Age 14

Grand Asylum, Alfheim

"Go!" Loki shoves me ahead of him, toward the wall. It's a miracle we've even made it this far, but if we don't make it to the wall, it won't matter. I sprint for it, trusting that he'll cover me. I can feel the raw power of the thin energy shield covering it as I approach. I have to try and break through, or at least weaken it enough to let other attacks through.

If we spend even another day assaulting the Grand Asylum with no success, the casualties will be too great to ensure that we can finish the war. And if we can't finish the war, Alfheim's factions will continue to slaughter each other. We don't know if the Eternal Flame can break through, but we have to try.

There's a haze of something surrounding the fortress. I realize when I get close enough that it's steam, coming out of vents at the base. It doesn't bother me as I start blasting fire at it, concentrating on one spot. It doesn't seem to do anything but blacken it with ash. I'm gonna have to touch it.

I slam a burning palm into the wall, as hot as I can go. I can feel it resisting, fighting me. It seems to weaken for a second, and suddenly I'm engulfed in flames that I didn't start. The blast knocks me backwards, but it's not half as surprising as the shock that travels through me like lightning. Everything goes black before I even make it to the ground.

I wake on horseback, Loki holding me tight to his chest as we retreat. I can't feel anything from my right arm, the one I touched the wall with. I use the other to hang onto his arm. "Thanks for joining us, how are you feeling?"

"Like I got energy blasted," I reply. "I can't feel my arm." He assures me that it will pass. We're still under fire as we retreat, but we reach the outer limits of camp, out of range. A stable boy comes to take the reins of Loki's horse, and he slides off, then lifts me out of the saddle. He insists on carrying me to the med tent, but we don't make it there; Tyr and Thor need to know how the assault went as soon as possible. I negotiate to walk there, it's my arm I can't feel, not my legs. Loki agrees reluctantly.

I study the diagram of the Grand Asylum while Loki debriefs the war council, only chiming in when I'm asked direct questions, which is how it usually goes. I'm a soldier, a captain, even, but my opinion is not highly valued. I mean, what do I know, I'm 14. I find what I'm looking for, the vents that I noticed earlier, an idea forming in my head. It's risky, but today was our last chance. I wait patiently for a lull long enough for me to interrupt.

"What about the vents? Why haven't we ever tried attacking there, if they're unshielded?"

"We've never been close enough," Tyr explains, as if it's obvious. "We can't fire on it unless we're within range, and we can't use it to infiltrate because it's too small of an access point." He moves the topic back to what the plan is now, which is the same plan we've been using for a week, aside from today's excursion. Keep attacking, try and get lucky. But it's not working and I'm sure that this will.

"I can fit," I say, before anyone has time to further plan our slow descent into suicide. "And the steam won't hurt me, it's just heat right? It probably come straight from whatever device is powering the shield, I just have to follow the ventilation all the way to it's source."

"You want to go behind enemy lines, alone, with no evac," Loki says carefully. "Ally, that's suicide."

"What we're doing is suicide! We aren't making any progress, and we're going to lose!" I have everyone's attention now, and I hold it. "We can't afford to waste any more time. We should get back out there."

I know what I'm proposing is risky, but the plan is solid. I just have to get these Asgardian morons to put their egos away. "We cut our casualties in half today with the speed of the assault and the retreat. Injuries were minimal." I can tell it surprises them that I was paying attention to the debrief.

"We are already prepared for a second assault today, and we've never attempted that before, so we have the advantage of surprise. It's the perfect diversion to send me in, and that way the army will already be close enough to infiltrate when the field falls."

"That plan is dependent on you," Tyr counters. "What if you can't get the shield down?"

"Then I find some other weakness inside and I hit them as hard as I can. I can do this!" I meet the eyes of everyone in the war council. Thor and the other elite are considering, Tyr still isn't, and Loki… He knows that I'm right, I can see it in his eyes. But there's no way he'd let me go alone, not for this. It's not that it's risky, I think, it's that it's reckless. But it's our only option.

"No," Tyr finally says, and I watch Loki try and hide his relief. "We can't risk it." Tyr moves the council, swiftly, to another subject, even as I start to smolder with anger. I know full well that he knows I'm right, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't trust me.

"Hey, it wasn't a bad plan," Loki says, placing a hand on my shoulder even though my armor must be hot to the touch. I cool, just enough and only physically. It doesn't matter what he says, it's not going to make it better. We're going to lose. "It's just not the right one."

He makes me even angrier because he doesn't believe that. He's just hiding behind it to keep me safe. "Why don't you go have the medics check your arm?" I protest, I'm starting to feel it now, but he gives me a pleading look. "Go get some rest, elskan. I'll come find you later."

I leave the command tent without another word. I start to head in the direction of the medical tent, but I can't shake the anger. The troops are still arriving from the battlefield, still prepared for a fight. We should attack while we still have the chance. I move on that thought, heading to where some of the captains are dismounting. I take the reins of one of the horses, it's not the first time I've helped the stable crew after a battle. But I don't take the horse back to the stable. I mount it, and when no one is looking, I ride for the perimeter, finally regaining full feeling and function in my arm.

One of the guards stops me, like I knew he would. It's a solid ten minute ride to here from the command tent, plus the time it takes for the guard to ride back. I hope it's enough.

"You have two options," I tell him. "You can try and stop me and lose, or you can go tell Tyr and the rest of the war council that if they don't start an assault on the Grand Asylum, they're going to miss the only chance they'll ever get." The Einherjar grows pale, and I ride off before he can stop me.

I take a side path through the tree line, the route we took this morning. It provides the most cover, and the forest comes up almost to the outside wall of the fortress. It gets me close enough to the vent to see that I can fit… just not with my armor on. For a brief moment, I comprehend how truly reckless this idea is. Behind enemy lines with no armor and no exit route?

But if the army is coming, and I don't get to the energy field, soldiers will die, and it will be on me. I can't go back now. I unbuckle my chest piece and take off my shin guards, leaving me in my under dress, leggings, and boots. I watch the guards patrol for a second, waiting for a time when they won't see me. Then I sprint out and pry the vent off, melting the metal where it won't give. I'm hit with a face full of steam, but it doesn't hurt, just makes it difficult to see.

My next problem is found immediately upon crawling into the vent: it's too difficult to maneuver with my sword. I only pause a second before leaving it behind, I still have my long knife strapped to my boot, and I have to keep going.

I follow the path of the vents, breathing in the very humid air and pushing myself forward. It's dark in here, but it's the steam that makes it difficult to see. I have to make frequent direction changes, up, down, around in seemingly endless circles. I hit more barriers, having to break through them before continuing. The walls press against me, like the throat of a large predator that I've willingly let myself get eaten by.

It was mind numbing, but I couldn't stop, couldn't take a minute, because if I did, I wasn't sure I could push myself forward again. I didn't want to get trapped up here. That panicked feeling intensifies when I reach a grate I can't break through. I shove and shove, them try to melt it, but it won't give.

I must have broken something though, because I tumble out the bottom of the vent. Something breaks my fall, and it takes a long second of breathing in air that isn't half moisture to realize that it was a person. That the room I've landed myself in is full of people. I slowly get to my feet, forcing my brain to figure out where I am and what I'm supposed to be doing.

I grin a little as I realize that by sheer, dumb luck, I'm in the control room. The people in here aren't soldiers, and they start to move for the exits, and I have little time to do what I need to. And then I need to book it out of here if I want to live. I find the most complicated controls I can find and light them on fire. I wish I could just figure out how to turn them off, but I can't have anyone coming in here and turning the energy field back on. The fire spreads quickly because I force it to, and soon the whole room is burning. I put it out before I leave, the equipment's been damaged enough. I know that it's worked because the whole fortress shakes with the sound of thunder.

It's my cue to leave.

I sprint through the hallways, I have no clue how to get out of here, but I pick a direction and stick with it. I run into only a few people, and none of them try to stop me. The real problem, I realize, is that I'm already tired, I only have my side knife, and anyone coming to find me has no idea where I am. I need to get out of here.

Let me rephrase. The real problem is the full platoon of Alf soldiers that have just entered the hallway in front of me. Fully armed, ready for combat, and numbering somewhere around twenty soldiers. Maybe if I had my armor, maybe if I hadn't blown up the machine, maybe if I wasn't so tired from the vents and the steam, I might stand a chance.

Instead, as the fortress shakes again, I sprint back the way I came, picking a different hallway to make my escape, this time trailed by more than a dozen soldiers. I throw a fireball over my shoulder, it's all I can manage, and it surprisingly took a lot of them off my tail. But not all of them, and they're catching up.

I barely dodge a sword meant for my back. I'm forced to stop and draw my knife. I can't run anymore, I have to fight. I'm still outnumbered, and the run has my muscles burning. I dodge another swipe, then block with my forearm, glad I kept my vambraces on.

For the next several moments, my only focus is staying alive. I don't think, there's no time to thing, just parry, block, dodge, move. I take out one with a burning fist to the face, but I can't rely on my powers for too much longer. I start taking hits, cuts on my forehead, arms, legs. They sting, I push through them; they bleed, I ignore it.

I take down all but one, and when the blow comes, I'm too sluggish to intercept it. It's not the cleanest of strikes, and I fall back against the wall, blood pouring from the ugly gash in my abdomen. It's not a miracle that I don't black out, it's a curse. I get to wait for a killing blow that never comes.

I'm on the floor when my attacker falls next to me, a knife in his back. I cover my wound with my hands, but I can barely feel them. My whole body throbs, but I don't have the energy to cry. A figure kneels next to me; I assume he's responsible for downing my assailant.

"You're not dying on me, are you? I told you this was a dumb idea." Loki's voice is soft and teasing, but his face is terrified. Still, it's a relief and a comfort to see him, even if it's only fleeting. I smile, just for a moment, because he's here.

"No," I pant. "You said it was the wrong idea. I still think I'm right." His hands take over for mine, applying actual pressure. I scream at him, almost blacking out.

"Stay with me!" It's not a plea, it's a command. He sounds angry, but I know it's because he's scared. "You are not allowed to die on me, do you understand?"

I don't respond, I can't. I'm barely hanging on, and he's mad at me, and all I wanted to do was help us win and now I'm going to die. Loki uses his cape as a bandage, trying to stop the bleeding. Every touch aggravates it, accompanied by a cry from me and a frantic comment from Loki.

"This is why we stick to the plan! We barely had enough time to mount an assault! You can't just run off and do whatever you want!" He picks me up, and I tuck my head against his shoulder, crying. He seems to realize then that he's not helping.

"I can't lose you," he tells me gently, but no less passionately. "I won't lose you. Just stay with me."

I try, but soon we're outside and I don't remember getting stretcher is hard beneath me, and the medics have taken over, but Loki is close, hovering over me, long fingers cradling my head. He's yelling again, but it's not at me anymore, it's for Heimdall, for an emergency evacuation. Loki is not the only one trying to get the command station's attention; I can hear Thor shouting too. I know why it's not working, I know the protocol here. I am not important enough to be rescued from the middle of battle, not when it risks enemies coming close enough to tag along.

The pain, and the yelling, and the harsh light of Alfheim's twin suns is too much. I close my eyes, unable to heed Loki's plea that I not lose consciousness again. He is still frantic when I come to again, but he's far away, all I can see is the orange light above me, fuzzing in and out of the vague shape of a body. The pain has dulled, but so has all other feeling. I think I'm drifting away, whether to sleep or death, I have no way of knowing.

"Ally!" I wish he were closer, I don't understand why he can't stay close to me, especially when a voice says to take Loki out of here. I thought the room would be quieter after that, but it's not, people are still yelling. Even so, I slip away, carried by the noise until I can't hear anything at all.

—

"Ally?" I shift in bed, barely waking enough to wonder what's going on. I register that it's Loki's voice calling my name, but that doesn't make any sense. He knows by now that any attempt to wake me before I actually get up is futile. And based on the way I feel, I could use another couple of hours. "Ally?"

My whole body aches as I settle, trying to go back to sleep. It doesn't work, and I am dragged slowly to consciousness by my growing discomfort. I groan in protest. "Let me sleep," I try to say, but my voice is hoarse, almost intelligible. I still don't understand why I'm up in the first place. If it were urgent, the war horns would've sounded. But it was quiet, missing even the normal sounds of the war camp.

I reluctantly open my eyes, trying to see where I am. The light is dim, but I can tell that we are inside somewhere. Asgard. Why weren't we on Alfheim?

Ah. Right. My brilliant plan.

"Ally. Hey, it's alright, I'm here." Loki comes into view, no longer angry, no longer yelling, but tired and bloodshot and I think that's worse. He brushes hair off of my face before going to hold my hand. "You're okay."

"What happened?" I'm not dead, surprisingly, but I'm not sure I agree with the assessment of 'okay.'

"We evacuated you to Asgard, Eir saw to your injuries. I- we almost lost you." He rubs my arm, like he's trying to convince himself I'm still here. "Several times, the Flame stopped your heart, Ally, we think it was trying to go dormant." We are quiet for a moment. I understand, I know I'm lucky to be alive after what happened.

"What about Grand Asylum? Did it fall?"

Loki nods."The assault was successful. They've surrendered now." I don't say what I'm thinking, that I was right to do what I did. He doesn't need to hear it. Instead I squeeze his hand, reassuring him. I'm not going anywhere.

Except maybe back to sleep.

"How's the pain?" Loki asks.

"Okay. It hurts, but it's not too bad." I reposition so I'm a little more comfortable, but that makes the pain flare up. "OW, okay, it hurts."

Loki tucks the blankets tighter around me and fixes my hair again. "Just rest, darling." I bite back a retort. That's what I had been trying to do in the first place. "I'm glad you're okay." I can tell he wants to say more, that he won't let go of what I did, but neither of us are prepared for that conversation.

I close my eyes, starting to fall back asleep. I wonder as I start to relax if Loki will be there when I wake up, and I'm scared that he won't be. I ask him to stay with the last shred of coherency I have.

He chuckles. "Of course. I'm not letting you out of my sight again." A hand squeeze and a peck on the forehead later, I'm gone.