Chapter 3

Six Heroes Enter the Batter

Above an ocean, under the morning sun, a guy in a kaiju suit flew with his arm outstretched Superman-style, as if he were airborne on his own account. In truth, he was being carried by a large, jet-powered robot adorned with red armour, as were the other four humans dressed in brightly coloured outfits.

Thoroughly enjoying himself, the kaiju-suited individual sang:

"Living on the edge, fighting crime, spitting flame,

jumping to the highest ledge he can leap above our heads!

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaaaaah, aaaaaaaah!

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aah, aah, aah!

Heading off to France with his friends, fate depends

on whatever they may find, no telling how this will end!

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aaaaaah, aaaaaaaah!

Aaah, aaah, aaah, aah, aah, aah!

Spec-ta-cu-lar! Spec-ta-cu-lar Hero 6!

Spec-ta-cu-lar! Spec-ta-cu-lar Hero 6!"

"FRED!" snapped the girl in yellow armour.

"What?" asked Fred, the guy in the monster costume.

"Look, we've been tolerant," the girl growled. "We suffered through your singing for hours without a word, but Fred, let me tell you, if you so much as hum another verse, I will STUFF one of my DISCS down your YAPPER and even the ordinarily-docile Wasabi will HELP ME!"

"No he won't," chuckled Fred.

"Yes he will," corrected Wasabi, the large, African American teen in green and black armour.

"Oh, come on!" Fred argued with his usual happy-go-lucky mood intact. "It's not like you guys aren't as stoked about visiting Paris as I am, Right? Riiiight? Riiiiiiiiiight?"

GoGo Tomago groaned, irritated by his repetition. Be that as it may, she couldn't disagree with him.

"No argument there, Freddie," stated a tall girl in pink. "Remember that 0.03% atmospheric difference my ChemiCalculator picked up last night? It's up to 0.07% and rising as we get closer to Paris! I wasn't able to make heads or tails of it in San Fransokyo, but now it's strong enough for me to analyse with the ChemiCal in my suit. It's some kind of subtle but highly efficient psychotropic substance."

"Honey Lemon, are you saying that this thing affects our minds?" asked the youngest of the group, a boy in a purple suit.

[I am detecting irregularities in your collective nervous systems,] stated the robot acting as their mode of transport. [Your neurotransmitters are rising, as is the case with your endorphins.]

"So basically it's giving us the happies?" Wasabi summarised. "Sounds harmless enough."

"Maybe," Honey Lemon half-agreed, "but it seems to have covered the entire distance from here to Paris … at least I think it's coming from Paris. Honestly, it's unlike anything I've ever encountered!"

[Sounds sick!] the red robot declared. This wasn't his first attempt at slang, but it always came off as contrary to his nature.

"Hm, let's hope it's not the 'twisted' kind of sick," commented the boy in purple. "Okay, we'll fan out when we get to Paris and search for anything suspicious. Baymax, use your G.P.S. to find a convenient rendezvous point in the city."

[I am on it, Hiro,] confirmed Baymax.

With the wind whipping by, the six heroes saw the French landscape looming in the distance, heralding the beginning of perhaps their craziest adventure yet.

"Remy? Are you awake?" came a voice squeakily laced with uncertainty. "I think I saw your nose twitch. Can you hear me? Hello?"

Though conscious, Remy could hardly concentrate on what she was saying. He didn't want to open his eyes and divide his attention between sight and smell. All he wanted was to forever savour the aroma. As a rat with a particular affinity for taste and smell, he had a tendency to enjoy (or hate) a scent more than the average member of his species. It was one of the primary reasons why he liked to remain cleanly, aside from the facts that he handled food often and that good hygiene was part of basic common sense (something his dad would debate him on as long as he had breath in him, it would seem). However, this scent was different. He didn't think there was a rat on Earth who wouldn't be obsessed with it on the first sniff.

He rolled onto his feet and crawled towards the scent. With every step, it increased exponentially. Then his nose collided with fur, triggering an amused but simultaneously uncomfortable giggle.

"Okay, I'm gonna need a liiiiiiittle personal space," said the giggler.

Remy furrowed his brow. The source of the smell was alive?

He opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of a familiar, raspberry-furred rat. She looked exactly the same way as she had when he last saw her, but she wasn't the same. His nose screamed that she wasn't the same!

The red rat stared at him analytically. "Let's see ... Vastly dilated pupils … Expression of awe and wonder … Biochemical odours suggesting intense affection … Just like all the others. Excellent. Okay, I think we got off on the wrong foot, so let's start over. Hi, it's nice to meet you."

She extended a paw. Remy gently took it, but instead of shaking the paw, he dealt it a light kiss.

"Bonjour, ma omelette au fromage. T'as d'beaux yeux, tu sais?" Remy replied in French with more charm than he ever knew he had, before catching himself and muttering through his teeth. "Did I actually just say that?"

Her eyes popped. Whoa. Beyond 'hello' and possibly something about an omelette, she had no idea what he was saying, but it didn't take much to get the general gist. Unaccustomed (and uncomfortable) with being on the receiving end of this behaviour, she withdrew her paw, fur fluffed as it stood on end.

Remy cleared his throat. "So *ahem* to whom do I owe the pleasure? Forgive my memory, but I don't recall if you ever introduced yourself."

She smacked her forehead in a show of apparent realisation. "Oh! That's right! Silly me. I forgot. You just forget sometimes, y'know? You think you're on top of things, then you forget. Without warning, you just forget, you forget and the memory's gone. It's so easy to forget. It's such a hassle."

She constantly accentuated the word 'forget' with a snap of the fingers.

Remy nodded. "Yeah, I know how it is. Hey ... what were we talking about again?"

"See?" she exclaimed. "You just forget! It's so annoying! You just forget about it. So, Remy, you're an articulate fella. Can you describe to me what I smell like right now?"

"I … don't think I can describe it," he confessed, his mind still spinning from the fragrance. "I just … can't. It's beyond me!"

"Try," she pressed.

His brain grappled for words, until he opened his mouth: "Your … previous perfume, it's been multiplied by a million, yet in some way it seems to morph into every aroma I've ever held dear; every scent that stirs up fond memories; every culinary creation I'm proud of in all its glory; all the meals I could ever wish to make. Your perfume brings life to my hopes and dreams, and at the pinnacle of all those hopes and dreams is … you!"

She bounced up and down in excitement. "Yes! Yes-yes-yes! It works!"

"But you were already using the perfume when you came to the restaurant," Remy reasoned. "Why is it so different now? And how does that pot of chemical brew you made last night fit into everything?"

"My perfume and the pot work hand in hand!" she excitedly explained. "The pot created a global chemical reaction that supercharges the Perma Perfume! The chemicals communicate with people's brains through their sense of smell, telling them 'Hey! When you get a whiff of that rat and her perfume, your mind's gonna simulate every smell that makes you happy, boost the feeling and associate it with her'!"

"So it's like mind control?" Remy asked. "Cool! I never thought I'd be this happy to be mind controlled!"

"Well, I wouldn't say it's 'mind control'," she argued, "more like 'mind convincing'."

He gave a pleasant shrug. "Fair enough. I think I'd agree with almost anything you say at this point."

She cocked her head. "That does sound a little like mind control, but at least you said you'd agree with 'almost anything', so I guess it's not the same! Great! Wait, wait, wait. I gotta hold my horses here. First, the ultimate test. What if I told you I blew up the dining room?"

"Did you blow up the dining room?" he asked.

"Yes," she confirmed. "There's nothing left of it whatsoever and I have no regrets."

He stared at her for a second. "Right now, I feel like I should be screaming at you … before collapsing … and then convulsing while frothing at the mouth … hm … but I simply can't be angry at you when you smell like this!"

Her face alit with an elated smile as she shook her head in disbelief. "That settles it … I can't believe it … I've done it! I've finally created the Omega Aroma! This changes EVERYTHING!"

"I don't know why it 'changes everything', but if you're happy, I'm happy!" Remy cheered.

She laughed ecstatically before remembering to tell him: "Oh, by the way, I didn't destroy the dining room."

"That's good to know," Remy stated.

"However, some crazy stuff did happen since you passed out last night," she continued.

He cocked his head, confused. "Last … night?"

Remy looked around and for the first time noticed the morning sunlight that lit the room.

"Whoa! The Sun's up? When did that happen?" he asked in genuine bewilderment.

"Uh … How did you not notice that earlier?" asked the raspberry rat.

"I suppose I was too busy thinking of you," Remy reasoned.

She snapped her fingers in response. "Oh, right. An unfortunate side effect. I knew that the Omega Aroma might require a cool-down period. Before that period's up, it works a little too well, resulting in obsessive levels of interest in me, hence the unfortunate events that transpired while you were asleep."

Remy began to ask: "What unfortuna-?"

He stopped speaking, noticing one of her sticky Blackberries on the counter nearby. Several familiar rats were glued to it, struggling to free themselves.

"Oh …" Remy commented.

Then his eyes drifted across the kitchen and he spotted more rats, some glued to Blackberries and others unconscious, likely due to Blueberry sleeping gas. Additional Blackberries barricaded the dining room door. To say the least, the kitchen looked like a war zone.

"Oh …!" he remarked.

Then his eyes flit across the sinks, clogged by the black, bulbous masses. The door that led outside was barricaded by the chemicals as well, but what he saw beyond the windows …

"OH!" Remy exclaimed, jumping in startlement.

Legions and legions of rats peeped through the glass. Eyes wide and faces pressed against the surface, they were stacked on top of each other just to peer at the raspberry rat.

"These rats started showing up around daybreak," she explained. "At first they were friendly, but they quickly started acting like a mob of fans – you know, the rabid kind that tries to tear you apart. I was forced to incapacitate them and block the entrances to prevent late-comers from, you know, coming. Do you know these rodents?"

"You bet I do, they're my staff!" Remy exclaimed before waving at them. "Hey, fellas!"

Though their feral eyes remained fixed on the female rat, they all waved back at Remy, except the largest of them all, who simply winked.

The raspberry rat shivered and rubbed her arms in an attempt at self-consolation. "The big guy kind of creeps me out. He's been winking like that since he got here."

"Oh, that's just Git," Remy explained with a wave. "He winks at everyone indiscriminately. Right, Git?"

The big rat gave another wink.

"I suppose that's slightly comforting," the red rat stated. "Still, I gotta scram before they find their way in."

"DON'T LEAVE! MARRY US!" about half of the rodents began to shout.

"I TOLD YOU, I believe in MONOGAMY!" the raspberry rat snapped back.

They went silent, for the moment.

"Most rats are tragically lacking in self-control," Remy stated.

"Yeah, that's true," she agreed.

"They just do whatever their instincts and stomachs tell them," he went on.

"I know," she agreed once again.

"But not me," declared Remy.

"And I deeply appreciate that," she commended.

"I'd never be as pushy as they are," he pressed.

She stared at him in realisation.

"What?" asked Remy.

Amusement put a smirk on her face. "You're hammering it home to come across as the most suitable suitor, aren't you?"

"Nooo," he declared in a drawn-out, unconvincing way. "Why would I-? Okay, yes. That's exactly what I was doing. Sorry."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, at least you're honest. Anyway, if I'm going to survive the initial effects of the Omega Aroma, I've got to get out of here before they reach me. This is your kitchen, so I figured you might know a discrete means of escape. Can you help me, please?"

"I'd have myself prepared Bordeaux-style, if you asked!" he stated emphatically.

She cocked her head. "Bordeaux … what?"

Remy opened his mouth to answer.

~~~~~~~~ One horrifically revolting explanation later … ~~~~~~~~~

"… and I'd do all of that without hesitation, just for you." Remy finished.

She stared at him, blinking blankly. "That has to be the most disturbing thing I've ever heard."

"Disturbing but sacrificially sweet, right?" asked Remy.

She hesitated. "I'll … have to get back to you on that."

The ceiling began to rattle.

Then scores upon scores of rats burst through the fire sprinklers, swarming across the ceiling and making their way down the walls.

"Huh, I didn't know our kind could cling to ceilings like that," Remy calmly commented, "though I have heard of a movie like this once. Maybe had a similar nightmare on occasion ..."

"I'M living the nightmare RIGHT NOW!" she squealed. "And sure, I got myself into this and I'm usually not this high-maintenance, but GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Remy rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then asked: "Could you pass me a Blackberry?"

"Uh, sure," she agreed, having no clue as to what he would do with the chemical sphere she handed him.

Remy pointed at the floor. "See that slightly irregular piece of flooring? Throw a few Raspberries at it."

She wasted no time in tossing the explosive chemicals and blowing a hole clean through the concrete, revealing rushing water beneath it. The raspberry rat almost retched at the smell. Clearly she had blasted an opening to the sewage system. Meanwhile, Remy tossed the Blackberry at the edge of the hole and it began to swell. Soon, it would cover the opening.

Understanding his plan, she began to protest. "Remy, I can't-"

She was interrupted when noxious fumes finally got a gag out of her.

"Can't believe I made that shot on the first try?" Remy asked, trying to finish her sentence. "I'm surprised too!"

Much to her horror, he scooped her up and leaped into the hole as the rats closed in around them. Once the two fell through the ground, the Blackberry filled the opening, stopping the rats from following.

"Awwww …" the rodents groaned in disappointment.

"REMY! *cough* HELP! *choke* I CAN'T SWIM!" the raspberry rat shouted amid the rowdy current.

Her head bobbed above and beneath the water before Remy reached her and paddled for a piece of floating debris, carrying her. They threw their forelimbs over the debris and she stopped panicking somewhat, coughing and sputtering.

"Sorry!" Remy apologised. "I assumed that you'd know how swim, since you said you'd had crazy adventures around the globe and all that."

She began to answer. "I usually circumvented the need to swim with my wits and chemical- Wait a minute ... It's dark, so I didn't get a good look and there's no way I'm gonna look now, but what are we clinging to, exactly?"

Remy began to reply. "It's a Pooh Bea-"

"Excuse me while I go drown," she interrupted.

"No, it's not what you think it is," Remy insisted. "It's a just a Pooh Bear."

"So it came from a bear?" she countered. "That's arguably worse! What's that stuff even doing down here?"

Remy chortled at how things had escalated into a funny little misunderstanding. Then he took a step back to find the right words to clear up the confusion.

"Okay, so there's this bear from a storybook called 'Winnie the Pooh'," Remy explained. "What we're clinging to is a stuffed animal made in his likeness."

The red rat blinked in incredulity. "'Winnie the ... Pooh'? How did they get away with naming a children's character 'Pooh'?! Why not 'Franklin', or literally anything else? I ... I'm sorry, but what exactly is a 'Pooh'? And why 'THE Pooh'. Is he, like, one specific species of ... of 'Pooh'?"

Remy broke into a full-blown laugh as he looked further down the tunnel. "That's actually a funny story. I'd be happy to share … Uh oh."

Her face took on a look of indifference. "Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall."

He adopted a similarly indifferent air. "Yup."

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?" she asked.

"I'd be more concerned about the soft stuff," Remy stated.

She blinked apathetically. "Bring it on."

Over the waterfall they went, joined by a myriad of other sewage swills cascading from similar tunnels into one, deep, central abyss.

"OHHHHHHH, YEEEEEAAAAAAAH-HEH-HEH-HEH-HEEEAAAAH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed with a fatalistic attitude of 'que sera sera'.

Remy screamed with her, but unlike her he was genuinely enjoying himself. Her perfume had him in a perpetually peppy mood.

They crashed through the water's surface at the bottom of the abyss in the midst of rushing bubbles, gulping down more sewage soup than they would have cared to ingest. The swirling swill dragged them deeper still until they were sucked into a new pipe, tossed around by rapid waters and spewed into the outside world.

As the fell into a river, the red rat screamed until she stopped and took on a thoughtful air.

"Wait ... what's happening?" she asked.

"We're plunging into a waterway," Remy answered simply.

"I know that," she confirmed, "but that's not how sewage is supposed to work. It's supposed to get treated before being released into any river. And how is the fall perpetuating itself long enough for me to have time to point out that-? Oh, look at me, getting pedantic. Never mind, this really isn't the time to-"

*SPLASH!*

They were immersed in the river.

The sewage pouring on top of them pushed them further and further beneath the surface, but she could feel Remy's paw somehow manage to grab her arm and drag her out of the downward current. The filthy, murky waters cleared and what did they see?

A pair of piscine lips parting in a grin, revealing rows of menacing teeth.

"Hollo," greeted the owner of the teeth, a great white shark with an Australian accent.

Please note: after reconsideration, the 'sewer joke' mentioned in the comments has been replaced by the 'Winnie the Pooh' joke, which is a reference (almost quoted verbatim) to a YouTube video by the 'Super Carlin Brothers' where they delve into the origin of Winnie the Pooh's name. Check it out. It's pretty interesting.

Yup. Plenty of references in this story. How many did you pick up in this chapter? Identify them in the comments, if you're up for the challenge.

I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading!