Sekhmet: AND SO ANIME WAS SOLVED FOREVER! Ah, the chapter I've been dreading the whole story. You know, I thought this was gonna be a 30 chapter affair, but it looks like 21 is the magic number.

Susano-o: Yep, when you cut recaps and episodes dedicated to bad or ultimately pointless attempts at character development it ends quicker. Seriously, Shinji nearly died and the very next episode is everyone acting like he's awful for not wanting to like, almost die again.

Sekhmet: And for not wanting to immediately kill his only friend because he was an Angel. And that's why we had OCs. The game was rigged from the start. Plus the last two anime episodes were probably a hallucination, let's be real here.

Susano-o: So we're going right into End of Evangelion, spoiler alert, I have never seen End of Evangelion, I know the basics of what happens, but just like a lactose intolerant cheese maker I will never watch it because it hurts me. More on a mental/cringe level than a physical but it's still a pain. Did we really need the Hospital scene? Or the choking scene? Also Rei died and so that's gonna be a no from me dog.

Sekhmet: We don't speak of those scenes here, those are lies. I'll save you a lot of pain and tell you that despite those flaws, it's still better than 3.0.

Susano-o: Oh I know that, while 3.0 is a 'What the fuck?' kind of bad, End of Eva is a 'But why?' kind of bad.

Sekhmet: Because it was the day Anno went off the deep end with his hatred for his fans. I mean to be fair the man got death threats for it but still.

Susano-o: It's been said he hates Eva, but considering so many of his works draw from it, it's themes, it tone, and even it's look I doubt that.

Sekhmet: The point is, and not to be arrogant or count our gross fish babies before they hatch, but we've got this shit on lock.

Susano-o: We love Eva and just want to fix the self destructive way everyone interacted, as Mikasa said 'The world is cruel, but also beautiful' and there wasn't a lot of a beautiful world in Eva.

Sekhmet: And with that, let's finish up the main arc and go right to the climax.

Susano-o: Final Angel here we go!

Chapter 19: The Seventeenth Angel, Tabris

"Hey Blue," Isabelle said smiling as she sat down beside the first child. "How are you feeling?"

"I am well Pilot Watanabe," Rei said evenly. "I have experienced head trauma and will be here for an indefinite period of time while I recover."

"Oh...that sucks," Isabelle said dejectedly. "Umm...well everyone's coming over today and they're bringing food."

"That sounds acceptable," Rei said nodding. "I will be here."

"Ok then," Isabelle said squeezing Rei's hand before walking out.

…

"How'd it go?" Mari asked.

"Well she's got head trauma," Isabelle explained. "So-"

"Pussed out like a bitch then." Mari teased.

"I did not!" Isabelle insisted. "She's acting like she used to when we first came here, it's bad!"

Well, if it's amnesia, it'll go away eventually, right?" Shinji asked, trying to be hopeful.

"Yeah," Isabelle agreed. "-But for now I guess I'll wait."

"Well come on then," Mari giggled grabbing Isabelle's shoulder. "Let's go get you some sexy underwear to show Rei when you confess!" She laughed dragging the blushing girl away.

Mary sighed. "You wanna go record another song?" She asked.

"Actually while we're on the subject of confessions…" Shinji stammered.

"Hello," Kaworu said seemingly appearing out of nowhere. "How are you two doing on this fine day?" He asked setting a hand lightly on both their shoulders.

"N-no, don't ruin this for me!" Shinji stammered.

"Ruin what?" Mary asked.

"Yes Shinji, what do you mean?" Kaworu said setting his head on Mary's shoulder.

"Mary, I love you!" Shinji blurted out, taking one of her hands. Mary immediately flushed bright red.

"Oh?" Kaworu said raising an eyebrow. "-But I also love her," He said wrapping his arms around Mary's waist. "So who are you gonna pick?"

Mary ducked out of Kaworu's grip, redder than she'd ever been. Her heart was pounding and she didn't know what to do as the boys stared at her with prying eyes. She liked both of them a lot, but it would be torture to pick one, the other would be heartbroken. And in a brilliant moment of word association, she has an idea.

"...why don't we all just fuck each other?" Mary blurted out. The boys blinked, surprised by her answer. "You know, just one big fuckpile." She elaborated, meshing her fingers together rapidly.

"...yeah ok." Shinji said.

"Sounds good to me." Kaworu agreed.

"Ok...cool." Mary said, surprised and very relieved that it actually worked. She took both their hands and the three walked off.

…

"So you're all together now?" Mari asked.

"Yep, that's pretty much it." Mary said, having explained the whole thing to her friends when they got home.

"Well that's the most boring way to solve that love triangle," Mari mumbled. "Should have had them fuck to the death," She giggled as Asuka brushed her hair.

"Don't you mean fight to the death?" Asuka asked.

"I know what I said," Mari smirked, Asuka rolled her eyes and mumbled pervert under her breath as she started braiding Mari's hair.

"Ooh! We should have a sleepover to commemorate!" Adelise said excitedly.

"That's a great idea!" Mary said. "I have an idea that's long overdue, I'm gonna go pick up a few things."

"Alright I'll get the pillow fort set up," Isabelle said smiling. "Should I get you three a separate tent?" She giggled.

"No, that's fine." Mary said, only half listening as she went for the door.

"Umm," Shinji blushed. "I-I guess we're fine."

"I promise I won't be too long." Mary said before she left for the store.

"Where is the third wonder twin anyway?" Asuka asked. "Does he even live anywhere or does he just exist in some hammerspace until he's needed?"

"You need a new line Queenie," Mari chuckled.

"They need to stop being stupid," Asuka responded. "The kitchen still smells like burning when we turn on the stove."

"That doesn't even make sense." Mari said.

"I'll make you make sense," Asuka smirked getting in Mari's face and booping their noses together.

"Fine, whatever." Mari said, blushing.

…

"Ok, say cheese everyone!" Mary said, holding the Polaroid up as high as she could and snapping a picture of all 7 people.

"Cheese!" They yelled smiling and laughing.

"Alright, now the couples!" Mary said, waving her hand for those together to come forth for a photo together.

Mari and Asuka came together and Ray put his arm around a sheepish Adelise who curled up into his side. Isabelle gave the group a sad smile before taking the camera from Mary so she could sit between Shinji and Kaworu.

"Say cheese!" Isabelle said once everyone was in position.

"Cheese!" They all said as the picture was snapped.

"And now the couples on their own," Isabelle said waving everyone into new positions to snap their individual photos.

"These are coming out so great." Mary said, propping up the last picture to develop. "Gonna frame this and put it on the wall."

"I will make frames for them," Asuka said offhandedly. "Maybe one for a collage."

"That's very sweet of you." Adelise said.

"You should show your sweeter side Asuka," Ray smiled before dodging the pillow Asuka launched at him. "Or maybe not."

"If she ever showed her sweet side all the time it would be a side of the end times," Isabelle joked.

"Oh she does," Mari laughed. "-But on in the bedroom if you catch my meaning~"

"I do believe they are ganging up on you Asuka dear," Kaworu said smirking at the now red faced Asuka who was searching around for more things to launch at her friends.

"Man, I wish Rei was here with us." Mary said.

….

"I hate this," Rei growled in her thoughts as she and Gendo had a small dinner together while he went over their plans. "I hate this I hate this I want to destroy him so bad, just one flick of my AT-Field right now would turn him to dust!" She screamed in her head before taking a mental breath and calming down.

"Once SEELE attacks with the MP-Evangelions we will use that time to being the final phase of our plan," Gendo said taking a bite of his meal. "I will be able to hold anyone back while you finish merging with Lillith, understood?"

"Yes Commander Ikari," Rei nodded. "FUCK YOU! I WILL DROWN YOU IN THE LCL PLANT BEFORE I FINISH YOUR INSANE PLAN!" Her fork broke in her hand as she snapped it with her AT-Field.

"Are you ok?" Gendo asked seeing the fork break.

"Yes Commander Ikari," Rei said setting her broken fork aside. "My AT-Field has been fluctuating for the last few days."

"I will get Ritsuko to give you another prescription," Gendo responded. "We cannot afford anything happening before the end."

"Of course," Rei nodded. "Wonder how many times I can stab you before you notice considering how dead you are inside?" With a silent sigh of sadness she tuned out what Gendo was saying for the rest of dinner, lamenting her inability to see her friends.

….

"Ok so if not a man, what's in YOUR moon then?" Mary asked. The three had moved to the roof after a debate about lunar myths had cropped up out of nowhere.

"That's easy. Rabbits make mochi there. Look, there's the rabbit's ears, it's head, and it's reeling back to pound the rice paste into mochi." Shinji said, outlining the various craters and shapes.

"Hmm interesting," Kaworu said pointing to a few craters. "I see the mask of the Adam, or what people call the man on the moon."

"I told you it was a man in the moon!" Mary laughed. Shinji let out an amused sigh and leaned on her, and in turn pulled Kaworu in as well.

"This is...lovely," Kaworu smiled as he turned to look at the two leaning on his elbow. "I think I was born to meet you two."

"That's...really heavy. And really sweet." Mary said.

"That's really kind of you to say." Shinji agreed. The three sat on the roof for a while, but the cold eventually forced them back inside, where they snuggled up to each other like kittens in a nest.

….

"So," Kaworu said smirking as he leaned into Rei's hospital room. "How are you feeling after your accident?"

Rei kept a blank face. "I am feeling ok Pilot Nagisa, my injuries while extensive are not life threatening." She responded without emotion.

"Oh come now," He said walking inside. "I know you can't be that injured," He asked standing and the edge of her bed.

Rei to her credit remained calm. "What do you mean Pilot Nagisa?"

"Come on, we don't need to dance this dance," Kaworu smirked getting closer to Rei. "You and I both know you're not the same as when you entered that plug a few days ago."

Rei blinked. "I do not understand Pilot Nagisa, I am still Rei Ayanami, designated the First Child and former pilot of Unit-00."

"Fine if you want to keep at this we can," Kaworu said rubbing her cheek. "-But you know that you are the same as me."

"What, fucking gay?" Rei snapped before instantly resuming her deadpan expression as Kaworu left her room with a chuckle.

"Sure Rei Ayanami, Sure," Kaworu laughed with a backwards wave as he walked to the locker rooms. Rei let out a loud sigh as she fell back onto her bed.

"Friends...be careful...he is much more powerful than he lets on," She thought grinding her teeth at the fact she couldn't leave to help them finish the fight. "I will simply have to settle for winning the war," She thought closing her eyes, hoping some sleep would pass the time quicker.

….

"Alright everyone testing is done," Misato said nodding. "Now we just need to reset the EVA's for Kaworu."

"Alright," Everyone responded.

"Asuka we're starting with Unit-02 because it's the most stable."

Asuka grumbled something about people touching her EVA but relented and got out. Shinji followed suit but was stopped by Kaworu before he could leave.

"Hello Boyfriend," Kaworu said smiling.

"Oh, hi dear." Shinji said, still blushing at the prospect of being in a relationship.

"I wanted a kiss for good luck before I started," Kaworu chuckled rubbing Shinji's arm. Shinji blushed even harder, but leaned up on his tiptoes to give him the kiss.

"Hmm you make my heart race," Kaworu smiled cupping Shinji's face. "Now I must find Mary and give her one too, I will see you soon though."

"Ok good luck dear." Shinji said through squished cheeks.

Kaworu laughed and with a quick kiss to Mary entered into Unit-02's plug.

….

"Alright then everything set?" Misato asked.

"Everything is back to baseline. We're ready to start." Ritsuko replied.

"Ok, then begin the operation," Misato said nodding.

With a soft hum Unit-02 activated, then with a roar it started fighting against the restraints.

"Misato!" Shinji yelled. "Misato it's out of control!"

"Ritsuko!" Mistao shouted. "Cut the power!"

"I can't, Unit-02's not going berserk, Pilot Nagisa has taken-wait what is-" She stuttered before the EVA cage exploded with the unfolding of Unit-02's AT-Field. "Pattern blue…. Kaworu Nagisa is confirmed to be the 17th Angel!" Ritsuko yelled as she watched the cage be torn apart by the floating EVA.

"And he's doing this in my EVA! I'll kill him!" Asuka shouted.

"Everyone to the cages now before he breaks into Terminal Dogma!" Misato ordered. "Hurry we don't have much time!"

Mary shook with rage, and took off at a breakneck speed to her cage. A growling sound turned into angry screaming about halfway there.

"This-I-there has to be-" Shinji stammered over his thoughts, trying to find some way to justify what just happened as fiction.

"Shinji!" Asuka shouted grabbing him by the shoulders. "I know you and her are dating him, but right now he's about to end the world as we know it!" She shouted shaking him hard. "Don't freeze up because I can't help you in this fight!"

Shinji blinked, took a deep breath to swallow the lump in his throat, and took off running with the others. Before he could go though Asuka grabbed him in a tight hug.

"We'll be there for you guys, I promise," She said firmly before shoving him down the hall after the others.

"You are a good friend," Ray said smiling as he watched the battle unfold over the screen, ready for Rei's final plan to begin.

….

Kaworu hummed as he exited the pod and flew down through the shafts of NERV towards Terminal Dogma with Unit-02 floating behind him. "What is that noise?" He mumbled looking around when suddenly Unit-05 crashed into him from above with a punch of tremendous power. The noise in question turned out to be Mary's rage howling.

Isabelle snarled as she aimed the barrel of her cannon down the shaft and let loose with every depleted Uranium round she had into Kaworu's AT-Field. "Give it up!" She shouted.

"Hmm no," Kaworu said trying to stabilize himself as the world exploded around him. Mary roared and continued wailing on his AT-Field.

"Boom bitch!" Mari yelled kicking open one of the side panels and firing a positron blast point blank in his face, sending him tumbling back from the force.

"Language," Kaworu joked as another blast hit him from behind, this time it was Adelise with and EVA sized grenade launcher.

"Surrender please," She pleaded.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Adelise," Kaworu said as his AT-Field took another battering from above. "Oh joy, Isabelle's reloaded, wonderful."

The four prong attack battered into his field harder and harder, even with Unit-02 Kaworu could feel the strain he was under and rushed quicker to get to Terminal Dogma, with a final concussive blast he blew open the final door, revealing Unit-01 standing inside a lake of LCL in front of a massive White Figure on a cross.

"Shinji?" Kaworu asked confused. "How did you get here so fast."

"Misato and Ritsuko," Shinji said nervously grabbing his prog knife.

"Understandable," Kaworu said shrugging. "Now please step aside."

"No. I can't let you end the world, no matter what we were." Shinji said, bracing himself to fight.

"A shame," Kaworu sighed throwing out his field, sending Shinji flying back into the large cross. "-But even I must fulfill my duty," He said looking up at the figure, his eyes went wide. "What? Lilith?" He asked before being tackled by Mary again. Punch after punch impacted on the field, her screeching louder and more feral than before.

As Shinji struggled to find purchase to stand up, his hand caught on the handle of a large red double pronged spear that was embedded into the chest of the white figure. Without much thought to it, he yanked out the spear, which caused the figure's entrail like lower body to bubble and grow longer into two legs made of half-formed people, stood up and rushed over to the fight, taking a stab at the field. The field ripped open and disappearing as the prongs pierced it. In a swift moment, both EVAs swooped in to scoop up Kaworu in a combined grasp.

"Well well," Kaworu said smiling softly. "Looks like we got one more hug after all."

For the first time in the whole fight, Mary spoke. "I will murder you with all of my hate!" She screamed.

"Oh don't be like that," Kaworu said. "Come on, we got to dance one final dance, let's leave this night on a nice note."

"You broke my heart and spat on the pieces!" Mary shrieked.

"Well you're breaking my ribs right now," Kaworu joked. "Sorry lovely, but I had to do what I was made to do, and now you do too," He said smiling. "For what it's worth, I really did enjoy our time together."

About two minutes of complete silence went by, but each suffocated second felt like an hour. There was a sickening crunch as Kaworu was crushed and torn in half, both sides being discarded haphazardly into the LCL. It wasn't Mary who incited this however, but Shinji.

….

"What happened down there?" Misato asked over the radio. "We lost all communication with you two after you entered the LCL Plant."

"It-it's over." Shinji said. "The Angel is dead."

Misato let out a loud sigh over the radio. "Thank God," She said calmly. "Everyone report back in."

"Woah wait," Isabelle said. "Did ...did we win?" She asked.

"I-I think so," Asuka said back.

"Oh...wow," Adelise said shocked.

"Umm yeah," Mari agred. "I didn't think we would even get this far…"

"...So what do we do now?" Ray asked. The lines went silent for a few before Isabelle's joyous laughter cut through the silence.

"We throw the best bloody party this side of the coast!" She screamed laughing, this shocked everyone out of their stupor long enough to start cheering as well, the bridge was full of laughter and shouting as they jumped for joy, Misato laughed as Maya grabbed Ritsuko by the collar and dragged her down for a kiss, Hyuga and Aoba hugged each other before quickly scrambling away to go find supplies for a party. But inside her plug, Mary was sobbing, and Shinji had never felt worse.