out this now sorrowful, scorned gem. He was seeing her true self.
"Why do I wanna hurt you so bad...? I'm supposed to be a friend..."
The face she was making... Steven could still remember the way she stared him down through the pink of his shield, through the tears in her eyes she was just barely holding back. He knew she truly didn't want to cause him any harm.
"I just wanna be a friend..."
The realization that after everything Spinel had gone through, this was the end result. It was the regret written into every black line on her face. The utter despair that permeated every part of her being at that moment, she felt as if she had no return. She showed him her own vulnerability deep within her eyes and through her broken words, and that memory had stayed with him.
"Spinel..." He heard himself say.
Then, suddenly Steven felt himself vibrate, knocking him out of his deep thoughts. It surprised him at first, only to find that it was his phone, still in his pocket. He sat up and reached for the device, opening it. A message from Connie. Thank goodness.
She texted him, 'Im soo sorry about that rush!'
Steven slouched his head back on the pillow, with the phone over his head. On the corner of his phone, the time had read 11:11 PM. What a lucky time indeed.
He texted back a response, 'don't worry about it! glad to know your safe though, I was worried.'
It was kind of awkward to text sometimes. Steven was more of a calling type. He couldn't truly express himself and texting made the context seem blunt in the matter. He wasn't sure if it was too silly to send an emoji to show some type of emotion until Connie replied to him, 'you don't have to worry all the time! this town is literally the safest places I know.. And that factual..almost.'
Steven responded with, 'yea I guess you're almost right lol' , followed by 'what did your parents say when you got home?'
She quickly replied, ' what do you think? -.-'
Steven laughed awkwardly. It wasn't funny sure, but he knew how things were gonna play out. He knew the next morning or evening, Connie's parents would probably storm into the house, right into his front room and give out a lecture on the talk once more in front of whoever was around. They certainly did not care who was around either.
Steven was still new to this subject matter, but he wasn't dumb about what it was exactly. Not that he had learned it from anyone. Instead, he felt it as he reached the peak of adolescence near the age of fourteen years old. That was also around the same time he met Connie. He knew he acted kind of strange in front of her as the two got closer. The only thing that Steven was truly knowledgeable about at that time was more closely related to gem lives. His father taught him about love, sure, but he never told him how it was done literally for humans. It was up until he had reached his sixteenth birthday when the curiosity had struck him more.
Steven was aware that asking the gems was a lost cause (even if they did know, he was still embarrassed to ask such a question). He dared not to ask his father either. So instead, for some reason, he decided to go ask Lars and Sadie about it in which he fully regretted. They told him alright, and they made sure to entail every detail to him. Steven wished he had stopped there, but felt as if he couldn't grasp the idea at first. So they'd recommended that he did "research" on the internet if he wanted to see the visuals.
The gullible Steven did so out of curiosity, and boy was it something that made things very, very awkward between him and Connie. He only thought of Connie as his best friend and someone he had sworn to protect. She meant the world to him. Their friendship felt wholesome and personal even. She was his first fusion experience and they've learned to fight as one. For the most part, it was pure love and genuine.
He couldn't deny it being on his mind when she came over. But the idea made him feel wrong, very wrong. He just couldn't do that to her. It just felt impure.
Realizing he was in his thoughts again and procrastinating in his response, Steven thought of a way to avoid this conversation. His mind was certainly heading in the wrong direction.
He quickly comes up with a reply, 'well I shouldn't be surprised, knowing how the last time things went...'
At first, it took a few seconds for her to respond when all he got was, 'yea...' and she continued on the next line of text, 'anyways, I'll text you in the morning, have to get up early!'
Steven grew anxious from her message. He hoped he didn't anger her. She usually would keep the conversation going. Maybe her parents were getting at her for texting him in the first place. Or perhaps it's late and she actually had to get up early tomorrow. He left it at that for now.
Steven only responded with, 'sleep well Connie~' with Connie to lastly text him, 'you too~'
Steven yawned out loud as he got out of his bed. He looked around his room, with only the reflection of the moon outside his patio and his static TV giving him noticeable light. He went to turn off his electronics and began cleaning up the mess both he and Connie made a few hours ago. Lying around were both opened and unopened snack bags and soda cans along with pieces of paper. They were notes from earlier during their movie session. It was sort of a ritual for them to take notes on scenes that spoke out to them or parts that confused them. Once the movie was over, they'd have a discussion on the notes they took and sometimes rewatched those parts. It sounded boring when Steven would try it to explain to Amethyst or anyone who came across their notes, but he knew it was outright entertainment for them and that's all that mattered anyway. Steven placed the notes on his nightstand, headed towards his door, and crept down the stairs.
It was dark on the main floor, and the shades to the door and windows were closed. As he made his way down the stairs, the sound of each step creaked. He continued over to the front door, flicked the light on, displaying enough for him to walk around and not bump into anything.
Heading towards the kitchen, Steven placed any unopened snacks on the counter, while he threw away any bags and empty cans picked up from earlier. Soon after he walked back towards the front door. He stood there for an awkward second and flicked the light back to off. Looking behind him, Steven saw that the temple was now dark and quiet with no one around. The gems didn't need to do any sort of missions that he knew of, so they usually stayed in their rooms during the night time. The warp pad stood in the middle of the back room.
Nothing was happening. But he felt...unusual.
"You actually liked me, didn't you?"
Spinel's words began to come back to light and haunt down his thoughts. Steven sighed, placing his hand on his head from the annoying looped sentence. It had been a year since the incident. Surely everything was fine..? He glanced over to see his mother's frame on the wall of the stairs. Something was off. The teen's face grew a little worried as he glanced back at the front door.
'Maybe I should go for a walk. To clear my head and all ...' he thought.
He needed to get some fresh air. Steven grabbed his varsity jacket and shoes before heading out. The front door slowly creaked open as he tries not to make too much noise.
In his view, the sky was filled with many stars and the moon was just in the center. Steven slightly smiled as he closed the door behind him. The wind was slightly cool to the touch, but not enough for it to be chilly. This was perfect for a night walk on the beach. It has been a while since he had done this. Steven closed his eyes to take in the sounds of the current scene. Birds were absent in their chirps, but he didn't mind that. He needed this time of peace. Night walks would be some sort of distraction and could help elevate his mind at ease. He finally opened his eyes back up and began heading down the stairs.
Down the small steep hill led to the sandy beach. When the sand hit his open-toed sandals, the slight touch of sand made him smile. The inner child in him loved the feeling of sand on his feet. It sometimes felt nostalgic. Steven inhaled the fresh smell of the salty water to exhale it a few seconds later. He did this a couple of times as he headed towards the city.
The lights of the city were mostly off, but he knew it was that same time for businesses to close anyways. The city was still in slight shambles from the aftermath of Spinel's Injector even after the use of his healing powers. Steven sighs at the view. Around the side of the forest-hill from Beach City, stood Little Homeworld from the distance. It was almost hidden but still noticeable. Their lights were on. It sort of reminded him of Empire City. Steven knew gems didn't have to sleep and was curious to know what they did so anyway at times like this. It was near midnight, and humans like his half-self should be sleep. At least the ones in Beach City do. He never sought out to see just the answer though, since he would usually be asleep by now. Maybe the gems were still up at this time of night or maybe they chose to perform the Earthly rituals as humans do.
He looks over at the ocean. It was back to its normal blue from last year. Not only was his city harmed, but the Earth was also in serious consequences when the pink liquid spilled throughout the ocean. If they hadn't acted any sooner, it would've gotten worse.
Steven continued his stroll across the beach. He looks up at the sky once more. Although millions of stars appeared on the face of the Earth, one stood out as Homeworld. He knew which one it was exactly too. Maybe it was more of a feeling than just knowing.
"I wonder how it's going up there anyway?" he asked out loud.
The Diamonds haven't communicated with him since their little "agreement" to take Spinel back to Homeworld instead of living on the planet Earth. He was almost sure that they've had their full attention on her. They were a lot to handle, but he knew Spinel needed all the love she could get. The thought of loneliness for six millennia was too impossible to visualize, but she was proof of that.
He'd witnessed cracked gems and saw the face of many corruptions, and he knew how to fix the problem. Spinel wasn't corrupted in the mind, instead, she was mentally broken to the point of changing her own appearance based on her emotional distress at the time. That truly broke him. Steven closed his eyes for a second, taken back to his memories. He opened his eyes and stared down at his gemstone area, covered by his shirt.
His mom really, really messed her up. Being the empathetic person he was, Steven truly wanted to save Spinel and show her that she didn't have to be alone. He wanted her to be part of his family here on Earth. Not that the Diamonds were his family, but it was different.
But...
But she was fine with the Diamonds. Nothing had been told to him, no conflicts have been opened from Homeworld. Steven admitted to himself that he even willingly tried avoiding ever visiting. Now that they had Spinel as his "replacement" to Pink Diamond's room and essentials, this gave him more leisure. That was the least he (or they) could give her in exchange for the empty years she spent alone.
And he could remember Spinel even saying so herself. It wasn't healthy for her to be around him. She needed to start over since she had started badly with him. He figured she had already made friends and decided Homeworld was where she was meant to stay. Garnet didn't seem to have any future visions from anything countering this situation any further. Peridot took control of the Earth's telecommunication channels but was never given any word from any sign of threat. So everything was fine. Right?
Steven pouted at the endless pondering. He had been walking for about 10 minutes now. Why couldn't he stop thinking of this? Surely he has seen many bad things his mom has done. Maybe it had something to do with his mother always making him responsible for fixing her past actions, or could it be he was becoming more paranoid as time went by. Her influence truly brought his mood down.
"Who knows.." Steven softly told himself once more as he continued rambling through the beach, coming near the docks.
'Maybe it was because you pushed her aside..' he answered to himself.
Steven gritted his teeth from the thought of his past actions. He definitely knew he wasn't over it. It was an everlasting memory that was stored within him, along with many other past mistakes.
It had been almost four years since the Diamond Authority had drastically changed their dictatorial ways, and for once he thought it was all over. He thought he could enjoy his happily ever after. But Spinel had come to ruin that fateful moment all in one day, making Steven think there was no such thing.
'Why did she have to come here? Things were so close to being perfect... '
Steven couldn't believe it the thought that came to him. It certainly was in her intentions to harm everything he's built up to, but she had a reason... And that reason was his mother. The name felt bitter to his tongue. He'd never met her, yet he was beginning to resent her. Steven never imagined he would ever think of his mother this way.
"No such thing as perfect," he said under his breath.
He should've realized that, after finding out that his mom wasn't anywhere close to it. Forgiving her was the first step, even if she couldn't hear him. Still, sometimes it was harder to forgive everything she's done. And the list will only continue to build up.
"No such thing as happily ever afters... only in fairy tales.." he bluntly told his child-like mind that still held on. Although the Diamonds had created a story about him, he'll never know what happens at the end. This was a story about him after all. Spinel wasn't, and wouldn't be the only surprise he had coming. It had been quiet for the most part on Earth, but he knew he couldn't necessarily take any chances.
Now that he thinks about it, he never even apologized to Spinel for his actions alone. Not his mom's, but his. This made her feel like it was only her fault.
"It was her fault though..."
Many thoughts were racing through Steven's head. She chose to want to hurt him and his friends. She knew what she was doing. He had to stop giving those who want him dead excuses. Still, his mom was responsible for these reactions. But his mom was no longer here. Here he was now and the responsibilities for her past mistakes had never been so high. Steven constantly battled this internal conflict on unanswered questions.
And this walk surely wasn't helping. It was further enabling him to get mixed in with his feelings.
Suddenly he stopped in his place. There was a sudden change of feeling he had. It wasn't painful, but it felt...familiar. He remembered this from long ago during his "fusion training" with Connie. It was a lesson about dealing with their emotional pain. Connie was able to get over it, but for Steven... he tried. It was sort of easy at the beginning, but the conflicts continued to build up from that point on.
Steven suddenly collapsed on the ground and felt tears running down his eyes. It was hard for him to speak out loud. Instead, he let out a rasped whisper,
"Why...?" Steven sobbed for a while. He figured confronting his feelings could somehow allow him to end this internal turmoil. Blaming himself was easy enough. He chose to take this responsibility and make things for the better. he knew he had to learn from his ignorance as a child that the world is not black and white. It was much more complicated than that.
"Why mom… Why... me..?" he continued his sorrows. Why indeed. What made his mom choose to have him all of a sudden? This thought has been on his mind during the dark times. If she knew that there were so many problems, why did she want him to continue to live through her?
He closed his eyes once again, tears continuously flowing out, and he moved his hand under his shirt. He touched his gemstone, and when he did, it felt...warm. He's never felt his gem feel any type of heat. A small peek of a pink glow made him suddenly open his eyes. His gem was… glowing?
"M-mom?"
No response of course. Instead, sounds of the waves were moving aggressively, winds were cooling down the air, and then the sound of...
"Huh..?" he whispered
It was very faint, but he could've sworn he heard something. It sounded like a voice almost. But barely noticeable. Steven quickly got up from his spot. He looked around for a bit but saw nothing in plain sight. The voice was unrecognizable due to the lack of volume.
"Is anyone out there?" He asked out loud. No response. The waves were crashing into one another and the wind followed along with the breeze. Steven gulped down a breath of air and decided to backtrack his steps back home.
As he walked back, a sudden flicker of pain hit him all at once, making him fall on his knees once more.
"Ugh.. what is going on?" He asked himself in a bare whisper.
It was coming from his gem, as it was noticeably glowing more and more. Steven could feel a light sweat overflow his body. It took a few minutes for him to get back on his feet and continue his way back home. The wind was beginning to subside as the waves slowed down. But that voice was still sound. It felt nearer but was nowhere in sight. He finally made it back to his destination and found..no one.. Or rather nothing oddly out of place.
Steven couldn't help but think it was a gem related problem. His gem was causing him to feel a weird sense of pain, and he was hearing noises. This wasn't the first time he had this similar type of reaction with gems nearby or his dreams leading to other gems.
Was there a gem nearby?
Little Homeworld wasn't too far from the city, but something told him it wasn't out there. It felt close. Very close.
"I should sleep this off..." Steven felt his sleepy side hit him as the idea came to mind. He could just tell the others what was going on all of a sudden and maybe they would know. This most definitely had something to do with his mom, and he just couldn't answer it for himself. He was at the point of exhaustion. That was until he heard the small voice again. Steven knew he couldn't give up just yet and had to find the source to this, but it was hard to tell where.
"Maybe it's coming from somewhere in the city.." Steven groaned at the thought of looking around the entire city, but he had to sort this out.
He started by running over to the Big Donut. It was closed, obviously, but there was a slight chance for (former) Mayor Dewey or someone to be around. Nothing. The search continued. It took nearly 10 minutes for Steven to wander around each neighborhood, and he had to do it quietly.
"Would've been easier with Lion around," he heard himself complain.
The pink feline often spent its nights over at the Little Homeworld. Who knows why, and he could never get the answer from the animal. At first, he wondered if the sound had finally stopped. No, it hadn't. He could still feel it, even though the voice was dim. And there was nothing around at the moment to be found from this.
Steven was on the last brink of hope when he ran over to his father's car wash. The van was parked nearby. At first, the thought of asking his father for help came to mind, then he instantly thought against it. His father was hardly into magic stuff, as he's said, especially if it was a threat. Still, he wasn't sure if it even was a threat.
Then, without hesitation, Steven leaped high in the air, just right above the city. The view felt somewhat clearer than running around town. It took some time for him to master his floating power, but he finally got it.
"Should've done this from the beginning," he said to himself. Steven took his time as he hovered over the city right below him. He should've probably gotten a better angle, but he was able to see just enough in his viewpoint. Right in front of him stood the giant hill, behind which laid Obsidian and his home.
There were obvious hollowed-out areas on top of the hill, one from the explosion of the Injector, and the other smaller one from the first invasion. Bundles of flowers and grass had grown over the areas he used his healing powers on, but the crater-like hole was still imprinted on the hill.
The lighthouse stood right on top of the hill that caught his attention. Steven thought of this as a last resort for him to end the night. It had been at least an hour since the situation had come to play. If he found nothing, he would like to give it a rest and-
Then from a glimpse of his eye, Steven could've sworn he saw someone moving at the bottom of the larger crater. It was night time, so perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him. He was tired after all. But still, this was at least somewhat of a start.
"This has got to be it," he said.
He glided himself down slowly back on the ground near the bottom of the hill, next to his father's car wash. Striding up the hill with haste, he heard the voice become clearer. But it was still unrecognizable. With hesitation, Steven crouched down and slowly made his way to the edge of the steep hole.
That's when he felt it again. That same feeling from earlier. The gemstone planted on his stomach felt hot this time. Burning hot.
"Ugh.. not right now.."Steven groaned to himself as this strange feeling came back.
Though, it didn't take him too long before he finally reached the edge to where he could have a better view inside the crater. He made sure he wasn't too loud as he looked down to see the source. The figure was at the bottom of the crater with its back turned, and the dark shadow had overcome its body. This made it hard for Steven to see the perpetrator. If he tried to confront them now, they might just runoff.
The sound was now clear. It actually sounded familiar, too familiar really. It definitely wasn't Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, or any other gem he could think of at the matter. Surely they would never be down here at a time like this. Still, he wouldn't be surprised. But something told him it wasn't really them. There weren't any other gems he could think of that could be down there, that also lived on the Earth. But he recognized it, almost like it was...
"Spinel...?"