With the haircuts and the new uniforms also arrived better news. We received a lot of new equipment from the Bakufu, new swords for our warriors but also rifles and guns, even two cannons. These new equipment helped us a lot during the recruiting although I wasn't really sure about the recruiting methods of Kondou-san. Offering sake and money instead of honor... How could he expect true warriors to join ? But we were lacking time and had to increase our numbers quickly. Toudou and Sannan were also looking for volunteers all around town to join the Rasetsu corp. I felt sorry for their new recruits, they clearly had no idea what a curse it was...
After only a few days, we all went marching towards Kofu. I took the medecine with me and so did Chizuru. Toudou and Sannan stayed in Edo under Hijikata-san's orders who didn't want to bring the Rasetsu to Kofu. There had been a terrible argument with Sannan, so loud and violent that even if we weren't attending the meeting, we heard their voices scream at each other in all the headquarters. At first, I wanted Chizuru to stay there as well, especially since she seemed to be a bit more tired recently, but I wasn't sure about leaving her alone with Rasetsu. Even a battlefield was safer than that. Plus, she was our doctor, her place was with us. Hijikata-san assigned me to her protection since I didn't have any division yet. Kondou-san was supposed to meet with us a few days after our departure and bring us new recruits that would constitute my unit and fill the ones of Nagakura, Harada and Hijikata-san.
While we were marching though, complaints started to emerge from my comrades.
« Where is Kondou-san ? » asked Chizuru « He should have joined already... »
« I believe he is still in Hino. » replied Harada with a small smile.
« Hino ? » repeated Chizuru.
« I bet you anything he's drinking with the new recruits... » muttered Nagakura angrily « shit, I really don't understand what's going on in his head. Is he even serious about this ? Are we marching to war or taking vacation ? »
« No need to be like this... » said Harada, trying to calm his friend down. « The man hasn't seen his wife and daughter in years. Give him a break, he deserves it. »
« Look, I'm not giving him shit for having a drink but there's a place and a time for everything. » explained Nagakura « He's sending us to Kofu, he should be here with us, not partying. »
I sighed. Nagakura's sour rant consequently made the mood around him lower, especially to some of the new recruits. I noticed that Chizuru was looking at me, maybe expecting a comment on Kondou-san's behaviour, comment that I wouldn't give. In the end, I was totally attune to Nagakura's complaints, I was just expressing it less.
Eventually, Hijikata-san loudly barked at the convoy to halt from the front ans he stopped to face us.
« Saito-sensei. » he adressed Chizuru « are you alright ? Do you need a small pause ? »
« No, I'm fine ! » she blushed. « I can keep walking. »
« Good. » nodded Hijikata-san « To be fair, I thought a lot about leaving you at the headquarters but I feared it might be dangerous, I am sure Saito agrees with me. I'd rather keep you here with us. »
« Dangerous ? » she asked, perplexed.
I, on the contrary, had totally understood what Hijikata-san had on his mind.
« Is it Sannan ? » I asked in my toneless voice.
« Sharp as ever. » he sighed « That's right. He has been acting really weird lately and I don't think that the... medecine... has a lot of effects on him anymore. He gets more moody, more violent... I feared he would have tried to get medicine from its source. »
I nodded. I had exactly the same fear. I saw for myself the difference between the medecine and the actual blood of Chizuru. It couldn't even compare. I have been able to walk in daylight with a bit of discomfort for days without being exhausted like with the medecine and I could also lay next to Chizuru every night without desiring her blood. Even if the effects were starting to wear off now, after weeks, there was no doubt that the source was indeed a lot more powerful and if Sannan suspected it then he could have chosen to take what he wanted directly from her.
« How bad is it ? » asked Chizuru « Sannan-san's condition. »
« Seems like he's been yelling at night and scratching at the walls, sometimes he's just laughing madly... » replied Hijikata-san, avoiding her gaze.
« He must be in terrible pain... » muttered Chizuru « I should have stayed... »
It was so typical of her. She wasn't realizing at all the danger she could be in and was just worried about Sannan and his suffering. I suspected she already knew about Sannan's plight. She was spending way too much time with the Rasetsu not to have noticed, and it was hurtful to see her protect him that way. I suspected that she had previous interactions with him that led her to that conclusion but she never talked to me about it, to protect Sannan.
« No. » said Hijikata-san « You wouldn't have been of any assistance to Sannan-san. And if you ever thought about offering your blood to him or another Rasetsu, that is something I will not tolerate. You are our doctor, not a meatball. »
I felt his words pierce my heart. He couldn't know how I took advantage of Chizuru weeks ago. He didn't even know I was a Rasetsu... Yet, it hurted to be reminded how I drank from Chizuru shamelessly. At that moment, maybe she wasn't even my wife to me but a meatball, just like he said.
« I don't agree with you, Hijikata-san. » she objected boldly « as you said, I am a doctor and I am not lucky enough to have found a cure to the Rasetsu affliction yet but I possess a treatment, in me. As a doctor, I need to do my best to alleviate my patients. »
I looked at her but for once, her face burning with volition didn't make me proud. I couldn't help but wonder if she offered herself to Sannan before, to Toudou... That wasn't the first time that the idea crossed my mind and I was always infuriated about it. I think I would rather learn that she had been unfaithful rather than let another man drink from her the way I did.
« Not at the expense of your own health. » said Hijikata-san firmly and that shut down the conversation as he turned over to ask everyone to start walking again. I positioned myself near him but kept an eye on Chizuru in my peripheral vision.
« Fukuchô. » I nodded « can I have a minute of your time, please ? »
« Sure. » he replied.
« Nagakura and Harada appear to be displeased with our orders to attack Kofu. Especially regarding Kondou-san's behavior. » I explained « It is a problem for our cohesion. »
« yeah, I noticed it... » he replied with a wry smile « displeased ? More disgruntled... I can't blame them. I mean, we are going to war and Kondou-san spending his time drinking in inns probably isn't the most diplomatic move... »
I nodded. I was sharing the captains' concerns about Kondou-san but admitting it would be treason in my point of view.
« Problem is, in our situation, we don't have the luxury of men lining up around the corner willing to join us. Instead we have to use sake and cash to win them over... »
« Please be honest, Fukuchô. » I asked bluntly « Do you believe we can get out of this battle victorious ? »
« First we need to get inside that castle and fortify it. If we do, we'll be set. »
« Then if we are unable to penetrate the castle... » I muttered.
« You know, I'd seriously wish you all give me something to smile about once in a while... » he frowned « but to answer your question, if we can't get inside then we're screwed. Although the Bakufu gave us guns and cannons this time, they're still old shit that can't compare to the type of weapons the SatCho have. »
« You do anticipate a defeat, then ? » I asked.
He didn't answer but that was enough for me to understand that he too wasn't looking at this mission with good omens. I had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I would have expected the commander to pump us up, cheer us up, and give us faith in our mission. On the other hand, I was glad to see that his vision wasn't clouded by ambition.
« There's no way I can tell this to Harada or Nagakura but... Even I can't bring myself to tell anyone "eh, there's no guarantee we'll win but go ahead and die for us" »
So we were gonna die. Good. It was somehow comforting to know with certainty what I thought all along.
« Acknowledged, Fukuchô. » I nodded « We will perform our duty. »
« Yep... » he smiled faintly « the duty... »
We kept walking until dark, my place regained next to Chizuru. She really looked pale and I wondered if she was ill or something... Or maybe it was another anemia... Did she offer herself to Sannan or Toudou before we went ? The only thought of it was making my own blood boil.
« Are you alright, Chizuru ? » I asked her, concerned.
« Yeah, don't worry » she blushed « I'm just not used to walking that much anymore... »
I locked my gaze in hers and she turned her head. She was lying but I didn't know why. It was the first time Chizuru was lying to me or at least, the first time I could decipher it. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't fooled and to explain herself but I didn't. Maybe I feared what she could say to me and I really didn't need another subject of worry just before the battle. If we got out of it victorious, then I would settle my personal problems with Chizuru. For the moment, I needed to be focused on one unique thing : my duty.