Pure of Heart
Author: Lolly4Holly
Pairings: Nick/Greg Slash. Established Relationship.
Warnings: Adult content, smut, violence, gore, sexual violence, M/M Slash.
Summary: Nick is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. Isolated by his family. Hidden from his friends. There's only one man he can turn to, but what's he supposed to do when it all comes tumbling down around him? Nick/Greg Slash. Established Relationship. Trigger warnings.
Author's Note: I haven't written anything long in a while, mostly for a complete lack of time to sit down and write but my inspiration for CSI fic's has been wearing a little thin since the end of the show. This story started as a short 4 chapter one shot, but then I wrote the ending chapter and realised I needed to add more. I have around 20+ chapters written at the moment and decided to start uploading. Usually getting feedback from you guys helps me to write more, so please remember to review after reading :)
Thanks so much. I hope you enjoy reading!
~ Holly
Chapter One – Planting the Seed
When it came to her children, Jillian Stokes felt completely out of the loop of their troubles.
After returning home from the Charity Ball with her husband all those years ago, she found her youngest son trembling, shrivelled in the corner of his room. He refused to move, get up to go to the bathroom or even come down for breakfast the next day. She searched for answers for months, but no one would say a word about what happened, least of all her son.
Looking back, Jillian could see the answer as clear as day. She didn't know how she could dismiss such a horrible thing. Maybe she knew all along, she just didn't want to believe that something like that could happen to her own son. Maybe she refused to accept what had happened out of guilt. It was her who insisted that they leave him with the new babysitter. She came highly recommended from one of her neighbours, but they weren't exactly good neighbours to begin with. She could only remember the woman's first name all these years later.
It certainly wasn't enough to go on to track her down and ask her why would do such a thing to a vulnerable child.
Jillian shivered, worrying that the woman had done it to many more children over the years. She was in her early twenties at the time. She could have been babysitting for dozens of families over the years. She could even have a family of her own, tormenting her own children.
Bile rose up in Jillian's throat.
"Mama, did you hear me?" Her youngest son gave her a curious look. He was sat across the room from her, clasping his hands tightly together in his lap. He was still so young and innocent. His big brown eyes always showed his pure soul and forgiving heart.
He was a grown man now, but he would always be her baby boy.
"Nicholas, this isn't exactly an easy thing to deal with." His father, Judge Stokes piped in, looking at his wife's pale complexion beside him. "Are you sure that she… I mean, it was a long time ago now. You could have… dreamed it or… kids make a lot of stuff up."
"It's not exactly somethin' you forget." Nick pointed out to his father, clasping his hands a little tighter, until his knuckles were completely white. "I've lived with the memory of what she did to me ever since I was a kid. I was nine. I've never forgotten any of it. I've often hoped it was just a dream or that I imagined it… but it's always there in the back of my mind."
The Judge sprang to his feet, scratching his chin as he made his way over to the window. He stared out at their empty back garden, starting to make his chin red from his anxious scratches.
"This is why I didn't tell you." Their uncomfortable son leant back into the comfortable scatter cushions of the sofa, almost wishing he was small again so he could hide away inside them. "I never wanted to disappoint you."
His father shot him a look. "Disappoint us?" The statement hit him like a ton of bricks. How could his own son feel ashamed by something that wasn't his fault? He was only a child. It was his job to protect him, but he had failed at that for so long. He turned away from the window, running his fingers back through his wiry white hair as he tried to think. "This is all on her. I'll kill her."
"Bill."
"No, it's all on her." He kicked the coffee table in the middle of the room, clattering the china coffee mugs together. He charged towards his son, pointing an accusing finger at him. "None of this is on you. You were a child. She took advantage of my boy and she's goin' to burn for eternity because of it. What was her name?" He spun to look at his wife, his temperature rising as the anger boiled inside of him. "Her name. What was it?"
"I… I don't remember. Bill, your heart." His wife cautioned him. "You're not supposed to get worked up like this."
"I'll damn well do whatever I want." He yelled back at her, charging for the doorway. He didn't know what he was going to do, but right now he was in desperate need of a drink and the bar was still set up in his study.
Leaning further back in his seat, Nick anxiously licked his lips, almost afraid to look into his mother's eyes. "I'll get you a glass of water." He shot up from his seat.
"Sit back down." The woman ordered, watching her youngest nestling back between the pillows. "I won't pretend to understand your reasons behind keeping this from me, but I will say… thank you for trusting us with this." She placed her hand over her heart, wishing she had seen it sooner. "Is this the reason why you moved out to Las Vegas of all places?"
"No, Mama. I moved to Vegas for the job opportunity. I told you I was sick of bein' stuck in the lab here in Texas. Las Vegas offered me career advancement and the chance to work with Doctor Grissom." He couldn't help but smile at the memory of him trying to sell the idea to his parents all those years ago.
"Does Greg know?" She raised an eyebrow in his direction.
"Yes." Nick lowered his gaze. "I… kinda had to tell him. It was hard to be… intimate with him without him knowin' what happened."
His mother nodded softly, letting her eyes travel across the dozens of family photos they had on the wall. She could pick out little Nicky in all of them, the saddened look in his eyes remaining after the age of nine. She always thought he was just more sensitive than the others, but now she could see that he had been traumatised and his eyes were the window into his precious little soul.
"I need to… check on dinner." She pushed herself to her feet, taking one last look at her son, before she left the room. She stopped outside the doorframe, letting her tears fall free.
How could she ever make this up to him?
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Jillian inhaled a few choppy breaths to compose herself, before she made her way back to the kitchen. She couldn't force out a smile or pretend to be happy for the sake of her other children right now, so she left them to their own devices, focusing all her attention on dinner.
Nick remained seated in the other room, staring at the empty seats where his parents had been sat just a few moments ago.
After a sharp inhale, he made a move to get up, spotting the familiar angelic features of his boyfriend making his way towards him. The younger man dropped to the seat beside him, taking one look at him, before he slid his arms around him, holding him tight.
He really needed that hug.
"I've imagined tellin' them a thousand times over the years. I pictured them laughin', cryin', throwin' me out or refusin' to believe a word I said." Nick buried his face into the younger man's neck, breathing in his familiar comforting scent. "I never pictured it goin' like that."
"Do you feel better now that they know?"
Breathing in a deep breath, Nick clutched the younger man even tighter, burying his face deeper into the nook of Greg's shoulder. "Not even a little." He closed his eyes as his tears started to flow, grateful he had listened to the younger man and brought him along with him for this trip to his parents' ranch. "Can we go home now?"
"I wish we could, but our flight isn't until Monday." Greg sank into the scatter cushions, cradling his boyfriend's head in his arms. "It's not so bad here. It's nice seeing where you grew up, getting to know your parents without worrying about you being six feet under in a box somewhere."
"Yeah, let's bring that up as often as possible." Nick sarcastically remarked, adjusting himself to lean against the pillows, so he could look into the younger man's eyes. "Thank you for bein' here with me."
"I'd say anytime, but we can't miss another week of work at the same time. People might start to get suspicious."
"Would that be so bad?"
Greg giggled softly, brushing his fingertips through the man's tears. "This coming from the man who nearly threw up when I tried to hold his hand the first time. You had a panic attack the first night you woke up in my arms and…"
"Okay, okay… you can stop now." Nick put his finger to the younger man's lips, looking into the caramel depths of his eyes. "That was two years ago, cut me some slack. I was an idiot. I was in love with you, but I was too afraid to be with you for fear of what other people might think." He pressed his lips to Greg's, almost wishing they were alone so he could fulfil another fantasy of his. "Now I don't care who knows about us. I love you, G."
"You don't care who knows?" He picked up on what he said.
"No, I don't care if they figure out we're datin' by takin' more time off together. Honestly, I'm surprised none of them have even figured it out yet. They're supposed to notice little things like this. We've been sneakin' around goin' on two years now right under their noses and they still haven't noticed anythin'. Maybe I should walk right up to you in the middle of the lab and kiss you in front of them." He playfully tickled his sides, adoring the look in his eyes.
"I love you, Nicky."
"Greg, you left the game." One of Nick's nephews burst into the room. "We're losing without a big person on our team."
"You better get back." Nick released his hold on his boyfriend. "I'll be okay." He assured him with a smile.
"Greg, c'mon." The child grabbed his hand, trying to pull him to his feet.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming. You realise you were only winning before because I was distracting the opposing team with my screams of terror." He laughed, waving goodbye to his boyfriend as he rejoined the football game outside.
He steered clear of Nick's older brother, Billy, during the game, fearing he might break his neck if he tackled him to the ground. And not just because they were on opposing teams. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of his brother dating a man and he was even angrier when that man showed up on their doorstep to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. He shared similar features with Nick, but Greg had yet to see a good side to him.
"He's good with the kids." Gwen startled her little brother. "They love him out there. Tommy and Lucas were actually fighting over who got Greg on their team." She sat down beside her baby brother, giving him a smile as she looked into his eyes. "I'm glad you decided to bring him with you this time, Nicky. It's about time Dad met him. You two have been serious for a while now. Any plans in the works for kids of your own someday?"
Nick let out a smirk, shaking his head at her. "I don't know if you noticed, sis, but we can't exactly have a child."
"Sure you can." Gwen slapped his leg. "Don't tell me you've never heard of a surrogate before. You can use your DNA or Greg's. Find yourself a girl. Either through an agency or a friend. Get her knocked up… the non traditional way." She warned him. "I mean, I'd even be willing to be your surrogate."
"Seriously?" Nick raised an eyebrow at her.
"Sure, I've had my kids. Anthony and I don't have plans for anymore. He's even been considering getting the snip lately."
Nick uncomfortably shivered in his seat. "But then the baby would be yours and Greg's. I'd be raisin' my niece or nephew."
"You can use a donor for the egg too." Gwen continued to try and sell him on the idea. "That way the baby won't be biologically mine. You could even do a sperm cocktail. Both you and Greg donate your little swimmers. The Doc shakes them up in a little cocktail before the insemination. Then either of you could be the father." She giggled watching him cringe. "If you're not so keen on that idea then you can adopt. There are thousands of children of all ages waiting for a loving home. I know you can offer that to them."
"Honestly, we haven't really discussed it." He spoke softly. "And with the hours we work, we'd never see them anyway. Besides, we haven't been together that long. We're not even married yet. Legally we can't."
"Aw, Mama really drilled all that traditional marriage before babies stuff into your head, didn't she?"
"You're one to talk." He laughed. "Dad practically dragged you down the aisle kickin' and screamin' with a baby in your belly."
Gwen stuck her tongue out at him, eliciting another chuckle from his lips. "You and Greg have been together for years. Have you even discussed the future with him?"
"Two years." He held up two fingers. "And that's none of your business."
"Nuh uh, you were talking about him for years before that."
"Because he was my friend for all that time." Nick pushed himself out from the cosy scatter cushions, wiping away the last of his tears. "Greg's my best friend. The best friend I've ever had. For now, I kinda just want him all to myself."
"After what you've been through, you deserve some happiness." Gwen took his hand in hers, climbing to her feet with her baby brother. "Just promise me that if you do finally marry him, you'll invite me. I'll be your best woman or maid of honour. Whatever you need." She giggled as she led the way out to rejoin the family, watching his eyes light up seeing Greg racing around the garden with the kids. "Where does he get his energy?"
"Uncle Nick, Daddy said he's tired. We need a grown up on our team." His niece, Hayley grabbed his arm. "C'mon, we're not big enough to tackle Greg."
Gwen gave her little brother a smile, ushering him away. "Go on, Nicky. Tackle Greg." She took her seat on the sidelines, watching the kids rallying around their favourite uncle. He had never been much of football fan, but he would do anything to put a smile on his nieces and nephews faces and he rather enjoyed seeing Greg in action.
A few hours later the family sat down to dinner, enjoying light conversation about the upcoming holidays. Jillian remained silent, keeping a close eye on her youngest son. He occasionally smiled or nodded in agreement with a conversation. She worried even more about him now then she ever had in the past. She held him extra tight at the end of the night, reluctant to let him go, until her husband moved her aside to give his son a hug.
"Drive safe." The Judge led them down the driveway. "What time is your flight tomorrow?" He queried, putting his arm around his son's shoulders.
"Not until later in the afternoon."
"Good, we can go on one last fishin' trip before you head back to sin city. What about you Greg?" He called out to the younger man, rather eagerly getting the rental car started. "Do you fish?"
"Uh… I used to."
"Good, I'll see you both bright and early tomorrow mornin'." He clapped his son over the back, giving them both a smile as he walked away.
Nick gave out a heavy sigh as his father returned to the house, climbing into the passenger seat of their car. He pulled his seatbelt on while Greg climbed inside, spotting his sister running down the driveway after her youngest on a two wheeler. "Hey, sis." He pushed the button to wind down his window. "You don't fancy joinin' us on an impromptu fishin' trip tomorrow mornin', do you?"
"Can't. I have an ethics convention to attend. My flight out to California is at two am. Anthony's got the kids to himself for three whole days." She laughed at the thought of her husband trying to manage their brood by himself. She joined them by the car, giving them both a smile. "Hey, don't be a stranger, okay? Christmas is coming up. Do you think you'll be able to take the time off to come and see us again?"
"I uh… I think we're actually spendin' Christmas with Greg's parents." Nick motioned towards his boyfriend. "We… might be able to work somethin' out though."
"Good, good." Gwen waved at Greg. "Bye Greg, it was lovely to finally meet you. Emphasis on the finally. Nicky has been talking about you so long, I feel like I've known you for years. Don't be a stranger, okay? Make sure Nicky brings you up here around Christmas time. It's lovely here when it snows."
"Will do."
"Dylan, get back here!" Gwen yelled at her son. "I said not to go past the last truck. Get back here. Pedal faster boy." She clapped her hands together to hurry him along, giving her brother another wave. "Bye. Drive safe."
"Bye." Nick pushed the button to wind his window back up, turning to look at the younger man beside him. "Sorry… about the fishin' trip, I mean. I might be able to get you out of it, but he'll never let me off the hook."
"I'll go." Greg put the truck in reverse, reaching out for his boyfriend's hand. "He's really not so bad. He's not." He assured him, getting the truck on the road. He stopped to wave to the parents still watching them, before he pulled away in the direction of their hotel. "He was talking to me earlier, asking questions about my parents, my career… genuine interest. I think he likes me."
"My father doesn't like anythin'… besides himself."
"He loves you." Greg corrected the man, wishing he would give him a chance. "He made me promise never to break your heart." He enlightened him. "I think you're still just in shock that your father even accepts you. You assumed crash position, expected the worst possible outcome. I don't think you were actually prepared for him to be okay with you having a boyfriend or being gay."
"There's no way he's okay with this." Nick stuck to it. "There's just no way."
"I think he is. He's had a few months to get used to it now and I think meeting me really helped him to see what you see in me." Greg squeezed his hand a little tighter over the gear shaft, giving him a reassuring smile. "You always said he'd never want to look at you, speak to you or have you anywhere near the house again. We just spent an entire day in their house. He spoke to me, told me to protect you because you've always been more sensitive than your brother or sisters. He listened to you when you wanted to talk to him about something serious and he hugged us both in the doorway." He laid out all the evidence for the man. "Your father loves you, Nick."
Sniffling back his tears threatening to spill, Nick stared out of the window beside them, realising he was probably right. "Can we just… talk about somethin' else, please?"
"Sure." Greg raised their hands, pressing a kiss to the back of Nick's. "Uh… your sister mentioned something about an ethics convention?" He queried.
"Oh yeah, my sister is a doctor. Head shrink. She works with young teens dealin' with eatin' disorders and self harm. She works out of High schools mostly."
"Wow. I thought she was a full time mother or something by the way she talked."
"I know." He laughed. "She talks about her patients like they're her kids. I think she thinks of them as her extended family."
"How many kids does she actually have then?"
"Four." Nick bit his lip a moment, trying to remember all of their names. "Dylan's the youngest. Then there's the twins, Oscar and Lucas. Emma's the oldest. She wasn't here today. I think she's nineteen… almost twenty by now. My sister had her when she was in her teens. You know she offered to be a surrogate for us."
"Your sister?" Greg giggled softly, turning the truck in the direction of their hotel. "I got the same offer from your brother's wife."
"Should I be worried?"
"No." He smirked. "She just said how good I was with the kids and if we ever thought about having any of our own, she'd be willing to be a surrogate for us."
"Do you?" Nick turned to look at the younger man. "Want kids I mean?"
"I don't know… I never really thought about it." Greg shrugged his shoulders together, pulling up beside the smiley valet. "I suppose it might be kinda cool to have a kid of our own one day. If we ever get time out of work to spend time with them. We'd have to be there for them for school things, holidays… we don't exactly have time for a full commitment like that. Not unless one of us puts our career on hold. Do you want kids?" He turned the question around on him, before he started rambling.
"I… want you." Nick leant across the gap to seal a kiss to his lips. He gave him a smile, before he climbed out of the car. The valet grabbed the keys off Greg, giving the younger man a wink as he climbed behind the wheel. "I think you've got an admirer."
"He's way too young for me." Greg stuffed the ticket in his pocket, grabbing his boyfriend's hand. He led him inside, not caring who saw or them as he took them upstairs to their room. "I don't know about you, but I really need a shower after that game."
"I'm pretty tired actually." The older man kicked off his shoes, shedding his coat as he made his way through to their room. He sat himself on the end of the bed, flopping onto his back. He placed his hands on his stomach as he breathed slowly, feeling the bed shifting beside him. "I'm okay, Greg… just exhausted."
"Telling your folks all of that must have been pretty hard." He propped himself on his elbow beside Nick's head. "I'm proud of you, baby." Greg gently combed his fingers through the man's hair, falling even deeper in love with him as he looked into his eyes. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"
"I'm startin' to get it." He reached his hand up for Greg's cheek, brushing his thumb through his scratchy stubble. "You're so beautiful."
"Wow, that's a first."
"I'm sure I've said that before."
"You've called me gorgeous, cute, adorable… but I've never heard you say I was beautiful before."
"Well you are. And you can take my word for it when I tell you I've never said that about another man before." He held the younger man's jaw as he pulled him closer, sealing their lips together for a kiss. "I don't want to wait to take chances with my life anymore, G."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that I…" Pushing himself to a sitting position, Nick turned to face the younger man, ready to pour his heart out to him. "I have never felt this way about anyone before. I know we haven't been together that long…"
"Speak for yourself." Greg cut him off. "I haven't had relationships last past the six month marker. This is the longest relationship I've ever had. Not to mention the best."
"Okay, well to me it still feels new. Every day with you is an adventure. I still get butterflies in my stomach knowin' I'm about to see you again. And… I am completely in love with everythin' about you, Greg. I almost died, never knowin' if things between us could work out. I don't want to waste any more opportunities to be with you, so I think as soon as we get back to Las Vegas… you should move in with me. Or I'll move in with you, either way works for me. Also, I wonna marry you, G."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa… one huge step at a time, Nicky."
"I know, I know. But I can't think of any reason not to." He took both the younger man's hands in his own. "It doesn't have to be a big ceremony or anythin'. I'll be happy to just exchange rings and let our friends know that we're together. I know that you're the one, Greg. I've been thinkin' a lot about what I really want and you're a huge part of that. So marry me and move in with me, so I get to see you every single day. Or in the other order, because I kinda want you to live with me now and a weddin' takes time to plan."
"You're really starting to pick up a few of my bad habits." Greg burst into an explosive grin. "Of course I'll marry you."
Throwing his arms around the younger man, Nick held him tight, pressing his lips to his partner's neck. He breathed in the strong scent of sweat from his shoulder, feeling as though his heart was about to burst from the excitement. "You stink, but you still smell so good."
"I can go shower. Less vagrant more fragrant."
"Make it a bath in our luxury tub then I'll join you."
"Alright, you're on." Greg stole a quick kiss from his lips, scrambling off the bed like a lightning bolt. "I hope you like bubbles." He called back to him, running for the bathroom. He stripped his clothes off while the Jacuzzi tub filled with warm water, before he emptied half a bottle of bubble bath into the mix to make it extra bubbly. He flinched as he felt a hand on his spine, smoothing its way towards his waist.
"I want you to know that I would never lie to you or do anythin' to hurt you." Nick put his mouth to his ear, holding his body close. "I'll never keep anythin' from you and I'll always be there for you."
"I know you will. You always have been." He tilted his head back to look into the man's eyes. "I trust you, Nicky. Completely. I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
"You have no idea how happy that makes me."
"Well, unless I'm mistaken," With a cheeky grin, he ran his hand towards the protrusion digging into his back. "I think I have an idea of just how happy I make you."
"Get in the tub, yah little perv."