I actually wanted to write this the Sannami week event last year, but I was still at university and super stressed; so imagine my delight when I realised that I could work it into this year's prompt list!
Rating for suggestiveness and bad language (Looking at you Sanji)
Prompt: home.
Enjoy
The Roommate
Sanji had been living with his beautiful girlfriend for almost three months now and it was going extremely well.
They'd been together for just over a year. They knew each other well before getting together, they'd both been in a very tight friendship group, and had finally taken the plunge when they'd finished education. More like Nami had, it'd taken her a bit longer to realise her feelings for Sanji. He still claims it was love at first sight for him.
Both were established in their fields during their year together and once they'd started earning decent money, they'd taken the leap to get a small house together.
Whilst Sanji was in the bathroom shaving he could hear Nami in the lounge singing to a song on the music channel. He smiled to himself, he never imagined that she would give him a chance. She was a goddess and he was the luckiest man alive.
He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard her scream and jumped, nicking his face with the razor. A small bit of blood started to ooze from the cut, but it was the last thing from his mind as he dropped the razor, turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could towards the lounge.
He only got as far as the top of the hallway before she appeared around the corner, running towards him. Sanji inspected her head to toe to see what was wrong, finding nothing, he calmed slightly and took a chance to fully inspect her. This had to be one of his fantasies, was he dreaming? The girl of his dreams running towards him with her arms open in only a skimpy pair of shorts and white tank top, the only thing amiss was the look of terror on her face and tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
All thoughts, perverted or not, were pushed aside as she leapt for him. He had just enough sense to catch her as she wrapped her legs around his waist and brace himself to support her weight… although he wouldn't mind rolling around the floor with her.
'What's wrong?' he squeezed her sides to get her to look at him, her face currently buried in his neck.
He immediately felt bad for his perverted thoughts when he saw her distraught face.
She sniffled and tried to get her words out coherently, 'Oh god… in the lounge! … and it touched me! It touched me, Sanji!' She shuddered and the arms wrapped around his neck tightened.
'Someone's in the house!? I'll fillet the bastard!' He said, alarmed at the thought of someone breaking in and having the audacity to touch her.
She laughed at this and although he was confused considering the situation, it was still a lovely sound. She cupped his face and pecked him on the lips.
'I know you would, I probably would have gotten them first though with the moves you showed me,' she smiled at the memory of him showing her how to kick effectively, 'but this is much worse.' Her smile disappeared, replaced by a look of utter defeat.
'…What? I'm confused, my love.' His eyebrows knitted, 'Can you start from the beginning, please?'
One hand was still supported her rear, whilst his other hand was now rubbing up and down her back.
'Okay, I was about to start hoovering, so I put on the music channel and my favourite song came on. I stopped to listen to it and then it happened.' Nami shuddered. 'A massive spider came out of nowhere and ran across my foot.'
Sanji felt the blood drain out of his face and his hold slackened, 'Oh shit!'
'It touched me! I don't have any socks on-'
'Wait, wait! Where is it now!? Did you at least see where it ran?'
Nami's face also paled, now matching Sanji's. 'No… oh god.'
Both of their faces simultaneously turned to look down the hallway in horror.
.
.
.
It was well known within their group of friends that both Nami and Sanji had an intense fear of anything creepy crawly.
It wasn't so far-fetched to hear this about Nami, she was a bit of a coward, unless money or a child in need was involved. The surprise was Sanji. He was the toughest out of them, alongside Luffy and Zoro. He held a blackbelt in kickboxing, for god sake.
When Nami had shared a flat with Robin, the woman lived for anything like that and was more than happy to dispose (set free) of any bugs, blissfully ignoring Nami's objections of all bugs being Satan's spawn. Sanji hadn't been quite as lucky as Nami before they lived together, there was Luffy that wanted to play with them or the moss head that wouldn't let him hear the end of it.
Funnily enough, everybody forgot about this when they decided to live together. Or maybe they just didn't say anything for their own amusement. That's more likely. It was probably the moss head's idea too. Dick.
That's what lead to their present situation.
Sanji, bravely, taking the lead into the lounge, kitted out with a saucepan and slipper. Normally he wouldn't even dream of using his beloved kitchenware for anything other than cooking, but this was desperate times. Nami was tucked behind him, her face poking over his shoulder, now donning socks, and holding bug-spray. They both figured he was the offence and Nami was the defence, in case the spider came running at them.
Neither of the two had even suggested a cup and magazine, it was madness to even think about freeing the abomination.
Sweat was starting to form along Sanji's hairline in anticipation and he felt Nami's grip from behind tighten around his waist. He steeled himself. This is what he promised himself and Nami when they started dating, that he would her knight in shining armour.
Dread filled them both though, when they entered the living room and couldn't find it anywhere.
The spider was clever, it knew of their fear now and was probably out plotting for when it would jump out at them. It was going to be when they were in the shower, at their most vulnerable, he just knew it.
'Sanji, can you see it?'
'No.'
'What are we going to do?'
'I suggest we either move or burn the house down. Maybe both, in that order.'
'It's awful that they both sound like good suggestions.'
Whilst they discussed what neighbourhoods were good and far away from here, they both heard a plopping sound. They whipped their heads at the sound and found the culprit now on the floor, stunned from its drop from the ceiling.
They both screeched and Nami clambered onto Sanji's back, her arms wrapping around his neck and effectively strangling him. 'It after my beautiful, feminine feet again! Do something!'
Sanji hesitated for a split second, trying to think, then threw all logic away as he hurled his slipper at the spider and spectacularly missed, thus spooking it into running under the sofa.
'Abort mission, abort, abort!' Nami cried.
Without thinking, Sanji dropped the saucepan to support Nami and swiftly turned towards the door to make their escape. He stopped dead when he saw another above the door frame they'd just entered.
'I knew it! There's fucking more of them, those bastards are plotting. Plotting!' Sanji said hysterically. 'Spray it.'
Although that was a sound suggestion, Nami was now also sweating and had also lost all logic at the unexpected sight of another spider, so instead she lobbed the spray. She also missed.
With a war cry, Sanji ran out of the door, hoping the spider was still in shock and closed the door after him to trap them.
.
.
.
After inspecting the room for intruders, Nami and Sanji took sanctuary in the kitchen. He was slumped over the counter, mourning the loss of his saucepan as she rubbed his back in condolence.
'I'm sorry, Nami. I should be able to do this for you.'
She snorted, gesturing for him to stand and laid her hands against his cheek, 'You do so much for me, don't be hard on yourself. But you know we can't move or burn down the house… you know what we have to do.'
He sighed in defeat, his head dropping to her shoulder as she played with his hair soothingly. 'You call him, I can't bring myself to do it.'
Zoro laughed and laughed and Nami could feel her temper thinning.
'Are you going to do it or not?' She bit out.
'He's there isn't he? He got you to call me, right?' He actually chortled and Sanji felt the urge to kick something in that moment. 'I know he is, pass me over. This is amazing.'
Nami sighed but knew she wouldn't get any further in this conversation unless Zoro got his chance to speak to Sanji.
'What do you want, Moss head?'
'Well, that's not a nice way to speak to someone you want a favour from. Too much of a pansy to do it yourself, huh?'
'Shut the hell up!'
'Say please and I might consider it.' Zoro said gleefully and commenced another round of laughter again.
That was the last sound both Nami and Sanji heard as he was promptly hung up on.
'Yeah, should have seen that happening,' she groaned.
'What about Robin? You said she was good at this?'
'She's out of town, I never would have suggested Zoro otherwise. She took Franky too, so he's out too.
'Luffy?'
'He'll actually burn our house down, spider or not, and we already decided against that option.'
They continued on with the list and sat next to each other in complete defeat, everyone was either busy or out of town. How did they not see this coming? It was inevitable that their joint fear would put them in this situation sooner or later.
Another minute passed.
Both of their heads shot up at the same time as they had a joint brainwave.
'Usopp!'
.
.
.
'The master insect handler is here, move aside so I can tame the beasts,' Usopp exclaimed with a flourish, when Nami opened the door. He'd gotten here as quickly as he could when Nami had called him in a panic.
'How does Kaya put up with you?' Sanji said.
'How does Nami put up with you being a wimp?' Usopp quickly shot back but instantly regretted it once he saw Sanji's face darken and leg twitch.
Usopp quickly put his arm around Nami's shoulder, knowing the other man wouldn't do something when she was near. Usopp would need to keep her close for the next week until Sanji forgot about that comment. He was oddly sensitive about his fear of bugs.
'Now, lead the way and show me where your new guests are residing. I can't wait to meet them.'
'You're a dork,' Nami said, high fiving Sanji as she and Usopp walked past him.
Usopp made short work of the spiders. He completely ignored the squirming and squealing from the other two at the door frame when he picked up each spider, putting them inside the plastic cage he'd brought along.
Nami and Sanji kept their distance from Usopp when he brought the cage closer, trying to impart knowledge on them. He soon sighed and gave up when they both kept suggesting different ways to kill them.
Just as Usopp left, he made an offhand comment about the spiders. One of them was female, the other male and it was mating season. When they started to panic about spider nests, Usopp assured them the male shouldn't be alive if that was the case and then made a tasteless joke about Sanji being lucky he was still alive.
He was instantly punched and then kicked; the door being shut in his face afterwards.
'This has been really stressful,' Nami exhaled, in exhaustion as her shoulders slumped.
'You know, a bath might be really good for us both right now,' Sanji's tone had taken a husky edge as his arms wrapped around her.
Nami gave him a suggestive smirk before whispering in his ear, 'You run the bath and I'll meet you there with wine.'
He didn't need to hear anything else as he pressed an impassionate kiss to her lips and took off to start the bath.
.
.
.
It was only later as they were in the bath, doing something incredibly intimate that should only really involve the two of them, that their newest roommate decided to make an appearance in the corner of the bathroom. A big black spider.
'I told you this would happen.' Sanji exclaimed, his head resting on Nami's shoulder in defeat.
'You did say they were plotting against us.'
'But to actually cockblock me!?'
'Us. But yes, I know. Let's go.'
'We don't have time to… you know?'
'Well, I suppose it's just sitting there… never mind, it moved! It moved!
'Call Usopp.'
Seeing both of them like this during Jaya was hilarious and something I could completely see happening. Spiders just ruining their lives… and cockblocking them, the ultimate offence.
No spiders were harmed in the making of this fanfiction, but I did have to do a tiny bit of research for this. That earns a review, right?
Thanks for reading.