Hello my lovelies. I would like to thank Petunia3116, anonkp, PirateGinge, heyjode, Lic. Lu, Guest, Aim1107 and Max and Fern 4ever for the wonderful reviews. I would also like to thank those of you who have followed and favoured since my last update.

So here is the next chapter, it's a long one and filled with quite a bit of angst.

ATTENTION: This is probably not for Kensi fans, though I have tried to keep it within character while also within the changes I made for this story. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.

The bar was closed, everything cleaned down and the takings recorded. It was at this point of the night that Frank, Henry and Deeks would usually sit down a share a quiet beer relaxing and unwinding after a day at work. That night was no different, except that they had an added member to their group. Callen had helped Deeks close up the bar leaving Frank to sort out the money side of things. As such it was the four of them that sat down at the end of night, to relax, and for the couple to get to know the man who they had never heard of before, but seemed to be a part of Deeks' life.

Frank for his part, after the talk with Callen earlier, gave him a guarded respect. He knew he was here with the best of intentions towards Deeks, but Henry had not had the chance to gain that knowledge. All he knew was what Frank told him, and well, if this wasn't a perfect opportunity to find out more about Deeks' situation he didn't know what was. It would also give him a chance to gauge agent Callen's reactions to how Deeks responded to his questions. Therefore effecting ignorance Henry turned to the new member of their group to ask a question he hoped would open up a chance to discuss just who Callen was to the younger man, who he had been, and who he was going to be in the future.

"So, you Deeks' partner then?" He asked casually taking a sip of his beer, making sure not to take his eyes of the man who was sitting across from him.

"No." Callen replied simply, meeting Henry's eyes without hesitation. He could stare down Hetty, Henry was easy for him.

Henry heard Callen's reply and watched him, but got nothing, from him at any rate. What surprised him was the words coming out of the kid they had taken under their wing at his question.

"Thank god." Deeks muttered quietly, though not quiet enough that no one heard it. In fact all the men there heard his words and that piqued the interest of his new employers while causing a frown to appear on Callen's face.

"Deeks?" Callen asked wondering what that was about. Did he not want him to be his partner? Okay, he had never considered the idea of him and Deeks as partners, but he didn't think it was a completely terrible idea if it had ever happened. But it seemed Deeks did. That hurt more than he thought it would. The idea that Deeks didn't trust him to have his back. Surely with him resigning he had proved he could do that, right?

Deeks looked over at Callen when he heard the way he said his name, as if it was question. It was then he saw how his words had been interpreted. Which was so not want he had meant by them. Therefore he addressed his former team leader, correcting the miscommunication that had happened, though even as he did so he couldn't keep the growl from his voice at the words.

"Not you, her."

Callen raised his eyebrow at that, wanting more from Deeks, needing him to explain exactly what he meant by not just those words the tone he had spoken them in. He had been under the impression that there was an attraction between Kensi and Deeks, a budding relationship developing there before it had all gone wrong. So much so that he was in fact surprised the guy hadn't asked after her at all since he'd been there. So what did he mean by that?

Deeks signed when he saw that look. He really didn't want to talk about this, hell he didn't even want to think about it, but he knew he had to give Callen an explanation. The man deserved that considering all he was doing for him.

"She left me Callen. I thought she was coming to rescue… but instead she set me up." He responded his voice breaking as he remembered the pain he felt when he realised Kensi wasn't there to save him from the pain and literal torture he had endured. He didn't want to be thinking about this. He wanted this conversation to stop. Wanted that to it, the end, but one look at his former team leader's eyes and knew he wasn't going to get his wish.

"That wasn't her decision to make, Deeks. She was following orders." Callen replied carefully. He didn't want to upset the other man. He knew he had been through a lot, but he still felt the need to defend a member of his team. Felt the need to say the words so Deeks could hear them. Of course they were the wrong ones to say.

"It doesn't matter." Deeks shouted standing quickly as his breathing started to become erratic and his eyes darted around wildly as if he was back there again. Remembering it all in clear detail once more, something he had tried so hard not to do. But to hear Callen defend her… it was too much. It all came rushing back to him. The memories were crowding into his mind blotting out all else. The metallic smell of blood returned to him, and he could once again taste it in his mouth as his tongue unconsciously pressed against the scars he still had from where the drill had entered. He couldn't take this. He couldn't do this. Not now, not ever. He didn't want this. It was too much. With that he turned to walk out the bar without even looking at those he had been drinking with.

"Deeks!" Frank shouted standing to follow as he saw the kid stagger towards the door, his hand going to his mouth in a gesture he had never seen before and didn't understand. All he knew was Deeks was upset and he didn't want him running off on them. He needed to stay where they could keep him safe, where they could help him.

"No. I can't do this. Not now, not ever." Deeks muttered through the hand he was holding over his mouth as if he wanted to vomit. And a part of him did at the remembered taste of blood and pain that was currently going through him. He needed to get out. Go outside, everything would be better then. Get away from people, get away from the memories. Drown himself in the sounds of the ocean. He needed out.

Callen hadn't stood as he watched. He knew what was going through Deeks' mind. Because unlike the other two men there he knew what he had been through. He had seen his medical reports and knew the extent of the injuries that had been inflicted upon him. But like Frank he also did not want Deeks running away from them. Not now. Not when he had found a place that would be good for him, a place he could recover from all that had gone before. Therefore using his team leader voice, a tone that he knew the younger would not refuse to respond to, because he had been trained for the last four years to do just that, he said only one thing. "Deeks."

The reaction was instantaneous as Deeks stopped and turned to Callen, looking only at him as he spoke. "I can't tell them, Callen."

"I know." Callen replied, and he did. He understood in way no one else did, of that Deeks was sure. Therefore he made a decision. He couldn't tell them, couldn't form the words that would be needed to talk about the memories he tried so hard to repress. He couldn't do it. But Frank and Henry deserved to know.

As such Deeks took a deep breath and then he spoke.

"You do it?" He whispered, though it came out more as a question than a statement. The idea of Frank and Henry knowing… he knew it was the right thing, but that didn't make him feel any better about it. He had wanted to leave this all behind in LA, but he had known he wouldn't be able to. At least this way he wouldn't have to see their faces as they heard it all. And he knew he could trust Callen to only give the necessary details. He trusted him to only tell them the bare essentials.

Time seemed suspended in that moment for Deeks as he looked into Callen's eyes, watched the thoughts and understand flitter through them. But then the older man nodded and time rushed to start again. As soon as he saw that, Deeks moved out the door, Monty at his kneels as always. He couldn't be around to hear what Callen said, but conversely he didn't want to go too far away from people. Didn't want to be completely on his own right then. Therefore he moved to sit on the steps, listening to the waves pounding on the beach below and being soothed by the soft murmur of voices behind him. As long as he didn't think about what they were saying they were a comfort. So he sat and waited, and let himself relax, matching his breathing to waves once more as he forced his hand from his mouth and made himself swallow the taste he knew wasn't really there. Instead he spent the time as Callen talked pushing his psychosomatic reactions back into the box he had created in his mind. He just wished there was a way to lock it and throw away the key forever.

Callen waited until Deeks was out of hearing range before he started, though he didn't once remove his eyes from the doorway as he spoke. He needed to make sure Deeks was okay, and the best way to do that was to watch out for if Monty returned without him. So no, Callen wasn't going to look away from the last place he had seen the pair.

"We were running a joint op with another agency. One of ours in, and one of theirs. Deeks was overwatch for our man, Sam. His partner Kensi overwatch for the other agent. Sam got made, they nearly killed him. Deeks went in without thought to save him. In doing so, they both got caught. They were tortured. Him and Sam, the target wanting to know if the other agent was an agent. When the team located them Kensi went in with the assistant director with the aim of using the two inside as a way to confirm the other agents cover. Therefore rather than rescuing them, they set them up on a sting so that the agent could 'kill' them, and therefore prove her loyalty. When the bodies were left for dead the team went in and extracted them." He explained quietly. His tone of voice was calm and almost casual, it was enough to send a shiver up Frank's spine to hear the words he was speaking said in such a tone. Almost as if Callen was hoping that if he said them like that the impact of them would be lessened. That they wouldn't register what he was saying and instead hear something else. He had never heard anyone speak like that before about such horrific things, and Frank knew he never wanted to hear it again.

In the quiet that followed Callen's monologue only one question came to Frank's mind. And it was question he knew he had to voice.

"Where were you while he was getting tortured?" He asked, trying to keep his own tone as calm as Callen's, though he knew he had failed. He knew that his protective side had come out in the way it growled through him, almost as in accusation that it was Callen's fault, what Deeks had been through.

"I was with an… asset. I wanted to be there. It should have been me watching over Sam, he is my partner. But I had to run operation." Callen replied finally tearing his gaze away from the door to turn to Frank. The look in his eyes tore at Frank's heart. This man in front of him took complete blame for what had happened to the kid, as all good team leaders should. Deeks was under his care and it had gone horribly wrong. And Frank had no doubt that the outcome had caused the man beside him countless sleepless nights. At least that explained his protectiveness towards the kid. He thought he had failed him then, and he was trying his hardest to make up for it now.

"How bad was it?" Frank asked, his tone much gentler this time. He needed to know what they were dealing with here. Needed to know the extent of recovering Deeks needed to get better. Needed to know that there was a still a chance that he would.

"It was torture Frank, how bad do you think it was?" Henry interrupted shocked by the question from his husband. Torture was torture, right? There wasn't a scale you could rate something like that against. It was torture.

Callen choose to ignore Henrys interruption and responded to Franks question the only way he felt comfortable doing. He wasn't going to reveal any of the details, they didn't need to know them. All they needed to know was, "it was bad."

At that Frank nodded. Bad, okay. That wasn't the worst, but it wasn't the best either. It was somewhere in the middle. He could work with that. There was a way back for the kid from bad.

"I'll go talk to him." He said, moving to stand once more, only to find himself stopped by a strong grip on his arm, making him turn to Callen with a raised eyebrow as he looked at the hand holding him back.

"No. I'll go" Callen stated simply. There was no arguing with him in this. He was the one who had been there when it happened. He was the one who needed to be there for Deeks now. He knew the other man wouldn't want his new friends to see him until he was ready, and he knew Deeks wouldn't want to talk to anyone other than someone who already knew all the gory details.

Frank looked at him for half a minute, weighing things up in his mind before he relaxed back into his sit.

"Okay." He nodded, though neither Callen nor Henry missed how his knuckles whitened around his bottle beer, as if holding that was the only thing stopping him from going after the kid he had come to care for so deeply is such a short amount of time. The kid he was starting to think of as son, even if he had only known him a week.

Callen stood, emptied his beer and leaving the bottle on the table before he made him way out the door. He wondered how far he would have to go search for his team member, but he found the answer to that wasn't far, considering he was sitting on the step, Monty wrapped around his back with his head in Deeks' lap. Callen made sure he made a noise as he moved to join them, but not too much as to startle, just enough to make sure they both knew he was there.

Callen sat down beside Deeks, and reached out to scratch Monty's head. Not because he wanted to soothe the animal, but more it was the closest he felt Deeks would let him get to comforting him. He didn't want to touch the other man, he knew he wouldn't like it. So instead he sat there and petted Monty until the former detective at his side relaxed in his presence. Relaxed in knowing he wasn't going to try and break his personal space bubble, or offer meaningless platitudes. Callen waited until he was sure Deeks had himself under control before he spoke.

"She was following orders. She didn't want to do it." He said quietly, addressing what in his mind was the major issue Deeks was dealing with. The idea that someone you not only trusted to have your back, but also cared for, failed you. It was hard. Hell hard didn't even come close to describing it. And he wanted, no needed to help Deeks overcome this.

"I know." Deeks replied, and he did academically. "But that doesn't change anything." He continued before finally turning and catching Callen's eyes with his own. The look in them was so filled with hurt, and disbelief, and… confusion. As if he couldn't believe it had happened. It was a look Callen had seen in his own eyes, a long time ago. A look which made him know exactly what was coming, but knowing Deeks needed to put it into words. "Do you know what I felt when I saw her come through that door? I was so relieved that we were getting out of there. That it was over. But rather than untie me, she left me. The betrayal I felt at that… it's never going to go away, Callen. Never."

"I know." Callen replied softly, his own eyes turning out towards the black, staring at where his ears told him the ocean was, he remembered that feeling. That op with Tracy, his 'wife'. The woman he had cared for so deeply. The woman who had left him and hadn't had his back, instead she had completed the mission. Because to her the mission was more important than them. She had taught him a stark lesson on that op, that the only person you can depend on is yourself, even your partner will leave you for the mission. It was lesson he never wanted anyone else to learn. But it seemed Deeks had. Oh he knew it wasn't the same situation, but betrayal was betrayal, no matter how you looked at it. And in thinking that he knew that that relationship between Deeks and Kensi would never be able to be repaired. That betrayal would never go away, it might fade, but it would always be there at the back of Deeks' mind. Nothing between them would ever be the same again. But in thinking that a question came to him. One he didn't want to ask, but one he knew he needed to know the answer to. Therefore still looking out at the ocean he put voice to the worry he now had in his heart. "Do you blame me for what happened?"

"No. why would I?" Deeks asked with a frown. Why should he blame Callen? He wasn't the one holding the drill, hell he hadn't been anywhere near them throughout the whole ordeal.

"I was the one that let Sam get made. It was my fault that… Janvier had the chance to betray us." Callen replied, spitting out the name of the man he had such hatred for. The one man who had played him time again. The one that if he was some comic book hero he knew would be classed as his arch nemesis.

"You didn't torture me, Callen. That's all on Sidorov. It wasn't your fault. And I would do the same again in that situation. Just as I know you or Sam would. But Kensi…" at that Deeks trailed off. Because he was no longer sure his partner would have done for him what he had done for Sam. No that wasn't true, he was sure she would, it was more he could no longer trust her to do it without question. But then he shook his head. It didn't matter anymore, she wasn't his partner anymore. It was done over with. He didn't need to worry about that anymore so instead he turned his mind to something else. Something he should have probably asked before now. "How's Sam doing anyway?"

"He's fine. Misses you, though he refused to admit it." Callen responded with a smirk on his lips. In truth his partner was being a bear to him currently. Mainly due to the fact the big guy was convinced he knew where Deeks was but wasn't telling. Which sure, now was true. But hadn't been earlier in the week.

"I knew the big guy cared really, deep down." Deeks replied with a chuckle. He didn't envy whoever they got to replace him. He remembered his first day as LAPD liaison for NCIS. It had not gone well. Not to mention Sam had insisted on calling him temp the whole damn time.

"Yeah, that or he really doesn't like change." Callen agreed causing Deeks' chuckle to become a full out laugh at his deadpan words. They seemed to lighten the air between them better than anything else could have, and Callen was glad. Deeks didn't blame him and they were still… friends. He decided right then he didn't care what the younger man's relationships with the rest of the team were, as long they had this, and nothing else really mattered. Not to them, not then. With that he decided it was probably time to ease the worry of the two men inside who had taken Deeks to their hearts without question.

"Come on, we'd better go back inside before Frank thinks I'm taking advantage of you and pulls the shotgun he has behind the bar on me." He said standing up.

"How do you know-" Deeks started to ask but then thought better of it. "No. you know what, I don't want to know." he continued with turning and grabbing the hand Callen offered to help him stand, using it to pull himself up and smiling at the man in front of him. And standing there staring into Callen's eyes there was a moment, a second when they both realised just how close they were standing, just how little a distance they would have to close to kiss.

But it was gone in a second later when Callen turned towards the door. Because as much as he would happily kiss Deeks, he knew now was definitely not the time to even consider it. They were friends, and he was more than happy with that. Therefore he answered Deeks unasked question.

"I may have seen the gun licence when I was running the background check."

"You're terrible, Callen. I pretty sure Hetty would not approve of your misuse of government records." Deeks responded in a jokey tone as he followed the older man towards the door.

"You're part of my team, Deeks. It's my job to make sure you're okay." Callen replied. It really was that simple to him.

"I quit." Deeks leaned forwards to remind him.

"Still part of my team." Callen answered back with a shrug. Deeks would always be part of his team, because his team were his friends and family, and they were the ones he looked out for. And he would always look out for the younger man.

And Deeks hearing that didn't say anything more, even while a smile spread across his face. Because he knew what Callen was saying, and he knew he meant it. No matter what he would always have Callen at his back, whether he needed it or not. It was good to know there was someone from his former life he could trust so completely, even if he had never thought it would be the man in front of him. He wasn't going to say no, that was for sure.

Frank and Henry had watched Callen walk outside, and they sat in silence until the heard the quiet murmur of voices, telling them that kid and the agent weren't too far away from them. It was only then that Henry turned to his husband and spoke quietly.

"He was tortured."

"Yeah." Frank responded not really sure what else he could say to that. He'd thought someone had broken Deeks' trust somehow, but what he had just learnt… that was more than he ever thought possible.

"How could anyone do that?" Henry asked seriously, confusion in voice at the idea that a human being could to that to another human being. He didn't understand what sort of mind such a person would have to have. It was wrong on every level he could think of.

"There are some evil sons of bitches in the world, Henry. And I'm pretty sure that agent Callen and his team get to meet the worst of the worst." Frank sighed as he replied, moving to wrap his arm around the younger man, pulling his husband close so he could nuzzle at his hair, wanting to give him reassurance that they were fine, that everyone was okay.

"Yeah. Hope he has someone good watching his back." Henry agreed, looking towards the door where the other two men were. He was worried about what Callen faced on a daily basis. He didn't want the man he had just met to be hurt, even if he hadn't liked him to being with. That had purely been in defence of Deeks. But seeing the two together he realised he was the kid's friend.

"Worried about him are you?" Frank asked with a raise of an eyebrow, and when Henry turned to look at him he continued.

"Should I be jealous?" He asked with a smirk causing Henry to roll his eyes, deciding it best to not even give a response to that. Frank knew the answer was no.

"He's Deeks' friend. Of course I am worried." Henry said instead.

"Me too, babe. Me too." Frank agreed, though his worry was less for the agent himself, and more for what would happen to Deeks if he ever found out something had happened to Callen. He didn't like to think how the kid would react to that. How he would blame himself because he had walked away and wasn't there to watch over him. Yeah, he really hoped nothing happened to Callen, because he was pretty sure that that would be the thing that would break Deeks beyond repair.