Age 15
Royal Palace, Asgard
"Are you coming to court today?" Loki asks, walking into my room without any other greeting.
"Yes? I come every week, you make me, remember?" I usually stand awkwardly behind him, watching the proceedings and having no idea what's going on. "I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to be learning."
"This is a part of Asgard, Ally. It's important you understand how all of this works," he insists, for the millionth time. "We have a plan, and that involves bringing Eldmara to court. If you can help manipulate things from your end, we'll have a better chance of throwing her in the dungeons where she belongs."
That's where the tension is stemming from the fact that in a week, I'll be back in Eldmara's clutches. We'd almost avoided it, but the stunt I pulled on Alfheim put a mark on my record, and legally, Asgard couldn't fight for me as a ward of the state any more. I still don't understand it all, even after months of study. I just know I'm going back, and the new plan is to catch Eldmara in the act. The act of torturing me.
I asked him when we started this why we couldn't just tell her no. It was wrong what she'd done to me and what she was doing to Mina and the others. It was illegal by modern Asgardian law, Eldmara couldn't just ignore it anymore. Loki had agreed with me, but didn't have a good answer. Frankly, neither did Odin, but he insisted that we had to play by Eldmara's rules, by the old laws. Loki thought that Eldmara must know something, a threat she's been holding over his head.
None of that has to do with court today, but that's where we find ourselves. To its credit, it's not like every other week, a delegation of merchants and ambassadors is here from Vanaheim. They want to change the commerce agreement, and open more regular travel between them and Asgard.
I do my best to follow along, but I'm lost quickly in the Odin's spiel about the importance of the Bifrost and the dangers opening regular travel presents. I've perfected my pretending to pay attention face though, and I make it to the interim without falling asleep.
As usual, I am encouraged to socialize with the newcomers, and as usual, I linger on the outskirts of groups and listen in. Sometimes Loki is with me, but today he's deliberating with Odin and Thor, deciding what they want to say.
Fandral is here today, not surprising, chatting with a group of women, but I choose to go stand by Hogun instead, who's greeting some friends of his. He's a little more open around his own people, and it's interesting to see. I become aware of one of them staring at me, and when I catch her, she leans over to her friend. I barely hear what she says.
"I didn't think they let mistresses attend court meetings." Her friend giggles. I'm not entirely sure what she means by that, but her tone is mocking. She continues to observe me until I wander away, back in the anonymous safety of the crowd.
She is the one that speaks when the court reconvenes, and the listless tone of the meeting is destroyed by her case for extensive commerce policy changes. She argues viciously with the wizened import advisor. She promises many things that Asgard has wanted for a long time, and her plans for those things are incredibly solid, even from my understanding. I pay attention the whole time, a first for me.
"The Nine Realms were once the most feared empire in the universe," she drove the point home. "Our place in the universe has slipped and will continue to evade us. Bloodshed is not the answer, it may have won our place, but it will not sustain us. We must strengthen our internal trade in preparation to win the respect of those worlds around us and regain a foothold in the galactic scheme."
She moves to step away, but Odin asks her what her name is, a courtesy he hasn't given any of the other speakers.
"Lady Mari, Your Majesty" she replies with swaggering confidence. Mari makes eye contact with me again before she steps down. She's the last speaker for their case, and it doesn't surprise me that Odin accepts their proposal, albeit with a couple amendments.
The court adjourns and I'm left to my own devices again, but I don't have to be here anymore, so I head to my room and change into my armor. The training grounds are quieter than usual, there's no conflict to prepare for, but there's friends and familiarity.
I warm up and start a spar with Sif, who beat me down here from the court meeting. She doesn't mind mingling with the crowd usually, but I think she knew I'd come down here and want to train.
"Stop blocking with your forearm!" she calls out to me. "You won't have armor in a week and if you try that move without it, someone will break your arm, assuming they don't shear it off." She comes at me again and I barely manage to parry without using my wrist guard. I know it's an impractical move, but it's a hard habit to get rid of.
And even though I came down here to blow off some steam, my mind is still on Mari for some reason. Not just what she said, but how she looked, how vicious she was talking to the panel. Sif takes advantage of my distracted state, and I find myself flat on my back, her sword at my throat.
"Is something wrong?" she asks as she offers a hand to pull me up. "Are you worried about leaving next week?"
"No, I mean, yes, but that wasn't what I was thinking about," I reply, taking her hand. "That new girl in court today? Mari? I think she was making fun of me, but I don't understand what she said."
Sif smirks. "I knew she couldn't be all grand ideas and revolution, she's playing some angle. What did she say to you?"
"I think she called me a 'mistress,' but I don't know, the way she said it…" Sif's face has already grown serious, and maybe a little angry.
"Did she say it to you directly?" Sif asks harshly. I shake my head.
"No, she said it to one of the other girls." I still don't know what's going on. "What is it? What does it mean?" Sif explains it to me as concisely as she can. I blush furiously. It's not the first time someone in the court has made similar comments, but Loki had quickly dispelled them, and assured me it wasn't going to be a problem.
"Come on, we'll take it to Loki," Sif suggests. "He'll know what to do, besides run her through." Sif shoots me a look that's half smirk, half frustration. It gets me to relax a little, but not smile.
We find Loki in the courtyard, still talking with some of the guests. He regals them with a story, one of my favorites, and I notice Mari watching him with a careful eye. She's not with the group, but talking with the other noble girls, courtiers and relatives of prominent Einherjar. They didn't attend the court business, they don't rank that high. Most of them are kind enough to me, though a few like to start rumors. I wouldn't hesitate to join them if it weren't for Mari.
Loki finishes his story and walks over to Sif and I with an unwavering smile. He likes telling stories, getting reactions out of people. But his expression darkens as Sif explains what happened in a harsh whisper.
"I can't say I'm surprised," he mutters. "She's been pushing boundaries all day, trying to see who she can play with. If she likes what she finds, I'm sure she'll ask to be the official liaison so she can stay on Asgard."
Sif scowls, and I stare at the ground. I still don't understand what's going on.
"Hey," Loki soothes. "I'll take care of it." He offers me his arm and I take it. We walk over to Mari and wait patiently for a break in conversation.
"Lady Mari, I'm afraid I didn't get the opportunity to introduce you to my ward earlier. This is Captain Ally Pernix, from Midgard." I bow, feeling awkward in my armor.
"Yes, I believe I saw you at the meeting." Mari nods at me.
"Ally is our youngest decorated officer," Loki continues, "she won us several important battles in Alfheim." I can't help but turn a little red, and wonder how this helps.
"That's very impressive," Mari responds. She sounds sincere enough.
"We're very honored to have her in our service," Loki says.
"I'm sure you quite enjoy being in her… service." Mari puts a strange emphasis on the word and the sentence doesn't make sense. Loki just said I was in Asgard's service, not the other way around.
"Watch your tongue," Loki warns. "I am your prince, my relationship with my ward is entirely proper."
"That's a shame, she's quite pretty." I turn bright red and shift a burning gaze to the ground. Mari must have realized she overstepped, because she is quick to speak again.
"And of course, if you ever do feel like setting aside propriety, my door is always open, my lord," she says. "And trips to Vanaheim may very soon be easier."
"I'll keep that in mind," Loki responds coldly. "But remember your place, Lady Mari." She just smiles and curtsies, taking her leave.
"Don't you pay her any mind," Loki tells me. "She's just trying to cause trouble. She'll be gone in a few days, and if she comes back, I'll take care of it before you return."
"And if he doesn't," Sif teases, "I will."
I don't see Mari much over the next few days. I'm not invited to any of the smaller meetings that take place, committees working out sections of the new treaty. Loki has to attend them, but I spend my time with Sif and the other elites, training or hanging out. They're good friends for pretending I'm not being shipped off to play bait in less than a week.
Loki surprises me one evening, escaping the meetings early. He leads me to the banquet hall where a feast has been set, with all of the elites and the nicest of the court bunch. Penit attends as a guest, and Frigga is there, sitting next to Thor, but Odin is absent. "We're not celebrating your sendoff," he clarifies. "But I did want to celebrate you."
I smile, taking my seat next to him. The feast isn't extravagant, but it is all my favorites. True to his word, neither Loki or anyone else mentions my imminent departure. It's just a nice night that happens to be about me.
As the meal is cleared, the dancing begins. I'm still not confident about dancing in front of other people, but Loki's leading and my friends are either too drunk or too interested in their own partners to notice my flailing. And I do enjoy it, after I get comfortable being out there. It's fun.
After an hour of my favorite dances, a livelier song begins to play, and Loki's eyes get that dangerous gleam in them. I send him a suspicious look, but before I can say something, Thor cuts between us, taking my hands and leading me away. He's excited, and dances off beat, but it gets me laughing.
It's not even a full minute before Fandral is cutting in, and that lasts about four seconds before we run into Volstagg, and then it's his turn. I spend this whole time laughing, I don't know what the point is, but it's hilarious. They're trading Sif around too, and I would think she would hate it, but Thor literally picks her up to dance with her and she's smiling.
Hands on my waist pull me away, and I'm dancing with Loki again, all the way out the door to the balcony. No one seems to notice us slipping away. Outside the sun has set, and the lights of the city twinkle up at us. Stars of all colors mirror them, painting the sky in clouds and streaks.
"I have something for you," he says quietly. "I know you won't be able to take much with you, but I wanted to give you a reminder." He pulls something out of his pocket, holding it up so the light can catch it. It's a necklace, with a gold chain and a small teardrop emerald.
"It's a promise stone," he explains. "It records any genuine promise made in its presence. Should the promise be broken, the enchantment will cripple the promise breaker with excruciating agony." I stare up at him.
"It's beautiful," I tell him, "and don't take this the wrong way, but why is that a thing?"
Loki chuckles. "We Asgardians take promises very seriously. And because if I fail you, I deserve that pain." He fastens the necklace around my neck.
"I promise that I will find you, elskan. And I will always protect you, I promise." The gem at my throat glows and feels cold against my skin for a moment.
"You never did tell me what that means," I murmur. "Elskan?"
Loki smiles. "It means darling, or dear one." I blush, which only encourages him. "Though I quite prefer switching it up to catch you off guard." I turn even redder.
"You are quite radiant, Ally. I'm sorry it turned out this way, I never meant for you to return to Eldmara. But I will find a way to catch her, and bring you back." He pulls me into a hug and I know how much he means this. He's taken it personally. But it's my fault we don't have more time. I decided to infiltrate Alfheim's most secure military base on my own so we all didn't unnecessarily die.
"I can take it," I tell him. "I did it before and I'm stronger now. It'll be okay." Loki smiles at me.
"Of course it will. I'll make sure of it." He leads me back inside, where the group is laughing and more than one table has been overturned. The dancing is apparently over, and together we retire to the sitting area.
Thor and Loki switch off telling stories, old tales and war sagas and once the ale has gotten to them, they tell stories about me. My victories, from their perspective, are those of a hero. Some are exaggerated, but others…
Normally it would make me uncomfortable. It's not like I did any of it for attention. The Niflheim quest, the Alfheim war, I was just trying to help. But to them, I've earned a lot of respect. I belong here.
For the most part.
Unfortunately, unlike most Asgardians, I cannot party all night. When Thor catches a second wind and starts everyone on a round of drinking songs, I lean back on the couch to listen to them. My one experience with Asgardian ale left me so dehydrated I set a war camp on fire, so I don't partake.
It's nice to be with them. I won't have this in a few days, I'm not sure I'll have anything for awhile. But I'll come back to them, to this. Loki promised. And with Eldmara out of the way, it might just be possible for me to go home, or at least visit.
Loki sits next to me. He's got a grin on his face, and not the wild, adventurous one. It's more honest, like he doesn't even realize it's there. He offers me my favorite pillow, his shoulder, and I gladly accept. I'll have to head to bed soon, but for now I'm content to sit here.
I drift off there, despite the noise. It's not the first time, I've learned I can sleep almost anywhere. I stir upon being moved, hearing Loki assure Frigga he's got me. I offer a sarcastic comment in protest, but judging by his reaction, it does not come out understandable. He continues to chuckle at he carries me down the hall.
"Go back to sleep, my Radiant," he says quietly. "I've got you." I'm not awake enough to protest, but it's not the first time he's carried me to bed. I turn, pressing my face into his arm, and fall back asleep.
The night before I'm to return to Eldmara is filled with nightmares. The things that she did to me, the places we've been, all come rushing back. When morning comes it finds me with bloodshot eyes and a racing heart.
Penit helps me dress in the clothes I've picked out for today. Not my armor, it didn't feel right. And not a court dress either, but a nondescript tunic, sturdy pants and boots. I'm not sure if she means to make me fight again, but I'll only play along as far as I have to.
Loki arrives with breakfast, which we take on the balcony. We go over the plan one last time, though I know it by now. Leave with Eldmara. Scope out the temple of Hagalaz. Let Eldmara believe that I'm the same scared kid she dropped off here. Endure whatever she puts me through. Loki will be monitoring me with magic as best he can without getting detected by Eldmara's own sorcerers. When I catch Eldmara doing something undeniable evil and illegal even by her standards, I'll signal him. And the nightmare will be over.
But first it has to start, and it doesn't matter how much I love Asgardian pastries, I'm too frazzled to eat. I tell myself it's just a mission, that I can handle going back, but just thinking about it makes me want to back out, as if it's a choice.
Loki notices, pulling his chair over and taking my hands. "Glow for me," he asks quietly. I do, focusing on my hand. It's an old habit now, but the trick helps remind me. "Remember, you are in control. It doesn't matter what she tells you, Ally, or what she does. You're in control of your actions."
"I'm scared," I admit. I don't want to go.
"I know. I know you're scared. But it won't be for long, you know that. I will always come for you, I promised I would." He pulls me into a hug. It's tight and forceful, and I know he hates this as much as I do, because usually he's more careful with his augmented strength. "And you know I would stop this if it didn't mean all out war."
"I know." We've run every scenario, considered every option. This is the only way we can get Eldmara to stop hurting people. And that's worth it.
It's not long before Eldmara comes to collect me. We meet her in the throne room, and her piercing gaze sends my eyes to the floor. But even if I can't look at her, Loki can, and his hand on my shoulder brings my view back up to the room.
"I've come to collect my property," Eldmara calls out. Odin looks bored of the conversation already, but he does have the decency to correct her.
"Your charge, my lady." Odin gestures for me to move forward. Loki squeezes my shoulder and lets go. Every step makes my heart beat faster. Soon I'm standing behind her, and the air already feels colder.
"Ally Pernix is an Einherjer Captain and an elite warrior," Odin tells her. "We release her to you care to honor our previous agreement, but her station remains. Treat her accordingly." It sounds nice, having Odin tell her not to mess with me, but it's also part of the plan. We know it will provoke her.
"I thank you for making good on your promise," Eldmara replies coolly. "She'll be of much more use trained." Like Eldmara understand the concept of training at all. My body already hurts at the thought of it.
She doesn't waste time leaving, and I catch one last glimpse of Loki before we leave. He nods and smiles, and then he's gone. Her skiff waits to transport us to the temple. Nobody looks at me, she hasn't addressed me, but the atmosphere has changed since we left the palace. Once we're in the air, Eldmara turns to me.
"Whatever delusions they've filled your head with, you'd do well to forget them." Ice curls around me and I want to cry, scream, but I don't, I can't let her win. I can't play along. "Nothing has changed, my little Holocaust. You're just more useful now. Understood?"
I don't answer, I can't answer, I can't stand to give her what she wants. Eldmara glares, and the fingers of ice that are crawling up my legs and around my arms tighten, biting into my skin and hissing as the heat evaporates it.
"What are you?' Eldmara yells. I don't answer. "What are you?"
I don't make a sound, don't even cry out though it hurts. Later I wish I would've. Eldmara scowls and the ice encases me, completely freezing me. I can't breathe, can't ignite. Sheer panic keeps the pain fresh, and even after the ice dissipates, the fear doesn't leave.
Because I've been frozen long enough that we made it into the temple, into a room I recognize. Cavernous, filled with pools of various liquids that are not water. This I know.
I can't do anything but kneel on the floor, even if I could get up, the two guards next to me would force me back down. I look up at Eldmara, and notice Mina beside her.
"What are you?" she asks. I'm shivering now, as the Flame tries to recover.
"Holocaust," I whisper, because if I don't, she'll do it again, and I can't handle it.
"Good," she says. "Let us depart." More panic. Our plan rests on the fact that I'd be here, on Asgard, where Loki's magic can reach me. If I leave the realm, he won't be able to find me. Eldmara grins at my expression.
"Don't worry, my Holocaust, we'll do our work on Asgard soon enough. But first, I need to see what you can do." She grins wickedly. "How much death you can cause."
The sorcerers start their work, pulling liquid from the pools to create a spinning ring in the air. When the portal is ready, I am pulled through, and we leave Asgard behind.