Well, it's November and that means it's time for National Novel Writibg Month (or NaNoWriMo for short). I've never participated in this event before and up until yesterday, I didn't intend on participating. But following encouragement from a few friends on Discord, I figured I'd give it a shot. So here it is: my entry for NaNoWriMo. The usual warnings of OCs is in effect here. If you clicked on this story, I hope you enjoy it. Peace Out!
It had started with a simple search. A search for a lost comic book that had probably been misplaced or maybe even destroyed by an intruding sister. Lincoln couldn't help but be annoyed at the fact that his sisters felt they could walk in and out of his and Lio's room as they pleased, yet would scold him if he so much as accidentally wandered into theirs without knocking. Lincoln mumbled a light swear to himself as he combed over the shelf housing his comic book collection, making sure that he hadn't accidentally skimmed over the book (Ace Savvy: Tarot Trouble #1 for those curious) in question. The sooner he found the book, the sooner he could engage in one of his favorite pastimes: reading comics in his undies. Lincoln briefly wondered if it had perhaps been his brother who was responsible for his missing comic. Maybe he'd mistaken it for one of the manga he liked to collect and put away on his shelf. Or maybe, this was another instance of him teaming up with Luan to prank him. Walking over to his brother's side of the room, Lincoln looked through his twin's bookshelf. He wanted to make absolutely certain none of his siblings had anything to do with his missing comic before he began throwing accusations. Last time he'd jumped to conclusions, it hadn't ended well for him.
Anyway, the search through Lio's bookshelf proved to be fruitless, prompting Lincoln to look underneath his bed as he'd already checked under his own bed and found nothing. While there was no trace of his comic book to be found, Lincoln did find something else that was caught his eye in the form of an old shoebox. As Lio wasn't the type to horde what he considered trash, this struck Lincoln as being rather odd. Pulling the box out from under the bed and picking it up, Lincoln felt that it was too heavy to be empty. Figuring that it wouldn't hurt to take one small peek at whatever was inside, Lincoln threw open the lid and found a small little pink hardcover book inside the box. Placing the box down, Lincoln picked up the book to take a closer look at it. Written on the cover in cursive were the words "Lio's Journal" with "リオの日記" being scribbled underneath it. Upon seeing just what this book was, Lincoln moved to put it back in its box, only to suddenly stop and stare at the journal in his hands.
For some reason, Lincoln couldn't help but feel the urge to open up Lio's journal and read through it. He knew that he'd be the biggest hypocrite if he were to complain about his sisters invading his own privacy while he turned around and did the same thing to his twin. Still, like a siren luring sailors to their demise, Lio's diary seemed to be beckoning him to open it up and read a few pages. At the same time, Lincoln felt as if he needed to read it and that the journal's content was important. Violating Lio's privacy would be so wrong, but at the same time could end up being for the better at the same time.
"Come on, Lincoln, what are you saying?" Lincoln asked him. "Are you really going to go behind your brother's back and read his deepest and darkest secret like this?" Lincoln almost expected for a miniature angel and demon to materialize on his shoulder and try coaxing him into reading and not reading the diary respectively. Then again, Lincoln had the strange feeling that both would try convincing him to go through with it.
"Am I really going to do this?" Lincoln asked himself as he slowly flipped the cover and opened up to the first page. Nothing could've prepared Lincoln for the what was written in Lio's journal as he read off the first entry. "Entry date- 15 May 20XX. I don't exactly know how to do this whole writing in a diary thing, but here goes…"
Truthfully, the only reason I even bought this journal is so that I don't annoy my siblings with my meaningless wangsting. DIO knows I already put them through enough as it is with my stupid antics. Sometimes I feel like it's a miracle that they even put up with me. How anyone could continuously tolerate an annoying halfwit like myself is beyond me. Heck, I don't know how Mom Dad have gone this long without kicking me out. Any sensible person would've dropped me like a bad habit at the first opportunity. Heck, if I were in their shoes, I would've jumped at the first chance to cleanse my hands of such filth.
Wow, guess I'm not holding back any punches and going straight for the jugular. Maybe I should tone down on the self deprecation for right now. Key phrase being "for right now". Maybe I should start this journal entry by describing my day and boy… what a day it's been. Today it seemed like everything that could go wrong went wrong. I don't even know why I'm surprised when I should be used to things going south. It started off simple enough with my alarm failing to go off, causing me to wake up late. I barely had time to shower and get dressed before it was time to go and even then, I still ended up holding up my siblings for a few minutes. 僕わ無駄のバカ. 無駄無駄 (やれやれだぜ. なぜ私は日本語で書いているのですか?). They would've been so much better off if they'd just left me behind and forced me to walk to school. I would've hated if one of them ended up being late to school because of me.
Had the misfortune ended there, it would've been nothing to write about. But wouldn't you know that things weren't that simple. In my mad morning scramble, I had forgotten my homework for math class and left it lying on my desk. Just my luck, right. Despite my best attempts to explain the situation with my teacher, she refused to hear it and graded me an F on the spot. I'm still wondering just how I'm going to explain that one to Mom Dad. At the very least, I still had my English class to look forward to. At least, that's what I thought. Today was the day my book report was due and while I was fortunate enough not to forget that at home, I had forgotten that half of the grade for said book report came from giving an oral presentation in front of the class. And, just to make matters even worse, the teacher called on me to present to the class first! But wait, there's more! Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, I fainted in front of the class before I could even utter a single word.
So needless to say, I failed that assignment too. Not only that, but the whole class thinks I'm a mute now, which in and of itself wouldn't be so bad if they didn't make fun of me for it in the hallways after class. The day wasn't even halfway over and I already wanted to crawl into a hole and be forgotten about. The next class I had was gym class and I was half tempted to just skip it all together. Not wanting to have a trifecta of failing grades in one day, I reluctantly attended. I'd soon come to regret that decision as today we were playing a game of dodgeball. While I was hoping that the team captains would skip me altogether due to the fact that I had practically no skill when it came to sports, that wasn't meant to be. Lincoln and I ended up being selected for the same team, but wouldn't you know that my "arch rival", that twit, that insufferable jerk Chandler ended up being captain of the opposite team.
Five seconds. Five seconds is how long I lasted in the game before being hit in the face with a dodgeball and eliminated. Normally, I would've been ecstatic at being knocked out so early as it meant I could sit out the rest of the class. Unfortunately, in this case when I say I was knocked out, I mean literally knocked out. That contemptible Chandler had meant to throw the ball at my brother, only for me to intercept it at the cost of being hit in the face and knocked out cold. I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to, I had a shiny black eye and a bloody nose. I honestly would've preferred taking another failing grade to this. What good was gym class anyway?
Trying to turn a negative into a positive, I figured that this would at least give me something to talk about with Kat when we met during lunch. Of course for anything to go my way on this day would've violated the natural order I suppose. When lunch rolled around, I was starving on account of having not eaten breakfast. I realized all too late that I'd forgotten to bring my lunch like I normally would. I hadn't even had time to grab an apple on my way out the door this morning. Fortunately for me, Kat was willing to share her lunch with me. I don't know what good deed I did to be blessed with a friend like her, she really was a one of a kind friend. So of course I had to find a way to almost screw it up. Kat had graciously given my half of her turkey sandwich and I ate it quickly. The two of us talked and for a brief time, it seemed as if my bad luck had come to an end.
Being the otaku geeks that we are, the two of us bowed to each other… except we were a bit too close to each other and ended up hitting heads. A collision that ended up causing my nose to bleed again. And just to emphasize the fact that the world hates me, some of my blood ended up getting on Kat's shirt and shoes; and since Kat freaked out at the sight of blood, she didn't take it well. Kat started to scream and freak out while I desperately tried to help her clean up the mess, only to get more blood on her clothing. We ended up causing a major scene and bringing all eyes on us. It was so embarrassing that I prayed I'd drop dead of a heart attack then and there. Eventually, Kat calmed down, but I figured she wanted nothing to do with me and skedaddled.
When the school day finally and mercifully came to an end, I couldn't wait to get back home and nurse my black eye. Despite everything that had happened, I put a smile on my face and made sure none of my siblings caught on. They undoubtedly had their own problems and the last thing they needed was for me to bring down their mood just because I'd had one bad day. I honestly don't know how Lincoln is able to keep a stiff upper lip and optimistic whenever he has days like this. He always seemed to have the strength to soldier on while I felt like collapsing and crying on the floor the moment I stepped foot in the house. All because of one bad day. I guess that's why I always considered him the de facto leader. Why I always secretly looked up to him. I wish that I was as strong as he was. I can only dream of being half as good as he is.
Look at me, reduced to this complaining over what was just a simple bad day. But that's just the thing, this wasn't just a bad day. This was just a part of an endless cycle of me screwing up. Yet, there's nothing I can do about it but mope. I hate to keep comparing myself to my brother, but I bet Lincoln would never resort to crying and whining in some pity diary. I bet none of my sisters would either. Just another reason I'm a waste of space on this family tree. I'll always be the inferior Loud. I'll always be in the shadow of my siblings and rightfully so.
What do you know, it didn't take long for me to resume the self deprecation. Strangely enough though, I actually feel somewhat better. Maybe admitting just how much of a failure I am will help dull the pain of that knowledge. I must make sure that none of my siblings ever come across this diary as despite how unbearably obnoxious I can be, they may still somehow grow worried for me. They already bombarded me with questions when I came home with a black eye. They seemed ready to jump down the throats of whoever had given it to me (at least, until Lincoln reminded them what happened last time they meddled in our lives). For the life of me, I couldn't understand why they would do such a thing. Anyway, the point is that if they found out about this journal, they'd grow even more worried. And I can't do that to them. I can't make them worry about my wellbeing over their own lives. I could never be so selfish as to do such a thing. I love them too much to drag them down.
Darn it, my head is starting to hurt again. Maybe I should take a break from scribbling in this journal/diary/whatever to tend to that. Maybe I'll work on my manga a little to pass the time or maybe work on a few commissions. After what happened today, I think it would be best to leave Kat alone. I hope that she doesn't hate me for what happened. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her friendship. She's the only real friend I have. I guess that's all for this journal entry, but if things continue to go the way they've been going, I have no doubt that I'll have more entries to write in this little book.
Signing off, Lio Loud
Lincoln had to take a few seconds to take in what he'd read. Was this really how his brother felt about himself? While he was flattered by the fact that Lio said he looked up to him and considered him a leader, the fact that Lio had been so openly disparaging himself was cause for concern. Lincoln tried to think back to the day Lio described in his journal to see if he could remember that day. It took some time, but Lincoln could finally recall the events that Lio was talking about. He remembered being in gym class that day when Lio had been hit in the face. While he had no idea about the other events Lio had talked about on that day, he recalled how at the end of the day Lio seemed to be his normal quiet but happy and carefree self. He'd displayed no signs of distress or worry and in fact even cracked a couple jokes about his black eye. Considering what he'd just read, Lincoln wondered if perhaps those jokes were mean hearted self deprecating jabs.
Lincoln was about to read even more entries to see whether this entry was just a one time thing or if Lio's self deprecation ran deeper than that when he heard someone coming upstairs. Scrambling quickly, Lincoln hid Lio's diary behind his back and kicked the shoebox he had found it in back underneath his bed. Just in time too as the person coming upstairs was none other than his twin brother himself.
"Hey Lio," Lincoln said nervously, doing his best not to give away the fact he'd was holding the latter's journal behind his back. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," Lio said excitedly with a smile. "Kat and I were at the park to work on a project for our history class."
"What's that project about?" Lincoln asked.
"We're supposed to be discussing the part the Goths played in bringing about the fall of the Western Roman Empire," Lio said before joking "Maybe I should've asked Lucy for some help in that regard."
"Interesting," Lincoln said with a nervous grin. "So, anything you want to talk to me about? Anything at all?"
"No, I'm good," Lio said.
"Are you sure there's nothing you wanna talk about?" Lincoln asked, pressing Lio to say more in hopes that he could get his brother to open up more. "Nothing bothering you or getting under your skin? Nothing that's maybe weighing on your mind?"
"I said I'm fine," Lio said with a laugh. "Are you okay, Linc? You're acting kinda strange."
"Me? Strange? Come on, really?" Lincoln replied. "I'm just trying to look out for you and make sure you're doing alright. After all, what kind of brother would I be if I didn't check in on my twin every now and again?"
"Thanks bro, I really appreciate it," Lio said, giving Lincoln a hug and saying, "You really are too kind and too good to me." Causing Lincoln to wonder if Lio's last remark was meant to be a subtle jab at himself or just an innocent compliment.
"So what are you going to do now?" Lincoln asked as Lio grabbed his art tablet and turned to head out.
"Oh, Lola's got another pageant coming up," Lio informed him. "The winner of this one goes on to the state pageant and I promised Lola that I'd do my best to try and help her at least make it to the top 3 this time." Twirling his stylus like an old western gunslinger twirls his pistol, Lio added "To accomplish that, I'm going to draw a magnificent portrait of Lola to print out on posters that we'll hang around town. You know, just to help the judges come to an easier decision."
"Isn't that kinda cheating since you're basically advertising for Lola?" Lincoln asked.
"No, of course not," Lio laughed. "We're just spreading her beauty is all."
"Is that what Lola told you?" Lincoln asked with a chuckle. "What did she offer to get you to go along with this?"
"Nothing," Lio answered. "I'm doing this for free. After all, it's like you said: what kind of brother would I be if I didn't help my siblings every now and again?"
With that, Lio dashed out the door, leaving Lincoln to pull his journal out from behind back and read some more entries. The next entry in the journal following the first was dated a few days later, but was almost just as depressing to read as the first one was.
So… it's been a while since I've written in this thing hasn't it? Normally, most people would use their journals/diaries to keep logs of all the good times they've had or write about some positive life changing event that just happened to them. Well, unless they're in a horror movie that is, in which case the journal merely serves to document the creepy stuff going on and warn anyone who finds it. Oops, look at me starting to ramble again. Getting back on topic, as I said, most normal people would use their diaries to write about positive things. As we've established, I'm far from normal. I'm actually something of a freak really. Guess that's why I'll be using this thing as something of a venting journal. Not venting against any of my siblings or friends of course, but rather venting against myself and the stupidity I bring.
So what have I been up to since the last time I wrote an entry? Oh, you know, just been doing the usual screw up thing I seem to be so good at. And boy, this time I really messed up. It was supposed to be a simple visit to the movies with Lucy. The Suburbia of Melancholy movie had just been released and I promised Lucy that I'd accompany her to the midnight premiere. The only thing we'd have to do is sneak past our parents and make it back home before we got caught, but other than that it was pretty simple, right? Oh, you'd be dreadfully wrong. I could live to be 100 years old and I'll never understand how I managed to forget the tickets at home, but somehow I found a way. I hadn't even realized the issue until Lucy and I had purchased our snacks and were in line approaching the ticket taker.
As the movie was set to start in 15 minutes, there was no time for me to go back home and retrieve them. Not to mention that I didn't want to risk getting busted by mom and dad. In what was one of the few instances in the history of forever of me having a good idea, I decided that the two of us would simply sneak into the movie undetected. I knew that there was a backdoor behind the theater that the employees used when dumping their trash. I also knew that it was always left unlocked. Lucy and I went around back and sneaked past the ticket taker and into the theater the movie was playing in. For a moment, it seemed like the situation had been salvaged with Lucy and I enjoying the film. At least, Lucy was enjoying the movie. I had to put up with these two obnoxious teen girls who kept excitedly kicking my seat.
I wanted to turn around and tell them off for being annoying, but was too shy and scared to say anything so just accepted it. During the last 15 minutes, things took a turn for the worse. An usher came into the theater and began asking everyone to show their tickets. So close, we'd been so close to getting away with our scheme before some usher had to ruin it. I can't be mad at them as much as I can be mad at myself for putting us in this situation in the first place. All my attempts at thinking of a way out of this predicament were in vain and the usher caught Lucy and I and kicked us out just before the film reached its climax. To say Lucy was upset would be an understatement. She seemed devastated. I could only apologize profusely as we made the walk home.
Things went from bad to worse as the moment we stepped foot through the door, Mom and Dad were waiting for us. Turns out we hadn't been as stealthy as we thought we'd been with both of them catching on. Needless to say, we both received a long lecture and scolding about how dangerous our little stunt was. I tried throwing myself under the bus to save Lucy by telling them that sneaking out was all my idea, but Mom said it didn't matter. As punishment for going behind their backs, I was forbidden from drawing for two weeks while Lucy wasn't allowed to meet with her morticians club.
Bad enough that I had to go and ruin an experience my sister was really looking forward to, I had to go and get her punished too. While Lucy didn't say anything to me and I didn't see any disdain or disgust in her expressions, I know she blames me for how disastrous things turned out and honestly, I can't blame her. I wouldn't blame her if she decided to never speak to me again. I wouldn't blame her if she decided she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. I'd deserve it. Still, I'll find a way to make it up to her one way or another. It's the least I could do for ruining her night.
The fact that I could mess up something so simple only reiterates what I stated earlier about being a waste of space and how the others would be better off ditching me. Only serves to further drive the fact home that I'm muda muda, useless. After this mishap, I don't think I'll be able to sleep, which is why I came here at 3 in the morning. I was going to wake up in an hour and a half anyway so why not vent a little bit. Although then again, Mom and Dad might unexpectedly walk in and mistake my writing for drawing and take this journal away too. I can't let that happen, so I think it would be best if I signed off. If anything interesting happens, I'll be back here before you know it to tell the tales of my eternal failure.
Signing off, Lio Loud
While this entry was slightly less self deprecating than the first one, it still painted a dark picture that made Lincoln uncomfortable. Lincoln had been hoping that the first entry would only be a one time thing and that the rest of the entries in the journal would be more lighthearted and optimistic. The opening paragraph alone of entry 2 shot down that idea immediately. At the very least, this entry didn't have any Japanese phrases written in them that Lincoln couldn't understand (he was still scratching his head and worried about what aforementioned phrases even meant in the first place).
Lincoln vividly remembered the morning after the night in question that was detailed in the book. How both Lio and Lucy seemed down when he saw them at the breakfast table that morning. After Mom and Dad had explained the two had been caught sneaking out and how they were being punished, Lincoln thought that their downer expressions was simply a result of their punishments. There were so many other signs that Lincoln missed now that he thought about it. Such as how Lio seemed to squirm away from Lucy and looked away from her with a look of shame. The way he continuously tried lending Lucy a hand throughout the day while remaining silent, not even acknowledging the "thank you"s that Lucy gave him. In fact, any time Lucy thanked him, Lio would react with a frown as if he didn't deserve it.
Now Lincoln knew just why that was. The question lingered though: did Lio really think Lucy hated him over something that they were both equally at blame for? What did that say about Lio himself if he thought his family despised him because of simple mistakes? Another question popped into Lincoln's head: what could he do to help? To uplift his brother's spirits? To maybe even help him escape this negative mindset?
Where would he even begin with that task? Lio clearly didn't want his family knowing about his problems and he clearly wasn't willing to open up. At least, not to them. Lincoln doubted that Lio would take it well if he just came out and said "Hey Lio, I read your diary without your permission! Why are you so depressed and down on yourself man?". For all Lincoln knew, that could result in Lio closing himself off even more and maybe even cause his low self esteem to grow worse. Lincoln wondered if Lio had maybe opened up to Kat about any of this. It'd make sense considering Lio mentioned that she was his closest friend. Perhaps she could provide some help when it came to this.
Lincoln looked at the book in his hands and tried to see if he could remember any other days where Lio's behavior felt strange or generally off. For everything Lio had mentioned about Lincoln and Lucy being able to pull off a mean poker face to hide their true feelings, Lio could do evidently it just as well seeing as Lincoln couldn't think of any other instances where he acted out of character. He couldn't think of any days in recent that his twin could describe as being bad, but given how much he'd been hiding from them, who was to say that Lio wasn't faking his good mood during some of those days. The only way Lincoln could find out for certain would be if he read more.
He would've done just that if he hadn't heard a second set of footsteps coming up the stairs. Deciding that he had done enough snooping for the day and not wanting to get caught, Lincoln slipped Lio's diary back into the shoebox and slid it back underneath his bed. Lincoln decided to play a few video games as maybe that would help him get his mind off of the contents of Lio's diary. That failed to work as intended as no matter how many zombies Lincoln mowed down, he couldn't stop worrying about him. Lincoln knew that Lio would likely never resort to physically harm himself, but that didn't keep him from being concerned. Maybe he should call Clyde and ask for his opinion on this situation, see what advice he would give him.
Later that night, Lincoln was fast asleep in bed. While the events of today were still fresh on his mind, Lincoln was substantially more relaxed. In the middle of his slumber, Lincoln was awoken by the light scratching sound of a pen being put to paper. Lincoln slowly turned over so that he was facing his brother's bed and saw that Lio was writing in his diary. Lio looked up from his journal when he heard Lincoln move and looked over at Lincoln to make sure he hadn't seen anything. Lincoln pretended to still be asleep, managing to ease Lio's concerns as the latter went back to jotting down his thoughts. Lincoln opened one eye and secretly watched as his brother scribbling in his journal. Despite the dim lighting, Lincoln could see that the expression on Lio's face was one of sadness and distress, leaving no doubt in the former's mind that his twin was in the middle of his "venting". Lincoln made up in his mind that at the first chance he got, he'd do whatever he had to do to help Lio. He was not just going to sit idly by and let his twin suffer in silence.