« Are you alone ? » I asked the both of them, taking some bags.
« Yeah, your warrior reached us. Hijikata should join shortly I guess, as soon as he and Kondou have decided what to do with the army since Edo seems a compromised destination » replied Harada « what's happening to Chizuru-chan ? »
I looked at Chizuru who was wiping the tears off her eyes and asked a silent question with my eyes.
« Should I tell them ? Isn't it too soon ? »
She smiled and nodded and I turned back to the captains with, I suppose, a blushing red face.
« There is a probability of occurrence that we might expand our family in a few months. » I muttered in embarrassment even if I had no reason to feel embarrassed.
« That's a roundabout way to announce the news ! » laughed Harada « That's wonderful, Chizuru-chan ! »
« It's... still super fresh so anything can happen, really... » she answered shyly « so... if you could keep quiet about it ? »
Nagakura, who kept silent, let out a long sigh before addressing us.
« Man.. » he said « I feel like I've been told someone fucked my sister... »
« She's my wife. » I frowned.
« Yeah, yeah... » he replied « just give me a minute to realize that she does have... women attributes... »
« Is Saito the father, Chizuru-chan ? » asked Harada playfully.
« Of... Of course ! » she stuttered, looking at me with a red flustered face.
« See, Shinpachi » he said with eyes closed and a hand on his chin « that leaves me even more confused. I never doubted Chizuru-chan was indeed a woman but it seems like Saito has men's attributes after all... »
I dropped his bags at his feet with an inexpressive face. If he wanted these things inside the inn, he could carry them himself.
« Oh, come on, chill out ! » laughed Nagakura « Sano's messing with you ! But I agree, there is only one sentence acceptable in these kinds of circumstances and that sentence is ? »
« Congratulations ? » tried Chizuru.
« No ! Lets. Get. Wasted ! » he grinned.
« You do realize we're in the middle of the afternoon, right ? » I asked.
« More time to drink ! » he grinned « Come on, Chizuru-chan ! That's a one in a lifetime opportunity ! »
« I... don't know... » she stuttered « I feel tired... »
« Okay, then... Wait a minute... »
He started digging in his bag and got out a bottle of sake, holding it high like it was some kind of prize.
« Let's drink here and when that bottle's empty, you can go to sleep and we are kidnapping your husband to celebrate. » he said triumphantly.
« If she's tired, she needs to rest. » I said firmly.
No way I would let her ignore her body's messages. Last time, she hid her pregnancy to everyone and kept working hard until she lost it. I wouldn't let that happen on my watch. There was already a protective instinct awakening in me towards Chizuru and the little one.
« Just a cup ! » pleaded Nagakura « come on ! Can't we just celebrate properly ?! »
I looked at Chizuru and she chuckled, nodding.
« Okay, let's celebrate. » she agreed.
« Ah ! Happy to see that there is at least one reasonable Saito here ! » he winked « Let's go ! Thanks for carrying my bags, Sano ! »
« Hey, wait ! » frowned Harada « Why am I carrying your bags ?!
« Too late, I'm already gone ! » he yelled, taking Chizuru on his shoulder like she was a rice bag or something.
« Nagakura ! » I shouted « let her down ! »
I was anxious that carrying her like that could actually hurt the baby but Chizuru was just laughing and I watched, mouth agap, that idiot take her inside the inn. So long for our peaceful afternoon...
« Hey, Saito » said Harada with an uncomfortable smile « I'm sorry for what I said about your virility, okay ? Mind giving me a hand ? »
I just sent him an icy glare and left him there. I had no time to waste with him, Chizuru was alone with Nagakura and that idiot was totally inconsiderate of her condition. I entered the inn to find him sitting at a table in front of her, handing her a cup of sake with a wide smile.
« Saito, come join us you bastard ! » he yelled « You need to drink with us ! »
I sat with them and got a cup served as well. Nagakura held his in the air and looked into Chizuru's eyes.
« To health and luck ! May you have a tiny but strong warrior ! » he said solemnly.
« What if it's a girl ? And why tiny ? » chuckled Chizuru.
« Well if Saito's really the father, I can't wish for a tall one, can I ? Umph ! »
I landed my elbow in his stomach with all my strength. They already ruined my peaceful afternoon, they didn't need to insult me on top of that. Chizuru just laughed some more and raised her cup.
« Kanpai ! » she said « to health and luck ! »
« Kanpai ! » we repeated and the three of us emptied our cups, immediately filled back by Nagakura.
« I think one cup is enough for Chizuru. » I stated « she's tired. »
« Oh come on ! » complained Nagakura « she's celebrating ! »
« Hey Shin ! » said Harada, joining us now that all the bags were in « give me a cup. »
« Take Chizuru's. » I said in an attempt to stop them.
« You mean I cannot have a toast with the Princess ? » he said with a hand on his chest, faking to be shocked.
« It's okay, Hajime. » she said with a smile « I'll go take a nap when you all leave. »
« I do not intend to leave. » I said firmly.
« Man, we never asked you to consent. You're a possible future dad, you're not getting back to your wife before morning, I can guarantee it. » said Nagakura.
« I promise we'll give him back to you in one piece, Chizuru-chan. » winked Harada and I sighed.
I knew resisting them would only make their will stronger. Fine. I'll go with them but I'll be back long before morning and no way they get me to do stupid stuff like get into a prostitution house. I'll stick to sake.
« Alright but you know that you don't have a high tolerance to alcohol » I said calmly « Don't drink too much. »
Before long, the four of us had finished the sake and Chizuru got back to our room for her nap. I wanted so badly to join her and talk with her. I had so many questions... Maybe I should step by Matsumoto-sensei's clinic to get advice... Normally, as a man, I shouldn't have to bother since my mother or my sister should have taken care of her and assisted her in every way. But I was a ronin, a drifter without any family anymore and she had no one else either. We were living with only men and so, I had to do something if we couldn't have a midwife as customary. Maybe Chizuru should leave here and stay with Matsumoto-sensei ? She'd probably be mad at me for mentioning it... And technically, she was a doctor as well now so... Maybe she could take care of herself ? So many questions... and yet, instead of asking them, I was in Yoshiwara already, drinking sake in an oiran house with Nagakura and Harada. I liked them, that wasn't the problem, I just wanted to be with my wife. Was she okay ? Could she get ill from the sake ? Could it kill the baby if she got drunk or hungover ? I should go back...
« Saito » said Harada with a kind smile « can you stop wiggling ? You're giving me a headache. »
« I think your sake consumption has more to do with your headache than my behavior. » I replied calmly.
He sighed and I saw in his eyes that there was another reason for us to be here.
« What is it ? » I asked.
« Shinpachi and I are leaving. » he said bluntly and I wasn't prepared for it.
« Leaving ? » I asked, believing that maybe I misheard.
« Yeah » he nodded « It's... We just can't follow Kondou-san anymore. It's time for us to part ways. »
« All this Kofu bullshit just was too much for us... » added Nagakura « We can't take it anymore. I was born a samurai, like you, and I quit being a ronin. I never wanted to serve a daimyo, I never wanted to be obedient. I wanted to make my own decisions and fight for what I choose to believe in. Now, that is becoming incompatible with Kondou-san's behavior. »
« I see... » I replied, sipping my sake « What are you going to do ? »
« We'll make our own corps and keep fighting for the shogunate. » explained Harada.
« That's right. » nodded Nagakura « and you should come with us. »
« No. » I shook my head.
« Saito, you must see that Kondou-san isn't the solution for you... » said Nagakura with a kind smile « and think about Chizuru... You're really going to follow Kondou into certain death and drag Chizuru and your unborn child with you ? »
« Staying here is the only way for me to accomplish my duty and reach my ambitions. » I explained.
« But what are those ambitions ? » asked Harada « What can't you accomplish except by following Kondou ? »
« It's a waste of a swordsman like you, Saito... » added Nagakura.
« I live to serve the Shinsengumi » I answered coldly « and I will do so. »
« Alright... » sighed Harada with a smile « told you he wouldn't come, Shinpachi. »
« Yeah, well that's too bad. » he muttered.
I stayed silent and drank my sake. This conversation was spreading doubt in my mind especially when they mentioned my wife and child. I wasn't a fool. I knew Kondou-san wasn't making the best decisions lately but my place still was at his side. Serving him was my only purpose. If I had to quit... Then what could possibly be my purpose in this changing world ?
We kept drinking most of the evening but I decided to head back long before morning, as I planned. They stayed in Yoshiwara for entertainment and alcohol and I got back alone. They needed to party after the disaster of Kofu and I could totally relate to that. I got back to the inn and found Chizuru sleeping peacefully. I laid next to her and kissed her forehead, wrapping my arms around her. I couldn't resist putting my hand on her belly. I couldn't sense life for the moment but knowing it was there had something intoxicating, plunging me in a state of both euphoria and anxiety.
I won't drag you into death... Both of you... I promise.