Chapter 24
I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR CHARACTERS
Bella slept for three days.
It was the hardest, deepest sleep of her life. She had the oddest dreams, if she could even call them that. They were mostly disconnected images, smeary blurs that weren't anything tangible, flashes of color intermixed with long periods of peaceful darkness.
And when she woke again, the world as she knew it was gone.
Bella's eyes popped open like they were on springs, without warning. From sleep to wide awake, literally in the blink of an eye.
Whoa.
She blinked rapidly as she stared up at the ceiling, uncomprehending. Her vision was crystal clear, bright, as if someone had plugged the cord of her brain into an HDMI port. She sat up quickly in astonishment and heard a soft yelp of surprise from her left.
"Bella?"
Bella quickly turned and saw (of course) Alice.
Oh my god…
The ceiling was a blank canvas that did not do her new eyes justice.
But Alice?
Her eyes did not deserve to bask in that beauty. She was fucking beautiful. Gorgeous. Not that she wasn't always, but wow.
Bella's eyes absorbed her, devouring her. She could see every silky strand of midnight colored hair framing a face that seemed to glow with vibrancy. Smooth, marble white skin draped over apple cheekbones, and Bella watched in rapture as heart shaped lips colored tickle-me-pink parted in surprise. Big golden eyes met Bella's.
"Whoa," Bella breathed.
Oh god, she's so pretty! What's happened to me? Am I a vampire now? Is this what it's like?
She could literally count the lashes framing those gorgeous orbs.
The answer was an even 135 each, by the way. Somehow she counted them all in a split second, and did not even realize she'd done it. She would have been more shocked if she weren't so enraptured by them.
Each one long and fluttery, around irises a saturated shade of gold Bella's eyes had never seen before. But no, she'd seen that color so many times and cherished the serenity it meant in Alice's vampire, only now she was really seeing it. She peered closely at them, eyes wide to take in all the different shades of yellow she'd never noticed before, and faintly, she thought, she could see tiny shards of inexplicable luminescence in them.
"Jesus, you're awake!" Alice cried, and lunged for her. Bella started in surprise and then released a sharp moan of delight.
Alice smelled so fucking good.
That familiar scent of mint, white chocolate and berries that she associated with bliss flooded her skull and Bella inhaled sharply as the pixie's arms closed around her neck and squeezed. She almost choked on her own spit in delight at her aroma. Like the way she'd never really seen Alice before, she'd never really smelled her quite like this, where her very essence pooled in Bella's brain in all her lovely glory, at least without the influence of huge doses of pheromones.
And the way she felt; God almighty, it was a revelation in itself. Beneath it she caught faint scents of other things she couldn't place, and even beyond that she could hear a slight hum in the world, the sounds of life and electrically powered appliances amplified more than what it should have been. She swore she heard a soft voice coming from what felt like below her, and then it was gone.
And beyond Alice, beyond the sensory explosion, Bella felt juiced. Her mind felt strong, as if it had been scrubbed squeaky clean, revamped -puns aside— and was now working better than it ever had before. It felt like all the neurons in her brain were firing perfectly, snapping each signal effortlessly together and receiving them fast, so fast.
It was confusing then, why she could not seem to comprehend anything other than Alice. Even though her mind felt strong, somehow her thoughts were still muddled, as if her mind were moving too fast and could not keep up with itself yet.
Waking up, she had been disoriented enough, but Alice was making it a slap to the face. (A nice slap to the face, but still.)
Then again, it was Alice after all.
Bella reflexively wrapped her arms around Alice's waist, gasping her in, and embracing her as tightly as she could. Alice was wearing a plain black cami, so Bella shuddered in pleasure when she felt the naked skin of her arms slide across her neck. Electricity coursed through her and Bella felt she could die at the way her arms felt around Alice's petite frame, when their breasts pressed together, and Alice clung to her, embracing her like the angel she was.
It was like a door had been opened that had been closed for so long. Bella was dumbfounded by all the new sensations and sights.
The most interesting part about all of it was that none of it was technically new. She'd been with Alice for quite some time, and knew all the feelings being with her entailed, but now they were amplified, and that was definitely saying something. Before touching Alice, seeing her, feeling her, just being in her presence was enough to leave Bella dizzily infatuated.
Now, she was utterly lost to it, her brain floundering… That is, until Alice yelped in pain.
"Bella!" she gasped and Bella let go instinctively, alarmed at the pain in her voice.
"Alice? What is it? Are you okay? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Bella babbled quickly.
She realized then, how much she could have missed in her slumber, and that was when the shock of her brand new eyes gave way to her brand new fears, and the muddled confusion in her brain evaporated in an instant.
How long was I out? What's happened since? Did the Volturi come for us while I was sleeping? Am I a freakin vampire now? What the hell did Victoria do to me? Did I actually die before? God, that doesn't even matter! Where are the rest of the Cullens? What's going on!
It was a testament to how well Alice knew her that she saw all that panic on her face and stopped it before it got spiral out of control.
"No, Bells, everything's okay… You just squeezed me really tightly," Alice said.
Something viciously recoiled inside Bella, something a bit like a wild flash of self loathing mixed with anxiety that bewildered Bella in its intensity. It jolted through her and with a sharp intake of breath, she quelled it the next moment, and tried to just shrug it off as it faded quickly.
I hurt her? How could I have hurt her? Am I strong like that now?
"But I'm fine-Are you okay?" Alice babbled, and cupped her face. Bella's eyelids fluttered at the feeling of those smooth palms on her cheeks and she blushed when Alice tilted her head this way and that looking over her, peering into her eyes, smoothing back her hair anxiously.
Anxiety was not something Alice wore well. It was not something either of them was used to seeing on her, and somehow Bella found herself calming as Alice fussed over her, clearly anything but.
"Uh," Bella said dumbly, distracted by the way Alice looked in her new vision.
Just… No words. There are no words to do her justice. Is this what being a vampire is like? Is that even what I am now? What did the venom actually do to me? Has it always been this hard to take my eyes off of her?
"I think? How long have I been asleep?" Bella inquired, and gripped Alice's wrists to get her attention back. The girl was seriously fretting over her, and it was making Bella nervous.
Something big must have happened if it's bad enough to put Alice on edge. She's never like this unless things are really, really bad.
It was hard to focus on anything. Bella found her eyes flickering from Alice and up to the ceiling fan when she saw each individual dust mote drifting in the air and realized she could probably count those out too.
And then she did it. She just did it, within three seconds.
457. God, that's insane!
"Three days," Alice huffed and Bella blinked in surprise, jerking back to herself. She was being overloaded, with curiosity and confusion.
Whatever she was now was not human, at least in the traditional sense. She was… Boosted into something else, at the very least.
"Three long, God awful days," Alice added, looking thoroughly disgruntled by the thought.
"Are you serious?" she gawked and Alice nodded, looking frazzled. She sat back and ran a hand through her hair as Bella took that in. "Alice, what's been going on? The last thing I remember is taking a shower with you, and then… Nothing."
Curiosity was seriously about to kill this cat. Bella was dying to know what had happened since she'd passed out.
"Is that… All you remember?" Alice asked in a careful manner, watching Bella observantly. So very observantly. As if any moment Bella might disappear.
No.
No, that most certainly was not all she remembered.
Her revamped brain locked it all together effortlessly.
She remembered opening the door of her house expecting her angel and getting a demon instead. She remembered Victoria rag dolling her around her living room, effectively torturing her, and draining her dry, the terror and pain she'd experienced at those wicked hands that even now made her ill at just the thought. She remembered a vague sort of memory of a furious sickness eating her from the inside out until her very bones melted beneath her skin, and she remembered long periods of blackness. And she remembered waking up in Alice's arms, looking up and seeing that picture perfect pixie face utterly shattered with grief.
That struck a chord in Bella's heart that made her breath hitch.
Bella remembered that she'd died.
Literally. Technically. In every sense of the word. She'd left this world. Carlisle said it with a look so grave and serious, with his eyes shining with tears when Carlisle never cried or showed anything but his cool, collected demeanor.
It was no wonder Alice was freaking the fuck out. She probably thought she'd lost Bella all over again.
To have ever lost her at all…
Oh Alice. My Alice…
"I remember," Bella said with conviction, meeting Alice's eyes. "I remember everything."
"You do?" Alice furrowed her brow as if surprised.
"Yeah," Bella nodded. "Am I not supposed to or something? Alice, seriously, what has been happening since I passed out? And did Carlisle ever figure out what the venom actually did to me? Because seriously-My eyes, my head… Everything's different. It's-It's-"
Bella struggled to put it into words, and Alice looked alarmed.
"Different how? Do you feel sick, or woozy? Are you hurting anywhere? Do you need to lie back down-"
"Alice, no, I'm fine. I mean it. I mean I'm better than fine. I feel-I feel good. I feel great. Am I a vampire now? I've got the fangs now, don't I?" Bella interrupted her swiftly, speaking quickly in her excitement to get answers.
Without thinking about it, she raked her tongue over her top row of teeth and felt her canines, and shivered when she felt two lethal tips prick lightly at her tongue, without drawing blood.
I should probably not do that. My mouth always did crazy shit. Biting myself with these babies could do who knows what at this point…
"We don't know, Bella," Alice said slowly, but Bella was working herself up.
"Because I am different now. I can feel it. I can see things that I couldn't see before. Everything looks different-Brighter, better. Did you know you have 135 eyelashes on each eye? And you-God you look amazing, not that you didn't before, and I can smell and hear all these things. It's incredible," Bella babbled, almost breathless.
"Whoa, slow down sweetheart," Alice cut in, the corners of her lips quirking slightly as Bella glanced around the room, taking everything in with her new senses.
Bella's gaze snapped back to her quickly, her attention whipping around, back and forth. She was about to start getting whiplash, but there was so much to absorb, to take in, more than she'd ever known of before.
"Bella, we don't really know what Victoria's venom did to you. You just slept for three days straight after having a reaction no one else has ever had before. And you're not acting like a newborn vampire. If you were you'd be crazy with bloodlust right now and incapable of higher thought or speech until you fed. And you definitely wouldn't remember anything, let alone your entire human life…" Alice trailed away as Bella rubbed at her eyes and frowned in confusion.
Well all this wasn't very enlightening.
"I don't understand," Bella said softly. "Alice… We don't know anything about what happened to me? Then what-What am I? I'm not a vampire, but I… I don't feel human anymore either. I feel… Different."
Different. It was the only word Bella could summon to possibly come close to what she was feeling, but even that was nowhere near enough. She was feeling about a thousand different things right now.
"I'm sorry, Bells. We don't know. We just don't know-Yet. Carlisle has some theories now, but nothing really conclusive…" Alice answered hesitantly and Bella ran a hand through her hair.
She couldn't help but notice that even though she'd been sleeping for three days that her hair was soft and silky instead of greasy.
At least this change she'd experienced was having some major perks, as hard as it was to handle and wrap her mind around it.
"Maybe now that you're actually awake we can get some kind of answers," Alice added, and her tone was so gruff and agitated that Bella looked at her, really looked at Alice again, taking in more than the shallowness of her beauty this time.
If a vampire could look exhausted, Alice looked it. Her ruffled black hair was sticking out even more wildly than usual. Her eyes, though golden, were swirling with emotion barely held back beneath the surface. Her normally smiling lips were set in a thin line, slightly down turned at the corners, and her brow seemed permanently furrowed.
"Hey," Bella said suddenly and grabbed Alice's hand. "Alice, look at me. I'm okay. I'm serious. I'm-I don't know how I know, but I'm fine now. I can feel it. I'm okay."
It was not a lie. Other than her anxiety over the Volturi and a slight (okay, massive) worry over what the future would bring, one thing Bella did not feel was an issue was her health. Sitting there now, she could feel it, a certain invigorated strength inside her. Her body felt incredible. She got distracted by it for a moment again. She shifted on the bed, and literally felt her muscles move and bunch together in harmony. She felt strong.
Alice's eyebrows knit together and she shook her head rapidly. "How could you possibly know that? Bella, I need to go get Carlisle. I should have gone the moment you woke, but I was so worried… He needs to look you over, make sure that-"
"Alice, there's nothing Carlisle can do even if there is something wrong with me, but there's not. I can just tell. I feel fine. I am fine," Bella interrupted Alice before she could even shift to get off the bed.
"Bella." Alice was not to be placated. "You can't know that. You can't possibly-You-You died for god's sake. We don't even know, we have no idea what's happened to you, what you've become-"
Bella was startled to see Alice working herself into a frenzy, and a rush of compassion hit her as her lover began to fall apart in front of her eyes.
Oh Alice… My Alice, my sweet Alice…
Bella's death and rebirth was hitting the vampire twice as hard as it was hitting Bella, and only now could she see how much it was really affecting Alice.
A powerful sense of protectiveness and affection for Alice surged in Bella, so much so that it shocked her dumb for a second as she grappled with the rush of emotion. Something inside her straightened up and said vehemently that she needed to soothe Alice, make her feel better, stop the anxiety and fear on her lovely face no matter what it took.
Whoa… What is that?
"You just slept for three days! No, you were in a coma for three days after dying right-Right in front of me. I watched it happen, Bella, you just fucking died and God, don't tell me you're okay because you're not. Every second I've been waiting for you to go again, so don't tell me you just know because you don't, you fucking don't know the same way I didn't know about Victoria and-and-"
Bella fought the insane urge to lunge forward and tackle Alice into a huge embrace and squeeze her tight. She did not know where the feeling was coming from, and she spoke hurriedly to ward it off in a panic, frightened by the intensity of the feeling.
"Alice!" Bella cut across her as Alice looked on the verge of a breakdown. "Calm down, baby, please, listen to me."
She reached for Alice, who was shaking her head again with shiny eyes and a quivering bottom lip. Alice gasped in a breath and tried to turn away to hide it, but Bella wouldn't let her.
No, Alice, no.
It took everything she had to quell the rolling instincts rearing inside her. She almost didn't, but barely did with a huge breath of Alice scented air.
"Everything's gonna be okay," Bella murmured, cupping her face in both hands, cradling her, leaning close, so close, till their noses nearly brushed to make damn sure Alice looked her in the eyes so she would listen, so she would know what Bella knew, just felt and understood deep in her bones.
Which still included that powerful sense of protectiveness that Bella continued to quietly struggle with. Getting close to Alice only made it worse. She was struck by the profound desire to kiss her, and jerked a little to keep from doing so. Alice tilted her head slightly, noticing, and she rushed on.
Where is all this coming from? God, I know I want to make her feel better but I can barely think! It must be part of whatever happened to me…
But these disconcerting instincts making themselves known was not the focus here.
"I'm not dead, baby, I'm right here. If I was going to die, don't you think I would have by now? Why would I come back just to go again? That doesn't make any sense. I slept because-Well, I just died. It's a pretty exhausting thing to do, actually."
Her weak attempt at humor only made Alice cringe, and Bella immediately kicked herself for it. She scrambled to recover.
"But I woke up. I'm right here. And I feel better than ever. I feel… Incredible. I don't even know how to describe it. I don't know what I am either, but I know that I am, at least, alive. And I can tell that for now, I'm going to stay that way. So please, Alice, please just…" Bella trailed away when Alice swallowed so hard that it was visible and fought back a bubbling sob that cut straight to her heartstrings.
But of course Alice always had a direct line to those things. Only now it felt like she'd wrapped them in her fists and was yanking on them.
"Please don't cry. Please don't be upset," Bella whispered and pressed her forehead to the vampire's, softly pleading. "Just be okay. Be okay with me. We're okay. Everything's going to be okay…"
When Alice was hurting, it was nearly unbearable. Bella hated anything that put that broken, terrified expression on Alice's face even as the girl tried desperately to hide it from her, always trying to be strong in front of Bella.
It was odd, almost, for Bella to be the one comforting Alice for once. Usually the tables were turned the other way, and she wondered if it killed Alice this much to see her hurting. She wondered if Alice was as desperate as she was to make it all okay again, to get the tears out of her irises and breathe happiness back into the downturn of her lips.
Alice screwed her eyes shut and took a ragged breath, and Bella drowned further in her, inhaling every bit of her that she could, trying to control herself.
It wasn't working. The feeling intensified to the point that Bella's entire body tensed up.
What-Why-I can't-
She couldn't think. She couldn't stop it.
"I'm sorry," Alice whispered, her breath intoxicating. "It was just so-You have no idea how it felt. I thought I'd lost you Bella, forever. I still feel like you're going to drop dead again at any second, and I can't stand it, I can't do it again, I can't lose you… I just love you so much…"
Something inside Bella's brain snapped quickly, violently, and gave way to the tidal wave at Alice's words.
There was a pause.
And then Bella kissed her hungrily, as if she'd never get the chance again. She smashed their lips together in a move that was graceless but passionate, wanting but giving, desperate.
It was fucking incredible.
Alice's lips lit along hers like twin jolts of lightning. The moment their lips touched those bolts shot fire into her core and something inside Bella switched on at the same time that something else switched off.
All she wanted was Alice. It was all she knew, all she felt, all she could do to try and get enough.
Hunger twisted her belly and she pushed forward with a foreign noise ripping out of her chest, rumbling out in a growl. She heard Alice yelp against her mouth and then groan when she immediately pushed her tongue into that cavern of heaven, tasting the ambrosia that was Alice.
Alice, Alice, Alice.
All Alice.
Arousal rose inside Bella as she lost herself to instincts she had no chance of controlling. With a show of impossible strength, Alice's back hit the bed as Bella crawled on top of her and kissed her hotly, furiously.
It coursed through her veins, burned her from the inside out, relentlessly pounding at the back of her skull.
Alice.
Alice.
ALICE.
She fisted Alice's hair and snarled, literally snarled into her writhing lover's mouth and kissed her harder, if it were possible. She pulled away and attacked her lovely neck as Alice gasped a high pitched sound that danced on her eardrums. More, more, more, she had to have more of Alice, her taste, her feel, her scent.
Pheromones pulsated in a way they'd never done before, and that was saying something. Bella felt as if every single of her nerves was attuned to the feel of them, as if the neurons in her brain had special made doorways only Alice could get through, and it ratcheted her desire up a hundredfold.
There was no conscious thought. It was all a primal, instinctual blur of heat and desire and need. Bella was gone to it.
"Bella!" Alice gasped again, breathy and nearly moaning.
God, yes.
Bella felt hands grasp at her hips, then her waist.
And with no other warning, Alice flung her away.
Literally.
It invoked a very different kind of instinct.
Bella hit the floor and came up rolling, her brain firing rapidly in response. When she came to her feet, she let loose with a gut wrenching snarl, one hand splayed out wide, the other digging into the carpet, and crouched low to the ground.
"Bella!" Alice cried. "Stop it!"
Bella was not there; she was a new beast entirely. Her eyes did not take in anything other than Alice as the vampire got to her feet in a blur and she tensed reflexively, something softly whispering in the back of her mind, Fight.
Alice saw her posture, saw her lip curled back and fangs glimmering dangerously, and her golden eyes flashed. Her jaw locked, she tensed, and her shoulders bowed up just enough to be noticeable.
"I said stop it."
Bella flinched and blinked once, then rapidly.
Gone was the gentle Alice, the easy going Alice, gone was her sweet demeanor.
In her place stood a drawn up vampire with hard eyes and a voice like stone cold steel. Glaring golden eyes dimmed to amber and pierced Bella to the floor.
And then it pierced the haze of instincts coursing through her.
Stop it.
Bella hesitated and cocked her head, and then shook it.
Stop it!
Bella's butt hit the floor and she peered up at Alice, confused and shocked and reeling. The storm of uncontrollable instincts which had just been overpowering her died down. They were still there, but they were fading, slowly but surely, and as they went, Bella's higher consciousness came jogging back.
Oh my god. What did I just do? What the hell just happened to me?
"Holy shit," Bella breathed, gazing at Alice, who seemed to soften ever so slightly from that aggressive, terrifying posture as Bella visibly returned to herself. "Alice, I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… God, what the fuck is happening to me?"
Bella pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and took great heaving breaths. Hot tears burned at the back of her eyes, and seconds later, slipped free down her cheeks.
Vampires couldn't cry.
But humans didn't go crazy like that, or snarl like an animal, or have fangs.
So what was she? Some kind of hybrid stuck somewhere in between? Or just some freaky mutant anomaly?
She could still feel that beast raging beneath the surface of her skin. She could taste Alice all around her like a palpable thing in the air. Pheromones danced tauntingly along her nerves. The animal within that she'd never known before bristled, and it was all she could do to control it.
She'd been trying to convince Alice she was just fine, and she was, physically. But the overload was finally kicking in, and those instincts were a whole lot different and more frightening than any cool perk like stronger senses.
Losing control of yourself is one of the most terrifying things a person can experience, as Bella had just gotten a taste of.
"Sometimes newborns just need a firm hand," Alice murmured softly as she walked over and crouched in front of Bella. Her voice was gentle, soothing. When Bella looked up with a slight quiver in her lower lip and tears tracking down her face, Alice immediately began swiping them away with her thumbs. There was nothing judgmental in her gaze. She didn't even look upset, just concerned and reassuring even when a minute earlier she'd been freaking out.
"Am I a newborn?" Bella scoffed just to hold back more of her tears. "We don't know what I am Alice… God, I can feel something inside me, burning me up. I can't control my emotions, or my-my desires. I'm sorry…"
Alice hesitated, swallowed, and then leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the forehead.
"It's okay, Bella. We may not know what you are, not yet, but we will. And we do have some sort of an idea. While you slept, Carlisle has been busy theorizing. It's what he does best, you know. And usually he's pretty spot on. So… So just relax, sweetheart, and let's go find out," Alice suggested.
"What if I lose it again?" Bella worried uncertainly. "I just jumped you-What if I do it again? What if I hurt you or someone else? Alice-"
"You won't," Alice said vehemently. Then, "And besides, even if you did, I think I handled myself just fine, honey. You're pretty strong right now Tiger, but contrary to popular belief, I'm no weenie."
Bella grinned sheepishly, a watery smile and wiped her eyes.
Somehow Alice just always made it better.
"You're totally a weenie," she muttered as Alice gracefully leapt to her feet and Bella followed suit, albeit a little more shakily. Her legs felt powerful, the tendons flexing effortlessly, and she almost staggered when she stood quicker than she meant to.
"I handled you easily enough didn't I?" Alice smirked cockily, eyes twinkling.
Bella blushed, chagrined, but Alice winked and gave her a kiss on the cheek, before gently taking her hand and leading her out of her room. Bella had to smile despite herself.
Walking down the hallway, Bella felt like a newborn fawn. Somehow she found herself almost dragging Alice as she shot ahead without meaning to.
"Whoa there Tiger," Alice giggled and pulled her back gently.
"Sorry," Bella said, mildly embarrassed, but also thrilled to hear Alice giggle. She seemed to have shaken off her grave mien and was relaxing now that Bella didn't look ready to drop dead or sleep for another few days.
"It's alright, Bells. We all went through it after the change, even if yours is a little different," Alice informed her, and they started off again, this time with Bella making the conscious effort to control her muscles.
She ended up walking some weird trotting gait to keep from streaking away from Alice, and she had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to stop her grin when she caught Alice watching her out of the corner of her eye, looking torn between amusement and sympathy.
When they reached the foot of the staircase, Bella started.
All of the Cullens were gathered in the living room and staring right at them. Bella froze, having not been expecting it, but Alice's hand was there on her shoulder and she was unperturbed.
Her visions were so unfair.
There was a long pause, almost an awkward moment as Bella blushed and squirmed under the eyes of six vampires, including Tanya.
Emmett spoke first.
"Damn, Bella. You're a total babe!"
Bella raised her eyebrows, confused, but it broke the tension as Rosalie tore her eyes off of her and slapped the back of his head as Esme and Edward sighed twin sighs.
"Uh, thanks?" she said and glanced at Alice as Emmett rubbed his head and gazed ruefully at his lover.
"Bella, I'm glad to see you're finally awake," Carlisle broke in and gestured for her to enter the living room properly. Alice guided her in, and though it was unnecessary, Bella still appreciated it. She was a bit flustered, to say the least.
"She woke up about ten minutes ago Carlisle," Alice told him.
"Yes, we all know that. We heard you two thumping around upstairs quite easily," Rosalie said, a slight smirk on her mouth that suggested she knew exactly what the thumping was. Or she thought she did. Bella definitely wasn't about to tell her it was her ass hitting the floor, not coitus.
"What was all the racket about? Bella, dear, how are you feeling?" Esme inquired worriedly, and Bella blushed again when Esme walked over to her and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead in a motherly way. "She doesn't feel like she has a fever, Carlisle."
"Um, I'm fine, Esme," Bella said and gently eased herself away from the hand, feeling hot under all the staring. Everyone kept looking at her curiously, and she had to wonder what she looked like. Surely the change was not all purely internal?
A hopelessly shallow thought formed in her head.
Am I hot now?
It was irrelevant, and she immediately chastised herself for it.
Still. One could hope.
"I didn't expect her to," Carlisle said. "Esme."
He called her back, and Esme seemed to have to force herself to stop hovering next to Bella like a mother hen beside her chick. Though it was slightly embarrassing, it also brought forth a gush of affection for Esme.
Oh, what she wouldn't give for the comfort of her own mother's arms right now. Nothing made everything better like mommy, no matter how old she was.
She'd never admit that to anyone, but whatever.
"We're glad to see that you're alright, Bella. We were all worried about you," Edward spoke up.
Bella looked to him and saw Tanya wrapped in his arms. Tanya was the only one not staring. At least at Bella. She seemed to be fixed on a spot directly to the side of Bella's face, and would not meet her eyes.
"Thank you," Bella replied sincerely. When she met Edward's eyes, she saw he was just as sincere. "But I'm fine now, really. I think. You guys don't have to be so worried."
"Forgive us if we're a bit overbearing right now, Bella," Carlisle said. "You gave us all quite a scare."
"Of course she did," Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Going and getting yourself bitten. I can't believe you just let the bitch walk right in. You didn't actually trust her, did you?"
Damn, the girl just didn't hold back.
"Rose," Esme warned, but Bella took offense to that.
A lot of offense, actually.
"No. And I didn't just let her walk in," Bella snapped. "I made a mistake. I thought she was Alice. I'm not that stupid."
"Debatable," Rosalie muttered. Both Alice and Bella bristled.
To be fair, she walked right into that one.
"Rose, I'm warning you," Alice hissed.
"What? It's a fair question. She's had issues resisting pheromones before. Who's to say Victoria didn't just waltz right in? Maybe she even wanted her to."
That raging beast beneath her skin straightened up and Bella felt a hot blossom of anger bloom in her lower belly. When she spoke her voice was gruff and she felt like a hand was squeezing the back of her skull, intensifying her anger.
"I didn't," she snarled. Everyone looked alarmed at the quality of her voice. A moment later she felt Alice's hand on the back of her neck, rubbing, and she had to squint and take a huge breath.
It didn't work.
"You think I asked her to come in? You think I asked her to turn me into her own personal piñata, you think I wanted it? Why are you blaming me? You of all people should know better!"
It was a low blow, and Bella knew it, but the beast didn't care. It was raising its hackles, claiming her higher thinking. A tiny part of Bella protested fearfully, but it was being smothered by the ferocity of her instincts.
Rosalie's eyes flashed and she stood upright so fast that Emmett's arms were snapped away from her. She took a step forward and made full on, direct eye contact.
It was such a small movement, but it was enough.
Bella's brain snapped and her shoulders drew up at the same time that her upper lip curled back to flash her fangs with a rugged growl that tapered off into a hiss. Her hands splayed, but Alice wrapped an arm around her waist and squeezed.
"Stop," Alice whispered against her ear. "Stop it, Bella. Come back to me, baby doll, come back to me. Stop."
Bella was frozen, torn in time. She was aware that she was growling like a rabid dog, and that Alice was there, slipping inside her mind, soothing the beast. A new sensation flowed up to combat that irrational, pumping anger in her brain. Soft and sweet and relaxing. It said, Down girl, don't worry, it's alright. What are you angry for? Everything is just fine…
Bella gasped in a breath and clenched her fists, coming back to herself.
When she could focus, she saw Rosalie looking surprised, her posture loose now. Esme was berating her furiously, but Rosalie was ignoring her.
Though a quiet rage still demanded violence in a way that frightened Bella, a surge of guilt overrode it quickly.
Is this how it always is? Is this what they go through every day? She wondered.
"I'm sorry," Bella blurted. "I'm sorry, Rosalie. I shouldn't have said that."
Everyone quieted, and Rosalie's face smoothed out. It was silent for a minute.
"… Don't worry about it," Rosalie finally said, and then shrugged. "It was a fair point anyway. I'm sorry too. I guess."
No one in the room looked more astonished than Bella. Esme's voice cut out immediately at the unexpected response. Bella had expected fire and brimstone, not an acquiescence. It was so unlike Rosalie that Bella finally understood something.
Rosalie was worried about her.
She could see it then, written in her eyes and the tension in her posture. And it wasn't just Rosalie; all the Cullens seemed as tense as Alice had been before. They'd all been extremely upset over her apparent death, to the point that Bella was shocked by its intensity.
They cared about her. A lot. They loved her, as one of their own. She realized that her dying had traumatized them more than it had her. Rosalie was just the only one who was going to express it, because, well, that's what Rosalie did. She was never one to suppress what was on her mind, even if the way she expressed it was never done very well.
Bella very nearly got choked up, and affection for all of them welled up in her. She basked in it, and when she looked around, she knew they were all perceptive enough to pick up on it.
"Rose isn't very good at saying it, but what she really means is, I love you, girl, and I'm glad you're okay," Emmett declared, and Rosalie slapped his thigh as she settled back into his arms, but didn't deny it.
"You're family, Bella. We can't help it," Esme said.
"Family?" Bella murmured, the word sounding beautiful.
"Of course," said Edward, as if it should have been obvious.
"Yep. One of our own, chica. And now you're stuck with us," Emmett grinned.
Oh god, no, stop. I'm tearing up. Crap! Bella thought frantically, trying to hold back the tears as Alice gave her a dazzling smile, and it was honestly a really warm, fuzzy moment.
She didn't know when she was going to get another one of those, and so she locked it up in a place where it would last forever.
Family. They are my family now. They're here for me.
At the thought of family, however, Bella suddenly remembered something.
"Oh my god, Charlie!" she gasped.
How could she have forgotten him? He must be losing it!
Carlisle headed off her panic.
"Relax, Bella. Your father currently believes that you're in quarantine at the hospital with an unidentifiable virus that you contracted the night of prom that causes severe sickness but is not lethal, and you cannot have any visitors. He's upset, badly, but it was a fair cover up," Carlisle explained.
Oh.
Oh, well…
That was a relief. Bella felt bad anyway. It was her poor father after all. What must he have thought when he came home that horrible night and saw her blood on the floor, the door burst open.
"There was no blood on the floor. We cleaned it up before he got home," Edward said, hearing her thoughts.
"Oh," Bella mumbled, and Carlisle nodded.
Even better. The guilt persisted either way. She hated when Charlie was lied to, for whatever reason.
"So… Alice said you've been theorizing?" Bella went on, her curiosity getting the better of her. Her instincts seemed to have cooled considerably when Rosalie relaxed, and alright, she was honestly dying to know.
Some idea of what she might be was certainly better than none.
"Yes," Carlisle said, and clapped his hands together, and entered one of his rant modes. For once, Bella was glad to see it. This was one explanation she definitely wanted to hear.
"I believe Victoria's venom did, in fact, change you into somewhat of a vampire. That much is obvious. Your instincts are clearly more powerful, and I'd guess your senses are much more powerful as well?"
"Yeah," Bella nodded. How did he know? "I could count Alice's eyelashes, and the dust in the air, and I heard you guys talking down here I think, and everything looks different…"
She had to stop herself from rambling.
"She's physically stronger as well," Alice informed him. "She almost broke my back when I gave her a hug."
Bella looked at her quickly, immediately upset at the thought, but Alice ignored it, clearly not caring. The beast inside Bella seemed to cringe and shrink, and she had to stomp the rush of guilt that was too strong to be normal.
It was obvious that in her new state, her connection with Alice had only intensified to a more primal and emotional level all at the same time.
"I figured as much," Carlisle said. "You also grew fangs. But that is where your vampiric similarities end. You are not experiencing the crippling bloodlust that comes with being a newborn, nor are you uncontrollable in your fits. Alice called you back fairly easily, and you seem to have some measure of dominance over your baser impulses. Aesthetically you do not fit as a vampire at all."
Alright.
Time to find a mirror.
"You really need to see yourself," Emmett said, making her all the more curious.
"I've got it," Alice declared and disappeared in a blur to return a moment later with a mirror off
the wall that had to be held in two hands.
It took a minute to sink in when she looked down and saw herself in the reflection.
She was … different.
It was obvious in a subtle way, if that made any sense. (It didn't.)
Her skin was softer, smooth, unblemished. It glowed with health, as did the rest of her. There was no pale, marble skin. Blood still rushed in her veins, giving her color. Her Phoenix tan that she'd been losing ever since she stepped foot into Forks seemed to have returned in an unbroken, even color all around.
Her hair fell in chocolate waves instead of mousy, mildly unkempt locks, a shade of color so rich and luxurious that she could barely believe it. If she looked closely, she swore she saw a sheen of red in it. Her lips seemed to curve just right. Her cheeks were neither too fat nor too thin, but full and rosy.
Her entire face was still her own, but as if someone had found the perfect version of it and put it there instead.
She looked… Good. The same, but better somehow. More, in a way, than what she was before.
It was her eyes, however, that were the kicker. They were just the same as they'd always been. When she looked into the mirror and saw a stranger that was herself, she found the familiarity most achingly familiar in the part of her that had changed not at all.
Her irises were the same smooth, deep shade of doe eyed brown. She could even see that ring of faint burnt sienna around her pupils that she'd gotten from Charlie.
Why was it that the one thing which had not changed a bit was what shocked her the most?
"Whoa," she mumbled, and then pushed the mirror away to check out the rest of herself.
She looked down and saw-
Damn, were those her tits?
They were undeniably bigger. She'd never been particularly blessed in that area. Just average. Now she could tell they were fuller, maybe by one cup size, just enough to be a real contender, as crudely as it was, with a noticeable rack.
For some reason, this made her blush. She quickly stuck her arms out and surveyed them, startled to find that any excess flab was gone, though she'd never been particularly flabby in the first place. In its place were full, smooth muscles, draped in softest skin. Feminine, but undeniably strong. Since when did she have any kind of muscle to speak of? Her biceps were visible when she flexed!
She looked down last at her legs and saw her thighs and calves were sculpted as well, devoid of any semblance of fat other than the tiniest layer that maintained a feminine quality.
"Told you," Emmett laughed, breaking her out of her wide eyed state. "You've always been a looker, Bells, but welcome to the ranks of perfection. Feels good, eh?"
Bella would be lying if she said it didn't. Who wouldn't want to wake up and find they were now physically the perfect version of themselves?
Damn. Look at me. That's… Okay, that's pretty awesome.
"You're a lucky girl, Alice," Edward said, sounding amused with his brother.
"I've always been lucky to have her," Alice replied primly, and looked at Bella fondly. "You looked just as beautiful to me the day I laid eyes on you, Bells."
From anyone else, Bella would have wrinkled her nose at the cheesy line. As it was, she swooned instead.
"Yes, so we know that while you may be acting and thinking like a vampire in some ways, in others you are not. I estimated this would be the case. Your reaction to the venom was not unusual, Bella, it was unheard of," Carlisle continued, pulling everyone back. "I think your body has a natural immunity or resistance to vampires. We've seen it in the way you bite us and nearly change us back, which, by the way, I'd bet money you can change us permanently now."
Honestly, that wouldn't surprise Bella. She'd been wondering vaguely if she might have any powers, but that was one she was 99 percent sure of. If she sank those fangs into someone, she was almost certain the effects would be infinitely stronger now.
"So it should not have been a surprise to us that the venom in your system was rejected. Your body said no. It refused to allow the venom to change you into one of us, but it also refused to let it kill you. What happened then, I believe, was a form of cellular warfare to the death. It was a vicious fight; whatever it is that makes you the way you are is even stronger than venom, which until now I thought to be unbeatable. Still, in the end, your body beat it, though it was a close call. I don't think you ever really died. Your body just shut down and then rebuilt. You slept for days just to recover. The result is what you are now."
"Which is… What?" Bella said slowly.
"Is she like a hybrid now?" Alice inquired. "That's not unheard of. There have been others-"
"No, I don't think so," Carlisle shook his head. "Yes, there are the rare few who get stuck between two worlds, part human, part vampire, but that's exactly what they are. Split. They don't… Blend the way Bella has blended the two. Most hybrids constantly waffle between their humanity and their vampirism. They still lust for blood, but their instincts are not as powerful, but Bella's clearly are. She also isn't blood lusting. Their hearts don't beat so slowly, and they look like other vampires. Pale, ice cold, golden eyes. Not to mention they're born, not made."
So what. The hell. Am I? Bella wondered in frustration.
Carlisle turned, looked her in the eye, and gave her an answer.
"Bella, you are not a vampire. You're not human, and you're not a hybrid. In my personal opinion, I believe you to be an entirely new species that is both, and more."
It was quiet for a moment as Bella attempted to process that.
It didn't work very well.
"What that more is, only time will tell. And don't forget, any of you, all of this is just speculation. I could be entirely wrong," Carlisle said pointedly.
Bella didn't think he was. Carlisle was fiercely intelligent, and everything he said made sense.
Still, it was an answer at the same time that it was not.
"So what am I then?" Bella wondered aloud, and she felt upset for some reason, as if somehow her identity was being taken apart at the seams. "What do I call myself if I'm not either of those, if I'm something else?"
All her life she'd been human. She should have turned into a vampire.
Now she was this. But what exactly was this? She was a new species? Species of what? If she wasn't human and she wasn't a vampire, what was she classified as?
Alice broke through the sudden anguish as easily as she always did.
"Bella," Alice stated. Bella turned to her. "You call yourself Bella, because that's who you are. It's what you are. You may have changed, but at the core, you're still you. You may be different, honey, but you will always be Bella. Vampire, human, new species, it doesn't matter. You're just… Bella."
It felt like a slug to the chest.
How did Alice always know just the right thing to say? How?
Bella's throat closed.
I'm still just me. To Alice, I haven't changed a bit. I'm the same person to her. It doesn't matter what I am, because I will always be her Bella.
"She's right, you know," Edward said. "You've always been an anomaly unto yourself. It's no surprise you'd be different now, too."
"Yep. There's no one quite like you, Bells," Emmett chuckled as she turned to them, Alice's arm around her waist, comfortingly.
"You're still the same annoying, uppity human as always, don't worry," Rosalie smirked, though her tone was light. Bella grinned at her, and Rosalie seemed to soften. "You haven't stopped being human, Bella. You've just started being… Something more."
Bella's own words echoed back at her out of Rosalie's mouth.
Damn.
Damn, damn, damn, they really needed to quit. Bella was going to turn into a weepy, emotional mess if they didn't stop touching her heart.
To keep from bursting into sobs, because apparently the beast beneath her skin was not just an irritable, horny, angry creature, but also hopelessly affectionate, she latched onto something else.
"Thank you. All of you. You have no idea what that means to me… But what about the Volturi? And Victoria? What's been happening while I've been out?" Bella asked.
Stony silence met that, and darkness clouded features that seconds ago had been open and kind. Bella felt Alice's hand tighten on her waist. When she glanced at her lover, she saw Alice's golden eyes growing black.
The expression on her face was not her usual sweet, loving one. Her dazzling, thousand watt smile and crinkling nose was gone. In its place was a pair of lips pressed together in a tight line and a jaw clenched so tightly that she could see a muscle working in it.
The beast purred at the sight of it.
Yep.
Alice was still sexy as hell when she was angry.
Now was not the time for hormones. Or pheromones. Or whatever the fuck. Could she produce those now, like a vampire could?
"Ah, the Volturi…" Carlisle murmured, and even his face seemed tight. "About that-"
He was interrupted by a furious knocking on the door that rebounded throughout the house. Suddenly every vampire in the room was muscle-locked and hissing as the most god awful stench filled Bella's nose.
"Oh my god," she gagged. "What is that?"
Suddenly her stronger senses turned into a curse. It smelled like wet dog and major BO, to the point that it cloyed at the back of her throat, and she could not stand it.
Everyone in the room stood frozen, but before anyone could do anything, there came the sound of knuckles furiously rapping on glass. They all looked to the window of the porch that opened into the living room, and saw…
Leah Clearwater.
Why in the hell was she here?
"Hey! Open up, seriously! I come in peace!" Leah called through the glass, her almond eyes wild. Her pulse was jumping in her throat, and something soft and whispery fluttered low in Bella's belly, and the back of her throat. She ignored it with some effort. Leah looked furious, but she also looked scared.
Then again, anyone, even a werewolf, should probably be scared facing down a room full of bristling vampires. Bella still couldn't really believe the girl was actually a shapeshifter.
"But it won't be peaceful for long if you don't let me the fuck in!"
Carlisle stirred as several growls issued around the room, and the smell of wet dog grew stronger. Bella grimaced as Alice slid in front of her protectively. The beast in Bella growled at that, disliking the move, because that movement meant danger, and danger meant Fight.
The instincts came back. The only thing that stopped them was the faintest, peculiar, and faintly familiar scent of freshly mown grass that should not have been present in the dead of winter in Forks, Washington.
Behind Leah, standing out in the yard and fast approaching was a figure, a person, and she knew, somehow she knew, it was a vampire.
And that vampire was Jasper fucking Hale himself.
There was a collective gasp in the room, the loudest of all from Alice. Bella didn't get a chance to be confused about why he was back, and now, because the beast inside her recoiled viciously, a word searing the inside of her brain.
MINE!
"I said open the goddamn door! NOW! Let me in or you're all going to die!" Leah screamed, oblivious, and smashed her hand against the window pane so that a smattering of cracks spider webbed from her fist.
The figure that was Jasper Hale moved before anyone else could. In an instant he appeared behind Leah, wrapped his arms around her waist, and ripped her away, flinging her out into the yard where she smashed down in a spray of mud, a tangle of limbs.
Something infinitely more human than the beast reared with fear inside Bella.
Leah. Oh god no, Leah!
All the Cullens moved at once. They streaked for the door and burst out of the house together, and Bella was with them, moving just as fast, not even thinking about it. She had just moved to race off the porch and go to Leah, because they may have had their falling out, but she was terrified that Jasper, the bastard had just killed her-
She jolted to a stop as Alice flung out an arm and jerked her to a halt.
"Bella, no!" Alice gasped.
She needn't have worried.
Leah rolled over onto all fours, and exploded.
Or at least that's what it looked like.
The smell of wet dog mixed with something else, something muskier and fiery, heat, as Leah Clearwater shot up to eight feet tall, rearing, ashen white-grey fur bursting from beneath her copper skin as her head jutted forward into a muzzle with wide, yawning jaws, lined with bright white glistening fangs.
Bella was stunned stupid as Leah, the motherfucking, honest to god, real life shape shifting werewolf landed back on thick, padded paws, and roared, her hackles high as her luminous yellow eyes cut into Jasper, who stood off to the side, glaring right back, unafraid.
Something ancient and powerful screamed a challenge in Bella as every Cullen dropped to a crouch and snarled back as the massive, bristling, shaking wolf before them tensed every muscle.
And then turned and lunged at the black wolf that was twice her size which came tearing out of the forest behind her in a flurry of snarling teeth and sweeping paws.
Leah Clearwater clashed with one of her own as six more wolves ripped out of the vegetation and came barreling towards them, howling, barking, and salivating for what was unmistakably battle.
Bella had one last conscious thought before the beast within took over.
Why can't I catch a freaking break?
And then the wolves were on them.