What Lies Beneath

Claire fell asleep on the couch watching Saturday Night Live.

Chris took a shower and found himself standing in the doorway of his bedroom with a girl in his bed. Not Jill. Not this time. Sweet little Rebecca watching him with big eyes. He told her, "...it's a bad idea, Bec. I'm gonna let you down."

She pulled the blanket away from her naked body and blushed.

He could say no, but something about that innocence on her...he was enjoying the purity of it. So he crawled atop her in the dark.

One time made he could pretend he was a good guy.

But Rebecca was still there in his bed four days later.

It was easy, after all, to be with her. She was gentle. She was giving.. She was eager and young and friendly. She tried to make him laugh and she seemed, somehow, to have survived their nightmare with her heart intact. She was so willing to just be there for him.

He was a jackass for it, but he liked having her around.

When Claire started to notice something was odd, she cornered him, "...what are you doing?"

He said nothing.

She grabbed his chin and demanded, "...be careful here, big brother. Be very careful. Rebecca is my friend. You hurt her, it gets messy for us. You love her?"

Again, he said nothing.

So, Claire instructed, "Then let her go. She's gonna fall for you. You know where your heart is here...let Rebecca go. You hear me?"

She was right. She was always right, his baby sister. She knew what was best when it came to women. Yet somehow, he couldn't seem to follow her advice. He took Rebecca back to bed again that night.

Claire cornered him the next afternoon while Rebecca was in the backyard laughing with the dog. "...Christopher..." Her tone was warning.

He lifted his hands, "... I like her. Ok? I like her. She's...sweet."

Claire nodded, face gentling, "She is...and I know why you're drawn to her. I get it. She's clean, right? No mess. No history. No anger or jealousy or hurt. I get it. But what if Jill shows up later? What will you do? Who will you pick? Don't do this to Rebecca. She deserves better...maybe it's time to consider letting go of Jill, and moving on with your goddamn life."

She turned away and left him aching.

Letting go of Jill.

Could he?

Should he?

How did he?

He didn't think of her in bed with Rebecca. He just thought of nothing but the softness on the girl beneath him. It wasn't love. It wasn't even close. It was denial. It was cowardice in a way. He was hiding from his feelings when he was inside of her.

Because Rebecca was safe. She made him feel safe and wanted and loved. Why couldn't he feel that for her? Was he a monster?

Jill was a fucking mess. Loving her was stupid. Why couldn't he just let her go?

There were no answers and it left him angry at the world.

Jill rose from the bed pulling her panties up her legs. The light from the bar across the street flickered in the dark room. On the bed, Kevin rolled to watch her move.

"You want to tell me what sent you leaping on my dick in the middle of the night?"

Jill shook her head. She grabbed her keys from the dresser. "Long story. Does it matter?"

Curious, he watched her from behind his shaggy hair. "Not really. Unless you want a friend to talk to. Then, yeah."

She studied his handsome face in the semi-dark. "Not yet. But thank you."

"You bet. Should I read anything into this?"

"I wouldn't. Booty call?"

"Kosher. Jill? I'm here if you need to talk."

She smiled a little and grabbed her boots from the floor. "Thanks. Right now? I just need to take a ride ok? Thanks for this. I needed it too."

"You bet. You get lonely, come on by anytime."

Laughing, Jill left his tiny apartment and moved toward the far stairs to the parking lot. She hopped onto her bike and gunned the engine. The night spilled long and dark around her as she raced toward Chris' place.

She'd given him a full day to keep his distance from her. She wanted to see her fucking dog. She wanted to see her fucking best friend.

Kevin had taken the edge off the nightmares.

Now it was time to face the music.

She whipped the bike into his driveway beside Claire's. Curious, she leapt off and moved to the door. Her hand hit the knob and stopped.

She stopped.

And she knocked instead.

It was a red letter day.

Rebecca opened the door laughing. She caught sight of her and made a whoop. And hugged her.

Jill hugged back, grinning a little. "You're hanging out here?"

"Oh yeah. Come on. Come in. Everyone is out back."

Rebecca hurried through the kitchen and out the back door. Music was piping from the yard. Jill heard laughter and the sound of someone playing cornhole. She followed the sounds and found Claire, Rebecca, Felicity and two other girls from the RPD all laughing and hanging out on the little patio.

Dog was in the yard while Chris threw the ball for him.

Jill hugged, exchanged pleasantries, and moved toward him. Chris launched the ball for Dog but he changed in mid run, woofed like a madman, and raced for her. She braced, waited, and went onto her back as he leapt on her and knocked her down.

Laughing, she hugged him while he licked all over her face.

Chris watched her where she lay on the ground in a little skirt and those boots. Her tank top was purple and snug. Her hair was in a sloppy stubby ponytail. She had on no makeup. She looked exhausted and bruised and beautiful.

She rose to sitting with her arm around Dog.

"Hey."

He smiled down at her. "Hey. You survive the attack?"

"Seems that way." Jill watched him sit down beside her. He offered her his beer. She took it, sipping. There was something on his face. "Want to tell me what's happening in that brain of yours?"

Chris shifted on the grass. "If we make too big of a spectacle with what we found out…it ends badly right? It just ends really badly. This town is owned by Umbrella. We start ruffling feathers? We end up six feet down in a body bag."

Jill nodded a little. She handed his beer back to him. "So we don't ruffle feathers."

"It's done right? The lab is gone. Maybe we hand over what we have to the FBI…and that's it."

They held eyes.

And Jill nodded a little. "Ok. And then we just….keep on keepin on?"

"What else is there?"

"I don't know. Seems anticlimactic. There's no repercussions for anyone? They just…get away with it?"

"We hope the Feds don't let them, I guess."

Jill nodded a little. "If that's what you want."

"Don't know that it's what I want exactly. But what else can we do? I don't want to put Claire in danger. I don't want to risk it."

Jill watched his face. Where was her guy? There was no humor on him now. He was so empty. She reached out and touched his face.

He turned to look at her.

"Talk to me, Chris. Please."

His hand came up and gently pulled hers away. It nearly broke her fucking heart.

He rose from the ground. "Nothing to say, Jill. You and Wesker? I think that said it all."

She rose too now, feeling the first boil of anger. She glanced at the laughing girls on the patio. They were dancing and swirling and drinking. She held his gaze in the shifting summer heat. She'd stood there with him a day ago over the bodies of their friends.

It was surreal.

"What do you think you saw in the cave?"

He held her eyes now and the breeze ruffled his hair. "You…making googoo eyes at a traitor."

Jill glanced again at the girls on the patio. She signaled with her head and moved toward the house. He shrugged and followed her.

They moved into the garage through the side door. She closed the door and turned back to him.

"First off, Wesker kissed ME. Not the other way around."

"…semantics. Did you say no?"

She studied his face. So cold. Mean. His face was fucking mean. It was set in lines of mean and angry and hateful. He was none of those things. That mansion had killed him the same as it had killed their friends.

Jill tried again, "I didn't know he was the traitor. I didn't know. And it was NEVER like that with him. I don't know what he was doing there. Trying to keep me from looking at him as the bad guy? Maybe. But he NEVER touched me before that."

"Oh yeah? Rolling sweaty on that mat for hours a day. Was he "teaching" you, Jill?" He did air quotes, "Was he? I bet he was. Did you worship at the site of his huge talent? Did the way he molded you to be his protégé leave you breathless?"

Jill felt the boil of it in her blood now. "You son of a bitch. You fucking son of a bitch. You think I slept with him?"

"Why not? You've slept with everyone else."

And she slapped him so hard it rang. She slapped his face and hurt her hand.

He didn't even flinch. He just took it.

Her voice was low now and cold, "You will not ever speak to me like that. Ever. You punched him for implying it, remember? You walked away. YOU did that. Who I saw, who I did, what I do…it's not your fucking business anymore. I NEVER touched Wesker. But even if I did….You don't get to call me a whore."

Chris was breathing so hard it hurt. She watched it radiate off him in waves. He was so hurt. He was so lost. She could see it all over him. It was all over her too. Where did they go from here? What they thought they knew was looped so painfully with what they didn't know at all. They had lost everything in one single night.

He was trying to burn it all down and find his truth beneath the pain of it. She would NOT go down in flames with him. She pushed on his chest once. And she saw the mix of the guilt and the rage on him.

"There were two people who made mistakes here, you asshole. TWO. How long did you wait to throw that huge dick to some other girl? A day? Two? Don't you DARE come at me and call me names. I don't fuck traitors. I don't fuck my boss. Apparently though, I do fuck idiots. So I guess I'm not perfect after all."

"How could you let him touch you!? How?!"

"I didn't KNOW, you idiot. You bastard. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS. It was one kiss. ONE. That's it. I can't take it back. I can't make it go away. I can't change it. Stop punishing me for it. I'M NOT THE TRAITOR!"

She was shouting so loud. The music covered it up, thank god. But it wouldn't for long.

"How the hell can I trust you Jill!? You were WITH HIM EVERY DAY. Every fucking day. How could you not know what he was?"

"I'm with you every day too, you idiot. And I didn't know until this moment what a fucking fool you were either. YOU IDIOT! You moron! I'm STILL ME! Stop treating me like I betrayed you in that mansion! I love you! Stop cutting me out!"

Chris shook his head, watching her face. "Goddamnit Jill. You were his fucking pupil. How can I trust you!?"

Jill felt tears spring in her eyes. "I can't answer that for you. I shouldn't have to. You should already know the answer. You should know. That you don't know? That you don't know it…makes you a bigger fucking fool then he ever was."

Chris made some kind of sound, almost a growl, and grabbed her. She resisted, shoving against him. He pushed her into the wall and kissed her.

Her hands flailed and knocked over things on his work bench. He caught them and put them over her head. Jill made a sound and his tongue speared into her mouth. She gasped, shaking her head to dislodge him.

His free hand jerked up her skirt and cupped her over her panties.

She popped their mouths apart, gasping. "Stop it. Stop it."

Chris made that sound again. That sound that drew her eyes up to his face. What was that sound? He rasped, "What he was…what he did…how could you let him touch you?"

Such a man built around heart and home. That she'd been so close to their traitorous captain. That she'd stood with him and let him touch her…it blew apart what was left of his ability to find the good in the horror of what they'd seen. He'd watched his friends fall and die. He'd trusted a man who'd taken everything from them in a sick game of torture and manipulation. And she'd stood in his arms and let him kiss her. The betrayal of all of it was simply too much for a man that still believed, in his bones, in the good in people.

The man who kept a penny on the worst day of his life. The man who raised his sister and took over her care. The man who tattooed what he loved on his body forever. The man who bought you a dog to make you laugh and to give a girl that had nothing…something to hold on to. Wesker had betrayed that faith and left them broken, used, and grieving. He'd thrown a grenade into their world and left it fractured and smoking.

Kissing her? He'd known. He'd had to have known. That it would put the final nail in the coffin of Chris Redfield. He'd kissed her to confuse her. He'd kissed her to destroy Chris. He'd kissed her to leave her full of pain and regret and guilt that she hadn't seen him for the evil thing he was and saved all those people from his machinations.

It was too late for that. Too late for all of it. And Chris, a man who never dwelled in regret, was trapped there now. And he was drowning in it.

Jill stopped fighting him. She turned her face and opened her mouth. His tongue swept inside. She pulled against his hold on her hands and he released her. His hand slid off her mound and curled over her back instead. She curled around him. He cupped her butt and ground against her.

Jesus.

This is what they both did to forget. She knew it. She'd just come from another man's bed trying to forget. They kissed like they'd die if they didn't. Jill made a sound of need when his hands jerked up her skirt and slid into her panties to grab her bare ass.

She pulled back finally, gasping. "Wait..wait..just wait…"

Chris let her go and stepped back, driving his hands into his hair. "Sorry. Just…sorry. Shit. I'm losing my fucking mind here. I groped Rebecca this morning."

He turned to face her. She blinked at him.

"Yep. I groped her. Just…I did it. This is how I deal with my shit apparently. I just…grab girls and rub all over them. Like some fucking perv."

There was a shiver in her belly that hurt her. But she said, softly, "So do I. That's where I was. That's where I was too. Being a fucking perv."

Chris turned back, looking sorta lost, sorta amused. "We're a fucking pair huh? Inappropriate sexual misconduct, that's us."

"You fuck Rebecca?"

He shook his head and laughed, mirthlessly, "...I'm asshole. Right? She adores me."

Jill felt her heart ache. "Yeah you did. Of course you did. You fuck her bowlegged and feel bad about it, big guy?"

And now he made a sound of laughter again and roughly bumped his head against the heavy bag. "A fool you called me. I am right? I am."

Jill made a little sound of amusement. "We're both dealing the best we can here, Chris. It's a mess. What happened? It's a fucking mess. I don't know that I can judge anything you do right now."

Chris tugged on his hair. "Fuck. How do I stop seeing Forest without eyes?"

"…what?"

He turned to her. His face was so haunted. "Forest…he had no eyes. The crows? They ate his face. Was he dead when they did it? Or was he ALIVE, Jill? ALIVE while they plucked him clean?"

Jill shifted a little toward him. She lifted her hands and cupped his arms. She slid them over his biceps and ducked in between them. He made a sound and sank to his knees. Undone, she held his face when he put it against her belly.

"It's burned in my eyes, Jill. It's burned there. Richard…Kenneth…Kevin…Joseph and Forest…Enrico…he was ALIVE. Wesker…just…I watched him die." He whispered it now, breathing. "We trusted him. We believed in him. He led us to die and why he did it? He did it because he wanted to see what I could do."

Jill went still, stroking his hair. "What?"

"He talked about me like I was a toy. He talked about you like you were a toy. He played us. Pushed us. Pulled us there and used us. He wasn't just insane…he was evil. And when it spitted him and he died….I wanted to stand there and watch him bleed out and suffer. I could TASTE his pain in my mouth. I wanted to walk over and put a bullet between his empty eyes. I didn't want to do it to save anyone, Jill. I just wanted to kill him to feel him DIE."

Jill stroked his hair, watching him talk, feeling him hurt. Wesker had stolen something from them that couldn't be fixed here. He'd taken a man who believed in hope and the power of the sword and made him bitter. He'd stripped away the veil of mortality from them and shown them how deep the rabbit hole went into the wonderland of horrors that waited beneath the quiet little town where they'd found each other, come alive, and learned to love. They couldn't go back to just being two people that wanted to love and laugh and learn to live together with happiness and friendship. It was done.

And he didn't even have the common decency to live long enough for them to find their vengeance against him. He just…died. And left the whole thing unfinished.

She wanted to kill Wesker for Joseph. For Maggie and their baby. For Kenneth and his son who loved to play the cello. For Kevin and his life long dream of going to Comic-Con dressed as Batman. For Enrico who should have been the Captain of STARS and never would be. For Forest and his stupid mullet and the way he made Chris laugh. For Richard and his prize winning Orchids that would never get the chance to beat Fancy Hanahan's at the county fair again. For Rebecca who buried everyone on her team and was the only one left to mourn them. For Barry who lived in fear of his family every moment of every second in that mansion and still waited to see how deep Wesker's hold had been. For all the scientists, the people, the passengers on the train and the people in town that had died to please his need to test his madness on an unsuspecting world. For Chris Redfield, the boy who'd pushed so hard, so long, and so strong to become the best and fight to make the world a little safer.

And for Jill Valentine…the girl no one had loved…the thief's daughter…the protégé he'd stripped of her fears and her regrets and turned into a warrior. Why? Why had he helped her? Molded her? Why? How could someone who cared enough to help her…betray her? How did she stop feeling like she'd traded her soul for the chance to be his pupil?

She wanted to resurrect the burning pieces of his corpse and kill him again as if the act alone would atone for her all the pain he'd heaped on the world around him. As if it would make any of it, ever, ok again.

Instead, she sank to the floor of the garage and wrapped her arms around him. And Chris pulled her in. She couldn't stop Wesker…not now. Not anymore. But together? Maybe they could find a way to climb out of the quagmire of crap he'd left behind.

She knew that she'd do whatever it took to try to help them both heal it and survive it.

And he knew, he KNEW, he'd spend the rest of his life trying to bring down the corporation that was responsible so that just maybe…someone else didn't have to kneel in the blood of their family and mourn. It was the only way he'd be able to keep himself…from getting lost in nightmares.