Chapter 2

Food Fight

When Remy stepped out of the kitchen, the raspberry-furred rat assumed that he had backed down, and that was the end of their conflict. She never imagined that he was simply leaving to return riding atop a behemoth of a lobster fresh from the restaurant tank.

"This fella's name is Sebastian," Remy introduced. "He was supposed to be on the menu at some point or another, but I didn't have the heart to follow through with that. Sebastian, say hello."

The crustacean reared and snapped its claws like a bloodthirsty beast itching for flesh.

"Say hello back to Sebastian," Remy told her.

She decided to forgo the hellos and make a break for the night howlers. After all, she needed all the head start she could get.

The lobster reared like a horse and charged towards her, climbing the table beneath the shelf on which she ran. She was scarcely a foot from the night howlers. Then …

*KA-RAAACK!*

The lobster's claw had burst through the wooden shelf and flung her to the ground.

She scampered away and Remy's crustacean chased her throughout the kitchen, slamming into the tables like a wild bull.

"Wait, why am I running?" she asked herself.

She turned and hurled a Blackberry into the sea creature's path. The chemical ball swelled and the lobster was suddenly stuck in its tracks, while the force of the collision was enough to send Remy hurtling onto a table.

The red rat gasped. "Remy? Are you okay?"

There was silence, until he appeared at the edge of the table wielding two black pepper shakers.

"What are you gonna do with those?" she asked.

"I'm thinking you'll have a much harder time getting past me if you're busy sneezing," he explained.

"Oh. Gotcha," she confirmed.

She dashed across the floor while he shot across the tables and sprinkled a rain of pepper in her path. Stopping just short of it, she dove under a serving cart and continued to run on the other side. She was swift-footed and quick-witted, but he managed to thwart her at every turn. He couldn't quite get her to inhale the pepper, but it was only a matter of time.

Suddenly, he knew something was wrong.

He couldn't hear the pitter patter of her scampering feet. She had stopped running? Why?

He peeked over the edge of the table just in time to see her hurl a Raspberry at its base.

The impact of the resultant blast caused the table to lurch backwards, launching Remy across the room into a basket of onions … with a knife. He winced, realizing that he was that close to being skewered on the blade. Then he had an idea.

The raspberry rat climbed onto a tabletop and held her head in concern as she stared at the basket of onions. This battle was getting seriously out of control. Had she actually hurt him this time? The answer came when a ring of onion flew at her from the basket like a Frisbee. She ducked as it whooshed overhead, causing her eyes to water ever so slightly.

Remy emerged from the basket with numerous onion rings looped across his shoulder, two strips in his hands like nunchuks.

"I hate to make a lady cry, but you've forced my hand!" Remy declared. "Now bring it!"

She tilted her head in questioning hesitation.

He lowered his onion strips slightly. "Why aren't you bringing it?"

"I don't know," she began with a shrug, "it's just that I kinda feel bad attacking you with out-of-this-world chemical concoctions when you're brandishing a bunch of harmless onion shreds. Oh well."

She tossed a Blueberry his way but he whipped it aside with an onion strip as if it were nothing.

"So, you've been practising with those?" she asked.

"Yes. Yes, I have," he confirmed.

There was a brief pause … before she pitched several more Blueberries and he deflected or dodged them with spinning, acrobatic jumps and swings. Remy returned fire with a few onion rings but she shielded herself with a Blackberry that swelled into a thick ball. The moment the onion rings hit the ball, the Blackberry began to make a strange, effervescent hiss.

"Uh oh. The onion's denaturing the Blackberry," she muttered, letting her scientific, analytical side get the better of her. "I should have known it would react with the-"

She couldn't finish that sentence on account of the Blackberry exploding in her face in a dark, smoky burst. Remy had wasted no time. In her distraction, he had made his way towards her. Now, he leapt through the black smokescreen and whipped his onion strips down at her. Much to his surprise, she parried the attack with a lash of her particularly long tail.

"Oh come on!" he complained. "Since when could a rat do that?"

"I've been practising too, so live with it!" she retorted before furthering her attack with extreme skill and speed.

Working in the human-sized kitchen of a fast-paced restaurant, Remy had to be swift. He had to be strong. One wrong move could mean falling into a boiling pot or a sizzling frying pan. If he let his rodent limitations get in the way, he would never prepare his recipes on time. As a result, he was in peak physical condition. Every day at the restaurant had trained him for this battle. However, it was clear that whatever she had been doing with her life, it made her as capable as he was. Maybe, just maybe, she was more.

Remy repelled a flurry of berries before fending off her fierce, spiraling tail lashes.

They jumped away from each other and paused to catch their breath. Tears had filled her eyes, nearly blinding her. She tried to wipe them away but they quickly began to return. Was she crying? Not in a technical sense, but the onions were really getting to her.

"Not afraid to hit a girl?" she asked, trying throw him off.

"I don't have to land a hit," Remy stated smugly. "As long as I swing these onions around, you're eyes are gonna water until you can't see, so BAM!"

She rubbed away the tears once again. "Yeah, like you're not on the verge of the waterworks yourself."

Remy laughed triumphantly. "You're right. My peepers are perfectly unaffected. You know why? Because I'm a cook!"

He sprang at her, but with burning eyes and blinding tears, she couldn't react in time. Soon, she found herself ensnared in the onion strips.

"And that's how it's done!" Remy proclaimed in victory.

"Ow, ow, OW!" the raspberry rat exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Remy asked quickly.

"Some of the onion juices got in my eye!" she stated urgently. "It burns! OW!"

Worried about her well-being in spite of their little dispute, he loosened his hold on the strips. Then his hands stung as she smacked the onions out of his grip with her tail and freed herself in one, quick move.

"Ha!" she boasted. "Fell for it!"

Those tail tricks were pretty handy. He decided to give one a try.

Remy ensnared her feet with his tail and yanked her to the ground. "Ha!"

She did the same and he fell with a thud. "HA! Newbie!"

~~~ Several seconds later ~~~

Both rats lay in a tangled ball of tails, and neither one was laughing. To say it looked like a game of Twister gone horribly wrong might have been an understatement.

"Okay, this is getting us nowhere," Remy noted miserably. "On the count of three, let's loosen our tails and go from there. One … Two … Three!"

Neither rat released the other.

"Hm, you didn't let go," Remy remarked. "I'm starting to get the feeling you don't trust me."

"Har, har," she fake-laughed. "You didn't let go either. Besides, I never agreed to release you."

"Yeah, well, I don't think either of us has a choice," Remy argued. "Seriously, we're running the risk of becoming a rat king ... if that hasn't already happened."

She raised an eyebrow. "A 'rat ... king'? Is that a thing?"

"It's when rats get tangled together at the tail, and it's not pretty," Remy explained. "Sixteen fellas ended up like that in my colony. They were lucky. We almost had to amputate."

"Did they try butter?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered. "Butter may or may not have made it worse."

She shuddered as she looked down at her long, tangle-prone tail, wrapped around Remy's leg. At least she thought it was her tail. Hard to tell in the mess of appendages and scents.

"Great. A reason to be glad I've been avoiding my species," she commented.

"Superiority complex?" asked Remy.

"Quite the opposite ..." she mumbled.

Remy might have pursued the subject, but he was in no mood to prolong a conversation, especially in that position.

"Okay, let's try this again," Remy offered. "Release on three this time, okay?"

He could feel her nodding.

Remy repeated the countdown: "One … Two … Three!"

They unravelled like a spool of thread, but the first thing she did was trip him with her tail again. He would have been upset, if he wasn't planning the same thing.

She ran away, leaping from tabletop to tabletop. She would reach her goal, and he wouldn't be able to stop her … unless …

He tore off a piece of paper towel and tied it around his nose like a dust mask. Then he rushed for a blender, switched it on and dumped the black pepper he had dropped earlier into the spinning blades. Without a cover to contain its contents, the blender spat the pepper throughout the room, and just as she was about to make the last leap for the night howlers …

*Ichoo!*

That sneeze was enough to make her stop short.

In Remy's mind it was one of the most adorable things he had ever heard. Resisting the urge to melt, he quickly caught up with her as the sneezing continued. Soon, he stood between the raspberry rat and her prize.

"My kitchen," he declared. "Home-field advantage."

She cast a sharp glare, then muttered to herself: "Lime … *ichoo!* … ginger, garlic,*ichoo!* … turmeric …"

The list went on, and most of it was muttered too quietly for Remy to hear.

Suddenly, she whipped out several Raspberries. He didn't think she had it in her to use them directly on him, but he wasn't taking any chances and therefore dove for cover. However, she threw the explosive orbs at the produce storage door instead of him. The combined force of the berries was enough to blast it off of its hinges. Then she leapt to floor and scampered into the produce room amid uncontrollable sneezing.

He peered into the room and watched her deftly leaping, climbing, flipping, swinging from shelf to shelf with impressive agility. Despite the effects of the black pepper, she managed to coordinate herself well enough to gather various little ingredients with single-minded tenacity. It was almost as if she were entranced by the task at hand. What exactly was she doing with the herbs, spices and a small lime? Finally, she leapt to the ground; tore off some of the lime's skin with her teeth; crushed up the other ingredients; poured them into the opening in the fruit and inhaled the mixture.

The sneezing stopped.

Remy stared in amazement. "You were making a remedy?"

"Mm hm," she proudly confirmed.

"That was incredible!" he exclaimed.

She gave a bashful smile. "Thanks."

They paused in a moment of uncertainty. Remy was glad that they seemed to be on slightly friendlier terms, at least for the second. Maybe she would abandon her attempts to get to his night howlers if he just talked things through with her a little-

"Anyhoo, regrettably, I still need a night howler," she stated.

He groaned in frustration. Here we go again.

"I never wanted to fight you over it!" she quickly declared. "Please! I'm trying to ask nicely."

"Honestly, why do you want it so badly?" he asked. "If you use it on yourself, you'll degenerate into a mindless killing machine and tear me apart. Worse than that, you'll probably go on to destroy my kitchen!"

"I'm not going to use it on myself," she explained, "I'm going to use it on everyone else!"

He gazed at her in bemusement. "In what universe is that better?!"

She winced. "Yeah, I'm aware that it sounds crazy, but I know what I'm doing, believe it or not!"

"Not," he answered. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you to leave. If I may burrow your words, I'm trying to ask nicely."

"I think you'll be begging me to stay once I finish my formula," she assured.

Remy gave a disapproving grunt. "Sorry, but whatever you're trying to cook up in my restaurant, it's not gonna happen, so let it go."

Her eyes narrowed as she pulled out a white 'berry'. It was one of the few she had, and very hard to create, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Oh, I'm gonna let it go alright," she declared.

She hurled the berry past him, to the centre of the kitchen. When it landed and burst, the area was engulfed in a mass of swirling wind and frosty flakes.

A snowstorm.

Remy could hardly see through the whiteout, but he knew that somehow he had to stop it. Remembering the kitchen by heart, he scampered through the rapidly forming snow and soon found the stoves. The blue rat leapt and turned one dial, then another, and another, until all the burners were blazing against the blizzard. Shivering, he stood in the blanket of white and waited for the storm to die down. How was she doing these things? Who was she?

The red rat's voice pierced the still-swirling winds as she chuckled ominously. "Smart move, but it won't stop the storm before I stop you!"

A barrage of new, purple berries emerged from the blizzard. He dove, rolled and scampered away from every blast of violet mist. Yes, the snowstorm was fading, but soon he found himself surrounded by the purple smoke of the new berries dancing through the wind. As he breathed their gasses, fears crept into his psyche, and those fears were brought to life in the form of hallucinations.

(~I am everywhere,~) she declared.

The red rat's voice invaded his mind, causing it to conjure up apparitions of herself that haunted the mist.

(~I've traveled the world in search of all the right ingredients,~) she declared with a voice that seemed to come from all directions, darkened and distorted by the berries. (~Nomanisan Island, San Fransokyo, Arendelle, Corona, Angel Falls. The final ingredient rests in your restaurant. You seem like a nice guy. You inspire me and I hate to fight you, but NOTHING will stop me from finishing my formula! NOTHING!~)

One of the hallucinations got too close. The moment he realised it was not a hallucination, she threw a Blueberry directly into his face and he collapsed.

The storm died down and she parted the hallucinogenic, purple mist with the blast of a Raspberry thrown a short distance from her.

It was over!

She thought she'd be leaping for joy, but she felt bad about all the trouble she caused this friendly stranger who seemed so much like her.

"Oh, I hope that wasn't too much knockout gas," she sighed, before making her way to the night howlers through the melting snow.

After plucking off a strip of the plant's onion-like skin, she headed for the pot in which she prepared the formula.

Suddenly, she was pinned to the ground as something pounced from behind her. She could already smell the identity of the attacker.

"Remy?" she exclaimed in confusion. "How did-?"

"I held my breath," he explained before trying to snatch away the night howler.

Much to his horror, she pulled it closer to her muzzle and opened her mouth.

"If you don't get off me, I'll eat it!" she warned.

"You wouldn't go that far," argued Remy, only half-believing his own words.

"You don't know what I've been through," she growled. "You have no CONCEPT of how far I'll go!"

Hurt and desperation spiced her voice, and it shook him to the core. Why was she so bent on her mysterious 'formula'?

"Let. Me. GOOO!" she roared before throwing him from her back with frantic strength.

The rats sprang to their feet and stared each other down. Then she balled up the piece of night howler and hurled it at the simmering pot she had prepared.

"NOOO!" Remy shouted as he turned to watch the plant sail through the air.

Would she actually get it into the pot at such a distance? The answer came when the night howler hit the metal rim and bounced to the tabletop.

Remy breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to the raspberry-furred rat.

She was gone.

He turned to the pot once again and much to his horror, she was standing on the shelf above it, night howler in hand.

"Okay …" Remy slowly began. "I'm going back to NOOO!"

She dropped the plant into the liquid and the pot bubbled and churned with growing restlessness. Blasts of colourful fumes exploded from it like a forbidden force of nature. The fumes rushed throughout the kitchen, the building, the streets, the city, reacting with the very air itself and racing across the globe. Remy's eyes grew heavy as his brain was bombarded by the mind-bending effects of the chemicals concentrated in that one room.

Finally, he passed out as darkness and bliss engulfed his world.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

This story is a little more lighthearted and off-the-wall than what I usually write on FanFiction, but it's pretty fun to concoct!

So, what do you think this new rat is up to? Review and reveal your theories. Until next time!