Chapter 54

"Look at this shell Graunty." Joanie held up a white shell that was almost translucent. "It's so pretty."

Ruth bent over and took the shell from her five-year old great niece, examined it and then returned it to the little girl, "Yes, it is. You should definitely put it in your bucket."

It was mid-term break; Louisa and the children were in Portugal visiting her mother as they always did each February. Miriam rarely took time off from work whilst they were visiting; it was bad for business to close up her shop; and Louisa was always looking for ways to keep the children busy. The weather had turned particularly warm this week and she had arranged with Ruth to take the children to the small sheltered beach that bordered the gated community where Ruth and her husband Peter hired a small flat for January through March each year since their marriage. Peter had close friends, Morgan and Sylvia Stern, who lived there year-round and he and Ruth enjoyed socializing with them as well as enjoying the warmer weather.

Louisa was with the boys at the opposite end of the beach where they were playing with their bodyboards trying to ride the gentle waves that rolled onto the beach. Joanie had been content to splash at the water's edge until she had noticed Ruth pick up an orange tinted cockle shell. When she and Joanie found another one, she suggested that Joanie get her bucket and that they search together for shells to take back home with them to remember their holiday. Ruth herself had put several nice specimens in the pocket of her cardigan and followed Joanie to their encampment under the trees to collect two buckets, one for Joanie and one for herself.

Buckets in hand, they were companionably searching for shells on the beach. Joanie would squat down as she reached for a shell, her light brown hair with the golden highlights tumbling in soft curls over her shoulders, and she would look up at Ruth with a serious expression as she explained why each shell she found was perfect. It was funny how different the three children were. Both boys still were quite blond with their father's green eyes and full facial features. Joanie's eyes had stayed a deep blue and her features were more refined, more like her mother's. Ruth loved the little girl more than she would ever admit, had felt that way from the very first time she had seen her in hospital right after her birth. Searching for shells was a delightful way to pass the time with her great-niece and she couldn't be happier. She loved the boys just as much and she often wondered how her life would have evolved had she not rebuffed Izzy and married him. Would they have had children? She never thought of herself as the motherly type, but she cherished her time with Martin's children. She shook the thought out of her head. It was no use wondering "what if"; she had chosen her path many years ago, and it was rewarding in its own way. And now, she had Martin's children as well as Peter's grandchildren to enjoy. She stared out to sea and thought about Peter and the twists and turns life had taken since Joanie's birth over five years ago.

Louisa and Martin had run into Peter at the hospital holiday party right after Joanie's birth and in the course of conversation, had discovered that he and Ruth were friends. She had lost touch with him and his wife Margery after they had all retired, and Ruth was saddened to learn of her death. Margery was a lovely woman and an excellent clinician. Shortly after their return from their Cornwall holiday, she called Peter to express her condolences, and they had met up for lunch to reconnect and reminisce. He was leaving a few days after their lunch to visit some old friends in Portugal for several months, and they agreed to meet again upon his return. Morgan and Sylvia had a large villa in the same community where Margaret and Christopher had their villa, and they made it clear that he was always welcome to spend time with them in their home. He had spent a good month visiting with them and then had spent another month or two travelling across southern Portugal and Spain. He had returned just before Ruth arrived to arrange for Christopher's home care when it appeared that he would recover sufficiently from his broken hip to return to Portugal. They ran into each other one evening whilst each was out taking a walk. Peter was delighted to see her, and Ruth was equally pleased to have a friend in the community. She had quite a bit of free time between interviews with caregivers and physical therapists, and Peter was there to fill that time showing her the area sights and accompanying her to dinner and to occasional evenings with his friends.

After they both returned to London that summer, they continued their friendship. It grew into love over the next year or so, and he proposed two years later whilst they were in Cornwall celebrating the holidays. They married in early May the following year, and took an extended honeymoon touring the Greek isles. It was a wonderful time. Ruth had never expected to find love and marry at her age and she was looking forward to making a life with Peter for whatever time the fates were willing to give them.

After his wife's death Peter spent more and more time in the house he and Margery had purchased near their son's home in Cornwall. He had sold the family home in London and took a small flat in Kensington, a pied à terre, for those times when he needed to be in London for his occasional work, but after he and Ruth had reconnected, he found himself spending more and more time there. Ruth had lived in her London flat for years and it was perfect when it was just her, but it was much too small for the two of them. Even though each had technically retired just before their wedding, both were still active in their respective professional communities and each needed an office in London where they could organize their papers, attend seminars, and write the occasional article. They pooled their assets and found the perfect town home, with plenty of room for their collective papers as well as frequent guests, who were likely as not to be children, grandchildren, or great-nephews or nieces. In addition, it was not too far from Martin and Louisa's London home. When she finally settled Margaret into a small flat in Portugal, Ruth was able to work on transforming their house into a home. It had taken over a year to do the few renovations that were required and to sort through their collective furnishings, but now it felt like home.

Christopher died just before they were to be married. Perhaps the politic thing would have been to postpone the wedding and honeymoon and stay for the memorial service. Ruth considered doing just that, but in the end, at the urging of both Martin and Louisa, they kept to their original plans, sending flowers for the service. Based on Martin's scathing summary of the proceedings, the memorial service was farcical. Louisa was more tactful in her assessment. Martin had arranged the interment of his father's remains in the family crypt with a short prayer service graveside. It was a short but respectful service with just the minister and the five of them attending, but Margaret was insistent on holding a memorial service commensurate with Christopher's standing in the medical community. She and Martin had nearly come to blows when Louisa stepped in to offer a compromise. They held a short memorial service in one of the larger meeting rooms at the hospital with a modest reception of wine and canapes after. Several of Christopher's contemporaries were invited to speak of his achievements. Louisa said that they all acknowledged Margaret's contributions to his success as well.

Louisa told Ruth that Martin was barely able to hide his distain as each speaker mentioned his mother, curling his lip and staring down at his shoes. He finally had to leave the room as he watched Margaret preening under the attention of each of Christopher's friends and colleagues who approached her offering their condolences. "It was disgusting the way she was behaving. The whole affair reeked of pretentious pomposity," was all Martin had to say on the matter when he was telling her about it after Ruth and Peter's return to London. Louisa confirmed that it was a "bit over the top."

Later Margaret complained to her about the shabbiness of the entire event, and chastised Ruth bitterly for missing the function. "Your absence was an embarrassment that I had to explain constantly to those who knew Christopher well." Ruth recalled Margaret's hauteur as she sniffed, her nose tilted upward as she grimaced, "The entire affair was pathetic. You would have been humiliated, as was I, at the tawdry facilities and catering. Your brother deserved a much more dignified commemoration."

It was just the first of many complaints that she had to endure working with Margaret to help her manage her affairs. She had been handling her brother's affairs for Martin since he and Margaret returned to Portugal after his stroke, and she promised Martin that she would continue to handle his mother's finances after his father died. That meant selling the villa and finding affordable housing for Margaret. She was happy to help, but it meant that she had to postpone work on her own home.

Working with Margaret was always challenging. She and Margaret frequently butted heads as she assisted Margaret in putting the villa on the market and finding a small flat to purchase in the same community. At least she had Peter to come home to after her days with Margaret. She and Peter had found a small flat to let in the same compound as Margaret's villa whilst she was assisting Margaret. It was close enough to keep an eye on Margaret, but in a different section so that they could maintain their privacy. Whenever things became too heated between the two women, Peter would step in and mediate a solution. Margaret would listen to him when she wouldn't listen to Ruth. It was annoying how Margaret acted as if she had a proprietary hold on Peter, that if it weren't for Ruth, he might have married her. She was just too sweet and compliant when she was with Peter, always touching him on the arm or patting his cardigan as she requested his help when she thought Ruth was being unreasonable. Ruth wasn't sure if Margaret was actually trying to seduce Peter or if she was merely trying to perturb Ruth.

If she hadn't been confident of Peter's commitment to her and his distaste for Margaret, Ruth might have been concerned about Margaret's blatant flirting with him. No, she knew Peter was a good and honourable man who was devoted to her. Why did she let Margaret get under her skin that way? It didn't help her peace of mind that he refused to rebuff her advances totally. Peter had confirmed that he had initially found Margaret charming and had been flattered by her attentions, but he had lost interest as soon as he reconnected with Ruth. He assured Ruth that he had since learned of Margaret's true character and was relieved to have escaped her tentacles. Nonetheless, he did take Margaret's side occasionally, which was irksome. When he did, he made sure to reassure Ruth that he couldn't be less interested in Margaret, and he pointed out that a little flirting on his part improved the outcome for all of them.

Ruth was startled out of her reverie by a gentle tug on her skirt. "Graunty, are you going to look for more shells?"

She gazed down at the little girl and smiled, "Of course. I was just thinking how nice it is today here on the beach."

They continued their stroll, when Ruth spotted something special. "Look at this shell Joanie – it has so many colours on it." Ruth leaned down to rinse the shell in the water and placed it in her palm to show Joanie.

"Ooo … can I have it, Graunty?" Joanie leaned over to gently lift it from Ruth's hand and peer at it closely.

"Of course, you may have it." Ruth replied, emphasizing the word may. "I'm getting hungry. Why don't we go find a snack in your mother's bag?"

"Okay. Can I have a juice box? I'm thirsty."

"May I have a juice box?" Ruth corrected her niece once again, lifting her eyebrows to indicate that Joanie should repeat the request.

"May I have a juice box, Graunty?"

"Yes, you may." They had just reached the beach chairs that the attendants had set up for them, and Ruth reached into their hamper and pulled out the blanket for the children to sit on. As she opened the box of apple juice for Joanie, she waved her arm to attract Louisa's attention, and addressed Joanie at the same time. "Would you like a biscuit as well?"

Joanie gave her a big grin, "Yes, yes."

Louisa managed to entice the boys out of the ocean whilst Ruth laid out their lunch.

Despite the warmth of the day, the three of them were wearing wet suits because the water was cold. Handing each of the boys a towel, Louisa grabbed one for herself and instructed them to dry off and wrap up in their towels, then ordered the boys to sit down and gave them each a sandwich and a juice box to drink. She pulled out a sandwich for her daughter and then noticed that Joanie was busy munching on something, "Joanie, what are you eating?"

"I gave her a biscuit. I'm sure it hasn't ruined her appetite." Ruth interjected. Louisa shook her head and looked at her sceptically, "You're spoiling her Ruth."

"What are great-aunts for, may I ask? Besides, a little sweet never hurt anyone, despite what my nephew may claim." Ruth responded. "Here Joanie, have the sandwich mummy brought for you."

Louisa and Ruth both took a seat in the beach chairs and set out sandwiches and some water for themselves on the table between them. "It's such a lovely day." Louisa gushed. "We have had a great time playing in the waves, haven't we boys?"

"Did you see us, Graunty?" James gestured toward the sea. "We got some really good rides. This is the best beach ever."

"I did see you a few times. It looked like you were having a lot of fun."

"I rode all the way in on my board, Graunty. You should come in with us. We could help you." Robert was anxious to share his experience.

Ruth smiled at him indulgently, "That is very nice of you to offer Robert, but I didn't bring my swimming costume. Besides I'm having fun playing with Joanie." Turning to her niece, "Joanie – show Robert and James the shells you collected."

"Okay" Joanie crawled over to the edge of the blanket where she and Ruth had stored their buckets, grabbed hers and dumped her shells along with the accompanying sand onto the blanket and proudly showed off her collection.

"Well that's not going to be too much fun to clean up later," Louisa grimaced, observing all the sand covering the blanket she had borrowed from Miriam.

"Don't worry about it, we can shake most of it off before you leave today."

"Right", Louisa replied with little confidence.

Ruth leaned over and rummaged in her own bag and pulled out a large package of crisps. She opened the package and shunted a few onto her plate next to her sandwich, grabbing one to munch before offering some to Louisa, "Ummm, just what we need to make the picnic perfect. Want some?"

"Empty calories. Martin would be horrified to know you brought them to our picnic." Louisa laughed as she dumped a few onto her own plate.

Ruth grinned back at her. "Yes, and we won't tell him, will we?"

The children weren't blind and they swarmed over to their mother begging for some crisps, a treat to which they were rarely allowed to indulge. She laughed as she put several chips on each of their plates. "This is a special treat from Graunty. Eat them slowly because there aren't any more."

Her caution was ignored by the two boys who scarfed them down and begged their little sister to share hers. She wasn't to be duped and she carefully guarded her chips as she slowly savoured them.

They continued to enjoy their picnic when Ruth asked, "What are your plans for the rest of the week?

"Tomorrow is our afternoon with Margaret. We always spend a few hours with her at the pool so the children can play."

Ruth raised her eyebrows, and Louisa replied, "Yes, I know."

Ruth debated whether to go on, but added, "I'm surprised that Martin allows her anywhere near the children."

"Nooo …." Louisa stopped for a moment and noticed that the children had finished their meal and were listening to the adult conversation. She shot Ruth a look that implied that now was not the time to discuss Martin and his mother, and she turned her attention back to her children. "Are you finished with your lunch? Joanie, why don't you show James and Robert how to look for shells."

"Can't we go back in the water and play some more?"

"Not yet, James. You need to let your food settle for a few minutes. And Joanie is too little to play in the waves; she needs to learn to swim better. You can go splash at the water's edge whilst Graunty and I finish our lunch."

James sighed with a slump of his shoulders, then stood up, "Alright, C'mon Robert, let's go see who can make the biggest splash."

"Wait. We need to reapply the sunscreen to your face and neck. You don't want to get a sun burn."

"Mum!" James replied with exasperation. "We put sunscreen on when we got here."

"Yes, we did, and it washed off in the ocean. Now come here."

Louisa quickly reapplied the sunscreen to the children's exposed skin and sent them off to play. "Don't go past the water's edge. I don't want to have to come out and rescue you if a wave knocks you over."

"Mum, they're not that big." James countered.

"Not for you, maybe, but they are for Joanie and you know that she always wants to do what you and Robert do. Plus the water is cold and she doesn't have a wet suit. I'll be down to play with you in a few minutes."

Ruth watched her nephew's wife interact with her children, the easy way she guided them to be their best. Of course, she was a teacher with lots of experience disciplining children. Maybe that was it. When the children finally reached the water's edge, she turned to Louisa, "As I was saying, I'm surprised that Martin lets you and the children spend any time with Margaret."

"No. Sorry I had to cut you off a moment ago, but the children are very observant, James in particular. He's overheard us talking when we think he isn't near. Last year when we were preparing to come visit my mum, he asked me point blank if Margaret was Martin's mum. What could I say? I couldn't deny it when I'm always telling the children how important it is to be truthful. I told him that yes, she was. He looked very thoughtful and then he asked why Martin doesn't ever visit her."

"Oh dear, that is troubling. What did you tell him?"

"Just that it's complicated, that Daddy's parents didn't want him around and sent him away when he was little, and that Daddy is still sad about that. But I think James knows more than he admits. It's inevitable, but how do you tell a child that his father was abused and neglected as a child. And by the woman who has become his friend? I think he is still too young to understand."

Ruth leaned over, "Louisa, I think it may be time to have that discussion. He may understand more than you think. I'm sure James has friends who are experiencing difficult childhoods. Check with Martin and see how he feels about it."

"I can't imagine him discussing it with James. He rarely speaks of it to me, and when he does, I can tell that the memories are still painfully raw, despite all the time he's spent in therapy. He'd just like to forget about it all. Perhaps he should discuss with Harold how to respond to these sorts of questions with the children. How much of those memories should he share?"

Louisa picked up her water bottle to take a drink. "Back to your original question, Martin isn't happy about the few hours we do spend with Margaret, but I think it's a good way for me to keep tabs on how she's doing. I know he worries that she will reappear in our lives and he will be forced to have contact with her again."

Ruth shook her head, "That horrible woman. The damage she did to that little boy all those years ago, and the damage she is capable of inflicting on him still. She's a monster."

Louisa sighed and reached for Ruth's hand, "You do know how very grateful we are for all you've done since she reappeared. I don't know if we can ever repay you for all your help."

"And I am happy to help. Especially now that things are settled. It wasn't easy at first, but she has more or less accepted that she can't be extravagant anymore. Of course, many of her friends have experienced the same problems. That helps."

"Good. Martin and I have the same discussion every year before our trip over here. He is truly afraid she will say something despicable to one of the children, something that will distress them. From what I have learned, she was terrible to him as a child, constantly criticizing him and making him feel so small. Even now, she belittles him. It seems as though nothing he does is ever quite right."

"She's said the same kind of things to me as well."

"I don't understand why she is so critical. I shut her down as soon as she starts in on his failure to advance his career, work the system. According to her, he should be head of surgery by now, not just head of vascular. He is such a disappointment. And she never fails to point out that much of it is my fault for refusing to cosy up to the hospital decision makers. Can you believe the gall of the woman?"

"Status and money. Those were always the two most important drivers in her life."

"Every year, she brings it up. We will be sitting there quietly watching the children and she will say … 'Louisa, it's a shame that Martin hasn't advanced further in his career. You could help.' Last year I'd had enough and said that I thought he'd done quite well without the kind of help she was suggesting, and why, oh why, I asked, why does she always have to criticize him?"

"Did she give you an answer?"

"Not really. She said that he will always disappoint, and I told her that after more than 12 years of marriage and three children he hadn't disappointed me yet. And she said, 'Ultimately he will.' I gave up after that, just gathered up the children and headed back to my mother's."

Ruth leaned back in her chair and took a sip of the cooling drink the beach staff had brought her. "Good for you Louisa, don't let her get away with that kind of talk."

Louisa threw up her hands and huffed, "She even criticizes his suits and ties!"

Ruth had to chuckle, then Louisa leaned over conspiratorially and added, "And you and I both know he is the most elegantly dressed consultant in hospital."

She flopped back into her chair and smiled, "I still remember the first time we went out. I couldn't believe I was having dinner with such a distinguished man." She sighed, turning all dreamy-eyed, "He was so handsome. I think that's when I fell for him, right from the start."

Ruth smiled to herself at Louisa's continuing infatuation with her nephew. He was lucky to have found her, that was certain, and she chuckled, "You sound like a love sick schoolgirl."

Louisa sat back up and laughed out loud, "Well, maybe I am. You know, there are some mornings when I watch him leave for hospital and feel that same thrill as the very first time I saw him. He is just so …. I don't know … so special, and you do have to admit he is very attractive."

"I suppose he is." Ruth smiled at her indulgently, "You two do seem to be happy."

"Yes, we are. But I digress. Margaret … the children. He insists that I never leave any of the children alone with her, even for a few seconds. I keep a close eye on her interactions, but she seems to be quite generous and complimentary with them. She does have strong opinions on etiquette, always referring to what "one does" or "doesn't do". But if one of the children violates one of her "rules", she corrects them gently. She isn't openly critical."

"Perhaps she knows she must be on her best behaviour. I've heard from others how she brags about her grandchildren, how handsome and accomplished they are. She's 'keeping up with the Joneses' you know."

"What?" Louisa didn't understand.

"All her friends have grandchildren. It's the thing to do, and of course, hers are the best."

"Of course," Louisa nodded her head. "That explains why she always insists on having a photo taken with the children before we go to the pool, before they look like water rats. And it also explains why her friends drop by for a chat whilst we are at the pool. Sometimes it does feel a bit like "show and tell". But I can't really deny her that pleasure. She doesn't have many pleasures left now that Christopher is gone and her circumstances have changed."

"You are too kind. The woman is still as manipulative as ever." Ruth leaned forward in her chair and pointed her finger at Louisa, "and she manipulates you as well, whether you want to recognise it for what it is or not. Like I said, she has to be on her best behaviour when you are with her. If you were to report back to Martin that she had been unkind to one of the children, even the slightest cross word, she knows … believe me she knows … he would pull the plug on the yearly visits faster than she could snap her fingers.

"She plays the poor downtrodden widow with the estranged son to its full effect with her friends, but she has plenty of pleasures left if my observations are correct. You know that Morgan's wife Sylvia is one of her best friends. Sylvia tells tales that you wouldn't believe. This colony is Margaret's world and she is completely engaged in running it. Nobody crosses Margaret Ellingham without consequences."

"Wow. Really? She has that kind of influence? I would never have guessed it from her behaviour when we visit. She is always so cordial and welcoming, a typical doting grandmother." Louisa screwed up her mouth, "I suppose I should be more observant myself."

"Yes, you should or she will lure you into promising something you can't deliver. Be very careful with that one."

"Mmm … I will," Louisa started to gather up the remains of their lunch and pack it away in her cooler. "We should leave in a half-hour or so. Shall I go supervise the boys until then? Don't want them washing out to sea."

"Yes, and I'll tend to Joanie."

Louisa turned around and smiling, shook her finger at Ruth, "Good, but no more biscuits."

Ruth didn't reply to that directive, but shook her head and gave Louisa one of her crooked smiles.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays. I wish all of you the best the season has to offer …. K