Jelly

Rachel attempts to murder a member of the Fabray-Jones household.

"We don't keep secrets from each other, right?" Rachel peers over to her wife of 10 years. They both lie in post coital bliss, which meant that Rachel was going to start rambling.

She always did after sex. Santana had broken her of the habit through other recreational activities, but she still maintained the tradition after sex. Which, was probably the worst time for Santana. She was tired.

"...What's your definition of a secret?" Santana squints at the ceiling. Of course, she keeps secrets from her wife. She likes being married.

Rachel shoots up straight. Santana grunts as the comforter is partially ripped from her naked body. On second thought, maybe that was her cue to put on clothes before that ankle-biter ran into the room unannounced as she sometimes did.

"Santana!"

Santana pouts, "What? I didn't think you wanted to know everything about me. Leave a bit of mystery and all that."

"San, I don't keep anything from you. I would like it if you didn't keep anything from me."

"Um, I seem to recall you keeping a pretty big secret from me for a good few years!" It was Santana's turn to sit up.

Rachel glared harshly, "If you're talking about my dick, I had every right to keep that from you before we started dating, mind you."

"Speaking of your dick, if I put my mouth on it would you forget this entire conversation?" Santana maintained her pout.

"For like ten minutes."

"Don't flatter yourself, babe. You'd last for five."

"For God's sake, woman! Just tell me!"

"Fine. You're not allowed to be mad, though."

Rachel shrugged uneasily.

"Sophomore year of highschool, before we even started talking. Quinn and I may have messed around a bit." Santana mumbled that last part, but it still sunk deep down into Rachel's psyche.

"Coach is going to kill me." Rachel rubbed her hands over her face dramatically.

"Why?"

"Because I have to murder his best forward." Rachel said remorsefully.

Santana just stared blankly, "The hell you do. It was years ago. We were just being teenagers. Speaking of, those kids you keep putting into me will not be able to have doors when they're teenagers."

Rachel agrees quickly before getting back to topic at hand.

"Actually, I do. Pretty sure there's like a code or something that says I am legally obligated to."

"I'm 100% sure there's a code that says you're legally not allowed to. I don't think they'd have codes that directly contradicted like that."

Rachel nods along, not listening, "I'll be back in like an hour. How ever long it takes to absolutely obliterate your best friend."

In a split second she's dressed and out the door.

Santana sighs heavily before following the other woman. Luckily the girls are asleep and Quinn is like a house down the street.

When she gets there, Quinn is laughing hysterically as she holds Rachel back with a single hand to her forehead. And if Santana wasn't in a long standing commited relationship with that idiot, she'd be laughing too.

"Rachel, stop. Quinn would win and we all know it."

Quinn laughs even harder, if possible, when Rachel starts to swing wildly.

"What is she even doing this for?" Quinn asks through her deep intakes of breath.

Apparently, Rachel walked in and just attempted to jump her.

"I told her we slept together once back in high school."

Quinn nods in understanding.

Rachel finally either gives up or tires out and her arms drop limply.

Mercedes is casually standing behind the kitchen island sipping on some tea. She gestures to another cup next to her and Santana generously accepts.

Rachel sputters and looks at Mercedes. "How are you not mad about this?"

"It was years ago Rachel. It's not like they cheated, also I had my suspicions. Besides, watch this." Mercedes ventures from around the island. She throws a napkin down onto the ground near Quinn. She bends over to pick it up and sure enough when she turns around Quinn is staring at her with that 'You have two seconds to get into that bedroom and lock the door before I bend you over the next nearest surface' face.

Mercedes smirks, "She isn't going anywhere." Mercedes pats Quinn on the chest lightly. Quinn blinks, then looks around curiously, "What just happened? There's like a 30 second gap in my memory. Did I blackout?" She looks genuinely confused and Santana can't help but scoff.

"See, Rachel. Another reason you have nothing to worry about. She's dumb as hell. I honestly have no idea how 'Cedes does it."

"I own a lot of alcohol."

"Hey! Stop being mean to me. You two always gang up on me when you're together." Quinn pouts as hard as she possibly can.

Mercedes kisses her own the cheek, "You'll be fine, Cap."

Santana turns away from the weird face Quinn is making and faces her own wife.

Rachel looks more resigned then she did earlier. Santana wraps her arms around the soccer player's neck.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I honestly didn't really remember. One of those memories you keep really deep in your brain that has to be like triggered, y'know?"

"I get it. I just don't really like that anyone got to you before me."

Santana grimaces, "Babe, I hate to break it to you, but I was a bit busy in highschool. Though, if it makes you feel any better nine times out of ten, I was thinking about you."

Rachel mulls it over a bit with a slight smile, "Were you thinking about me with Quinn?"

"I said nine times out of ten."

"...Okay, fine. I can live with that."

"Great. Now, let's get out of here before Quinn rips 'Cedes clothes to shreds."

"You've got like 5 seconds." Quinn calls out to the couple.

Santana and Rachel hightail it out of there in record time.