I woke up very early. To be fair, I didn't really wake up, I had trouble sleeping most of the night. Chizuru was still asleep next to me, her little mouth agape in a silent O, her eyes closed and crazy strands of hair flowing in her face. Like every morning, I caught myself thinking about how cute she was. My little warrior...
I took away the hair hiding her face and put my forehead against hers, holding her in my arms. I loved these moments before getting up, before getting back to my duty, these moments were I wasn't a warrior but just a man, deeply in love.
« You stink of alcohol... » I heard her groan in a low voice.
« Sorry. » I replied, making her roll so that she was facing the other way « Is it better ? »
« Hum... » she groaned again and I didn't know if it meant « yes », « no » or « shut up and let me sleep you moron. »
I nested my nose in her hair, trying to breath with it and keep my mouth shut so that she'd be less disturbed by my alcohol scent breath. I spooned her body and kept my arms around her. One of them couldn't resist but opened her nagajuban and rested on her belly. I was completely drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.
« You can't already feel it, you know... » she muttered.
« I know. » I answered, caressing the soft skin of her stomach.
My exploration of her belly finished, my hand traveled to her breasts, caressing them gently too.
« Careful... » she said « they hurt a little... »
« They do ? » I asked, making only featherlike touches.
I had no experience. I didn't even know that it could hurt. I've never witnessed pregnancy from so close. My sister wasn't living with us when she fell pregnant and my mother... She had two other pregnancies after me but sent back the child as soon as it was born and as a boy, they told me nothing about it like they did with Katsu. My sister learned how to bear and raise children while I learned how to hold a sword. I never felt regret about not having this knowledge. I mean, it wasn't my business anyway, it was girls and women's knowledge. I never felt like it was something I should worry about until now. Now, I was feeling totally helpless and I regretted that never once did someone explain these kinds of things to me.
Moving the hair off her neck, I started kissing the back of it while my fingers kept massaging her chest carefully and my hips came closer to hers.
« How come everytime you're hungover, you're so horny ? » she chuckled.
« You're the doctor. » I replied between two kisses « You tell me. »
She chuckled some more and the hand on her breast came cupping her womanhood without being intrusive.
« Do you wish for me to stop ? » I asked, still kissing her neck « If you don't feel like it, you have every right to send me away even if I'm your husband. »
In response she pushed her backside against my hips and I made love to her slowly and tenderly, burying myself in her at the tempo of her small whimpers. It was so sweet... And particularly satisfying after a hangover. I let my hand wander on all the curves of her body, keeping my fingers featherlight so I wouldn't hurt her. She was so fragile and precious... When I reached ecstasy, I came kissing her shoulder, my fingers brushing on it.
« Good morning. » I whispered.
She didn't answer but snuggled against me and I held her from behind a few minutes before getting up.
« Where are you going ? » she asked, visibly disappointed.
« To the bathroom. » I answered, closing my nagajuban « and then, I'll make some tea. Do you want some ? »
I had to get rid of the stench of alcohol sweating out from all the pores of my skin and my breath. She really seemed to dislike it even more than before.
« No... » she yawned « maybe later. I'm going to sleep a bit more since no one needs my help for anything today. »
« Alright. » I nodded, picking up my clothes « I'll see you later then. If you need anything, just ask. »
« I'm pregnant, not incapacitated. » she muttered angrily « especially at three weeks. »
« I'm going to remember you said that when you need my help. » I smirked.
« You mean when you'll have to make me roll because I'll be an ugly enormous whale ? » she muttered again.
« I'm sure you'll be as cute as a mochi. » I replied, leaning over to kiss her « I'll eat you up. »
« And I'm gonna remember you said that when I become fat. » she smiled, pulling back the covers on her.
I escaped a small laugh and headed out to get clean in the bathroom before going downstairs to make some tea. Since it was still very early, Nagakura and Harada weren't up yet. Well, if they slept here and not somewhere in Yoshiwara. Even if I didn't see them, I was greeted by familiar faces since Keisuke returned with Hijikata-san.
« Saito. » called Hijikata-san with furrowed brows « thank you for sending your warrior to us. Kondou-san took the army and led it to Nagareyama in the Aizu province. I have a few subjects to discuss with loyalist officials. I need you to organize the transfer of the Rasetsu and the weapons to Nagareyama. »
« Understood, Fukuchô. » I bowed.
« Is everything alright here ? » he asked me.
« Chizuru is making more medecine with Sannan. » I said « Toudou is concerned about the crime wave and we all seem to agree that we have an unregistered Rasetsu on the loose. Toudou thinks that Sannan is hiding something and keeps a close eye on him. Also, Nagakura and Harada are here. »
« So there's no way I can have good news once in a while... » he sighed « they're not gone yet ? »
« No, Fukuchô. » I said.
« I'm gonna talk to them before their departure. And I'll go shortly after to join Kondou-san when I'm done with these loyalist cowards. Are you gonna manage on your own ? »
« Yes, Fukuchô. » I nodded « Don't worry, it will be done. »
« I know... » he smiled sadly « Where's Saito-sensei ? »
« Still sleeping. » I said « the march to and from Kofu exhausted her. She needs some rest. She doesn't have the constitution of a warrior. »
She's pregnant !
I wanted to tell him, share my joy but Chizuru ordered me to keep it a secret for now. I didn't understand why I could tell Harada and Nagakura but not Hijikata-san but when I mentioned it, she got mad and told me that if the commanders or the Rasetsu were to know about her pregnancy then she would tell them about my condition... I decided to keep my mouth shut as she asked even if I didn't like it at all. It could put her at risk.
« What is your opinion about Sannan-san, Saito ? » he asked me bluntly.
« I don't know, Fukuchô. » I admitted « I only saw him once since I got here and he seemed of sound mind. Maybe Chizuru would be a better help to you on that particular question. »
« Alright, I'll ask her. » he nodded « I'm heading out. If there's an emergency, send your warrior to Katsu-sama's mansion. I'll probably be there yelling at all these cowards. »
I couldn't help but smile a little. A sad one. As the week passed, more and more allies were turning their backs on us and the shogun. And now, even Harada and Nagakura were leaving. I would soon be the only remaining captain of the Shinsengumi since Toudou was supposedly dead. Everything was falling into pieces and we were just carried by the current, fighting it the better we could without any success. Maybe what I feared the most was coming upon us, an era without the need for warriors anymore, an era without the need for me...
Hijikata-san left and I stayed alone with Keisuke, handing him a fuming cup of tea.
« Drink. » I ordered him « We have a lot of work ahead of us. »