Lincoln awoke the very next morning at his usual time of 7 AM. As he expected, when he glanced over at the other side of the room, Lio was nowhere to be seen. Knowing his brother, he was likely already downstairs eating breakfast if not drawing his manga in his notebook. Lio always had been rather eccentric, having this daily routine at waking up before even the sun at 4:30 AM. Of course, contrary to what Lio may have thought, that didn't make him a freak. Even if it did, one had to take into consideration that he was part of a family of freaks where the most normal member of their family was the baby. Were it not for the fact that he himself had to get up and at em', Lincoln would've tried taking advantage of the fact that his brother was gone to take another glimpse at his diary. He was curious as to what his twin had been writing last night. Had Lio had another sleepless night like the one described in his second entry or had he merely woken up in the middle of the night to do more of his "venting"? Neither thought was comforting to Lincoln as no matter what the case was, it meant that Lio was tearing into himself again.
Lincoln would have to wait to see what was written in the most recent entry later. Right now, he had a mighty need to relieve himself and not wanting to be forced to wait in a line behind his sisters, Lincoln scrambled to make a mad dash to the bathroom before his sisters arose. After using the bathroom and taking a quick shower, Lincoln got dressed and made sure he had all of his homework ready before heading out to school. After confirming he had everything he needed in his backpack, Lincoln head downstairs to eat breakfast. He was looking forward to his usual breakfast burrito. As he walked into the kitchen, he found Lio waiting for him as was the norm and crunching on a green apple as per usual. Their dad was at the stove, preparing breakfast for both him and their siblings.
"Morning champ!" Lynn Sr. greeted Lincoln as he handed him his breakfast burrito. "Right on time as always."
"I don't know, Dad, he seems to be a few minutes late," Lio teased, nudging Lincoln with his elbow. "So what kept you Linc, got stuck in line behind Lola again?"
"Maybe I was catching up on sleep after your little Morioh Radio alarm woke me up at 4 in the morning," Lincoln joked before quickly regretting his words. While Lio seemed to be in a jovial mood, smiling and cracking jokes, Lincoln knew by now that looks could be deceiving. Even though on the surface, Lincoln's remark was nothing more than a wisecrack, Lio could've easily taken it seriously and begin blaming himself for ruining his brother's sleep. "No, wait, that's not what I meant-,"
"Relax, bro, I know what you mean," Lio said, smiling at Lincoln. "No need to apologize."
"You seem awfully cheerful this morning, son" Lynn Sr noticed. "What's going on?"
"Nothing major," Lio answered. "Kat's birthday is coming up and I plan on surprising her with something special. I'm just trying to think of what I should get her."
Lynn Sr chuckled and said, "I see the two of you are growing closer with each passing day. Honestly, you two remind me of me and your mother when we were first dating."
"We're not dating!" Lio said, blushing bright red.
"At least not officially," Lincoln teased. "Come on, Lio, you don't have to lie to your family. I see just how you two look at each other. You're pretty much lovebirds."
"You mean like you and Ronnie Anne?" Lio retorted, playfully sticking his tongue out at Lincoln.
This time it was the latter's turn to blush as he became flustered, nearly choking on his food before he recovered and "It's not like that!" After taking a sip of his orange juice, Lincoln tried clarifying, saying "We're just friends, nothing more, nothing less."
"Sure you are…" Lio continued to tease. "I'm sure you two are still going to be "just friends" when you're walking down the aisle."
"I'll remember that on you and Kat's wedding day," Lincoln said. "I'm sure the two of you still won't even be dating."
"If you want my opinion, I'm sure both you boys will be happy with whoever you end up with," Lynn Sr interjected before asking Lio "So what exactly did you plan on getting for Kat?"
"Well there's this one character in an anime we've been watching that she's fallen in love with," Lio explained. "I was going to draw a picture of her in that anime's artstyle meeting and hanging out with that character."
"And what's wrong with that?" Lincoln asked.
"It just seems too basic," Lio said, shrugging as he took another bite out of his apple. "I feel like she deserves something far more grand and spectacular. Not just some silly picture."
"Hey, don't sell yourself short," Lincoln told him. "Your art is actually pretty great. If I received one of your works as a birthday gift, I'd be more than satisfied."
"Really?" Lio asked.
"Totally," Lincoln said, giving Lio a reassuring pat on the back. "I mean, you're constantly being commissioned by others to draw things for them so I'm sure that has to count for something."
"Besides, I'm sure Kat isn't expecting you to do anything flashy like give her a diamond ring," Lynn Sr chimed in. "As long as you give her a genuine gift that comes from the heart, I'm sure she'll appreciate it all the same."
"But what if she doesn't?" Lio asked, starting to worry.
"She will," Lincoln said, looking Lio in the eye. "Whatever you give her, I'm sure she'll love it as if it were the most valuable thing on the planet."
"Mornin' dudes!" Luna greeted them as she walked into the kitchen. "What are you guys talking about?"
"We were just giving Lio a little advice," Lynn Sr explained. "His friend's birthday is coming up and we just want him to know that he doesn't have to go all out when coming up with a gift for her."
"You mean Kat?" Luna asked, prompting Lio to nod his head. "Why don't you just draw something for her like you did for me and Sam on our second date?"
"I was thinking about doing that," Lio said. "But I just didn't think that that would be good enough for her."
"Oh, I get it," Luna said. "Kat's really special to you, eh bro?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Lio said, quickly catching on to Luna's insinuation and looking away.
"Oh, alright," Luna said. "But seriously, just do what you feel is right. Don't do anything extra or outlandish. Just do what comes naturally."
"I think you guys are onto something," Lio said before thanking his family. "I really appreciate the advice, I think I now have the perfect idea of what to do for her! What would I do without you guys?"
"Probably just hide in your room all day curled up in that hood of yours like a hermit" Lynn joked as she entered the room and sat down at the table with Lynn Sr handing her her breakfast. She noticed Lincoln shooting her a strange look and said "What? I'm just saying it wouldn't be out of character is all."
"Meh, guilty as charged," Lio said with an innocent shrug. "Thankfully, I've got you guys to help me keep a steady head on my shoulders." As he finished his apple, he shouted to Lynn "Yo, Lynn! Heads up!" before tossing the core at Lynn, who was sitting by the trash can.
Without missing a beat, Lynn jumped up out of her seat, grabbed the core in her hands and slam dunked it into the trash like a basketball star.
"And Lynn Loud with the alley oop slam!" Lynn celebrated, standing atop her chair. "The crowd goes absolutely wild!" She imitated the sound of a crowd chanting her name before being reprimanded by Lynn Sr.
"Lynn, what we said about standing on furniture?" He scolded her.
"Sorry dad," Lynn apologized as she sat back down. "Guess I just got caught up in the moment."
"I'm sorry too," Lio apologized. "I probably shouldn't have thrown my apple up in the air."
"It's alright," Lynn Sr said with a laugh. "Just try not to get so worked up in the future."
"I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to happen," Lucy said, her sudden appearance causing the five of them to jump in fright with Lincoln once again almost choking on his food.
"I swear you've got some creepy teleportation powers or something," Lynn muttered.
"Either that or she's a black magic woman," Luna chimed in.
"Isn't that the same term you used to refer to Luan when she escaped from our April Fools trap?" Lincoln reminded her.
"Yeah, escaped…" Lio mumbled under his breath before he feigned coughing as his eyes shiftily farted back and forth.
"Are you okay, Lio?" Lincoln asked. "Did you say something just now?"
"Huh, yeah I'm fine," Lio said quickly. "I didn't say anything, nothing at all."
"Sigh," Lucy said. "Don't expect me to divulge all my secrets with you. I have to keep some things private."
"Guess we'll just have to keep speculating on how you sneak up on us," Lynn Sr said with a hearty laugh before taking a look at his watch. "I wonder what's taking your sisters so long? It'll be time to head out in just a few minutes."
"Speaking of which," Lincoln said before turning to Lio. "You've got everything you need, right? Like that history project you talked about yesterday?"
"Got it safely tucked away in my backpack," Lio said triumphantly, giving a thumbs up. "Now I've just gotta make it to school safely without anything happening and I'll be home free. What about you, Linc? Got all your homework ready?"
"Yep," Lincoln said, thankful that Lio seemingly didn't pick up on his slip up as he hadn't meant to ask Lio so bluntly. "I put it in my bag last night to make sure I didn't leave it behind."
"Maybe I should learn to follow your lead," Lio said. "Probably would save me a lot of trouble."
"It's probably help if you weren't such a perfectionist," Lucy suggested. "No offense, but I've heard you working on projects of yours in the middle of the night just to make sure everything was just right."
"Sorry Luce, didn't mean to disturb you all those times," Lio apologized. "Guess I just get carried away sometimes."
"Don't worry, you didn't disturb me," Lucy told him. "I was already awake anyway."
"Doing what?" Luna asked.
"It better not have been trying to conjure demons again," Lynn piped up. "That incense smell lingered in our room for months."
"That was only one time," Lucy replied. "Will you let it go? Sigh." Lucy took a bite out of her breakfast and said "If you must know, I was working on an introductory eulogy for our Mortician's Club meeting tonight. We're supposed to be having two new members join us tonight and giving a eulogy is how we greet all our new members."
"That's a little creepy, but who am I to question it?" Was Lincoln's response to Lucy's remark.
Soon, the remaining sisters had all come down and were eating breakfast before getting ready to pile into vanzilla and head off to school. Having already eaten, Lio passed the time by getting to work on the art he was going to make for Kat. When it was finally time to leave, Lio held open the door for all of his siblings, wearing a satisfactory grin on his face as he did so. Though he seemed to be happy and in good spirits, Lincoln knew that he couldn't trust outward appearances.
"Hey, Lio?" Lincoln said, stopping in front of Lio as he walked out the door while their sisters loaded into vanzilla.
"Yeah?" Lio asked in confusion.
"Are you- Are you sure you're okay?" Lincoln asked. It was one more last ditch effort at getting Lio to open up. He doubted it would work, but he had to give it a shot.
"Yeah dude, I'm fine," Lio insisted with a smile. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason," Lincoln Lied before placing a hand on his brother's shoulder, looking him in the eye and telling him, "I just want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, If anything is ever bothering you at all, that you can talk to me."
For a brief second, Lio's smile wavered and he looked like he was going to tear up. In that moment, Lincoln thought that maybe he'd gotten through to him. That maybe he would be able to get Lio to let him in. Lio quickly recovered and got that smile back on his face, even bigger and seemingly warmer than it had been before.
"Thank you, Lincoln," Lio said, looking like he wanted to cry as he grabbed Lincoln in a tight embrace.
The twins' embrace was short lived however as they heard Lori honking vanzilla's horn to get their attention.
"While I'd love to sit around and watch you two hug it out, we don't have time for that!" Lori said. "Come on, let's go before we're late!"
"Sorry, Lori," Lio apologized before running and getting into the van. "Didn't mean time keep you waiting!"
"So close," Lincoln whispered to himself before he heard another honk of the horn accompanied by Lori yelling "Lincoln, what are you waiting for?"
"Coming!" Lincoln said before climbing into Vanzilla.
Lincoln didn't exactly have the best day at school, finding that he had a hard time focusing without thinking about his brother. Lincoln could only hope that Lio's day was going well. The last thing he wanted was for Lio to have another reason to go off on himself. Lincoln was still curious as to what he'd written last night. He figured he'd get the chance to find out soon enough. Internally, Lincoln berated himself for the fact that he was so eager to once again invade his brother's privacy. Then again, there was another voice in Lincoln's head telling him that this was a necessary evil. After all, if he did nothing, he'd be ignorant of the pain his brother was going through.
Ironically enough, Lincoln realized that Lio was right to keep such a tight lid on his diary out of fear of worrying his family. Lincoln had only read two passages in that thing and they had already taken up space in his mind. Lincoln did his best to push the thoughts out of his head so that he could enjoy his day, but he just couldn't. The effect it was having on him must've been obvious as Clyde, Stella, Liam, Zach, and Rusty all noticed his strange behavior. While Clyde was aware of what was bothering Lincoln, the others were oblivious as to what had gotten under his skin. Since he didn't want to just air his twin's dirty secrets, Lincoln refrained from letting them in on what was going on, even if getting advice from them would've been helpful. Lincoln crosses paths with Lio during lunch and to his credit, still appeared to be rather happy and cheerful. Though that might've had something to do with the fact that Kat was by his side. Seeing Lio laughing and having a good time with Kat helped ease Lincoln's fears and relax a little more. Thanks to that fact, Lincoln was able to freely enjoy the rest of his day.
When the school day came to a close, Lincoln was eager to get home. He and Clyde were planning on practicing for an upcoming video game tournament where the top prize was being scanned into the game and added as DLC characters. There was still one important thing that he needed to get out of the way first. Lio was currently out at the park with Lola, Lana, and Lily, leaving Lincoln with the perfect chance to do a little bit more snooping. Ascending the stairs up to their room, Lincoln pulled the shoebox out from under Lio's bed and retrieved the little pink book that rested inside. Upon opening the book, Lincoln flipped through the pages until he arrived at the most recent entry in the journal, which was dated yesterday. Just like the entries that came before it, this one was filled with nothing but self doubt and self loathing.
Today I received two reminders that I don't deserve the good people in my life. First through my interaction with Kat and then later a conversation with my awesome twin brother, Lincoln. It honestly pains me that there is nothing I can do to repay all the kindness they've shown me. If I had the means, I'd give them everything their hearts desired and more. Heck, I'd do the same for all of my family, really. The fact that I can't do that makes me wanna just punch myself in the face with brass knuckles. They truly deserve the world itself, yet all they get is little ole loser Lio. Everyday I ask this question and I still have yet to receive an answer: how and why do they put up with me? After everything I put them through, how can they find it in them to smile in my face and tell me they care for me? I've done nothing that warrants them treating me with affection. Quite the opposite actually, I've given them every reason to hate me.
Yet and still, all of them… Mom, Dad, Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn and her boyfriend Chris, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, Lily, and especially Lincoln, Luan, and Kat find a way to tolerate me. They've stayed by me every step of the way even when it would've been more beneficial for them to just leave me in the dust. I genuinely cannot understand it, I just can't wrap my brain around why anyone would willingly engage with me. They tell me that they love me and I just don't know how to respond. Sometimes I just want to apologize when I hear them say that. I would literally move heaven and earth for all of them, yet it still wouldn't be enough to help repay the kindness they've shown me.
Wow, how pathetic am I that I can't even accept a simple act of genuine kindness without going off on a rant? Am I really that broken on the inside? No, broken isn't the word to use. Broken is for people who have been through traumatic experiences, who've dealt with the world at its worse. People who have bravely looked into the abyss and came out changed forever. It is not to be used to describe a whiny little 11 year old who can't accept so much as a compliment. Why am I even freaking out in the first place when today went off without a hitch. No mishaps or slip ups or screw ups whatsoever, just an average good day. Am I really so used to failure that the idea of having a good day has become surreal to me?
Alright, enough of my ranting, let's talk about exactly what happened today. Kat and I decided to hang out at the park while working on history project. We figured the change of atmosphere would maybe inspire us and give us more ideas that would help us complete our task sooner and boy did it ever. It only took us half an hour to finish the paper part of our project and even less time for us to complete the diorama for our project. Now the only thing left is presenting it in front of the class and as I've discussed in previous posts… oral presentations in front of an entire class are not strong suit. Which is Kat stepped up and offered to do most of the talking during our presentation to spare me the risk of passing out in front of a crowd again. When I asked her why she would do that for me, Kat looked me dead in the eye, smiled and said with all seriousness "Because I like you and I don't want you to have a panic attack again."
I swear to DIO that I do not deserve this girl in my life! She is way too good for me! The fact that she'd take the bullet for me like that… words cannot express how grateful I am.
That's why I'm beating myself up over the fact that her birthday is coming up and I still haven't come up with the perfect gift for her. When I asked her what she wanted, she told me it didn't matter and that I didn't have to get her anything. I'd be the most selfish jerk on the planet if I gave her nothing on her birthday so naturally I refused that idea. So she told me that it didn't matter what I got her because she'd love it anyway. Which brings me to my current dilemma. I wanted to draw her a picture, but I've since come to realize that this would be a horrible idea. "Happy Birthday, all I got for you was this drawing which probably means nothing since drawing is my hobby and I could literally make you something like this any day of the year if I wanted to, but for some reason I thought this would be special". Yeah, that's a real creative idea that I'm sure would go over well. I've still got a week to come up with something good, but all I'm drawing is blanks. I have a good amount of money saved up from commissions so maybe this weekend I'll take a walk with Kat around town and see if anything catches her eye. Perhaps that would be the perfect gift for her. Either way, I know that I can't leave her empty handed.
If that wasn't kind enough, let me talk about my twin brother. This boy, this caring, cunning, clever, quick thinking man with a plan that I can't believe I share blood and facial features further helped me see how undeservedly blessed I was! Between him, Kat, and Luan, I honestly have to keep from crying. What's so stupid about me is that I'm gushing over something that's seemingly so unimportant, but means so much to me anyway. Almost as if he could sense my troubles, he asked me if I was doing alright. Our family and friends always joke that we have twin telepathy, but I'm starting to think we just might actually have just that. It pains me that I had to lie to him and tell him everything was okay, but what really did it for me was when I asked why he was asking. Lincoln told me that he was just doing what any good brother would do and checking up on me to make sure I was alright and my that really touched my heart. The fact that he was thinking about my wellbeing when he could've been freely enjoying himself. If you ever wonder why I aspire to be at least half as good as he is, there's your answer.
My mask must've been slipping today because Lincoln wasn't the only one to notice my distress. Even after practising all this time, I still haven't perfected the art of hiding my emotions the way Lincoln has. Anyway, this time it was Onee-Chan who picked up on my behavior. She always was the sister I'd say I'm closest to so it's no surprise that she'd pick up on even the tiniest of oddities in my behavior. She asked what was wrong and once again I had to lie and tell her that everything was fine. I don't know if she bought it or not, but based off the look in her eyes, I'd guess that she didn't. She told me a couple of jokes and as usual I played along by exchanging puns with her for a few minutes, eliciting groans from our siblings who overheard us.
Again, I can't understand how I haven't gotten on her nerves yet. Ever since I was 6, I've practically been by her side. Laughing along with almost every joke she made, coming to her for advice whenever I was upset, or acting as her assistant from time to time. There was even a period where I tried emulating her and for the first 3 years that I went trick or treating, I dress up as whatever she was going as. I think Mom even has a picture of her and I both dressed as The Joker. I can't even begin to imagine how annoying that must've been. Even today, I hang around her frequently whenever I'm not hanging out with Kat or working on my manga. It's like I'm her shadow or something. I can't even begin how grating it must be for her to have an annoying little Act 3 like me as a brother. That's part of the reason I've been kinda trying to avoid her as of late. Just to give her some breathing room.
And just like the others, I can never repay her kindness. Even the one time that I tried to pay her back, I failed miserably. That was when I offered to act as her assistant whenever she was clowning at a birthday party. The very first party we were supposed to clown at, I ended up seizing up and becoming still as a statue when I saw the crowd and left her hanging, forcing her to throw the pie into her own face. She didn't seem particularly angry about it and even empathized with my plight, but needless to say our partnership didn't work out. I still feel bad that I let her down like that. Somehow, she still cares for me and tries to lift my spirits whenever I'm down. Another example of someone else showing me even more affection that I don't deserve.
Maybe one day, I'll find a way to give as much back to them as they've given me, but for now I guess I'll have to-
Looks like I'm going to have to cut this entry short. It would appear that my writing has caused Lincoln to stir. I don't know if he's fully awaken from his sleep or if he just turned, but either way I don't wanna risk interrupting his sleep schedule. It is almost midnight after all. Closer to the start of a new day and closer to Kat's BDay. Maybe when tomorrow rolls around I can try and-
"What are you doing?"
Lincoln was startled and nearly dropped Lio's diary as he turned around to see Luan standing in his and Lio's doorway.
"Nothing!" Lincoln lied, trying to hide Lio's diary behind his back. "What brings you to our room, Luan?" He asked with a conspicuous smile.
"I was looking for Lio," Luan explained. "Do you know where he is?"
"I think he's at the park with Lily and the twins," Lincoln explained.
"Why didn't you go with them?" Luan asked, joking "You go there all the time with Clyde to the point we might as well rename it to Lincoln Park!" She let out a cheerful cackle before asking "Get it?"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Lincoln said, rolling his eyes.
"So what's that you were reading?" Luan asked.
"What?" Lincoln feigned confusion as he kept Lio's journal held behind his back. "I don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't reading anything!"
"Then what's that thing you're holding behind your back?" Luan asked, reaching out to grab at the book.
"I'm not holding anything behind my back," Lincoln said, trying to keep up the facade even though it was clear the jig was up. "No, get away!" He shouted, doing his best to keep the diary out of Luan's reach.
His efforts failed as Luan manage to grab the diary from his hands after a short struggle.
"Lincoln! How could you?" She asked in a disgusted tone upon finding out who the diary belonged to. "Going behind Lio's back and reading his diary without his permission? How could you stoop so low as to take a page out of his book?" She giggles before saying "But seriously, why'd you go through his diary?"
"It's not what you think," Lincoln tried to tell her as he attempted to take the journal back from her.
"Then what is it?" Luan asked.
"Look, I know it looks bad, but I was only reading Lio's diary because I'm worried about him," Lincoln said.
"You sure have a funny way of showing your concern," Luan remarked.
"Haven't you noticed that Lio's been acting strange?" Lincoln asked her.
"Yeah, that's kind of the reason I was looking for him," Luan said. "I wanted to ask him what was up."
"Well he's not going to tell you," Lincoln said. "The only thing he's willing to confide in is this book and trust me, what's written in here isn't easy to read. It's actually rather depressing."
"What do you mean?" Luan asked.
"See for yourself," Lincoln said, taking the diary back, opening it up to the most recent entry and holding it up for Luan to see.
"Oh no, you are not getting me in on this," Luan refused, crossing her arms and looking away.
"Do you really want to know what's bothering Lio?" Lincoln asked and Luan nodded her head. "Do you really want to help him?" Luan nodded again and said "You say that as if invading his privacy is the only way we can help him."
"Because it probably is!" Lincoln replied. "Think about it, Lio usually comes to you whenever he's upset. If he's not willing to share with you what's going on in his head, who is he willing to tell?"
"What about Kat?" Luan answered back. "He seems to be pretty close with her."
"Not even her," Lincoln told. "He hasn't told even Kat about what's going on."
Luan huffed as she turned to face Lincoln as she asked "Are you sure that this is really the only way to find out what's up?"
"I hate to say this, but yeah," Lincoln said.
"Alright, fine, I'll look," Luan relented. "But only because you say this is the only way."
"Here's the most recent thing he's written in it," Lincoln said. "I figured it's important since you're directly mentioned in it."
Luan took a few minutes to read through what Lio had written. True to what Lincoln had said, she found it rather difficult to read. She knew that something had been up with her little brother, but never had she imagined it to be this.
"Is this really what he thinks of himself?" Luan asked after she finished reading. "That he's nothing but a nuisance? That he doesn't deserve our love?" Lincoln nodded and Luan asked "Is everything he wrote in this book the same as this passage?"
"I don't know," Lincoln answered. "I've only read 3 of his entries, but if I had to take a guess I'd say everything else in the journal is more or less the same. Especially since earlier he wrote that he was likely only going to use it for venting."
"Have you tried talking to Lio about this?" Luan asked.
"Twice," Lincoln said. "Both times he just acted like everything nothing was wrong. And I don't think he'd be exactly pleased if he found out we were reading his diary. He'd probably close himself off even more."
"I see," Luan said, placing her hand to her chin and adopting a thinking pose. "Hmm?"
"What?" Lincoln asked. "Have you got an idea?"
"I think this calls for an emergency sibling meeting," Luan said after much deliberation. "Tell the others to meet us in Lori's room ASAP."
"Right," Lincoln said, nodding his head.
"One more thing," Luan said. "Make sure Lio doesn't know about this since we're going to be talking about him."
"Got it," Lincoln said, giving a thumbs up as he texted the other siblings.
It didn't take long for most of the siblings to assemble. Lana, Lola, and Lily were the last to arrive since they were at the park and had to convince Lio to take them home without arousing his suspicion. Lio for the most part was none the wiser and as soon as the four got home, pulled out his phone and began texting with Kat, paying no attention to the affairs of his sibling. Not that he would want to interfere anyway as he figured he'd annoyed them enough as it was.
"So what's the reason behind this emergency sibling meeting?" Lisa asked. "Disagreements over chores again? Shampoo shortage? Did someone steal Lori's eyeliner again?"
"No, it's nothing like that," Lincoln tried to explain.
"Wait a second, aren't we missing someone?" Leni asked.
"Yeah, why aren't we including the otaku?" Lynn asked.
"Because the reason we called this meeting relates to him," Lincoln said, pulling out Lio's diary.
"Oh? We're talking about Lio and his secrets?" Lola asked, seeming intrigued when she saw his diary. "What did he do that's worth talking about? Did he steal money from Mom and Dad? Did he try burning down Flip's store!? What's the scoop?"
"He didn't do any of those things," Luan spoke up.
"Then why are we talking about him?" Lori asked. "If we're here to talk trash about him, we could literally do that to his face."
"We're not here to trash talk him," Lincoln said. "Especially when he already does a good enough job doing that to himself."
"What are you talking about?" Lucy asked.
"Listen, I'm just going to be honest," Lincoln said. "I was kinda reading through Lio's diary and…"
"Big deal," Lola interrupted. "I read through Lori and Luan's diary all the time."
That prompted a flat "What?" from both aforementioned sisters, causing Lola to recant her statement with a "I mean, I would read through their diaries if I were willing to slink so low. Heheh."
"Smooth save, sis," Lana quipped, rolling her eyes.
"Focus!" Lincoln Said, drawing attention back to him. "As I was saying, I read through Lio's diary and some of the things he's been saying about himself are really vicious."
"Well what exactly has he been saying about himself?" Leni asked.
"See for yourself," Lincoln said, opening up Lio's diary to a random page and reading off it. "You know, they say you should find the humor in every situation so why not start this entry off with a joke…"
What's a three letter word for useless idiot? Lio, that's what! You know, most people say "the gods broke the mold when they made me" and I'd say that's the case for me as well. Except in this case, they intentionally broke the mold so that they'd never create a mistake like me again. That's precisely what I am: a mistake. Nothing more, nothing less. How else would anyone describe me? Well gee, isn't this entry off to a lovely start? To be fair, I did say this book was strictly for venting so I don't know why I expected anything less.
And it's not like my life is miserable or anything or that I haven't had happy moments. I have tons of good memories that bring a smile to my face. The thing is that most of the times when I'm happy are when I'm doing stuff with my family or friends. Such as watching TV, or going to one of Lynn's games or playing Uno (even if J do always come in last place and end up with 50 cards in my hand by the end of it). Whenever I'm by myself with nothing but my thoughts, I'm almost always filled with despair. The only exceptions are when I'm working on art or drawing/writing my manga, but even then there are times when I can't bring myself to feel happy. Why is it that the only time I can relax and smile is when I'm in the company of my family. Especially when I'm pretty much antisocial around everyone else (with the exception of Kat, Chris, and Clyde). The more that I think about it, doesn't that make me a parasite? Yes, a parasite is the perfect description of me. I can only have happy times by leeching off of my family and friends. Yet, when it comes right down to it, I never give them anything in return. Nothing except my useless efforts.
Man, I use that word a lot don't I? "Useless". Whether it be in English or Japanese, I couldn't think of a more accurate adjective than that. My art? Useless! My manga? Useless! My hobbies? Useless! Me, myself? Useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless! A worthless entity not worth caring for! A despicable fool who will only hurt you if you get too close! A scared, loathsome little boy too afraid to even try talking to people outside his bloodline. Someone who breaks down at the mere thought of talking to a stranger. A moron who has panic attacks when in the presence of crowds. A lowly imbecile who could easily be mistaken for trash! Scratch that, a lowly imbecile who deserves to be thrown in the trash. Someone whose soul is more disgusting than frog urine.
That's the story of my life. Sometimes I compare myself to Johnny Joestar in that in terms of worth, I'm a negative who needs to raise themselves up to a zero. The difference between us is that Johnny eventually brought himself from negative to positive. Meanwhile, I have no chance at attaining redemption. There's no mystical Holy Saint corpse that I can use to purify and fix me. I'm stuck like this forever. I'm less than dirt, more lowly than dog poop in the middle of the road. The closest thing I have to a redeeming quality is that fact that I will always look out for my family. I will always do whatever I can to protect them. Anyone who tries to hurt them in anyway has to deal with my wrath. I won't even tolerate so much as a passing insult. Hurt my family and I will go full "ORA ORA" on your butt. And that warning extends to myself. Heck, it especially applies to myself.
I'd never want my siblings or friends to feel the same way I feel now: useless, worthless and hopeless. I may not be able to properly pay them back for everything they've done for me, but I can at least go out of my way to make sure they never have to experience what I'm feeling now. There's not an Angel in Heaven nor a demon in Hades that can stop me from helping them in their time of need. It is literally the least I can do for them.
(There were noticeably a few tear stains on the page, but Lincoln continued reading anyway.)
I really do love all of them, I truly do. It's no exaggeration to say that I'd give my life for them. I can only hope that none of them would ever do the same for me. Not just because I'm not worth it, but because I don't deserve it. My life is expendable compared to theirs. It's why I still struggle to understand why they love me. Someone as reprehensible as myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even human, but rather an "it". Something akin to a monster.
It's getting late and I think I can hear someone coming. I might want to put this away so no one sees it. I just know my family would flip if they saw what I wrote here. They'd probably never give me a moment's peace without watching my every move.
Signing off, XJohnny JoestarX Lio Loud.
"Did he really write all of that?" Luna asked, taking Lio's diary and reading it for herself, only to confirm Lincoln's account. "Wow, this is legit, he really did write this down."
"That was… frankly disturbing," Lucy said. "While I may like to dabble with death, no one's life is expendable."
"Was he being serious?" Lana asked, sounding scared. "About the whole being worthless and useless thing?"
"Please tell me that was just a one time thing," Lola said.
"The whole diary is filled with stuff like this," Lincoln said, nodding his head. "He's been writing stuff like this for months now."
"That is literally so messed up," Lori said. "I had no idea he felt this way."
"Neither did I," Lincoln said. "I only found out about this by accident."
"Guys, what are we going to do?" Leni asked. "We can't just let him keep doing this to himself."
"I agree," Lori said. "But what can we do?"
"Perhaps I could be of assistance," Lisa offered. "Maybe I could study his brain and chemically alter its makeup so that he feels better about himself."
"We are not experimenting on our brother," Luna said bluntly.
"I think I might have an idea," Lynn said.
"What is it?" Lincoln asked.
"Lio said that he feels like a useless parasite, right?" Lynn asked. "What if we all got together and showed him just how wrong he was. That might give him a swift kick in the rear and boost his confidence!"
"That might actually work," Lori said. "I think tomorrow we should hold another sibling meeting and this time, let's include our brother so that we can tell him just how not useless he is."
"Do you really think that'll work?" Lana asked.
"We have to give it a shot," Lincoln said. "I'm not going to just sit back and let him self destruct."
Thus, a plan had been devised. Failure was not an option. Lio mentioned that he'd do anything to keep his siblings from feeling the pain that he felt so it was only fitting that his siblings come together to do the same for him and alleviate the heartache he was experiencing. And if Lio didn't take their word for it, the siblings were more than willing to call up some friends to help make their point.