Just as he said, Hijikata-san talked with Harada and Nagakura that afternoon but nothing he could say could change their already made up minds. I wasn't present to their meeting so I had no idea what they told each other but the outcome was to be expected. They were leaving.
Chizuru was still in our room when I saw them take their bags out of their rooms to leave.
« Have you found a place to stay already ? » I asked in my toneless voice, trying not to make them notice how much their departure affected me.
« Yeah » replied Harada « Ryonosuke's. »
« Ibuki ? » I asked, surprised.
Ibuki Ryonosuke was a guy we sheltered, a bit like Chizuru, when we were under Serizawa Kamo's command in the Rōshigumi. Since he left, a few days after Serizawa's assassination, I had no news of him. I didn't even know he was still alive.
« Yeah » nodded Harada with a smile « we exchanged a few letters through the years. He married his geiko and moved to Edo just after quitting the Rōshigumi. »
« Send him my regards. » I nodded « have you told Chizuru about your departure, yet ? »
« She didn't get out of your room and we didn't want to disturb her so we let her be. » said Harada « you'll tell her, okay ? »
« Nonsense. » I objected « Wait here. »
Chizuru would probably be mad at me for waking her up but she'd be even madder if I let them go without giving her a chance to see them off. As expected, she was still sleeping even though it was already past noon. I hoped this wouldn't last too long otherwise, we would soon have trouble hiding it.
« Chizuru... » I whispered.
« Hum... » was my only answer and I sighed.
« Hijikata-san's back. » I stated « I don't think sleeping that much is cautious if you don't want him to know. Also, Harada and Nagakura are quitting and I thought you'd like to see them off. »
« Wait, what ? » she asked, sitting up.
« Hijikata-san's back... » I started again to repeat what I just said to her.
« No, about Harada-san and Nagakura-san. » she said, eyes wide.
« They're leaving. » I explained.
« For... real ? I mean... Not for today or anything but... forever ? » she asked, not believing her ears.
I nodded and she dressed up as quickly as a tornado and stormed downstairs. I followed.
« O... Oy ! Chizuru ! Stop crying ! Man, Saito, do something ! » yelled Nagakura, totally panicked to have a sorrowful Chizuru thrown against his chest.
« Why ? » she asked between two sobs.
« It's because of Kondou-san. Well, us and Kondou-san, not him alone. We are just taking different paths. » explained Harada.
« Is there any way you could speak to Kondou-san and maybe reach a compromise ? » she asked.
« Been there. Done that. » said Nagakura calmly, stroking Chizuru's hair « Last time we really laid into each other. Almost got into a fist fight. Wonder what could have happened if we had our swo... WHAT THE HELL ?! »
« Do not worry, she's just getting a little emotional. » I explained, looking around me to be sure they weren't more witnesses.
« A little emotional ?! » he asked, looking at Chizuru's white hair and the horns getting out her forehead.
« It'll pass. » I stated « it's her demon form. »
« How can you stay so stoic when you see this ?! » he yelled.
He calmed himself and studied Chizuru's face from above before serving me a mischievous grin.
« Can I brag about making her... horny ? » he said which at least had the merit to make Chizuru chuckle.
« Nagakura. » I said in my toneless voice « Don't make me kill you. »
« I can't wait to repeat that pun to Souji. » he whispered loudly in Harada's ear who laughed sonorously.
I put my hand on the hilt of my katana and took an aggressive stance, icy eyes threatening both of them.
« Chizuru's nature isn't information meant to be shared. If this is your intent, then you leave me no choice but to end your life here and now to protect the Shinsengumi's secrets. » I said coldly.
« Man, Souji's a Shinsengumi captain, for gods' sake ! » sighed Nagakura « he's fully aware that Chizuru's an Oni even if he'd never seen her so... horny. Damn, that pun is pure gold ! »
I got my blade out of my scabbard with tremendous speed and put it on his throat, just above Chizuru's head. I pulled her back from him and put her behind me.
« You wouldn't dare break the Code. » stated Nagakura.
« Try me. » I replied coldly.
« Saito, you hit your head or something ? It's the Code ! »
« The Code of Conduct applies to comrades. You aren't Shinsengumi members anymore. »
« Do you need me to kick your little sorry ass like back in the days ? » he grinned.
« Again, try me. » I replied.
« Hajime, stop ! » yelled Chizuru behind me.
« Okay, everyone chill out. » said Harada, getting between the both of us « I know this is your way to say goodbye to each other but can we keep swords out of it for once ? »
I nodded and took my sword away. Harada was right. I was so sad, so lost to see them leaving as well after all the comrades I already lost... I had to redirect my anger towards something and Nagakura was an easy target, strong enough to not feel threatened and forgiving easily, while giving me reasons to target him by pushing me out of my comfort zone all the time. I wondered if this idiot knew it and if he played along just to make me let out the steam. It was hard to accept that this could be the last moment all of us would share together. I turned to Chizuru who still had horns on her forehead.
« Try to calm yourself before anyone witnesses it. » I ordered.
« Okay... » she sobbed « Sorry... »
« It is of no bother. » I shook my head « But you need to learn how to control it. »
« Yeah, you're right. » she nodded, trying to calm her sobs but her hair remained white and eyes golden.
« Gods, Chizuru-chan » said Harada « you're gonna make me cry too, you know. »
« I just... I just don't understand why... You've fought with Kondou-san before but... Why now ? You don't believe in the Bakufu anymore ? » she asked, her focus back on the situation.
« It's not that we don't want to fight the SatCho anymore » explained Nagakura « It's just that, if I stay here, I feel like everything I've done would've started to feel like a big, fat lie. It doesn't suit me to serve some master I have no say in choosing. »
A lie... A master you didn't choose...
These words were resonating in me a lot more than I would have liked it to, and were starting to draw blurred lines in my once unfaltering loyalty to Kondou-san. I tried to stay as stoic as possible and ignore his words, not letting them spread doubts in my heart.
« Getting shot at by the SatCho ? No big deal. » he continued « I'm not afraid to put my life on the line or get cut or stabbed or sent to the wind by cannon fire. »
« Nagakura... » I warned, seeing Chizuru's eyes fill with tears again.
« The only thing I don't wanna regret is to look back on my life when I die and wish I did things differently when I could. » he explained softly.
I instantly perked up and an invisible shiver ran down my spine. I feared that too, realizing at the moment of my death that I made the wrong choice, that I could have done things differently. That really struck a nerve in me although I kept my expression impassive.
« What about you, Harada-san ? » asked Chizuru.
« Same way, come on, screw Kondou-san. » he smiled « between us, it really hurts to see him acting like a buffoon lately. He acts like he got the shiniest toy in town with his new position and brags about it. It's too much for me. It never was like that when we were messing around at the Shieikan or chasing outlaw ronins in Kyoto. I'm fed up with his daimyo bullshit. »
« Okay... » she nodded « I understand your reasons and it looks like you put a lot of thought into it. »
Her expression was sad but it relieved me to see her act with so much maturity.
« It's not a farewell, kid » smiled Nagakura from ear to ear « We're still gonna fight the SatCho bastards so you'll probably have a lot of stories to listen to about how many asses we kicked ! »
« I'll keep my ears open, then. » she smiled, her hair getting back to their natural color, showing that she was making peace with her raging emotions « let me accompany you to the gate. »
« No need, princess. » smiled Harada « It'll only be harder for us to say goodbye. »
« It is of no inconvenience. » I nodded « We will see you off. »
We walked together to the inn's gate and Chizuru held both of them in her arms to say goodbye. They turned their heels and started walking before Nagakura froze into place and turned back at us. He marched up to me silently and stayed there, probably looking within himself for meaningful words to say. Eventually, he sighed and put his big hand on my shoulder.
« Saito » he asked « Do you really plan on staying here forever ? »
Don't ask me that. Don't spread doubt. I vowed to follow Kondou-san and so I will.
« Ha. » I nodded « the only way I can fulfill my duty as a warrior is to stay here. »
He pouted and pursed his lips, visibly dissatisfied with my answer. With a crooked expression, he seemed to deliberate in himself and gazed solemnly at me before speaking again but nothing could have prepared me for what he said.
« Just because they don't recognize you as a samurai doesn't make you any less of a warrior. » he stated as if it was evidence. However, in my heart, it was far from being one.
« What is it that you are trying to say ? » I asked a bit on the defensive.
« Maybe you should find a place where they value you. A master that'll give you a second chance. » he said « I mean, somewhere where you can pick your clothes, your sword, your home and be with your family. Basically anything that matters to you, right ? So, who the hell decided you can't choose your own master too ? Who decided you'd have to push your daughter away, wear this shit... Soon they'll ask you to leave Chizuru-chan behind, you know that ? »
Chizuru stayed silent and so did I. That eventuality already crossed my mind but for the moment, we had time to see it coming. And as for Haruhi... She was safer with the Matsumoto anyway, even if I was missing the kid.
« Okay, Shin. » said Harada to defuse the situation « you're a vagabond now. Don't put yourself in the same boat as Saito. »
« I'm just trying to look out for him, that's all. » he muttered while handing me a small piece of paper « Here. That's Ryonosuke's address. If you change your mind, you know where to find us. »
« Thank you. » I bowed, taking the paper but knowing already I would never use it.
« Anyway, we could stay here chatting all day but parting is such sweet sorrow and all... So, see you ! » smiled Harada.
« Farewell. » I said, stuck in the ineffable realization that this was probably the last time I saw them.
They turned their heels again but this time, they didn't come back to us and we watched them go until they disappeared at a corner. They were gone. I was the only Shinsengumi captain now. How risible to be the only one left when I didn't even have a division. My captain title was as hollow as Kondou-san's.
« Hajime ? » asked Chizuru « Do you want to stay here ? »
« Pardon me. » I said « I was lost in thoughts. We can head back. »
« We can stay a bit longer if you prefer... » she said kindly.
« It's windy. » I stated « I don't want you to catch a cold. I'll make you a hot tea. »
« Okay » she smiled and I took her hand to bring her back to the warmth of the inn.