Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took forever to write! This is actually just Part I of the chapter and I will try having Part II out real soon. I'm actually about half way finished with Part II. I've had Part I done for a couple days but I wasn't ready to publish it yet because I was still trying to figure out where would be a good place to split it up into two parts. For obvious reasons this chapter had to be a long one.
So I went to the HAIM concert a couple weeks ago and I have to say my mind was blown. It was probably the best concert I've ever been to but mainly because it was general admission so I was able to be right in the front row. All I had to do was get there two hours before the doors opened. Seeing them up close was surreal because they're my favorite band ever and watching Danielle shred on the guitar was even more amazing. She's such a badass on the guitar! Este was hilarious, of course, and Alana loves picking on her sisters. Also, seeing Este's bass face in person was super cool and if you're a HAIM fan you'll know exactly what that means. I have to admit I wasn't super into Lizzo but watching her perform live was something else. She's a really good singer and I liked the positive message she had. She kind of complimented my outfit too so she definitely won me over. I might've even put one of her songs in this chapter because this song is my newest obsession which is weird since I'm not typically into rap or R&B. I'm much more of an indie rocker. A really good concert though and they're probably the first band I've seen that I would want to see again.
I also found out that there's a comic con coming to the same venue HAIM played at in the city. Apparently Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, and Chris Evans will be there and I seriously considered going because the tickets aren't that expensive and I've never been to a comic con before but going all the way back into the city isn't that appealing to me. Maybe I'd go if Sebastian Stan was going. Yeah...I totally would go if he'd be there for obvious reasons. He's probably my number one celebrity crush. Maybe another time.
I just want to say that I don't own the songs 'Mr. Tillman' or 'Truth Hurts'. Those songs belong to Father John Misty and Lizzo. I'm really obsessed with both of those songs right now.
Sabrina Barnes: I tried to write last chapter with both of them being in the wrong. Peter for overacting because of his jealousy and Emma for lying to him and snapping at him when he was only trying to help. I didn't want to make Peter out to be the one completely in the wrong because a lot of stories make everything the guy's fault which I don't really like. Yes, Peter acted like an asshole but so did Emma. It would be so cool by the way if you could recommend some Bucky/OC stories. The only one I've ever really read and finished was this one called 'Stranger on a Bench'. It's the only one I like but it's also the only one I've seen that doesn't have the OFC being a spy or assassin but just a normal person instead.
artemis7448: You should definitely watch Jessica Jones if you haven't already! I know not a lot of people share this opinion but it's my favorite Netflix Marvel series. I will admit the first season is way better than the second but it's still really good. I think Kilgrave was one of the most terrifying MCU villains because he scared the shit out of me. So creepy.
Winchestergirl123: I know I said there would be a small Steve related surprise in this chapter which is still kind of true but it's going to be in PART II. Part I of this chapter just became super long because it's 15,000 words already but I promise it will be in Part II. So still in chapter sixty three technically.
MusicLover315: So I had actually never heard of 'The Way I Used To Be' but I looked it up and became interested in reading it. Unfortunately Book of the Month Club(which I have a subscription to because I'm a nerd) didn't have it so I ordered it on Amazon. It just came in the other day but I read the whole thing in a few hours. It was an amazing book and I could definitely see how Emma would remind you of Eden and everything Eden dealt with in the book. I don't think I've ever cried that much reading a book before. It's so sad because she was dealing with all of this on her own(kind of like Emma has been doing) and everyone gets mad at her for being the way she is but they don't really know any better at the same time which makes the whole situation sadder. I'm happy she figured things out a bit at the end though. Thank you so much for introducing me to the book! I really appreciate it. I honestly think every teen should read this book despite how brutally honest it is because it might make them understand about how to treat each other better, especially where the bullying was involved in the book.
I, myself, am kind of sad that Emma and Peter can't really be a real thing in real life but at least they can in here. Michelle still has my approval for her and Peter to get together in the movies. I do think it was kind of shallow for Peter to be completely hung up on Liz since the whole nerdy teenage boy and pretty popular girl pairing is so cliche( nerd and popular good looking person is the plot of every eighties high school rom-com) but he is a teenage boy, after all. Hopefully in the next movie he'll open his eyes a bit and see Michelle because Michelle was my favorite character from Homecoming(other than Peter, of course).
HwGenius: I don't think I wrote him out of character. We haven't seen much of Peter's angry/jealous side but it finally came out last chapter...big time. He's been super patient with Emma but even he knows she doesn't tell him everything so I think he just finally lost his patience. Emma and Peter also bring out different sides in each other...sometimes very ugly sides. Yes, they are but how they got Emma to go to the party is kind of funny. Let's just say Ned's mastered the art of annoying Emma.
Blue: This story isn't going to end anytime soon. It's tough to say when it will end but I know it won't be for a while. If it came to them having kids, that would probably end up being in a sequel when they're older. They're way too young now to be having kids and Emma happens to hate kids which Peter will learn soon. It's actually going to be kind of funny because Peter's going to be the kind of person who someday wants kids and even looks forward to it while Emma scoffs at the idea. Don't worry. She'll come around eventually.
marinapanic: I know if Peter and Emma were older when all this was happening that Peter might not care if she slept with someone in the past but I feel like a teenage boy would be much more insecure about that. In his mind, Emma's already had sex with someone who was probably experienced and Peter's worried that he'll somehow disappoint her because he's not experienced at all. Of course, he has no idea about what really happened and wouldn't even begin to act like that if he knew the truth. It's also Emma's fault for not being honest enough with him. He's also possessive like you said but Emma's very possessive too so it's not like he's alone in that.
Keystone: So I've been slowing working myself up to the idea of Rumlow becoming enhanced in some way because I also realized that he's not that much of a powerful villain. He's got resources but literally anyone could take him out on their own... even Clint or Natasha. I've kind of been foreshadowing like a couple chapters ago when Emma talks about the previous participants in the Winter Soldier program and how they went insane. Anyways...that's all I'll give away when it comes to that.
Guest: I never meant to make Peter the villain last chapter. The reason Emma got angry at him like that was because she was being defensive. She wants to tell him but she's really scared of what will happen when she does. In this chapter, Emma's not really mad at him. She gets kind of pissed at him for acting stupid but the feeling doesn't really stick because she's mostly mad at herself and doesn't blame him for acting that way. You'll see what I mean in the chapter though.
Radioactive88: I wanted their first fight as a couple to be both intense but funny at the same time...like when Emma threw his stuff out the window. Also that moment when Peter hears something hit the bedroom door after she slammed it in his face and he kind of gets scared. They'll make up soon though...I promise.
J3ennife4: Oh my god! That's so weird...and kind of cool that you happen to know Matthew McConaughey. Originally, Emma's AI system was going to just be a random male voice that she would named Ziggy after Ziggy Stardust but then I thought about why not making the AI system's voice to be a more recognizable voice. I thought of the most iconic and recognizable voice and Matthew McConaughey immediately came to mind. I thought it would be funny and weird. However, I never thought anyone reading this would actually know him because that is weird.
I kind of want Matthew McConaughey to be in the MCU. I know a lot of people hate this idea but I kind of want him to be the Green Goblin. I just think that would be hilarious. Imagine the Green Goblin with McConaughey's voice.
Heavenly: I'm eventually going to include a smut scene at some point in this story although I'm not going to be making this story into porn or anything. There's not going to be like a smut scene every chapter or so. I just feel like it's important to the story so I will include one but I'll let everyone know when we do get to that point which won't be for a while. On Quotev I probably won't include it but I'll let people know it's on the version here on . I'm not sure about Wattpad though. I don't really remember their rules or guidelines so I guess I'll go back and look into that.
Cheekylove: Ha! I didn't even think of that but now that you mentioned it I'm definitely going to be doing that when the Infinity War storyline comes into play. Teenage Groot crushing on Emma will be completely hilarious. I also see Rocket as their translator. Emma will probably be confused as hell while Peter's just automatically decides he hates Groot. I also feel like Emma would get along with Rocket. She might raise an eyebrow at a talking Racoon but Rocket and Emma have a similar attitude and like giving their teammates a hard time. Emma likes making fun of Tony the same way Rocket like's making fun of Peter(Quill).
AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR comes out in a week, guys! I can't even express how excited I am. I'm considering it a late birthday present since it comes out a week after my birthday.
Sorry for not responding to all the reviews but there was so many and I really wanted to update this story since it's been over two weeks now. You guys must hate me at this point! Lol. Anyways...thanks for all the reviews, favorites(we're at over 700 now!), and follows. Let me know what you think of the chapter.
"I don't get it, Peter. Why can't we go to this party again?" Ned asked Peter Parker who was moping around in his room after school. It had been a day since the fight with Emma and Peter didn't know what to do. He was still furious with Emma for hiding things but he also felt bad for accusing her of all those things like that. The hurt and broken look on her face was engraved inside his mind as he tried to forget the fight from the night before. All his insecurities had come to light last night and especially where Emma and another boy were concerned. A part of it may have been from the knowledge that Mitchell Ori had his eye on her. Peter hated the idea of losing Emma to anyone but his insecurity was what caused him to explode with anger. However, he was still mad at Emma for keeping things from him. They were in a relationship and people were supposed to be open and honest with each other in relationships. It almost felt like Emma didn't trust him and that hurt more than anything else.
"Because we can't go without Emma and Emma and I…" Peter trailed off and Ned rolled his eyes.
"Emma and you aren't talking. I get it. I saw the way she was glaring at you in Gym." Ned shuddered at the memory. "I thought she was scary when she wasn't mad but she's down right terrifying when she's actually mad. I was sure she'd murder you or something." Peter just glared at the floor.
"Well, she's the one that messed up." Peter said stubbornly as he crossed his arms. "I don't know why she's so pissed at me. I didn't do anything wrong." Ned didn't look like he entirely believed him because Peter had to of done something wrong for Emma to glare at him like that. Emma usually looked at Peter with something akin to love in her eyes. Yeah, Peter definitely did something.
"Anyways…Michelle talked to Emma and she said that it was still okay for us to tag along with them to the party." Ned told him and Peter looked up at him in surprise.
"She said that Emma was okay with it?" Peter asked, not sounding like he really believed that. Emma had thrown a textbook at his head last night, after all. He didn't really think she was eager to be spending anytime with him. It had been tough at school that day because Emma ignored him and whenever she did look in his direction, she glared at him. At lunch she and Michelle had resumed sitting at the other end of the table like back in the old days. She teamed up with Abe during the decathlon meeting without even sparing a glance in his direction. He had seen Emma mad before but this time it felt different. He felt like he had really hurt her which made him even more mad because if she'd only open up to him they wouldn't be having this kind of problem.
"Well, Michelle really had to talk her down but she finally agreed." Ned told him and Peter looked doubtful.
"And she just agreed? Just like that?" Peter questioned because that honestly didn't really sound like Emma. He knew when Emma avoided him she made sure to stay clear of him. Peter knew the last time she avoided him she went as far as hiding out in the girl's bathroom. This time, however, she went as far as hiding out under the bleachers with all the stoners. That was saying something because Emma despised the stoners. She called them idiots whose lives were so sad and pathetic that they couldn't stand to live in reality. Peter always smiled when she said that even though he knew it was a mean thing to say…but it was also a very Emma thing to say. Peter shoved those pleasant thoughts about Emma away because he was still mad at her.
"Well…no." Ned admitted nervously and Peter gave him a suspicious look.
"What did you do?" Peter asked accusingly. Ned blushed.
"I just annoyed her until she finally caved in. It worked when I got her to go to the dance with me so I figured it would work this time too. I was right as it would turn out." Ned said and Peter sighed heavily. Great. This was just great. Emma was only agreeing to go to this party because Ned annoyed her to death. This probably meant that she was more pissed off than usual.
"No. We can't go to this party, Ned. I don't want to talk to Emma right now." Peter told his friend as he shook his head. "There's no way I'm going to be going to the party with the way things are between us. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me and I'm not that thrilled with her either at the moment."
"Come on, Peter." Ned whined as he prepared himself to beg for something from his friend. "You're already Spider-Man and not to mention you have the hottest and coolest girlfriend ever. I don't have any of those things. This party is the only thing I have." Peter looked down at his lap as he clenched his jaw but he wasn't mad at Ned. He couldn't tell who he was mad at. He didn't know if it was himself, Emma, and or whoever the guy was that Emma refused to tell him about.
"I don't think Emma wants to be my girlfriend anymore so I don't have everything like you think." Peter muttered and Ned put the thought of the party aside as he looked at his friend in concern. Peter had been in such a grumpy mood since last night but he never explained what exactly happened between him and Emma. He only said that they had gotten into a fight and weren't talking. Ned never had a girlfriend himself so he didn't know if that meant they had broken up or if they had taken a break. He'd never understand the weird relationship Emma and Peter had.
"What exactly happened?" Ned asked him as he took a seat in Peter's desk chair. "I mean, you kind of said that you got into a fight but you never explained what it was about." Peter sighed.
"I don't know, Ned…things were going so great." Peter said before blushing as he remembered what Emma and him had been doing before the fight. It was the closest to sex they had ever gotten which was a big deal to him. They had never gone that far before but it ended before Peter could blink and he didn't know why. He knew he probably would've had to stop it eventually but he never meant for it to end the way it did. Not with Emma in tears and him being completely confused. "We were…um…making out." Ned raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" Ned asked him, suddenly interested and Peter nodded quickly. He was still embarrassed to be talking about this aloud.
"Yeah…and we were doing other things too." Peter said, blushing an even more vibrant shade of red.
"Like what?" Ned asked enthusiastically and despite what happened, Peter still felt a bit proud about what happened between him and Emma. Before everything ended badly everything had been wonderful. Emma always made fun of him for his male ego, as she called it, but he did enjoy the way he made her moan. Peter just hoped that Tony would never find out about that. He broke nearly all of Tony's rules last night. "What base? Was it second or third…wait, did you go all the way?" Peter swallowed nervously.
"No, it was just second." Peter admitted and Ned's eyes widened.
"You mean you, like, touched her boobs and stuff?" Ned asked in wonder and Peter nodded.
"Yes but-" Peter stopped himself because he realized this had nothing to do with what he was trying to say. Emma was always commenting on how immature he was and he didn't want to prove her right. "Wait, that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is that everything seemed to be going fine. We were just fooling around but then she started crying." Ned gave him a confused look.
"Crying?" Ned questioned before smirking at his friend. "Maybe you're just that bad at kissing, Peter." Peter glared at him before becoming serious once again as he remembered the look on Emma's face when he pulled away from her last night.
"No…it was different. It was almost like she was scared. She's never been scared of me before." Peter told Ned sadly and the smirk fell off of Ned's face. "I thought that I might have hurt her but she denied it. She wouldn't say what was wrong no matter how hard I tried to get her to tell me."
"Maybe she's on her period or something. My brother said that his girlfriend gets weird on her period." Ned tried to suggest and Peter groaned in frustration.
"It's not like that, Ned!" Peter argued as he got up from his bed and started to pace his bedroom. "This isn't the first time either. I know she's been keeping things from me. There's things about her past that she won't tell me. I think there's even a guy."
"A guy?" Ned questioned doubtfully and Peter nodded.
"I think she was with some guy before me. She denies it but I'm not stupid." Peter informed Ned before chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. He felt the familiar feeling of jealousy come over him. "I don't know what happened but Emma's still hung up on him. I think they…well, I think they had sex."
"You think Emma was with a guy before you?" Ned questioned, still not understanding what Peter was saying. It didn't make any sense. "Do we know the same Emma Rogers? She didn't seem that interested in a relationship with you and she happens to be in love with you. What makes you think she dated some guy before you?"
"It's the only explanation!" Peter exclaimed in frustration. "She told me that I wasn't her first kiss all those months ago and then she never said anything else about it. She's always making those crude comments about sex…and I don't know…some of the stuff she says sometimes makes me think that she might not be a virgin."
"Does that bother you?" Ned asked him and Peter blushed before shrugging.
"Not really. I mean, it wouldn't bother me if she wasn't but I just wish she'd tell me the truth." Peter said honestly before he stopped pacing. "I said a lot of terrible things to her and I know it was wrong even though she hurt me too but it's just…well…"
"What is it?" Ned asked him, completely confused by his friend's odd behavior. Peter blushed even more as he grew uncomfortable about the topic they were discussing.
"I'm just worried that I won't be enough for her. If she was with this other guy that knows a lot about sex, I'm worried that she'll be disappointed in me when we do cross that bridge." Peter confessed, feeling very embarrassed but at the same time he was also worried. "I'm not experienced when it comes to that stuff and I'm afraid that I won't be good enough."
"Wow…that's deep." Ned said, not knowing what else to say and Peter felt somewhat crestfallen. Ned had been his best friend for years but there was some things he couldn't talk about with Ned. It was so easy for Peter to unleash his feelings on Emma because she always knew what to say and if she didn't then she'd hold him. Not that Peter wanted Ned to hold him or anything because that was just weird.
"Thanks." Peter muttered and Ned sighed.
"Look, I'm sure everything will turn out alright with Emma. You guys can't be mad at each other forever." Ned told him and Peter shrugged. That wasn't really what he wanted to hear. He wanted someone to tell him that Emma and him weren't over. That she'd talk to him about whatever, or whoever, she was hiding from him. He even wanted someone to erase the harsh and angry words he said to her so that everything could go back to the way it was before. Everything was going just fine, more than fine actually, before they had that fight. Peter still couldn't believe Emma had thrown those books at him. The furious look on her face was enough to frighten him and Peter was starting to recall the words Mr. Stark once said when he mentioned women were always right. He had doubted Tony's words back then but now he was starting to find the wisdom in those words because Emma was beyond scary when she was mad. She hadn't even looked that mad at Tony that day on the ferry so Peter figured that he had really pissed her off this time.
"So what do you say? Wanna go that party?" Ned asked hopefully and Peter sighed heavily.
"I don't know, Ned. I don't really feel like talking to Emma right now and I don't think she wants to talk to me either." Peter told his friend. He honestly didn't feel like going to a party with Emma who was probably going to be glaring at him the whole night. When he had agreed to go to the party the day before, that was before Emma and him had the fight. The party had been something where Emma and him could spend some time together but for once he wasn't looking forward to spending time with his girlfriend. At least not while she was mad at him like that.
"Come on, Peter. It won't even be a big deal." Ned said as he tried to reassure Peter. "Emma's just going to drive us there and she'll probably have the radio on or something. We all know how much Emma loves her music. She probably won't even pay any attention to us."
Somehow Peter sincerely doubted that. Emma wasn't the type of person to forget about things and especially not the kind of things Peter said to her. She was the type of person to act like nothing was wrong but then she'd make some cold and subtle comment much later to remind him of what he did. No, Emma didn't forget anything and Peter knew she wasn't about to forget the night before either.
"Fine." Peter finally said as he relented. If he didn't say yes then Ned was most likely going to bug him the whole night about it. It wasn't like he could avoid Emma forever. She was his girlfriend, after all. "We'll go to the party but I'm not going to stay that long." Ned grinned at his friend.
"Yes! This is going to be incredible, Peter." Ned told his friend excitedly, happy that Peter finally said yes to going. "Can you imagine us, two sophomores, going to Mitchell Ori's party? This is even better than the time Liz invited us to her party."
"Yeah, it sounds great." Peter replied in a flat voice, no excitement whatsoever in his voice. Ned's excited look faded as he gave Peter a sympathetic expression.
"Don't worry. You and Emma will probably make up by tonight." Ned told Peter reassuringly as he tried to comfort his friend but Peter wasn't buying it. Emma had been really furious with him last night and he had a feeling that a party wasn't going to lessen her anger. Peter knew he messed up but he wasn't entirely to blame either. Emma messed up by lying to him and Peter was mad at her too. Whatever happened tonight, Peter wasn't going to be the first one to give in. Not this time. He wasn't going to apologize until she did. Although knowing Emma, that would probably not happen for a good decade.
Emma didn't know how to describe the mood she was in. Angry? Yes. Hurt? Even more so. However, she was also calm and collected because that was what she was taught to be since she was four…to suppress the anger and sadness because those were the feelings of a little girl according to Hydra. So why was she so hurt by the words that Peter said to her? The words that stung more than she cared to admit. Maybe his words hurt so much because Emma always feared he'd feel that way when he found out what Rumlow did to her. Granted, he thought she had slept with some other guy before him but still.
The car ride to the party had been filled with an obvious tension and one which Ned tried to cover up was idle conversation about a new Star Wars video game that had come out. Emma could really care less about video games so she instead turned up the volume on the stereo system until Ned's voice was completely drowned out. Even through the loudness of 'Mr. Tillman', she could still feel Peter's gaze on the back of her seat. Emma liked listening to Father John Misty every now and then because his lyrics distracted her from reality but not even the indie rocker's collection of songs could make her forget about Peter this time. The need to look at Peter was almost suffocating. Not looking back at Peter through her rear view mirror was one of the most difficult tasks she ever had to do but somehow she managed to not look at him.
As soon as Emma parked the car outside Mitchell Ori's house, Peter didn't waste anytime getting out and Emma rolled her eyes. He was such a child sometimes. Emma knew she and Peter were technically children but Emma didn't really consider herself to be a child. She had seen and done too much to still be a child. Michelle raised an eyebrow at her while Ned looked at Emma questioningly.
"Careful, kids. Mom and dad are fighting." Michelle said sarcastically and Emma gritted her teeth.
"Emma, maybe you should forgive Peter for whatever he said." Ned suggested hesitantly. "I mean, he couldn't have said anything that bad." Emma slowly turned around to glare at Ned coldly.
"Get. Out." Emma said in a low and dangerous tone. Ned's eyes widened as he gulped before nodding furiously.
"Right. See you guys inside!" Ned exclaimed before he hurriedly hoped out of the car. Emma watched as the little coward ran over to catch up with Peter. Sometimes she really disliked Peter's friend. Ned had a real talent for getting on her nerves and not in a cute way like Peter either.
"I'm assuming you don't want to talk about what's going on with you and Peter?" Michelle asked although it didn't really sound like a question.
"You assumed right." Emma replied and Michelle only nodded. She didn't know what really happened between Emma and Peter but she knew that the couple were angry at each other. Emma unsurprisingly refused to talk about it and Michelle respected her wishes. She didn't want Emma pissed at her too. Peter didn't make it out to be a pleasant experience from what she heard. Emma got out of the car and Michelle followed suit whilst Emma made a point of locking it behind her. This was a nicer suburb of New York but that didn't mean that Emma trusted the idiots that lived in it.
Emma was wearing a black and white stripped skater skirt, converse sneakers, and an Alice Cooper concert shirt she had tucked into her skirt…the same Alice Cooper shirt she had stolen from Tony. Emma always had a habit of stealing things from the other Avengers but none of them minded too much. She just blamed it on the witch if anyone asked although Emma was certain that Tony wasn't dumb enough to believe that the witch had stolen his Alice Cooper shirt. Emma didn't want to seem like she was making an effort but at the same time she was wearing one of the skirts she knew Peter loved. He never said anything but she knew he loved it when she wore skirts because he always seemed to stare at her legs when she wore them. Emma meant to torture Peter in a subtle way. She knew it was petty but Emma was mad at him.
Mitchell Ori's house was something more of a mansion which wasn't surprising considering his father was a senator and future presidential hopeful. The Ori family was something like a modern day Kennedy family. Emma had only been kidding before when she pretended not know who Mitchell's Ori's family was. The Ori family was one of the many political dynasties that Hydra made her learn about which made her hesitant about even going to this stupid party. The Ori family had just as many scandals and darkness looming over them as the Kennedy family. Nothing as horrifying as Chappaquiddick but some incidents involving the family were pretty damn close.
The moment Emma entered the Ori mansion she was hit with the revolting odor of weed in the air. There were times like these that Emma wished that her senses weren't enhanced because there was nothing worse than the smell of weed to her. To Emma it smelled something like a skunk. It wasn't like she had never seen drugs before. Some of the men at Hydra were users of various drugs although they much preferred cocaine to weed. Emma just couldn't understand the point of drugs. Drugs made you less sharp and the thought of not being in a constant clear state of mind frightened her. It was just asking for Rumlow to find her and take her. Emma didn't really care if her dislike of weed made her seem like Steve. She nearly cringed at the thought of being compared to Steve. The very thought made her want to puke.
There was a lot of kids from school in the mansion but very few she recognized. Most of the kids seemed to be juniors and seniors but there was a few sophomores she saw like Betty Brant. Betty Brant who quickly hurried into another room the moment she saw Emma. At least that was one thing she didn't have to worry about tonight. The mansion had high ceilings and the most elegant of furniture. Most of the furniture and antiques looked as if they had been in the family for generations which made this place much different than any house Tony might have owned. Tony's tastes were much more modern than that and he made it clear that he wasn't the nostalgic sort.
Emma looked around in distaste as she saw the other kids drinking and dancing to the music. She was already starting to regret coming here. Peter was already with Ned near one of the kegs in the kitchen as someone poured him a cup of beer. Emma narrowed her eyes at the scene. Oh, so he was suddenly cool enough to drink beer? She rolled her eyes when she saw him scrunch his face up in distaste after taking a sip of the beer. Figures, she thought to herself. She never took Peter as someone that could handle alcohol. Emma let Michelle take her somewhere into the party where she couldn't see Peter. 'Truth Hurt' by Lizzo was blaring from the speakers as Michelle and her came across the living room of the mansion.
Why men great 'til they gotta be great?
Woo
I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch
Even when I'm crying crazy
Yeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in me
Bling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in me
You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal
Help you with your career just a little
You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back
And that's the sound of me not calling you back
You and me both, Lizzo, Emma bitterly thought to herself as she and Michelle found a spot in the room that didn't reek of weed. Peter could go drink himself silly for all she cared. It wasn't her problem if he was going to make a complete and utter fool of himself when he inevitably got drunk. She'd laugh her head off if Peter got drunk. He was Tony's problem anyways. It's not like Emma was his babysitter which he never stopped reminding her of. Emma was taken out of her thoughts when she spotted Michelle take something out of her purse. She had to admit it was weird seeing Michelle with a purse but now she knew why. The dark haired girl opened another book of hers and began reading.
"Are you seriously reading a book at a party?" Emma asked her and Michelle looked at her as if the answer was obvious. Emma loved her books but she didn't love them enough to take them to a party with her. Reading a book while a bunch of idiots were dancing, drinking, and smoking weed wasn't Emma's idea of a peaceful reading environment.
"Isn't it obvious?" Michelle said boredly and Emma rolled her eyes.
"How can you even read with all this racket?" Emma asked her and Michelle gave her an amused look.
"Wow, Emma, I didn't realize you were a grouchy old man. What's next? Are you going to tell the kids to get off your lawn?" Michelle asked sarcastically and Emma glared at her even though she knew that Michelle had a point. She was really starting to sound like her goody two shoes grandfather which was mortifying. Emma thought that Steve's decision to not put her in a real school with other kids wasn't just because he was afraid she'd kill them. No, Emma was sure it was because he didn't want Emma near drugs or hormonal sex-crazed teenage boys. Well, Steve already messed up when it came to the hormonal teenage boy part since Emma already had a boyfriend.
"Whatever." Emma muttered. "I'm going to get a drink."
"Don't get roofied!" Michelle called after her.
"I'll try not to!" Emma called back before heading to the kitchen area. She decided to avoid the alcohol because what was really the point? The stuff tasted gross and it's not like she could even get drunk. Wasn't that the whole point of drinking alcohol? To get drunk? That's the reason Jessica seemed to chug the stuff down anyways. Emma instead poured herself a cup of soda but as soon as she put the liter of soda back on the counter, she noticed her boyfriend acting like a idiot as she previously predicted. If she wasn't mad then she'd probably laugh at him. Emma noticed that Peter giggled a lot when he was drunk…kind of like when Tony was drunk. She didn't understand how he could already be drunk after having one or two cups of beer but judging by the way he was already drinking tequila shots, supplied to him by some mischievous juniors, Emma kind of figured that it would be hard for him not to be drunk. Don't intervene, Emma thought to herself. You're not his babysitter and it's not your fault if he makes a complete idiot out of himself.
"No beer, huh?" Emma heard a voice say from beside her. She glanced up and noticed a tall, muscular looking guy sleazily smiling at her. Emma supposed he was good looking if you were into the Thor thing and his smile was blinding which made Emma sick. She hated people that smiled that wide and he smiled even bigger than Peter which was saying a lot. What the hell did these people have to be so happy about all the damn time? The guy's hair was dirty blonde and his eyes were hazel colored but somehow Emma knew she already disliked him. She liked to think she had an asshole radar and this guy was definitely an asshole. She just could just tell.
"No." Emma said shortly as she took a sip of her soda and Emma eyed the joint in the guy's hand. She was about two seconds from bolting away from there. The scent was alarmingly repulsive.
"Right…" The guy replied awkwardly before moving on. "It's Emma, right?"
"Yes and who are you supposed to be?" Emma asked in a bitchy tone and the guy gave her a surprised look.
"You don't know who I am?" He asked her, genuinely surprised that Emma didn't know who he was. She narrowed her eyes at him.
"No." Emma snapped but the guy just smiled at her, not at all taken back by her tone. Idiot, Emma thought to herself.
"I'm Mitchell Ori." Mitchell introduced like he was someone famous and Emma tried not to make a face. So this was the asshole everyone kept talking about. The one who apparently wanted to sleep with her. Yeah, Emma had to pass on that. This guy looked like he was full of himself. She could tolerate that attitude with Tony but she refused to tolerate it with anyone else. He also wasn't Peter.
"Good for you." Emma muttered as she took another sip of her drink and looked in another direction. Mitchell laughed and Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes.
"You're really funny." Mitchell told her and Emma wished she was anywhere but in that kitchen with this annoying dickhead. He was really starting to test her patience and unfortunately for him he wasn't Peter...meaning that she didn't love him to let something like that slide.
"Hey, you like Beyonce, right?" Mitchell asked her as a Beyonce song started blaring through the speakers. "You know, I can get front row tickets to a Beyonce concert if you want to go. I can even get VIP passes." Emma grimaced.
"I'd rather watch Gossip Girl." Emma said sarcastically but the sarcasm went right over Mitchell's head.
"We could do that too." Mitchell replied and Emma really wished this guy would go away. Emma was so distracted by fantasizing about ways to kill this asshole that she didn't even notice she had the attention of her boyfriend from across the room. Peter watched from behind his cup of beer as Mitchell Ori asked his girlfriend out on a date. Suddenly nothing was funny anymore as the very good looking football player flirted with Emma. Peter clenched his jaw because Emma looked beautiful tonight…who was he kidding? She looked beautiful every night. Peter didn't really like how she was wearing a skirt either. Actually he did like it when she wore skirts but not when Mitchell Ori was staring at her legs. Peter was the only one who was allowed to do that…or so he thought. He took another sip of his beer as he glared at Emma and the quarterback. Peter wanted to go over there and push Mitchell away from his girlfriend but he knew Emma would probably only tell him to go to hell. So he decided just to drink his beer and sulk from a corner in the room.
"Yeah, sure." Emma said dismissively, hoping the idiot would get the message and leave. Unfortunately he didn't seem to understand that he wasn't worth her time.
"Hey, you wanna hit?" Mitchell asked her nonchalantly, practically shoving the joint in her face. Emma nearly gagged at the odor and mentally cursed Howard Stark for inventing a serum that just had to enhance her sense of smell. She really could've gone without smelling that thing for the rest of her life. Emma knocked the joint out of the idiot's hand, trying to get it as far away from her as she could.
"No, I don't want a hit, dumb ass." Emma hissed as she glared furiously at him. "Get that shit out of my face." Mitchell had an offended look on his face but Emma didn't care.
"Sorry, I was just trying to be nice." Mitchell said in a hurt tone and Emma scoffed.
"Yeah, right. More like you were trying to fuck me." Emma said coldly as she sneered at the football player. "No amount of alcohol or weed would ever make me want to fuck you, daddy's boy." Emma then quickly turned around and walked away, tired of having to converse with that asshole. She knew she was in his house and everything but she really didn't care. He was a little hormonal dickhead who just wanted to get laid and Emma didn't have the patience to humor him. She was really starting to wonder why she had even agreed to come to this stupid party in the first place.
Emma didn't know how long she had been at the party but she knew she had been there longer than she ever wanted to be. She must've spent two hours sitting there watching hormonal teenagers dance and grind all over each other. It was enough to cause the bile to rise in Emma's throat as she wished that she was somewhere far away. She also spent two hours watching her boyfriend get drunker and drunker as he drank shot after shot. A part of her wanted to intervene because deep down she was worried about him but she also didn't want to be the first one to cave in over their previous fight. If she acted like the worried girlfriend she was then he'd make some smart ass comment about how he thought they were fighting. Emma didn't want to deal with that right now and she also didn't want to admit she was worried about him. Of course, she was worried about him. Why else would she have stuck around this party for this long? She didn't want to be worried about him because he was being an idiotic asshole but she was. God, this being in love thing was stupid sometimes.
"Why don't you go over there and tell him that you're sorry?" Michelle suggested from beside her which caused Emma to look away from Peter.
"What?" Emma questioned, thinking she might have heard Michelle wrong. Michelle only sighed before closing her book and turning to face Emma.
"You've been staring at him with that worried look on your face for the past two hours." Michelle stated. "I think you two should just make up or whatever. I don't know what happened between you two but I can tell that you miss each other. Peter's been staring at you all night too."
"He has?" Emma asked in a small voice and Michelle wanted to roll her eyes at the look on the blonde's face. She couldn't believe the scary and intimidating Viper Assassin was acting like an actual teenage girl for once.
"Yes, he has." Michelle confirmed. "You two need to grow up and apologize before Peter drinks himself into a coma. He's only doing that because he wants your attention."
"You don't know what happened." Emma told her, sounding rather sad and distant. Michelle was taken back by this because she didn't think she had ever seen the blonde look sad before. She was always so put together but she could now see that whatever happened between Emma and Peter had been a lot more serious than a simple lover's quarrel. "We said a lot of things we probably can't take back."
"Are you saying that you're finished with him?" Michelle asked her in surprise and Emma genuinely looked shocked. Her heart raced in her chest at Michelle's words because the thought of her and Peter being over terrified her. She didn't really understand herself. Emma was mad at him but at the same time she didn't want to be apart from him. She didn't like the thought of them not being together. Peter and her dating had been the most fun she ever had in her life. She was the happiest she had ever been and it may have sounded wrong for her to put some much value in a guy but this was different. She loved Steve and her father but Peter was the first person who treated her like an equal. He didn't treat her like a child and maybe that was because they could relate to each other on that level. People always treated them both like children and that was part of the reason that made it so easy for Emma to allow him to get close to her like that. Now she was wondering whether or not dating Peter had been a good choice in the first place.
Emma had been hesitant in dating Peter. She knew how much she was risking by agreeing to date him in the first place. She knew from the beginning that dating him would be more complicated than being friends with him. Her sex life, non-existent or not, wasn't his business when he was just her friend and there were things that she could rightfully keep from him. Being in a relationship was different because he wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to know about her family, her past, and all her secrets. Emma was just so used to having secrets that she didn't know how not to keep secrets.
She hadn't wanted to date Peter for exactly this reason. Even though she was in love with him, she hadn't wanted to date him because she knew she'd let him down in some way. She knew that she would hurt him and then he wouldn't want anything to do with her…not even as a friend. Emma knew that if she dated him then she'd probably lose him forever but she hadn't used her common sense. She ignored that small voice in her head that warned her against getting involved with him because Peter had stared at her with those warm brown eyes of his and told her that he was in love with her. One look into those brown eyes and Emma was a goner. Emma didn't have a lot of weaknesses but she knew Peter Parker was her greatest one. Hydra was right when they said love was a weakness because no one had been able to hurt her in the way Peter had and it was all her fault. She only had to be honest with him but she couldn't even do that. He was going to leave her and break her heart in the process.
"I don't know. That depends on him." Emma said shortly but in all honesty it depended on her. She had a choice…she could've told Peter a long time ago. Emma had originally wanted to tell him after they formed the truce against Toomes. She was going to tell him then because she hadn't really cared about him then or cared about what he thought of her at least. Emma thought it would be a good way in working up the courage to finally tell everyone else but then the inevitable happened. Peter had worked his way into her heart and she began to care about him as a friend. She suddenly cared about what Peter thought about her and then she fell in love with him to top it all off. Emma didn't want to tell him then and especially because it wouldn't matter anyways. She had foolishly assumed that he'd never feel the same about her. It was then that he finally told her that he was in love with her and then she suddenly found herself in a relationship with him. Emma became too scared to tell him because she was afraid of losing him. A part of her should've known that this would happen…that he'd know that she was keeping things from him but she had been naïve. She thought that they could be happy together without ever having to address the Rumlow issue. Emma thought that she could forget about Rumlow but she had been wrong.
"Well, don't look now but it looks like your boyfriend is about to smoke pot for the first time." Michelle said in dull tone and Emma looked up at her in confusion. She then followed Michelle's gaze to the other side of the room where, as it would turn out that, Peter was standing amongst other older high school boys. Ned was nowhere to be seen as Peter stood there with boys that he probably didn't even know. She noticed that Peter looked incredibly wasted…barely able to stand up on his two feet. The other older boys laughed at the drunk looking sophomore as they handed Peter the joint. Emma glared at the scene before her because she was starting to realize just how stupid her boyfriend truly was. He took the joint in his hand, laughing as he did so, and that's when Emma decided that she had enough. She had let him drink himself silly but she was damned if she let her boyfriend become a stoner. Emma got up from the couch and immediately stormed over to where her boyfriend was standing with the other boys.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Emma hissed as she crossed her arms. All the boys turned to look at her, including Peter, who immediately smiled as he sauntered over to her. Emma looked at him in disgust as he almost tripped over his own feet. The smile on his face wasn't the usual adorable and goofy one that she loved so much. His smile looked drunk and lazy.
"Hey guys, look it's my girlfriend." Peter announced loudly before throwing an arm over Emma's shoulders. Emma looked at him in surprise, not knowing what to think. "Isn't she beautiful? She's the prettiest girl in the whole live world and somehow she picked me. Not Mitchell Ori but me. Peter…Parker." Emma noticed how Peter slurred his words. She could barely understand a word he was saying. He also reeked of alcohol and the smell was so repulsive that she found it difficult just standing next to him.
"She's a good girlfriend too. She let me get to second base and everything…not going to lie but it was definitely one of the best moments of my life. She did it because she looovvves me." Peter slurred and Emma stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe he actually said that. Emma had enough of his bullshit. He was embarrassing her but more than anything he was also embarrassing himself. "I love her too. I love her more than everyone in the whole world. I love her more than smores. I love her more than video games. I even love her more than Star Wars."
"Peter, stop it. You're embarrassing yourself." Emma told him shortly and Peter gave her a confused look as if he couldn't understand why she said that.
"Embarrassing myself?" Peter questioned, his words barely coherent. "How am I embarrassing myself? I'm telling everyone how much I love you. I'll tell the whole world if I have to. Hey everyone, I love Emma Rogers!" Emma's eyes widened as she stared at him. She couldn't believe he called her by her actual name. Thankfully no one seemed to take any notice of it and probably dismissed the name as being the misspoken words of a drunk idiot but still.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Emma snapped and Peter gave her another confused look.
"What do you mean? I'm just making a declaration of my love for you. Isn't that what all girls want?" Peter said in a cocky tone before taking the joint in his hand and raised it up to his lips as he were about to casually smoke it. Emma's eyes flashed in anger as she immediately slapped the joint out of his hand, causing it to fall to the floor. Peter looked down in surprise before looking back up and giving her an angry look.
"Hey! I wanted to try that!" Peter whined and usually she found it cute when he whined but now he just looked pathetic. Emma narrowed her eyes at him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was dating Seth Rogen." She said sarcastically and Peter pouted.
"You're a mean girlfriend. You never let me do anything I want. If you were a nice girlfriend then you'd let me try things like weed and you wouldn't pick on me all the time. Nice girlfriends don't make fun of their boyfriends." Peter slurred and Emma felt the urge to slap him again but she knew that wouldn't solve anything.
"I'm so sorry I'm not a nice girlfriend. My sincerest apologies." Emma said as she sneered at him and her voice was nearly dripping with sarcasm before she became serious. "We're leaving this party right now. I'm taking you home and I'm just going to pretend that this never happened because this is bullshit. You don't even know how stupid you look right now." The other boys snickered at this.
"You gonna let your woman walk all over you like that, Parker?" One of the boys said and all the other boys chuckled. Peter glared at Emma as he stood up a bit straighter, trying to appear more serious but miserably failing in the process.
"They're right. You can't tell me what to do. You're not my babysitter and I can do whatever I want." Peter told Emma or tried to as he continued to slur all his words. "You're not the boss of me. I'm tired of you telling me what to do all the time. It doesn't work like that. I-I'm the man in this relationship. You're the girl. What I say goes." Emma watched Peter silently, a million thoughts going through her mind and she was finding it harder and harder to not reach over and slap him. Peter got annoyingly sexist when he was drunk.
"You're supposed to listen to me. I'm a man and you better start treating me like it." Peter finally finished as he looked at her seriously. His confidence slightly faltered when he saw the cold look on her face. She only looked like that when she was really mad. Peter gulped because he was starting to feel scared. Emma looked like she wanted to kill him.
"Nice one, Parker!" One of the boys called and Emma snapped. She immediately turned towards the boy, looking absolutely furious.
"Get the hell out of here before I pick up that joint from off the floor and make you fucking eat it." Emma hissed at him and the look on her face made the boy believe that she would actually do it. His eyes widened as he slowly backed away from her.
"Come on, guys, let's get out of here. She's fucking nuts!" The boy said to his friends and the group of boys immediately started walking in the opposite direction. It was then that Emma turned back to face Peter with a deadly look on her face. Peter couldn't help but compare her to a shark slowly moving in for the kill. She gave him a cold look as she stalked towards him and somehow that was more frightening than if she looked furious.
"You're a man, huh?" Emma questioned and Peter slowly backed away from her, almost stumbling over his feet as she walked towards him. "You want to tell me what to do because you're the one in charge?"
"Y-yes." Peter replied weakly and Emma glared at him.
"Really because I was under the impression that we were equals." Emma said as she clenched her jaw. "But since you're a man, I guess that doesn't apply."
"I am a man." Peter argued and Emma scoffed.
"No, you're not. Real men don't get so drunk at parties that they can barely stand on their own two feet. Real men don't make fools out of themselves in front of the whole world." Emma said sarcastically and Peter glared at her.
"I'm not making a fool out of myself." Peter said and Emma just shook her head at him.
"Yes, you are. Look at you." She told him as she looked him up and down, her gaze full of disappointment. "You're drunk and if I hadn't stopped you, you'd probably be high too. You're such a hypocrite."
"Excuse me?" Peter questioned in disbelief and Emma narrowed her eyes at him.
"You're always telling me right from wrong and here you are drunk. If only people could see the amazing Spider-Man drunk out of his mind and being an idiot." Emma told him and Peter could only glare at her in response. "And guess what, Peter? That informant you told me to never see again? Yeah, well, I've been seeing him a lot. I even got that Obi-Wan Kenobi action figure that you love so much from him. It was probably stolen."
"Obi-Wan?" Peter asked in surprised, looking truly shocked at this.
"That's right. You want me to take you seriously? Then start growing up. You're acting like a child." Emma said in annoyance and Peter glared at her.
"Well, if you don't like it then why don't you go back to your last boyfriend? Maybe he's mature enough for you." Peter said angrily and Emma flinched when he said that. She knew he was drunk and could barely even speak but those words still stung. Maybe even a little more than they had the night before. Emma stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say before the anger and hurt began to sink in. The surprised look on her face then vanished and was replaced with one of anger and coldness.
"You know what, Peter? Fuck you." Emma told him in a bitter tone and Peter sobered up a little bit from that. "You're an asshole and I can't even look at you right now." He just stared at her wordlessly and Emma took a step closer to him, leaning in close to him but he knew she wasn't going to kiss him.
"And you were right. I'm not a virgin." Emma told him scathingly and he just stared at her. "That ship sailed a long time ago. If you wanted a virgin then you should've picked Betty Brant. I'm sorry if you feel cheated." The blonde then turned around and walked away without saying another word. Peter just stared after her, not understanding what just happened as Emma walked away from him. He was still drunk so he was processing everything a bit slower than usual but he still regretted the words he said to her. Especially because he knew he hurt her which he promised her he'd never do. She had messed up before when she lied to him but she didn't deserve him acting like this either. Peter stared at the empty plastic cup, knowing that him and Emma might not be okay this time. He might've really screwed things up between them for good. The thought alone was enough to break his heart.
Emma walked out of the mansion, trying to ignore the worry and concern she felt for Peter. She wasn't supposed to be worried about him…she was supposed to be angry at him. They had just had another fight and Emma wasn't sure if they could survive this one. Two fights in two days? This was new and scary territory. Even so, Emma didn't want to leave him alone in there when he was drunk like that. Not when all those older kids could take advantage of him and use him as their own personal laughing stock. That's what they were doing, after all. They were trying to see how drunk they could get goody two shoes Peter Parker. Emma couldn't just leave him like that but her pride held her back from going back in there and dragging him out. So instead she called the one person that she knew could deal with the mess Peter made...the mess that was also partially her fault too. There was about two rings before he picked up the phone.
"What's going on, Mini Cap? You never call. Did you miss my voice?" Tony asked in a joking tone but Emma really wasn't in the joking mood.
"Your little protégé is drunk off his ass at a party right now. I stopped him before he could smoke any weed but I don't know how he'll hold up now that I'm leaving." Emma said in a flat tone and there was silence on the other line for a moment.
"Wait…what? Are you saying Peter's drunk?" Tony questioned and Emma rolled her eyes.
"That's what I just said." Emma replied.
"Why don't you stop him or something?" Tony asked, completely flabbergasted by what Emma was saying. It wasn't like Peter to go out to a party and get drunk. The kid was a handful but he wasn't the trouble making sort. He was a good kid.
"Apparently I'm just a woman and he's a man, therefore I can't tell him what to do." Emma said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Tony couldn't help but notice that she sounded really pissed. He shuddered a bit even though he knew it probably wasn't him that she was angry at. Tony remembered the days when it was him that Emma was always mad at and he really didn't miss those days. "Anyways…you better get Happy or someone to the Ori mansion before Parker gets alcohol poisoning."
"Wait a minute. What's-" Tony started to say but Emma hung up on him. She didn't really want to explain to Tony why she wasn't going to save Peter from his drunk self. Emma put up with a lot from Peter. His immaturity was a big thing she tolerated and sometimes she even found his immaturity cute but not tonight. He had gotten it in his head that Emma had been with some other guy before him and he let his jealous side show. Peter wasn't alone in his jealousy because Emma got jealous too but she would never say the things he said to her. She didn't know why he was like that.
Sometimes Peter's jealous side excited her but not this time. She didn't like it when he got jealous like this because it was more than him declaring that she belonged to him and only him. Despite where feminism was now, Emma liked the idea of belonging to Peter because he belonged to her too. She didn't really care what society had to say about that because she was happy and that was all that mattered. Until now. This sort of jealousy wasn't hot or cute like it usually was where Peter was concerned. It was quite ugly and it made Emma think that he only wanted her if she had all her innocence in tact. She thought that he might've been able to look past her loss of innocence if he loved her enough but maybe she was wrong. Maybe he couldn't handle it if she was tainted. Emma just didn't know what was going to happen to them now.
Jessica Jones came home late after making a stop at a bodega for another bottle of booze. She knew she should cut back this time but the flashbacks of Kilgrave were getting bad again and this was the only way to numb the pain. When she finally reached her apartment she had figured she'd just go inside and drink alone in the dark. However, she never expected to find a certain blonde teenager sitting outside the door, looking to be in a very sad state of mind. The young girl looked incredibly lost and barely looked up at Jessica as the woman stood there. She hadn't seen the girl since she had ran out of there earlier in the week. Jessica had no idea what the girl was doing at her apartment.
"You okay, kid?" Jessica asked her and Emma snapped out of her thoughts, finally noticing her. Emma had gotten there about half an hour before, after dropping off Michelle at the girl's house. She immediately stood up from the floor and Jessica noticed that the blonde's eyes were slightly puffy like she had been crying. That surprised her because she didn't picture the Viper Assassin to be the crying kind. In all honesty the blonde had been on her mind all week. Mostly because, even if she wouldn't admit it, Jessica was worried about the teenage girl. Emma had come to her apartment several days ago in dire need of help but Jessica felt like she hadn't helped her in the way she should've. The girl was obviously going through a lot of issues and probably felt like she didn't have anyone to talk to. Jessica knew exactly what that felt like since she was also the type that kept things bottled up. Maybe they were a lot alike in that way.
"Yes." Emma said shortly, sounding a bit out of breath. Jessica gave her a doubtful look.
"Really? That's strange because it's almost midnight and you're at my apartment crying." Jessica noted and Emma tried to hold her head up high so she could at least maintain some of her dignity.
"I'm not crying." Emma denied but Jessica didn't look convinced.
"You want to come inside?" Jessica asked her quietly, losing her normal unpleasant tone as she stared at the teenager. Emma didn't say anything as she quietly nodded while Jessica unlocked the apartment door before stepping inside, Emma following suit. Jessica closed the door behind them, her eyes never leaving Emma as the teenager then took a seat in front of Jessica's desk. The older woman wasn't sure how to approach this situation. Jessica was never the kind of person that people went to for help. Well…Hope had gone to her for help but look how well that turned out. She still didn't think she was the kind of person someone should seek out for advice. Jessica was fairly sure that was the reason why Emma was there right now. She just didn't know how she was supposed to help her when she couldn't even help herself. Jessica couldn't survive a day without booze, after all. She wasn't exactly the poster child for survivors of sexual assault.
"I don't know what you're doing here but I don't think I'm the right person for you to seek out." Jessica told her and Emma just watched the dark haired woman silently as she sat behind the desk, placing the bottle of whiskey in front of her.
"I'm not seeking you out." Emma told her and Jessica gave her a look of disbelief.
"You're not as subtle as you think you are, kid." Jessica told her and Emma glared at her.
"I'm not a kid. I've done more things than most adults have in their lives. Do you know how many people I've killed? The things I've had to do? I stopped being a child the day Hydra took me." Emma said bitterly and Jessica just stared at the girl, trying to understand her somehow. It made her uncomfortable at the thought of this teenage girl having killed a bunch of people. Jessica had only killed two people and she felt like she was losing whatever sanity she had left. She couldn't imagine how Emma was after killing that many people and still being so young. Jessica had an idea of how many people Emma probably killed. They didn't call her the Viper Assassin for nothing. The Winter Soldier and Viper Assassin were noted for their acts of terrorism and political assassinations. They were possibly two of the most famous assassins in history and the Black Widow was right up there with them.
"Why are you here?" Jessica asked her suddenly, ignoring what Emma had previously said. Emma looked up at her with an unreadable look on her face. She just stared at the older woman quietly for a moment, not saying anything as she thought of something to say. It took a moment but Emma finally decided to be honest with someone. It was safe to be honest with Jessica because Emma didn't really know her. She didn't have any fear of Jessica asking her why she didn't fight him off or why she hadn't ever said anything. Most of all, it was safe because even if Jessica looked at her in disgust, it wouldn't hurt her like it would if Peter, Steve, or her father looked at her that way. Emma took a deep breath before exhaling.
"This thing is taking control of my life." Emma finally admitted. "I have nightmares a lot and the flashbacks are especially bad. I thought I'd be okay eventually…that I'd just get over it but the nightmares are getting worse. I've done a lot of bad things…evil things…and I've been tortured a lot but somehow him raping me is worse than all of those things combined. Sometimes I wish I had nightmares about the experiments, the assassinations, and the beatings because it's not as terrifying as what he did to me." Jessica just looked at her silently as she processed everything the blonde just told her. She found that she could relate to everything Emma just said. Jessica still had nightmares about Kilgrave all the time and let's not forget about the flashbacks. She could still hear his voice in her head sometimes.
"What do want me to say?" Jessica asked her quietly. "You want me to tell you that it's going to be okay? You want me to say that one day all those nightmares and flashbacks will disappear?" Emma stared back at her as she considered what Jessica was saying. In all honesty, Emma wasn't really sure what she wanted Jessica to say. She didn't know if she wanted her to tell her it was going to be okay or if she wanted Jessica to tell her how to deal with this…how to finally get over all this so she could finally get her life in order.
"I want you to tell me how to do this. How to tell people what happened to you without feeling ashamed or weak." Emma told the older women bluntly. If Jessica couldn't see how much this was bothering the young girl, she might've thought Emma was insulting her. "I've lied to everyone I've ever met. All I've done is lie to them and I know it's wrong but I just wanted them to not think of me as some pathetic, weak little girl who can't even defend herself. They already coddle me enough as it is."
"You've never told anyone? I didn't you were serious when you said that before." Jessica said, genuinely shocked by this information. Emma shrugged but she had a haunted look on her face.
"This one girl knows but I didn't tell her. She's a telepath so all she had to do was look at me and she knew." Emma said bitterly as she begrudgingly thought of the witch. "Telepaths are the worst. They're nosy little assholes who can't mind their own business. I don't care if they can't help it or not. That's their problem, not mine."
"I agree with you there, kid." Jessica said, pointedly ignoring what Emma previously told her about not being a kid. "So you've never really told a single person then?"
"No." Emma said quietly, looking down at her hands. "I've thought about it but I'm too afraid, I guess. They think I'm tough and strong but the truth is that I'm not. I tell them the truth and then they'll know that I'm weak. Worst off, they'll be disgusted. They'll never look at me the same way. I don't know if I can handle that."
Jessica realized then that they were also different in some ways. She had never been ashamed of what Kilgrave did to her. In fact, Jessica had wanted the whole world to know so that they'd know he was the evil asshole that he was. However, Emma seemed to care more about what people thought of her…or at least what the people she cared about thought of her. She was someone who was very proud of the way she presented herself and being raped was seen as something she should've stopped. Maybe it was because she was so young that she thought that way. No one had been around to help her get through any of this so of course she bottled it up inside and pretended like everything was okay. She had been alone most of her life and when she finally found people who cared about her, she was afraid of disappointing them.
"Why are you talking to me about this?" Jessica asked her. Not in a mean way or anything but as if she was in a state of wonder. "I'm not a good role model for you if that's what you're looking for. I'm an alcoholic with just one friend and zero successful relationships. I literally drive everyone I meet away. The one friend I have is too crazy too leave. Trust me. You don't want to listen to me."
"You own up to what happened to you like it's nothing. You tell people what happened like it's nothing." Emma told her, a sadness in her eyes as she ignored Jessica's words. "And you killed Kilgrave. You actually killed him." Jessica scoffed as she stood up from the chair, shaking her head at the young girl.
"I only tell people what he did because if I don't, it just means that I allow him to have all that power over me…that I allow him to still control me just like he used to. If I hide it from everyone then it's like he's violating me all over again." Jessica ranted as she looked back at Emma who watched the dark haired woman in shock. "And you think killing him made all my problems go away?" Emma didn't say anything so Jessica continued.
"Killing him didn't do shit. Even though he's dead sometimes I wake up in the morning thinking he's still out there…waiting for me. I forget that he's dead." Jessica confessed and Emma wasn't sure what to think of all this. "Is the world a better place now that he's dead? Yes. It didn't make it all the pain go away or for all the memories to just magically disappear. Is that what you thought? You thought that maybe if you kill him then it would erase the rape…like it never even happened?"
"I don't know." Emma said quietly and it was true. She didn't know anything anymore. Emma had to admit that it was stupid of her to think everything would go away if she killed Rumlow. It was even naïve of her to think that. Jessica narrowed her eyes at the blonde.
"Well, I hate to break it to you but it's never going to go away. It'll probably haunt you for the rest of your life. You'll never forget what happened." Jessica told her and Emma didn't want to believe it. It wasn't what she wanted to hear. She wanted Jessica to tell her that eventually these nightmares and flashbacks would stop but that's not what Jessica was doing.
"No." Emma said, refusing to believe Jessica's words. The expression of Jessica's face softened when she saw the devastated look on Emma's face. Jessica sighed.
"Don't get me wrong. With time it starts to fade but it'll always be there…somewhere in the back of your head." Jessica murmured. "There's always going to be some kind of trigger."
"So that's it." Emma said, tears flooding her eyes as her voice broke. "There's nothing I can do to get over it? I'll always be this fucked up?" Emma continued when Jessica didn't answer her.
"I'm pushing everyone away, you know. I'm destroying the best thing that's ever happened to me." Emma said and Jessica herself felt choked up with emotion because seeing the girl in this state was the saddest thing she had ever seen. She didn't look like a scary assassin. No, she looked like a lost and broken girl.
"There's a boy." Emma admitted and Jessica stared at her in surprise. "I love him and I know that sounds insane because we're so young but it's not puppy love. He's not just some boy I'm all lovesick over. He's also my best friend but I've been lying to him… a lot. There are a lot of things he doesn't know about me including the rape but I'm too selfish and scared to tell him. I don't want him to leave me but I think I'm driving him away so he'll probably leave me either way." Jessica swallowed hard as she finally came up with something to say. It was hard to think of anything because that was a lot to process. Jessica certainly hadn't expected for Emma to admit to something like that. The blonde was probably the last person she ever expected to be in love.
"You don't want to tell him because you're scared?" Jessica inquired but she already knew the answer. Emma furiously wiped the tears from her face.
"I'm afraid he won't want me anymore. I'm afraid he'll finally decide that I'm too much trouble and give up like he should've done a long time ago." Emma said, her voice thick with emotion. "He could have any girl he wanted…someone less damaged and more innocent than I am. I don't think I can give him everything he wants either. We um…got very intimate the other night but then something triggered the flashback of the rape and I-I was scared of him. I don't know if I could have sex with him and for it to be something that I'd enjoy. He doesn't deserve that."
"If he doesn't want you because you were raped then he's an asshole." Jessica told her bluntly as Emma looked back up at her. "I'm tired of these dickheads backing away the second they find out the woman they're with was raped. This is the twenty first century. If he can't handle that you were raped then fuck him. That's his problem, not yours."
"I don't want to lose him." Emma murmured but Jessica just shook her head.
"Telling or not telling people shouldn't rest solely on you being scared of what they'll think of you. This isn't about them…it's about you." Jessica told her fiercely and Emma locked eyes with her as she listened to the older woman's words. "Not telling people is obviously not doing you any good. Yes, it's true that killing your rapist isn't going to be the solution to all of your problems but hiding things really isn't going to solve anything either. You're letting him have control over your life. Obviously you hiding this from everyone is already causing you problems in your life. Keeping this bottled up inside is just letting him win. He still controls you even if he's not here." Emma shook her head as she started getting scared again. The thought of finally telling someone what happened to her was terrifying. It was letting herself become so vulnerable with someone that she opened herself up to getting hurt. She didn't know what she'd do if she told Peter what happened and he decided that he didn't want her anymore. She'd never recover from something like that.
"I can't… it's too…I just can't." Emma said as she stumbled over her words and Jessica glared at her before rearing her hand back, slapping the girl with all her strength. The force of her hand would probably snap a normal person's neck but Emma wasn't normal, after all. Emma's head whipped to the side and a stinging sensation could be felt across her face. She slowly turned her head back to look at the woman, shocked that someone had dared to slap her. Emma wasn't mad like she usually would've been. She just felt calm.
"You think you're special?!" Jessica snapped at her and Emma could only watch her in surprise as Jessica lectured her. "You think you're the only girl to have been raped? You don't think there's thousands…millions…of women out there that's been through the same thing?"
"I don't know." Emma said quietly, feeling quite stupid as Jessica yelled at her. Jessica scoffed.
"Guess what, Blondie? You're not the first one and you're not even the last. There's nothing special about what happened to you." Jessica said without sugar coating anything. Maybe that's why Emma went to her in the first place. Maybe it was because she knew someone like Jessica would finally push her in the right direction without caring about hurting her feelings. "What happened to you was terrible but it wasn't your fault. You need to be honest, not just with the people in your life, but yourself too. Keeping this to yourself is just protecting him. You're letting him have too much control over your life."
"But it is my fault." Emma told her, a tear falling from her eye. "I always ask myself why I didn't fight back. Why I didn't lock the door…why I just laid there and let him do whatever he wanted." Jessica then grabbed the blonde's face and held her chin firmly in her hand so that Emma had no choice but to lock eyes with her.
"It's not your fault." Jessica said firmly. "Repeat after me…it's not my fault." Emma backed away, shaking her head furiously.
"No, I can't." Emma denied but Jessica clenched her jaw, feeling annoyed by the very stubborn girl.
"Repeat. After. Me." Jessica said in a tone that told Emma that Jessica Jones wasn't the kind of person you wanted to argue with. Emma stared at her long and hard before eventually relenting. She sighed before slowly nodding.
"It's not my fault." Emma mumbled and Jessica didn't seem very satisfied by that.
"Say it again." Jessica demanded and Emma held her head up higher, looking Jessica straight in the eyes.
"It's not my fault." She said in a much more clear and confident voice. Jessica just nodded, appearing to finally be satisfied with her.
"Good." Jessica noted. "Now that we've gotten over that, all you have to do is tell someone. Will you do that?" Emma didn't look very excited at the prospect of talking about the rape but she knew Jessica was right. This thing was already taking a toll on her and Peter's relationship. By lying to him she was sabotaging her own happiness and he had been patient so far but it was clear that there was only so much of her lying that he could take. Emma really had nothing to lose by telling him. If she told him the truth and he couldn't handle it then he'd leave. If she kept lying to him then he'd just leave anyways. At least this way she wouldn't be letting Rumlow control her life anymore.
"I will." Emma finally said. "It won't be easy but you're right. I can't keep going on like this."
"You tell that boy of yours and then it won't be so hard telling everyone else. You've gotta work your way up to it." Jessica told Emma, giving her some advice that Emma would take to heart. Jessica was right. Telling Peter was only the first step. If she told him then it wouldn't be so difficult when she told Steve and her father. Emma just hoped that Peter wouldn't hate her. Emma just nodded.
"I should get going then. There's some people that are probably wondering where I'm at." Emma said quietly and Jessica nodded in understanding.
"Sure. I can't say this was a pleasure or anything. This was a seriously depressing conversation." Jessica told her and Emma smiled although the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. There was a lot of thinking she had to do before the weekend ended. Emma knew that the next few days weren't going to be very easy on her. Everything she had been keeping bottled up inside was finally going to be released. Emma was just scared for the end results. The blonde then began to walk towards the front door without saying anything else. However, before she could walk out of the apartment, Jessica stopped her in her steps.
"Hey, kid." Jessica called out and Emma turned around. A curious look came over Emma's face as she stared back at the dark haired woman. Jessica Jones suddenly seemed unsure as she began to speak to Emma.
"My best friend paid for some quack therapist to help me work through my issues. It turns out they were full of bullshit but I managed to get one or two things out of the session." Jessica started to say as Emma listened to her intently. "Next time you have a really bad flashback just say the name of the streets you lived near when you were younger."
"I don't remember the street names." Emma said quietly and Jessica gave her an awkward look.
"Oh." There was a slight pause before Emma spoke again and when she did, Jessica was legitimately surprised.
"I remember the name of the farms I lived near." Emma finally admitted and Jessica gave her a surprised look before nodding enthusiastically.
"Good." Jessica said breathlessly.
"Redwood, Knox, and Pecan." Emma informed her and Jessica gave her a small smile.
"It sounds stupid but repeating the names kind of helps. Don't tell anyone I said something out of therapy actually works." Jessica said gruffly and Emma returned her smile. She stared at the older woman, ocean blue eyes meeting dark brown ones.
"Thank you, Jessica." Emma told her and Jessica shrugged.
"Don't mention it, kid." Jessica replied and with that, Emma left the apartment, feeling like there wasn't anything more to be said between them. Emma was sure that wasn't the last she'd be seeing of Jessica Jones but Jessica had given her a mission of sorts. Emma now knew what she had to do. If she ever wanted to move on with her life she was going to have to be honest but she was also going to have to be okay with being honest. It was going to be a long and difficult road but it really needed to be done. She was finished with sabotaging her own happiness for the sake of Rumlow. Emma was finally going to be open and honest for the first time in her life. No more lies.