Ch 12
Jimmy rode on to Lou's house. He eased his way into the clearing. He looked for Kid like he always did when he had came. The house looked empty. He rode closer. The house was abandoned. He sat for a moment remembering Lou. He felt a lump in his throat and an ache in his chest. He turned his horse and rode away knowing that he would probably never see her or his girls again.
Lou sat by the corral holding Matt watching the horses play. Buck walked up beside her.
"I've missed this Buck. So much."
"We certainly missed you."
"Why didn't any of you come visit us?"
"Kid wrote us a letter bout four months after y'all moved telling us not to come."
"Why would he do that? I don't understand."
"He told us you were having some problems that you didn't want us to know about and that he would write when you were better then we could come. We never got another letter."
"Lies Buck. You should have known better."
"Lou, Teaspoon thought it best to let y'all work out whatever you had going on as a family. As for me, I didn't know if I could face Kid."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I knew Lou. About Jimmy."
Lou's face dropped and she turned her head.
"Why Lou? How could you do that to Kid? I can see these aren't even his kids."
"I don't know Buck." Lou started crying. " It just I had all these feelings about marriage and Jimmy was there for me. It just happened. Once it happened, I knew I loved Jimmy more than I could imagine. We saw each other the entire time I wore Kid's ring." Lou cried.
"I know. I walked up on you at the pond that day. Lou, even right before your wedding."
"I know. I should have walked away but by then I knew I was already pregnant. That's why I picked a date. Jimmy said he wasn't the marrying type so I couldn't be an unwed pregnant woman. My child would have been taunted the rest of it's life so I married Kid. Thought I could pass the baby off as his."
"But he knew didn't he."
"He was so happy at first. We had a good thing going. We had an expected problem come up. He started gambling to try to make some quick money. A little at first then more and more. He lost all our remaining stock even Lightning and Katy. I cried when he took them away. Then the girls were born and it seemed like he knew right off. I don't know how but he looked at them and left. He came home three days later."
"Did you tell him, Lou?"
"He asked constantly. I finally told him and told him how sorry I was. He agreed to raise them to save me from harm. But he wasn't the same."
"And how about Matt?"
"Jimmy came to visit. It all kind of happened again. I told him the girls were his. He stayed a day before leaving us. He said we would be safe with Kid. Kid would take care of us. I did wrong, Buck. I saw Jimmy a few more times after that and well, Matt happened. The day Matt was born, Kid was so happy for it being a boy. Then he looked at him, stormed off. He never came back." Lou hung her head and cried.
"I just don't know why you would even marry him but see another man."
"I knew it would end badly but seeing Jimmy was the only happiness that I had."
"I'm sorry Lou."
"Ain't no one's fault but my own. When our food ran out, I came here on hopes of seeing Jimmy and maybe getting him to reconsider everything. Foolish, I know."
"What are you going to do?"
.
"I don't have a clue." Lou said wiping her eyes.
"I'm going to talk with Teaspoon. Maybe I can catch up with Jimmy and talk to him. Make him see."
"He once told me that he could never say those three words back to me. He walked away from me and his girls. He was willing to let another man raise them, Buck. He feels like he can't give us a good safe life. He won't come back. I haven't seen him in almost a year now. He gave up."
"He has been acting lost the last year. I still have to try for you."
"Don't Buck."
"You don't need to do this alone."
"That's what I deserve. I am a stupid girl who slept with her husband's best friend more times than I can count and then had his children. I ain't nothing but a whore and a screw up." Lou stood up and walked back towards Rachel's.
Buck watched her go. He would talk with Teaspoon and Lynn. He needed to try to find Jimmy.