Foraging and Hunting Slimes

Past the cave's exit, Brent could see an enormous expanse of forest, which consisted of thorny trees and bushes. It seemed like some kind of shrubland. There was nothing here that he recognized from the Far, Far Range. It was truly and alien landscape, a far cry from the terrain that Brent once quickly became accustomed to. The trees had a deep orange-dark bark with bright and broad green leaves, while bushes with red thorns sat at the base of some of these trees or were secluded and on their own. Insects the size of a human palm and stingers as thick as a pinky lazily flew between the trees, seeking blooming flowers. Some kind of black furred vermin skittered through the grass, looking like if a mole had its mouth replaced with a parrot beak.

Brent had learned how to live on the fat of the land on the Far, Far Range. But now, here, he would have to survive on this new land without any knowledge of how to thrive on its fat. He didn't even know which things were safe to eat, or which of the animals are harmless. There were several types of fungi, fruiting plants, and even animals on Earth that were highly toxic to humans, and yet the humans that tried eating them or using them for medicine often died from their experimentation. At least some humans in those days had somehow found a way to pass on their wisdom. The future generations of humans who would learn from their ancestors' past mistakes enabled humanity to evolve into what they were.

And now, Brent and his rediscovered investigation team has to survive on an alien world as slimes.

Brent and Robert followed after an annoyed Samantha. She seemed pretty grumpy. Maybe it was because she had gone several hours without eating something? Or perhaps being a slime that eats only meat was what bothered her? Brent wouldn't really know.

Despite their situation, Brent decided to make the most of it. "So uh... How have you guys been surviving? Found any food that's safe to eat?"

Robert nodded. "Oh, we have been finding some stuff to eat here and there. Sadly, what's really changed for us is our diet. Ever since I got turned into a rock slime, I often get strong inhibitions whenever I try to eat anything other than vegetables. Now however, I eat vegetables, and only vegetables. I've been chewing on grass, plant roots, leaves, or anything that would be considered a veggie." He sighed.

Samantha hissed. "At least your food doesn't scurry away when they're downwind of you and catch your scent. I'm going in this direction. Brent, Rob, you find some food for yourselves. I'll look for something for Tiff." She said as she leapt past some bushes.

Robert and Brent paused for a few seconds before they both sighed. Robert then looked at Brent. "You know, you are probably the luckiest out of everyone here. You can eat veggies, fruit, AND meat."

Brent looked down impassively. "Being turned into a pink slime is not exactly something I would call 'lucky'. An expanded diet might seem nice, but I'd rather be a human than a dumb slime."

Robert analyzed Brent for a few seconds before he began to head for a tree with a thorny bush surrounding its trunk. "You and me both, Brent." He then began to make himself spin vertically.

Brent was surprised to see Robert rolling into a ball only to end up bashing into the thorn bush. The thorn bush thickets were cut and scattered everywhere. "... Huh. You just... Did the rock slime thing. Rolling in place before launching themselves, I mean."

Robert nodded at Brent as he hurtled himself again, rolling into the bush and busting apart more brambles. "Yeah, I do this sometimes. Been training myself to hold in the urge to roll and hurtle into things. Just like the rock spikes on the rock slimes, my rocky crown is pretty dang sharp. Out of all of us, I'm the only one here capable of hurting and attacking any dangerous predators."

"And have you met many dangerous predators?" Brent asked, passing through the path that Robert was making.

"Aside from those birds with the sharp chrome beaks and those orks, there has been a few noteable animals. Especially those weird creatures that come from the fungus fields behind the ork's fishing shack. Apparently, a lot of the animals that spawn there are all collectively called 'squigs' by the orks." Robert answered.

Brent's expression became puzzled. " 'Squigs'? What are squigs? Do they resemble an animal that's like a pig?"

"No. Well... In a way, they do, but no." Robert said, stopping his bush clearing to talk to Brent directly. "If you imagined a pig that had only two legs, it's mouth half the size of its body, and looks like it can eat baby kittens, the neighbor's dog, and any untended children, then you get a squig. And believe me, I had the misfortune to fight and kill one of them before."

Brent blinked in surprise. "Really? I didn't see any dead squigs when I woke up."

"I think it was probably because Samantha ate its corpse after I killed it." Robert added.

Brent paused, but nodded. "Ah. What about Tiffany and Samantha? How have they been faring?"

Robert sighed. "Tiffany has a harder time surviving than any of us, due to her... phosphoric condition. At least there are fruit in the trees she could eat, but she can only eat during the night. At least we bring back fruit wherever we find them. And as for Samantha, well... She would argue that she is still the Samantha we know, but I'd say she becomes less pensive when something distracts her, like a rat or some shiny object."

"And you?" Brent asked.

"All I've been eating is grass and roots. It's all I can do to stop myself from getting hungry. There is grass and roots in abundance everywhere, but I sometimes get the urge to just... roll myself into a ball and start rolling into or over things! It feels like trying to scratch an itch that is just under your skin. Ironic, seeing that I no longer have human skin. It's been replaced by slime." Robert answered before continuing rolling into more thorny bush brambles. After a few seconds, he stopped rolling. "Alright. Pull the roots out of the ground with your mouth and eat them. The rest of the plant tastes too bitter, but at least the roots are agreeable to me."

Brent went up to one of the bases of the bush roots. He gingerly bit the trunk and began pulling it out of the ground. Clumps of dirt were clawed out from the ground by stringy roots, but the roots and dirt clods were eaten. Brent grimaced as he chewed, spitting out mud and swallowing the bush's roots. "... Bleugh... I'd prefer carrots to this."

"It's either this or traveling with Samantha to hunt some meat. If you look hard, there might be some trees fruiting nearby. However, avoid eating the purple apples. I saw the sharp-beaked birds using them to lure animals." Robert said.

Brent blinked at Robert. "Uh... Why? Are they poisonous? I ask because I already ate a couple, but I didn't realize they were poisonous at the time."

Robert snapped to Brent and stared at him for a few seconds. "... Huh. I guess those purple apples don't work on pink slimes." He sighed before beginning to eat another root system of another bush. After chewing and swallowing his roots, Robert spoke again. "Let me explain. We thought the purple apples WERE poisonous. One of those squig things ate a few, unaware that a sharp-beaked bird was cutting them down for it to eat. It got lethargic after about ten minutes before it passed out. Then the bird that fed it those purple apples came down and sawed off its leg. Once it took the squig's leg, more of those sharp-beaked birds came by. The squig's corpse was gone in three hours. Around that time though, Samantha managed to nab and eat a couple of those birds as they were feeding."

"Oh yeah, I just remembered. I also ate one of those sharp-beaked birds too. I think it was trying to poison me in the same way you described." Brent said before going to another root node and pulling it out of the ground.

"Heh. Did you like eating them?" Robert asked.

"One of them pecked me before I ate it." Brent answered. "So asides from your food search, what else have you learned from the land we're now surviving in?"

Robert paused for a second, looking up in thought. "Let's see... Squigs are evil and meaty, the sharp-beaked birds are assholes, purple apples are poisonous to squigs, I've been eating the roots of these thorny bushes, Sam's been hunting parrot-beaked rats, orks are very dangerous looking, uh... I guess that's everything I can think of. Oh! There is one other thing. We've been hiding our plorts."

"You've been hiding your plorts?" Brent noticed just then that he and Robert had been producing plorts the entire time.

Robert sighed and nodded. "Yup. Tiffany gotten herself pretty crazed when she realized we could make plorts. She kept going on about how slimes only produced plorts on the Far, Far Range, even when we are so obviously not there to begin with." Robert rolled his eyes. "I would shrug, but I don't have the shoulders to express my indifference."

"Indifference." Brent repeated, looking at his own pile of plorts. "You make it sound as though you are not at all worried about your condition."

Robert scoffed before turning to Brent. "Hey, I'm still mad about turning into a slime, alright? It's just that bitching about it isn't going to make me human again. That's energy that could be put to use trying to figure out a way to return us to the Far, Far Range, and turning us back into humans again."

Brent nodded and sighed. "... You're probably right."

"Damn straight." Robert added.

"We just need to focus on our own survival and avoid those orks for the moment. Once we have some idea where we are, we can then try to find a way back to the ranch house." Brent said with finality.

Robert paused. "... Which reminds me about something. Did those ork guys see you?"

Brent looked up at Robert. A long paused passed before Brent's face scrunched up into a shut-eyed scowl.

Robert scrutinized Brent's expression. "... So you were spotted. How did you get away?"

"One of them tried to impale me with his spear, but he tripped into the underground lake. I made my escape into the caverns shortly afterwards." Brent explained.

"Did he follow you?" Robert asked.

"I don't think so, sine I didn't make any tracks when I escaped. It pains me to say this, but even though I'm a pink slime now, I can no longer make footprints." Brent replied.

Robert was quiet for several seconds before sighing. "Then let's hope those ork guys gets lost in those caves. We'll need to tell this to Samantha and Tiffany too. If those ork guys tried to stab you, then this means they're not friendly."

Brent rolled his eyes. "I sure won't invite them over for a beer, that's for sure!"

"Anyway," Robert interrupted. "Let's find some fruit for Tiffany." He said, already going towards a tree to see if it had bared fruit.

"Yeah." Brent agreed, following Robert.

A few hours had finally passed, which enabled the nameless planet Brent was on to slowly rotate on its axis. Stars most unfamiliar began to show themselves when night had finally arrived, which only told them that they were no longer on the Far, Far Range. A faraway pink nebula hung high in the sky, barely seen past the darkness of space. It was a celestial body Brent didn't recognize as something that would orbit the Far, Far Range. Nevertheless, this planet had two moons, which was much different from the Far, Far Range's famous smiling Slime Moon. This planet's moons were different. One was farther away and was white and gray. The other orbited slower, and was a dark green color.

"... Yup. I've made my assessment. None of the constellations I'm seeing are from Earth or the Far, Far Range. I don't know where the hell we are." Brent said, gazing skyward. Brent and his company of humans-turned-slimes were resting themselves after a successful foraging/hunting expedition. They were gathered in a makeshift clump of brambles that Brent and Robert gathered to form a safe area for everyone to comfortably rest in. If they had fire-starting tools, they could have created a campfire. And if they had hands in which to use said tools, then Brent and his company would be much better off.

Robert sighed, looking up at the stars with Brent. "I'd say the same thing."

"Perhaps not as eloquently." Samantha added.

"What? I can't be allowed to share someone's opinion?" Robert chuckled.

"Well, opinions are like assholes." Samantha said nonchalantly. "Everybody has one."

"I'd concede to that, except that we're slimes now. We technically lack assholes." Said Robert.

"And how do you know that?" Samantha asked.

"Tiffany told me." Robert answered.

"Of course." Samantha sighed.

"WHEE~!" Tiffany shouted, dancing in the night air with her fluttery wings. "FREE~!" Her face was tightened into a carefree smile that expressed joy and happiness. "I'M FREE~!" She performed loop-de-loops, barrel rolls, aileron rolls, banks, and various other aerial maneuvers. "FREEDOM NEVER TASTED SO GOOD!" Tiffany had been like this ever since the sun dipped below the horizon. "OOH, THE FRESH OPEN AIR TASTES SO GOOD!" She had been enjoying her freedom as she swooped through the air, able to freely eat any of the fruit she could find in the trees. "THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STUCK IN THE CAVES!" She flitted past Brent, Robert and Samantha a few more times before coming to rest next to them. "LIKE, INFINITY PERCENT BETTER!"

Samantha looked at Tiffany with a puzzled expression. "Infinity percent? What was your percentage before you left the cave?"

Tiffany stuck her tongue out at Samantha. "You can't determine happiness by a calculable percentage, Sammy! I'm just too happy to care about math stuff right now, so you can shove it!"

Samantha smiled. "Uh huh. "

Brent sighed. "I guess she really liked the purple apples."

Robert nodded. "Yup."

For a short while, the four humans that have been turned into slimes remained silent as they gazed out onto the open stars. Brent's expression slowly changed from contentment to consternation. "... So anyway. Robert and I were talking about some stuff earlier. Stuff concerning about those ork guys."

Samantha looked at Brent. "What about them? We already know that they are dangerous. So long as we stay away from them, they shouldn't bother us."

"About that." Brent said. "One of them saw me."

Samantha's eyes widened as she stared at Brent. "... Are you sure?"

"He tried to impale me with a spear. I'd say I'm pretty sure." Brent replied.

Samantha looked at the ground. "My goodness... How did you get away?"

"He tripped and dunked himself into the underground lake, while I made my escape through the caves. I'm pretty certain he can't track slimes, since we no longer make footprints." Brent replied.

Samantha bit her slimy, feline lips in concern. "This is bad for us. If those orks became aware of our presence, then who knows the kind of lengths they would go to capture, kill, or eat us."

"You know," Tiffany interjected. "the first human settlers to inhabit the Far, Far Range tried to eat the slimes."

Samantha turned to Tiffany. "How did that work out?"

"About as well as one might expect. They couldn't eat them since they were organisms completely composed of liquid. Their attempts to boil them ended up with the slimes disappearing into a puff of steam. I think someone at some point had the dumb idea to try drinking them raw, but... Let's just say they learned to NOT do that ever again." Tiffany said, shivering in disgust. "Since the slimes are basically an oversized bacterial cell, humans had no idea how to manage them when they arrived on the Far, Far Range. However, ever since they discovered the slimes can produce plorts, and discovered that the plorts themselves had unique properties, humanity quickly adapted. Ever since then, humanity developed several methods to harvest plorts, and incorporated them as new resources humanity needed."

Samantha sighed. "And so, the 7Zee Corporation evolved from a space travel agency, to a multi-billion dollar business that delivers plorts to Earth."

Tiffany nodded. "Yup. That is how it went."

Robert groaned. "Well, as nice as it is to have a history lesson with you ladies, we kinda glossed over something important. What the hell do we do if the orks come for us? You do realize we are not exactly safe here?"

Samantha shook her head. "We can't fight them directly, that's for sure."

"Maybe not as we are now." Tiffany said, blinking as a thought just occurred to her.

Brent looked at Tiffany. "What do you mean?"

Tiffany looked at Brent. "We are pure slimes, Brent. And the only slime among us capable of causing harm is Robert, who is a rock slime. If we can eat his plorts, then maybe we can-"

"Whoa, hey, no, no, no." Robert interrupted, shaking his head at Tiffany. "I ain't eating someone else's plorts, and I'm not letting any of you eat my plorts, thank you."

Samantha grimaced as she stuck out her tongue. "Yeah, Tiffany? No. Just no."

Tiffany puffed up her cheeks at Robert and Samantha. "But think about it! As largos, we can throw our weight around and have mouths big enough to cause some damage to them! We don't have to rely on Robert to protect us!"

Robert groaned. "Look here, Tiff. First off, I wasn't paid to eat a slime plort. Alright? And secondly, I'm worried about turning into a tarr slime. If I somehow die as a slime, then that would mean I won't have to worry about my retirement. But if I turned into a tarr, then I might start attacking and eating you guys. I mean, sure, we're humans that have been turned into slimes, yet still retained our human memories, emotions, and knowledge and stuff, but what happens if we turn into Tarr and we somehow lose our minds? What if it's like getting drugged and we were influenced by our new Tarr instincts to cannibalize each other?"

"But we are small and cute looking, Rob! Who would take us seriously if we don't become big and strong largos?!" Tiffany shouted at Robert.

Robert huffed. "I'm not cute. I'm not eating anyone's plorts. End of story."

Brent was about to say something, but Tiffany stormed away from the group before he got to say anything. He sighed and went back to watching the stars. After some seconds had passed, Brent sighed. "... Maybe Tiffany has a point."

Samantha groaned at Brent. "Not you too..."

"Look, even I hate to admit it, but we're small and practically defenseless." Brent explained. "And if we ever met those orks again, would you rather have a weapon at your side, or be caught with your pants down? Think about it."

Samantha paused. "... Oh... Dammit. You have a point."

"Well he might have a point," Robert stated, shaking his head adamantly. "But I am still not going to eat a plort, no sir. If I had arms, I'd cross them right in front of me, and that would be that."

Samantha turned to look at Brent. "... So out of all of us, which of our plorts would you... You know... imbue yourself with?"

"Hmm... Let me think." That was a good question. Brent paused for a long time to contemplate on his answer. If he ate a plort from Tiffany, he would be able to fly like any of the phosphor slimes on the Far, Far Range. On the other hand, he would share her weakness to the sun, and would be unable to survive in the daylight. Eating Samantha's plort would enable Brent the ability to jump like a tabby slime. He heard that tabby slimes had a habit of stealing things, so he was not entirely sure if becoming a pink tabby largo would be something that would benefit a private investigator. Becoming a pink rock largo provided Brent the means to be able to defend himself from most things that might try to harm him. But then again, he could inadvertently hurt his friends, or even his allies, or even break things he didn't intent to break, due to the rough and tumble behavior that rock slimes tend to exhibit.

After several seconds of meditative contemplation, Brent didn't come to a conclusion.

All things considered, it wasn't because he couldn't choose whether the rock slime were better than the tabby slime largos or vice versa.

But rather, it was because of the spear that had passed through his body and anchored him into the ground.

Robert and Samantha were startled by the sudden spear impaling Brent, making Samantha leap behind the gathered brambles, while Robert hunkered down and remained motionless.

A giant green monster, an ork, wearing animal skins and mossy camouflage, stepped out from the shadows and pulled the spear out of the ground, dragging Brent along with it. The monster smiled as he inspected the prey he caught. "Oi! Gorggat! Ere's da little kritta I was talkin' bout'! I found it! An' I skewered it too!"

Another ork came after the first one, pushing away a small tree that was in his way. "I see dat, Grashnik. Ya know wut I fink? I fink dis would have went fasta if we had a herd squig track'n it." As he came closer to Grashnik, he was able to see what had been hunted more clearly. He inspected the hunted slime for many seconds before he cocked his head. "Wot? Dis iz 'da fing 'dat gave yer 'da slip? It's so puny! Tiny even! An'... wobbly!" Gorggat said, watching Brent be bounced around as Grashnik wobbled his spear.

"I know! It's very wobbly! Like it was made uv mushroom pudd'n or someth'n like it!" Grashnik said, using a mighty green hand to remove Brent from the spear.

"I wonda if it'll taste gud 'n a soup? It don't look like it got many bones inside it." Gorggat said, poking at Brent with a finger. "An' its skin feels sort uv... watery."

"Let's take it back ta 'da fish'n shack an find out! We kan put it 'n 'da kook'n pot." Grashnik chuckled as he carried his prize in the palm of his hand.

"I wonda if we kan find more?" Groggat asked as he began following Grashnik.

All Brent could do was remain paralyzed in fear as he was carried away from his company of human-turned-slimes, terrified at the thought of never seeing his friends again. Robert looked back and shared the same expression as Brent.

Brent was carried to the cave mouth that lead through the underground passage. All that could be heard was the heavy stomping of ork feet before they faded into silence.

A/N: OH FUCK, I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THIS! IT'S A BIG-ASS CLIFFHANGER!