Chapter 58

Louisa took Martin's hand as they walked towards the car park. He was sombre and distant and she was concerned for him. As they settled into the car and buckled their seat belts, he turned away to stare out the window. She reached over to him, stroking the side of his face softly, and he turned toward her. His eyes were red and there was a tear staining his cheek. She debated whether she should encourage him to talk. He was never one to share his feelings, but losing a mother, even one as distant and vicious as Margaret, was momentous and he might need to open up, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." He turned and looked out the front window, and then blurted, "Why?" Choking down a sob, he continued, "How can a mother hate her child?"

He turned back to face her as he pulled out his handkerchief and blotted his eyes. "I will never understand why she hated me so. How could anyone hate an infant?"

Louisa slowly shook her head in dismay, unable to answer him, not that he really wanted an answer. What he wanted, whether he knew it or not, was comforting. She unbuckled her seat belt and slid over to him, took him in her arms and stroked the back of his head, "I don't know."

He buried his face in her neck and clung to her as she rocked him back and forth. When he eventually started to pull away, she released him and ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him close to kiss away one last remaining tear. "All I know is that I am very grateful to her for giving you to me, the best husband I could ever have."

"Mmm … "He responded with one of his usual grunts, turning his head to the side. He sat up and straightened his shoulders, a sign that he was almost back to normal.

Once again, he was Martin Ellingham, master of his emotions. Even so, she couldn't resist giving him one last gesture of comfort, and she caressed his cheek before shifting back to her side of the car, "Shall we leave then?"

"Yes."

She turned on the car, drove out of the car park, and headed for the motorway. Soon enough they passed through the gate to Peter and Ruth's community, and Louisa pulled into an empty space near their flat and turned off the ignition. "Martin, there are several flats in this compound that are available for holiday lets, and I've arranged for us to use one of them through the end of the week-end. It has two bedrooms, one for us and one for the children. I thought that would be preferable to all of us trying to squeeze into my mum's house."

He unbuckled his seat belt and turned toward her, "Yes, Good thinking."

"And I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to commandeer your mum's place, not now anyway."

"God no."

She released the latch on her belt as well, "I packed up all of our things before we left my mum's place this morning, and I picked up the keys before I left for the airport. We can move into the flat whenever we feel like it this evening."

"Good."

"I suppose we will have to sell your mum's flat once she passes."

"Likely, but I don't know what arrangements she has made. I'll call the solicitor tomorrow after she dies."

Louisa reached over for his hand, "I know this is all very difficult and inconvenient for you, but I'm very happy to have you here."

He squeezed her hand, "Mmm …. It's fine …."

He was interrupted by knocking on the car door. He looked to see James and Robert standing there, grinning at him, with Joanie just a few steps behind straining against Ruth's hand. He opened the door to cries of "Daddy, Daddy."

"They have been watching out the window ever since you called to say you had left hospital. I couldn't keep them waiting inside any longer." Ruth shouted over the din.

"James," he leaned over to give his oldest a hug, then turned to Robert and Joanie and hugged each in turn. Joanie fiercely retuned his hug, wrapping her arms around his neck so that he nearly staggered as he rose. Carrying Joanie and holding Robert's hand, he walked away from the car towards the entrance to Ruth's flat.

"How did it go at hospital?" Ruth wanted to get Martin's opinion of Margaret's condition.

"As you would expect. It's not likely she will last the night."

Robert tugged on Martin's hand, "You can fix her Daddy, can't you?" Robert was certain that his Dad was a medical miracle worker.

"No, Robert. She is too sick for me to 'fix' her."

Robert found this information troubling and became very quiet, furrowing his brow in imitation of his father. Martin paused and gazed down at his son, "Perhaps we should go inside and we will discuss it there. Is that acceptable Robert?"

"I guess so."

James was following right behind his father and listening intently to every word. He turned to his mother and said, "Miss Margaret is really sick, isn't she mum … if Dad says he can't make her better."

"Yes, James. She is."

All were quiet as they followed Ruth into her flat. Peter was there to greet Martin and he too wanted an update, "How did you find her?"

Martin peered gravely at him and sighed, "I need a moment to freshen up and then I will tell all of you what I know about Margaret's condition. Can you point me towards your lavatory?"

He was absent for more than a few minutes and it was obvious when he returned, that he had washed his hands and face, and straightened his shirt and tie, generally making himself presentable. He returned to find Ruth, Peter, Louisa and the children all seated in the living room anxiously waiting for him to explain what was happening to Margaret.

Louisa knew Martin had this type of conversation with his patient's families nearly every day, but it was different this afternoon. It was his own family he was updating. She knew that this conversation would be difficult for him, and she watched as he pulled out a chair from the dining table and sat down.

He nodded towards Peter and began, "Peter has kept in contact with Margaret's doctors for the past two days and they have kept him informed as to the severity of her condition, so I believe you know that Margaret had a stroke and that it was quite serious. I spoke with her doctors, examined the scans they took when she first arrived yesterday afternoon, and then examined her myself. She experienced a massive haemorrhage in her brain." Looking at Robert, he elaborated, "That means that a blood vessel in her brain burst open and bled into her brain, which killed off many of her brain cells."

James would understand these details, but Martin had not spent as much time with Robert explaining how the body worked. He proceeded to provide some additional explanation for Robert's benefit. "Your brain controls the rest of your body. It tells your legs and arms to move and your lungs to breathe. If something happens to your brain, it can't tell the rest of your body what to do. Do you understand?"

He saw both James and Robert nod their heads so he continued, "I performed several tests to see if she responded to any outside stimuli, and she did not. I must agree with the doctors here that she has sustained significant damage to her brain, and as a result, she is experiencing complications. For instance, she cannot swallow and that has led to fluid building up in her lungs so that she is having trouble breathing."

Martin paused to assess whether he should continue or not, and he glanced to Louisa for guidance. She nodded in a sign to continue as needed. It was unlikely that Joanie understood any of what he was saying, but Louisa was comforting her. James was staring at the floor as Martin spoke, but raised his eyes when Martin paused with an expression that indicated he wanted his Dad to proceed. Robert was sitting next to Ruth, leaning into her side whilst holding her hand, and like James opened his eyes wider when Martin paused as if to say, "continue please." Did Robert really understand? He wasn't certain. He decided he might as well continue; let them all know what the next day held.

"A few years ago, Miss Margaret signed what we call an advance decision living will that said she didn't want any extraordinary measures taken to prolong her life if she was so sick or impaired that she wasn't expected to live and she couldn't tell the doctors what to do."

"Why would she do that?" James demanded to know.

"Because James, doctors are able to keep your body alive for long periods even if your brain has stopped functioning, even if your mind doesn't work anymore. Your soul, what makes you who you are has already gone and most people don't want the doctors to keep their body alive if there is no hope that they will get better. Miss Margaret is unconscious; she has some brain activity, but not much, and she won't wake up. The doctors and nurses are doing what they can to keep her comfortable, but she will die soon, perhaps some time tonight."

Louisa shifted her legs and tilted her head to the side to catch his attention, her eyes begging him to discontinue his discussion, and he acknowledged her unspoken request by finishing, "We will think of her tonight when we have our supper, and the hospital will contact me if her condition changes. In the meantime, I believe it would be a good idea to have some tea, and perhaps, take a short walk. Mummy tells me she has found a flat for us to stay in for the next few days. Perhaps we should walk over there and move our things in."

James wasn't quite ready to end the conversation, "Can we visit her?"

"I don't think so. They don't allow children in her ward."

"Why not. That's not fair."

Louisa had confided to Martin that James seemed to be very fond of Margaret and that he was taking her illness very hard. Martin cast his eyes downward for a few moments, "No it isn't. Tell you what, let's go over to our flat, give Graunty and Uncle Peter a few moments to themselves and I'll see if we can go visit her this evening. That way you can say good-bye."

James looked up at his Dad and shrugged his shoulders, in a move that reminded Louisa of Martin, "Thanks Dad. Can you call them now? I hope they will let us see her."

"Yes. I will call as soon as we get settled in our flat."