Age 16
Royal Palace, Asgard
Penit adjusts my headband, declaring me officially ready. It's not technically a crown, but made to resemble one, fitting of a princess consort, which still sounds funny to me when people actually say it. But today isn't about me, even if I'm decked out in a royal get up that's heavier than my armor. Today is about Thor becoming King of Asgard, officially.
We've been gearing up for this for months, years really, and it shows in the excitement of the crowd and the extravagant decorations of the Great Hall. I'd never been in it before today, and peering out from my pre-entrance spot, the sheer massiveness of it overwhelms me. Asgardians are present on all sides, and above where we'll be standing. If this were a battlefield, I wouldn't dare enter it.
"They won't be looking at you," Queen Frigga reassures me. "It doesn't mean you get to slouch, dear, but it's not worth worrying about." I stand up straighter. I really only have two jobs, walk to the front of the room, and stand there, both without falling over, and preferably while smiling and looking dignified.
Loki finally appears to escort me. He's got a guilty grin on his face, he no doubt pranked Thor before coming to join me. I know he's jealous, but I hope he can handle it today. That's what going to Celenia was supposed to help, taking the worry off both of our shoulders.
I take his arm, and we wait for the cue. The Queen leads out before us, and Sif and the Warriors Three follow behind us. Odin already waits on his throne, his one beady eye fixed on me for just a moment. I don't know why he looks at me that way, like he dreads having me around.
The crowd is so loud I have to resist the urge to clap my hands over my ears. Loki shoots me an encouraging smile, and I relax somewhat. I remember what Frigga said. They aren't here for me. And the volume is nothing compared to the sheer roar of the Asgardians as Thor walks down the Einherjar lined path. He's all smiles and swagger, even as he kneels in front of the steps. Sif is not impressed, or so she acts. I know inside she's swooning.
Odin stands, silencing the room with one tap of the great spear Gungnir on the dais. "Thor Odinson, my heir-" I feel Loki stiffen beside me at hearing that, and I squeeze his hand that I'm holding.
"My firstborn," Odin continues. "So long entrusted with the mighty hammer Mjolnir, forged in the heart of a dying star. It's power has no equal, as a weapon to destroy or as a tool to build. 'Tis a fit companion for a king. I have defended Asgard and the lives of the innocent across the Nine Realms, since the time of the great beginning..."
I only pay half an ear to the speech, because Loki has grown restless beside me. I elbow him, and send him a smile. "I'm the only one allowed to be nervous," I tease in a whisper. "Cut it out." He makes a visible effort to relax, but I can tell something is not right.
Eventually, we reach the important part of the ceremony: the oaths. I'll have to speak some myself, when I advance rank, assuming Loki and I go through with the marriage.
"Do you swear to guard the Nine Realms? And do you swear to preserve to the peace? Do you swear to cast aside all selfish ambition and to pledge yourself only to the good of the realm?" Thor swears to every single oath. "Then on this day, I, Odin, Allfather, proclaim you…"
There is silence in the hall and Loki goes completely still. I look up at him, questioning.
"Frost Giants!" Odin announces. I freeze too. Frost Giants? The monsters in all of Asgard's stories? Odin bangs Gungnir on the stone again, before rushing to the door behind the dais, Thor is quick to follow, but Loki turns to me.
"Stay here!" He instructs, before slipping from my grip and hurrying after Thor. I look to Frigga for guidance, but she's already moved to take control of the Hall.
"Everyone, stay calm," she commands, voice magically amplified. "Please return to your homes until the matter has been resolved. Guards, to your posts." With that, she departs, and I follow, with the other elites and the Queen's personal guard behind us.
I wait in the foyer of the vault, where the Palace Einherjar have gathered. Thor bursts out the doors, followed by Loki, wearing an uncommonly concerned look.
"Frost Giants infiltrated the vault," he explains in a low tone. "Thor wants to attack, I'm not sure I can talk him down. Put your armor on just in case, with the sleeves." I don't argue, I just leave, I'll have to be fast.
When I rejoin Loki, he's with Thor and the elites, already boosting morale so they'll join in his mad journey. "And who proved wrong who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be one of the fiercest warriors this realms has ever known?"
"I did!" I reply at the same time as Sif. Thor stands between us, looking back and forth.
"True, but I supported you both." Thor continues on his speech and I draw closer to Loki, sending him a disappointed look.
"I'm sorry, I tried," he offers. "Looks like we're on our way to Jotunheim." We ride out to the Bifrost, meeting Heimdall outside. I know what we're doing could be treason, but to be fair, it's not like it's the first time.
Heimdall informs us we aren't dressed warmly enough, and I chuckle. It's the first time I've worn the armor with long sleeves, Jotunheim is cold enough that I have to worry about conserving my own heat instead of warming the others, or I could get too cold to function. I try not to worry about it.
Loki is unable to convince Heimdall to let us pass, but Thor negotiates well enough. I pull Loki along, though he seems quite perturbed to have failed in his persuasion. But he relaxes quickly at my touch, and soon we're preparing to travel. The Bifrost whirls around us, and I stand firm. The journey is no longer frightening, though the destination always seems to be.
Heimdall gives the usual speech, that the Bifrost will stay closed if its opening would with an addendum I hadn't realized. Keeping the Bifrost open meant it would destroy whatever was on the other side. Even this wonderful mode of transformation, something I'd always seen as benevolent, turned out to be a weapon of mass destruction.
With that, we are on our way. Faster than light itself, we rocket through space, and the epic colors bring a smile to my face as always. We land abruptly in a frozen wasteland, the sky almost as dark as Niflheim. I recoil, it's cold, too cold, and I panic, waiting for the icy tendrils that are sure to come and suffocate me.
"Hey," Loki soothes. "She's not here. Just stay by me, burn a little brighter." His hand goes to my back, and I take deep breaths. I amplify my powers, pushing back against the hostile temperature. With some effort, I'm able to keep it at bay, and the others draw close, they can feel it too. That's comforting too, being able to help, and knowing I'm not alone.
Thor takes the lead, and I get my first glimpse at his anger. I know how serious it is that the Frost Giants broke into the vault, but it feels real now. We could be on the brink of war.
Jotunheim looks absolutely devoid of any life. The dilapidated structures around us are made of ice, and more than one crumbles as we pass. It's not completely devoid of light, but there's no visible source. It's a desolate place, no plants that I can see, no animals. Just ice.
We spread out as we approach an important looking building, assuming a defensive position. I extend my glow so it's well lit, though I can't push the heat much farther. Cowards or not, I'm cautious of Jotuns, the tales from Asgard filling my head.
"You've come a long way to die, Asgardians." A deep voice sounds from the shadows, but it doesn't stop Thor.
"I am Thor Odinson," Thor announces.
"We know who you are." I survey the area, and I can just make out one in front of us, sitting on a throne. Laufey, their king. He's ashy blue, with red eyes and ridges on his skin that look like they were carved from ice.
"How did your people get into Asgard?"
"The house of Odin is full of traitors," Laufey accuses. I stifle at it, but there's no way for him to know what I've been accused of. What traitors, then?
"Do not dishonor my father's name with your lies!" Thor's confidence provokes Laufey, and I can see where the giant part of Frost Giants comes in. Laufey is massive, even to Asgardians. I unwittingly take a step back. Coming here was a bad idea.
"Your father is a murderer and a thief," Laufey declares, "and why have you come here, to make peace? You long for battle, you crave it. You're nothing but a boy trying to prove himself a man." Frost Giants fall in behind us, cutting off the escape route. I'm in the middle of the formation, so I can aid whichever side is weakest. I shift so I'll be able to pivot and attack the ambush if it comes to a fight.
"Well, this 'boy' has grown tired of your mockery." Thor is making matters worse now, and I want to stop him, as icy blades grow from the arms of the Jotuns themselves. Loki has the same thought and moves to talk Thor down.
Thor doesn't listen. Loki shoots me a warning glance. Be ready.
"You know not what your actions would unleash," Laufey warns. "I do. Go now, while I still allow it." I plead silently that we'll take it, and almost sigh in relief when Loki does, even though Thor clearly disagrees. We begin our retreat, the tension still lingering, and for good reason.
The large Frost Giant guard who stood almost nose to nose to Thor a second ago can't help but run his mouth. "Run back home, little princess."
The small, smiling grunt from Thor is all we need to spring into action. I draw my sword and channel heat into it, just enough to make the blade warm. It's an advantage against normal foes, and I wonder what it'll do to Frost Giants. Still, I aim to incapacitate, not kill.
I dance around a Jotun, slashing the back of his calves. I duck at the arm of another, and parry the slash of a third, shattering his ice blade. They grab for me, but I bring my heated sword to every hand that draws near, and the howls of pain join the other sounds of battle.
Volstagg calls out a warning from the other end of the melee, but I've already determined to not let them touch me. I look like a child compared to most of them, and getting locked in a hold could mean death. I search for Loki, but we're too spread out. I'm on my own.
I do see when Fandral gets impaled by an icicle, and I know we have to get out of here. I'm the first to reach him, and I melt the spike while Sif and Loki call for a retreat. Thor commands us to go, and in response, a rumble sounds in the ice beneath. The statue to our left appears not to be a statue at all, but a ravenous beast. I don't have to be told to run.
Fleeing for one's life never happens the same way twice. But the panic and adrenaline are now familiar to me. I know even when the monster seems to fall through the ice behind us, that we aren't out of danger yet. The ice breaks around us, crumbing and making it more difficult to find footing. We're running out of space, out of time, out of everything.
Reaching the edge, we call for Heimdall. But the beast emerges from under the ice, rearing up on hind legs in preparation to smash us. I stumble backwards, but there's no escape, no way out-
Thor, like a bullet, bursts through the monster's mouth. It falls dead, thumping against the ice so hard I think it might break, but it slides off instead. Thor turns to us, grinning like an idiot, despite the army that's gathered behind us. More than we can take, and we have no ground to make a stand.
The Bifrost appears around us, and I stumble back as Odin rears up on Sleipnir, his eight-legged horse. Thor takes it as a sign he'll attack. I know he's here to bail us out though, and that there will be consequences when we return. I use the diversion to return to Loki's side.
Odin and Laufey speak, but all I can tell is that it brings us closer to war. Odin summons the Bifrost before that can happen, and warmth returns as we leave Jotunheim behind. The journey buys us a few blessed moments of silence, but as soon as we land, Odin's voice fills the Bifrost chamber. Thankfully, it all seems directed at Thor.
Loki motions me to go with the elites to the med bay, not to escape consequence, but to at least avoid the majority of Odin's wrath. I ride back, thankful for Asgard's warmth. Eir sends Fandral to the intensive healers, and assesses the rest of us. Besides Volstagg's arm burn and the usual scrapes and bruises, and dehydration for me, we are fine. Incredibly lucky, and without a doubt foolish. We should never have gone.
We take our armor off and head to a side hall, where Loki awaits us with the news. Odin has banished Thor to Midgard. Earth. I know he's likely already gotten himself into trouble, even with what he knows about Midgard from me, it's a far different world. Loki seems shaken by the fact, repeating a nervous motion with his hands, something he does when his mind is elsewhere.
"We should never have let him go," Volstagg insists.
Sif argues, "There was no stopping him."
"Well, at least he's only banished and not dead," Fandral counters. "Which is what we'd all be if that guard hadn't told Odin where we'd gone." That was why Odin has come, he'd been warned. I agree, we could be dead, and Fandral quite nearly was. Loki is still preoccupied with his hand, and I wish he would talk to me.
"How did the guard even know?" Volstagg asks, as a medic rubs more salve into his injured arm.
"I told him," Loki snaps, turning to face us. "I told him to go to Odin after we'd left. He should be flogged for taking so long, we should never have reached Jotunheim." I give him a disappointed look at that, even though I'm relieved Loki had the foresight to do what he did.
Volstagg is indignant, but Loki responds coolly, and I agree. It had to be done, we shouldn't have gone in the first place, but this was the next best thing. Sif takes it as an opportunity to ask Loki to go to Odin and request the banishment be lifted. I know he won't do it, but the vehumancy of his response startles me.
"I love Thor more dearly than any of you, but you know what he is. He's arrogant, he's reckless, he's dangerous! You saw how he was today." Loki's anger is barely contained, and for a moment, I'm afraid he'll shout. "Is that what Asgard needs from its king?" He storms off, barely offering me a cursory glance.
"He may speak of the good of Asgard, but he's always been jealous of Thor," Sif states.
"Does it mean he's wrong?" I argue. "Thor lead us into an ambush today, without a plan, without proper preparation. He started a war."
"We should be grateful to Loki, he saved our lives," Volstagg supports.
Hogun speaks up, a rare occurrence. "Laufey said there were traitors in the house of Odin. A master of magic could bring three Jotuns into Asgard." I am on my feet immediately in defense.
"He would never do that!" I protest. "He would never put us at risk like that." I've read the stories Asgardians tell, about the monstrous Jotuns carrying their children away, and I can't imagine Loki ever putting something like that in a path I might cross.
"Loki's always been one for mischief, but you're talking about something else entirely." Fandral comes to my aid, but it puts the room at odds. It won't come to a fight, we wouldn't just turn on each other, but we are uneasy. I don't want to stay, not with the tension in the room, so I head to my quarters after the awkward silence becomes too much.
I find Loki there, shaking like he's seen a ghost. I go to him, worried. "What happened?" I take his hands, but he wrenches them from my grasp.
"I- I didn't mean to-my father- he's entered the Odinsleep." My face falls, and I find Loki's eyes.
"We knew it was coming," I remind him, "and with what happened with Thor, it's no wonder the stress took him." While I have no love for Odin directly, I've seen the effect his magical coma has on those around him. And I do care for Loki and Thor, and Frigga. "He'll be okay."
Loki shakes his head, his eyes are wide with fear and I don't understand, not even after he speaks in short, trembling half-sentences. "I yelled, I didn't mean to, I didn't know how bad it was, I was just so angry-"
"Hey," I interrupt, pulling him into a hug. He stiffens and doesn't hold me back, so I let go and go back to holding his hands. "Breathe for a second. I don't understand, you're not making sense."
Loki seems to grow calmer, but doesn't relax, like he's ashamed. So many emotions from him that I've never seen, all bubbling up at once. Whatever happened has him rattled as bad as I've ever seen.
"I'm not who you think I am," he started again. "Ally, I'm a Jotun, a monster…" Loki stops talking, but I start to understand, though first I have to believe.
"What are you talking about? What do you mean?"
"Odin," he says the name like a curse, "took me from Jotunheim as a child, he told me it was for peace, and all my life…" He looks at me with horror and sadness. "It's all a lie."
"No, it's not," I argue. "Of course it's not. You are still you, no matter your birth."
"A monster," he snaps. I don't question he's a Frost Giant, with the way he's reacted, and I know enough about magic to understand why he doesn't look it.
"No more than me," I protest. "If I don't get to be one, with the Flame and everything Eldmara forced me to do, you aren't one either." Loki won't look at me, but I tilt my head and look into his eyes anyway. His gaze is far away, like it's going through me.
"You saw what they are, what they do. There's good reason we warn our children of them. I'm the reason you can't go home-"
"Stop that," I scold Loki, using the same tone he used to use on me when I worried about the Flame making me a freak. "Loki, I'm the reason I can't go home. You are not a monster."
"Look at me." He pulls his hands free again and holds them up. I watch as they turn to a pale blue, covered in ridges. I look up at his eyes to find red ones staring back at me. I flinch in spite of myself. "You can't, can you?"
I hold his gaze stubbornly. "Of course I can. You look like you, Loki. You're just blue." I can feel the cold coming off of him as he continues to stare through me. I grab his hands again, I'll shake the truth into him if I have to. But when my skin comes into contact with his, we both recoil in pain.
With both our powers uninhibited, we do what fire and ice always do on contact. My skin is red where we touched, his grey. Loki stands swiftly and backs away from me. "I'm sorry," he cries. "I shouldn't be near you, I'll hurt you, I can't-"
"Wait, stop, what are you doing?" I try to follow him, but it only quickens his pace. "Loki!"
He faces me, the blue disappearing so his are green when they meet mine, and filled with fear. "What?" His voice is hard now.
"Don't leave," I plead. I don't want him to feel alone. I understand what it's like. I just don't know how to say it, not when he's so close to leaving.
"Why? What do you want from me?" He's getting louder and I have to fight to stay calm.
"I need you to calm down. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, it's going to be o-"
"It's not!" He yells. "Everything has been a lie. Everything I've ever done. You- you're a lie. One I tell myself everyday." My words get stuck in my throat; it hurts to hear this from him.
"Loki-"
"No. I can't. I'm sorry, Ally." He leaves and I feel powerless to stop him. I almost cry, but that won't help either.
A Jotun. I can still hardly believe it. I'll stand by what I said though. Our actions are what define us, not what the world makes us out to be. Loki taught me that, and I'll make him remember it. But I'm worried I'll just make him more angry if I go to him now. Better to give him space, or at least I hope so.
I sit at the base of the throne, I don't know if it's proper, but Loki doesn't say anything and the guards don't stop me. I won't leave him, I've made my point and I have to stand my ground.
"Allfather, we must speak with you urgently." Sif and the Warriors Three approach the throne, shocked to see Loki lounging on it.
"My friends," he addressing them, and I have to work hard not to flinch at the cold edge in his voice. He explains that Odin has fallen into the Odinsleep, and I lock eyes with Sif. I don't know what she reads in them, but I catch a small nod. "You can bring your urgent matter to me...your King."
Those are the only words he's said to me since our fight, informing me that he's been proclaimed King regent in his father's ailing absence.
They kneel, somewhat reluctantly. Sif never lowers her head, staring up at Loki's towering frame. "My King, we would ask that you end Thor's banishment."
Loki chuckles. "My first command cannot be to undo the Allfather's last. We're on the brink of war with Jotunheim. Our people need a sense of continuity in order to feel safe in these difficult times. All of us must stand together… for the good of Asgard."
I realize what it is in his voice now, it sounds empty. Like he's doing what he thinks he must, but there's no conviction there. Just impersonal emptiness as he stalks toward Sif. Not a trace of the panic of before, and very little of the man I consider a friend.
Sif stands to protest, but Fandral and Hogun hold her back. "Of course," Fandral accepts, though his eyes shoot me a warning.
"Good, then you will wait for my word," Loki commands.
But Volstagg gives one last attempt. "If I may beg the indulgence of your Majesty to perhaps reconsider-"
"We're done!" Loki declares. I do flinch this time at the raised volume, but he can't see it. The Warriors Three stand and leave Sif standing to glare at Loki, before she leaves as well.
Loki slowly faces me. I can't read his expression, but he can read mine. He pulls me to my feet. "I know you're worried, but it'll be alright, I promise." He presses a kiss to my brow, but that feels empty too. "Go get some rest. I'm going to visit my mother." It's like he's trying to ignore what happened between us.
"Loki?" I ask, trembling. "I meant what I said, you know." I want him to understand that.
He hesitates. "I know." Loki wraps me in a hug, but it's still loose, stiff. Like he's still afraid to touch me. What used to be my biggest fear, is now his. He leaves without another word.
I go to my room, but I don't rest, not even close. I have Penit help me find the plainest clothes I can find, the closest I have to Midgardian attire. My heart thunders in my chest in disbelief at what I'm about to do.
"I trust you, my lady, but is this really the right thing?" she asks.
"I don't know," I tell her, but my mind is made up. Something is off about Loki, and we need Thor. Sif and the Warriors Three have made too much of a fuss, they're under suspicion. But Loki won't suspect me.
I ride for the Bifrost.