Later, we set up camp just off the trail. I planted the tent and Chizuru immediately went in to take a small nap, completely exhausted. I was starting to get a little worried about it. I woke her up for the evening meal and then tried to rest with her but I laid awake restlessly and decided to head out. Hijikata-san's hopeless confession was swirling madly in my mind, more than I would have liked to admit. I exited the encampment to find a quiet place where I could be alone with my thoughts and doubts. I found an open patch in the forest and looked up. It was a beautiful spring night and the sky, unlike my mind, was clear of any clouds. I was mesmerized by the beauty of this scenery that always made me question my own ephemeral existence.
I heard a sound, a branch moved nearly imperceptibly but I was alert. I took a fighting stance, ready, and waited for my uninvited guest to show himself.
« Who's there ? » I threatened with steel in my voice.
I waited but no one showed up. With my eyes accustomed to the dark though, I could decipher a silhouette. I hadn't dream that sound.
« You have until I count to ten otherwise, I will slit your throat. » I said sharply to the silhouette, making it acknowledge that I knew it was there.
« Wait, it's me ! » I heard and I sighed and quitted my fighting stance even before she stepped out of the shadows.
« Chizuru. » I said, taking my hand off the pommel of my katana.
She leapt from behind the shrub and came close with a kind smile.
« You should be sleeping. » I told her « you were exhausted. »
« I know... » she smiled « but I saw you get out and I wondered where you could be going. »
« It's dangerous to leave the encampment. » I stated.
« I have a swordsman with me. » she smiled kindly and my heart couldn't help but smile with her.
She sat on the forest floor and she seemed to want me to join her but I turned my gaze on the stars and moon once more, savoring their beauty.
« Hajime... What's the matter ? » she asked and I turned my eyes on her, joining her on the forest floor.
« It's nothing. » I answered « Chizuru, you really should go back to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll march to Kofu again and if you don't have enough rest, you won't be able to follow. »
« Is it too much to ask just to be with my husband ? » she pouted adorably.
« No. » I smiled « do you want me to come back with you at the tent ? »
« Maybe later » she said, putting her head on my shoulder.
I shifted a bit my body and took her head in my hands to rest it on my lap as she changed her position from sitting to laying.
« Now you can sleep. » I told her and she chuckled in response.
We stayed silent a moment, her eyes closed and mines still staring at the night sky while combing my fingers in her hair. It was peaceful and calm, just what I needed to sooth my worried mind.
« What did Hijikata-san say to you ? » she asked me suddenly, catching me off guard.
« It is of no concern to you. » I replied.
« Was it about Kofu ? » she instisted.
« Ha. » I nodded, reporting my intention on her and meeting her chestnut gaze light by the moon.
« Are we gonna win ? » she asked in a whisper and I couldn't bring myself to lie to her.
« It's unlikely. » I admitted.
She didn't say anything and looked at the sky.
« Do you think you can die ? » she eventually asked.
« It's a possibility. » I answered genuinely.
« Can you promise me you won't ? » she asked again.
« I do not make oaths that I'm not sure I can keep. » I shook my head.
She lifted her hand and came brushing her fingers on my cheek and jawline, then neck and up to my ear. She sat up and kissed me, almost with desperation. She knew I was telling the truth and that there was a chance for me never to return. Her tongue seeked entrance and I let her in, putting my hand behind her head to pull her closer. I noticed she was working on the buttons of my coat and I caught her hands, frowning.
« We can't, Chizuru. » I told her « It's not safe. »
« Everyone's asleep and we are far from the camp. » she whispered like a conspirator.
« That's not what I meant. » I sighed « I can't take the risk to hurt you again. »
She seemed to think for a minute and pulled a tie from her hakama.
« I could tie you up ? » she proposed, blushing red because of her own boldness.
« Chizuru » I said with wide eyes « I don't know what you're thinking but I'm not a dog, alright ? »
« Sorry. » she blushed even more, getting the tie away « I just wanted to find solutions... »
« Attaching me doesn't seem like one to me. » I frowned, wounded in my pride.
I wasn't an animal. I was her husband. I loved her. And if I couldn't love her without being restrained then it had no point. She seemed to think again for a moment and leaned over to kiss me once more. In her kiss, I could feel her desire, her urge and her fear that maybe we could have no tomorrow. Her lips came kissing the corners of my mouth and got further, on my neckside and up to my ear. I didn't have the will to stop her even if I knew that I wouldn't allow her to go further and that we would only end up both frustrated.
« Hajime » she whispered in my ear, sending shivers from my ear to my toes « Drink my blood. »
I pushed her away and stood up, shocked. I wanted to believe that I had misheard.
« What did you just say ? » I asked, astonished.
« I want you to drink my blood. » she repeated.
« I will not. » I shook my head.
« Hajime, please come here and listen to me. »
« No. »
« You... obstinate... bull-headed... uptight... idiot... » she muttered in frustration.
It was a bit adorable to see her get off her nerves like this but it couldn't compare to the grief she was making me endure by asking that from me. She calmed herself and made a long sigh before adressing me again.
« If I explain with logic, will you at least listen ? » she asked me.
« Chizuru, you can't ask this from me. » I replied firmly « I would never do this again and I have some medecine in case of emergency. »
« Sit down here and listen. » she said « and after you listened, you will make your own decision but at least, you'll have all the cards in hands. It will be your call to play them or not. »
I stayed silent, looking at her. I couldn't fathom how any of her statements could make me change my opinion on the subject. I wouldn't drink Chizuru's blood and that was final.
She pulled on my wrists and I sighed, sitting down with her.
« I'm listening. » I just said calmly.
« Thank you » she smiled « so, how's your bloodlust ? »
She asked me that question casually, as if she was asking me what I had for dinner or if I slept well. It was unsettling.
« It's... fine. » I stuttered.
« And the sunlight ? » she asked again.
« Bearable. » I answered.
« And it's been nearly 3 weeks now that you drank my blood. »
I didn't answer. I noticed it of course, the effects that her blood had on my Rasetsu body. I was stronger, more resilient. It couldn't even compare to the medecine.
« Last time when you... »
« Attacked you. » I said, not in the mood to play with words.
« When you lost control, you had only relied on the medecine and on your volition, living in the daylight. That was a slippery slope, Hajime. And if you want to continue to live in the daylight and avoid the bloodlust, you need something stronger. In the medecine, my blood is diluted, mixed with various herbes. Concentrated, it can help you live a normal human life. »
You call this a normal human life ?
« Hajime, if your body gets the amount of blood it now needs to function, you won't crave it that much. » she said tenderly, as if we were discussing something a lot more pleasant « let me help you and make your life easier, please. »
« Is that how Sannan and Toudou escaped the madness that long ? » I couldn't refrain myself to ask.
« No... » she chuckled as if I had said something extremely funny « They use the medecine but they rest during the day contrary to my obstinate husband ! In fact I never thought it could be so different before seeing the effects on you. »
So she never offered it to the others then ? Despite how she hated see them suffer ? I looked deeply in her eyes and saw that she was telling the truth. She never did it. There was a bit of relief invading my heart combined to a hint of smugness to be the only one allowed to know her most intimate tastes.
« I'm not asking you to drink it now but... Can you please consider it ? » she asked.
« I... » I started and then thought for a minute at my answer « I'll consider it. »
She flashed me a giant smile, as if I just offered her a gift she wanted for ages.
« Thank you, Hajime ! » she said genuinely and she kissed me again before putting her head back on my lap.
She took only seconds to fall asleep which wasn't surprising considering how tired she was. Without waking her, I picked her up and carried her back to the tent where I laid down next to her, waiting for the morning to come.