Chapter Twenty-Nine

December 4th, 1913
New York City, New York

When Rose woke up, there was a ray light coming across her face. She squinted against it and turned her head, nudging Jack who was sleeping up against her. She glanced over her shoulder at him. One of his arms was loosely dangling over her hip. His face was sunken into his pillow, his hair molded in all kinds of ridiculous ways. His shoulders rose and fell in rhythm, not even stirring at Rose's movement. Rose smiled weakly and laid back down facing the window.

She pulled the quilt to her chin and stared at the new day waiting for her just outside the window. She knew the time was nearing. She felt she had no time left to put it off. Rose knew it was time to break up with Tim. She questioned why it had even taken her so long, but deep down inside, Rose knew there was still a part of her that cared about him. She knew Tim would be a wonderful friend, but wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to talk to her again. Rose fidgeted with the quilt for a moment and held in a sigh. Tim had been nothing but good to Rose. The only thing he wasn't was her true love. But how could she make him really understand that? Did she even want those words to be the way she phrased him? Rose felt like it would be a low-blow.

There was stirring beside her and she felt Jack's arm slide off her side. She looked over her shoulder to see him rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. He blinked rapidly and twisted his head to look at her. Jack sank his hands behind his pillow and readjusted himself, "Hey," He said, his voice husky with sleep.

"Good morning," She whispered lightly. She turned herself on the bed to face him, holding the quilt against her as the apartment was rather chilly.

Jack grinned lop-sidedly, "Always wonderful waking up to your face."

Rose smiled, her cheeks growing warm, "Do you have to go paint today?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "we've got a few commissions lined up with Christmas deadlines. I better go help Frenchie. What about you? Not waiting tables today?"

"No, I have the whole day off," Rose scrunched her toes up against her quilt, "I keep thinking I had something I needed to get done," She furrowed her brow for a moment, "But I suppose if I can't remember, it wasn't important. I'll have to check the ice box," Rose shrugged now.

"Well, I can always pick anything you need up on the way back from the studio," Jack offered, but paused for a moment, "I mean, if it's okay I come back tonight."

"Yes, please come back," Rose nodded, "I like having you here."

He smiled and reached his hand out, lacing his fingers through her's, "Okay, I won't be late."

Rose scooted closer to Jack on the bed, tangling her legs through his and resting her head against his shoulder. She listened to his steady heartbeat, watching his chest rise and fall in time. Everything felt so aligned in that moment. Her body felt like it was perfectly balanced. His body heat radiated against her and she relished in it, burrowing her face against the crook of his neck, catching his familiar scent of sugary Coca-Cola and refreshing pine needles. He wrapped his arms around her body, running his hands along her silky skin. He sighed contently, pressing his cheek against her unkempt curls.

Slowly, he allowed his hands to explore her, as if he hadn't touched her dozens and dozens of times before. Rose relished in his touch as it left hot trails along her skin. She pressed herself flatter against him, running her slender index finger along his bare chest. He felt a chill come over him at the tender touch on her nails along his skin. Rose's hand slowly dipped beneath the blanket, her hands following the curves of his body.

Jack's entire body began to resonate with warmth as he felt her hand brush against his thighs. Goosebumps plagued his skin as he lifted his hand, running his thumb along her cheek. He grazed gently over her plump lips, stroking her rounded chin. He tangled his hands through her curls as a heat welled up in him beneath her quilt, where her hand moved at a steady pace. He gripped both sides of her face, finding himself entranced by her emerald green eyes. When he looked into them, it's as if he saw his entire future staring back at him.

"God, you're so beautiful," He whispered, bringing his face closer to her's. Jack continued to soak in the wonderful feeling he received just from touching her. He grazed over her ears, her eyes, her nose, her forehead, anything he could touch. Jack propped himself up on his elbow and slowly began to climb over Rose. She giggled, attaching herself to his strong biceps, squeezing the muscles. His entire sight was filled with nothing but Rose beneath him. He dipped down, pressing his lips to her, gently grabbing hold of her neck, making her tilt her head back to fully receive his hungry kisses. She pulsated beneath his strong grip.

Just as Jack finally placed his hips to her's, there was a curt rap on the front door. Rose immediately froze, grabbing hold of Jack's arms tightly. She gasped sharply, looking to Jack with wide eyes, "Jack, what time is it?" She asked, slightly raising her head from the pillow.

Jack squinted as he looked towards the gold alarm clock on her nightstand, "Nearly eleven, why?"

"I remember what I had to do today," Rose said, pressing her head back into the pillow and slapping her hand to her forehead, "Tim said he wanted to show me the Christmas Market."

"Wait- so that's Tim?!" Jack bolted up right onto his knees, looking towards the doorway.

Rose immediately rolled out of bed, reaching for her fluffy white robe that was dangling on the chair of her vanity. She pulled it on, tying the sash hurriedly as there was another knock at her door. Rose snagged Jack's pants off the ground and then his shirt, stuffing them into his hands.

"You have to hide for the time being," She told him as he clumsily staggered into his pants. He glanced to her as he began wrangling his shirt over his shoulders.

"Where?"

"The closet," Rose began ushering him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She threw the door open and gestured for him to jump in, "Just let yourself out of the apartment once we're gone. Wait for ten minutes so we can get off the block, okay?"

Jack stepped into the closet and turned to Rose, catching her wrist. Another knock at the door had her glancing towards the hallway, "Hey," He said, drawing her eyes towards him, "do you want pizza for dinner?"

She paused for a moment. The question almost seemed ridiculous in her frenzied state of mind. But a smile spread across her face, "Sure. That sounds good."

He returned the grin and pressed his hand to her cheek, giving her a deep kiss. Another rap at the door had Jack nodding towards Rose as he closed the closet door. Rose hurried through the living room. Upon seeing Jack's coat laid out across the couch, she cursed. Grabbing it, she raced back to her bedroom and opened the closet door, surprising Jack as she threw it at him and closed the door again. Rose went back to the living room, opening the door to see Tim, who seemed bright eyed and bushy tailed, as usual.

"Hey, sorry, were you asleep?" Tim asked, strolling in past her.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I overslept," Rose replied, closing the door and hugging herself.

"Do you feel alright?"

"Oh, yes, I'm fine. If you'll give me a few moments, I'll just get ready," Rose told him, gesturing towards her bedroom. He followed her down the hall and stopped in her doorway, leaning up against it. Rose seated herself at her vanity and began getting ready. Her heart was thudding in her chest as she lifted her hairbrush and began to gently comb through her curls.

"So, excited for the Christmas Market?" Tim asked with a grin as he watched her curls fall down her shoulders, "It's really wonderful. I find something for my mom and sister's there every year."

"Is it mostly handmade things?" Rose asked, looking at him in the reflection of the mirror. She was doing everything in her power to act casual.

"Yeah," Tim nodded, "a lot of local vendors. Seamstresses, carpenters, blacksmiths, you name it. Every trade, you'll find it. Even homemade bars of soap and pastries," Tim glanced to his sterling silver wrist watch, "I figured maybe we could stop and eat lunch at that little garden cafe you like so much. It is on the way."

"Sure," Rose nodded, powdering her face. She stood and realized she had to get dressed and almost looked to the closet in fright. She glanced towards Tim who was standing on the other side of the door. She inhaled silently as she willed herself to cross the room. Tim had distracted himself by pulling a small agenda out from the inside of his coat, glancing at what he had written for the day. Rose threw the closet door open and was nearly stunned into place upon seeing Jack holding a dress and shoes out to her. He had chosen a blue velvet dress with light blue silk trimming and matching blue shoes to go with it. Rose immediately grabbed the garments and kicked the door shut behind her, laying them across his bed.

"I love that dress," Tim said, lowering his agenda and grinning, "It's such a good color on you."

From the inside of the closet, Jack smirked and lowered his eyes.

"Thank you," Rose replied, without even glancing over her shoulder.

"I'll give you some privacy while you change," Tim said and closed the door behind him. She listened to his footsteps fade away down the hall. Rose let out a large sigh as she undid the sash of her robe and began unzipping her dress. She stepped into it and paused, returning to the closet door to see Jack holding a wad of stockings out to her.

"How'd you know?" Rose grinned.

"Realized after I gave you the clothes," Jack said with a lop-sided grin.

"Thank you," Rose said warmly, "And I'm sorry."

"Do you think this is your chance?" Jack asked. Rose seated herself on the edge of the bed and began rolling up a leg of her nude stockings. Jack remained in the closet, leaned against the wall between a parting in her dresses. His shirt was still left unbuttoned and wrinkled on his shoulders, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Maybe," Rose said, glancing up from smoothing the stocking, "I think I have a plan."

Rose wriggled her heels on and stood up, fluffing her dress. Jack smiled.

"You look nice."

Rose crossed to him, giving him a tender kiss, "I'll see you later."

"Hey- get me a bar of soap," Jack said, "Surprise me with the scent."

Rose gave him a goofy grin, "Okay, I will," And with that, she closed the closet door.

...

The Christmas Market took up two entire street blocks. The roads were closed off and the curbs were lined with many different vendors. The market was bustling with dozen of people. The mood seemed fitting as it was an overcast day that had ocassionally been sprinkling a bit of snowflakes from the sky. Rose's breath puffed out before her as she walked beside Tim, her hands dug into the pockets of her peacoat.

"So, who do you have to shop for this year?" Tim asked, glancing to her. A few snowflakes had been caught in his hair and were a stark contrast to his brown wavy locks.

"My boss, Winston," Rose shrugged, "A few waitresses. Maybe... something for the book club."

"Sounds like you have a full plate like me," Tim chuckled, "I love the Christmas season, though. There's nothing better than being able to give back."

"I think you do plenty of that during the year," Rose said, glancing to a flower stand with several bountiful and elaborate bouquets on display.

"I don't feel like I do nearly enough for my sisters and parents," Tim shook his head, "I don't visit as much as I'd like to. Coming to the city is hard on my mom and dad. It can't just be a day trip for them and I really don't get a break from work most of the time," Tim shrugged, "This is my chance to really show my gratitude at the end of the year for supporting me, yet again."

Rose felt a stinging sensation just beneath her skin. She looked forward, a snowflake getting caught in her eyelash. She stopped, however, when she saw a soap vendor. Rose paused, looking at the sign, then glanced to Tim, "I wanted to get soap for my book club. The women always talk about what a true luxury a scented one is. And I feel bad, because I've always used one."

Tim grinned, "How many women?"

"Seven."

"Wow, so there's eight of you? That sounds like a really fun and rowdy book club," Tim laughed at the thought, "It sounds really good for you, Rose."

"Yeah," She lowered her eyes for a moment, "it is really good for me."

"Well, hey, why don't I help you pay for them?" Tim offered, "They are a little pricey."

"No, no," Rose waved her hand dismissively, "I can do my Christmas shopping on my own."

"Oh, come on," Tim shook his head, "Let me help. I have more than enough."

Rose pulled her wallet out from her coat pocket and looked to him, "It doesn't matter to me how much money you have, Tim."

...

By mid-afternoon, the snow was beginning to fall a bit steadier, but still the Christmas Market continued on with tireless energy. Many people walked by with umbrellas now. Some vendors were condensed to smaller counter space as the snow began to cake the surfaces. Rose looked up into the sky, allowing some snowflakes to lay across her face. She had a few bags dangled over her arms as she and Tim were wrapping up their shopping. Tim had several bags, much more than Rose, gathered in his arms.

"Well, I certainly did not anticipate snow today," Tim said, some flakes stuck to his glasses.

"It's fitting," Rose smirked. He glanced to her to admire all the snow caught in her eyelashes and curls. It almost made her angelic. She felt his eyes in the next moment and looked to him.

"Did you like the Christmas Market?" He asked.

"Yes," Rose nodded, looking forward again, "I'm surprised I'd never heard of it."

"Well, you have to keep it a secret, too," Tim told her as they stepped onto the sidewalk leading out of the blocked off market space. Rose looked to him with arched eyebrows, "My family thinks I do lots of walking in between to get all these things. They have no idea I'm able to go to a market place and walk less than half a mile around the space to get everything."

"Oh, very devious," Rose snorted lightly.

"Hey, we all have our secrets, right?" Tim laughed.

Rose felt herself grow cold at the statement. She glanced the other way, willing herself to recompose her face. The tingling sensation had returned again and she felt the blood coursing through her ears, pulsating through her head like a hammer.

"Hey, do you want to stop for some coffee?" Tim asked, "I could really use some."

Rose pondered this a moment before nodding and looking towards him, "Sure, let's go."

...

Rose and Tim found themselves at a quaint cafe with black and white tiled floor and many circular garden tables spread throughout the large room with picture windows. Rose shook some snow from her curls as they came through the door, a brisk breeze following them. Tim told Rose to find a table while he got them coffee. She seated herself just beneath a window so she could watch the snowflakes dance outside amongst the wind.

It didn't take long for Tim to come to the table with two cups on saucers, filled to the brim with the premium coffee brand available in the cafe. Their bags sat gathered at their feet as they both made their coffee to taste with the available sugar and creamer at the table. Rose kept her eyes lowered as she stirred her coffee, daintily tapping her silver spoon to the lip.

"So, how are you?" Tim asked, lifting his eyes to her. She looked to him, blinking momentarily.

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"Same ol', same ol'," Tim replied, folding his hands together and resting them under his chin, "I've missed you. I haven't seen you since Thanksgiving. I want to spend more time with you, Rose."

"I'm sorry I'm so preoccupied," Rose said, fidgeting with the handle of her coffee cup, "I just..." She sighed and shook her head, lowering her eyes. Her heart was beating ferociously in her chest as she felt a barrage of words, nearly like vomit, rising up in her throat.

Do you think this is your chance?

When Rose looked to Tim, she had tears brimming her eyes and she knew she had startled him. Tim lowered his coffee, staring at her intently. Rose's breathing shallowed and she inhaled deeply in an attempt to resume her body on beat, but still, it quivered at her every movement.

"Rose?" Tim asked softly and the way he said her name seared her. He began to move his hand towards her but fell short, double guessing his action, "Rose? What's wrong?"

The tears continued to fall despite Rose's face of stone. She held eye contact with Tim even though he looked bleary in her vision. She licked her lips pensively, "I've just been thinking recently, Tim... Being with your family at Thanksgiving only had me thinking more that... I'm..." She took a breath, "I'm not right for you."

"What?" Tim seemed rather taken aback. He straightened his shoulders, "Why would you think that?"

"I'm not on your level. You're so established, you're comfortable, you're a people pleaser because you can be," Rose told him, her voice seemingly pinched, "I'm a nobody. I make pennies on the dollar. I'm so much of a wreck, I can't even get a standard schedule in place. I'm wasting your time, Tim. We both know it. I have a closet full of skeletons I have to live with and I think they've been telling me there's not room for another one."

"No, I don't agree," Tim shook his head.

"I do nothing but drag you down," Rose said, quietly, but firmly, "I make you wait around for me, you probably always wonder when I'll actually come around. You deserve somebody who can give their full-selves to this, Tim. I just don't think it's me."

Tim ran his hand along his jaw for a second, "I think we can talk this out, Rose. I think we can figure something out. I want this, more than you know. I love you, Rose. Nothing on earth can change what I think of you. How I feel about you."

"I think there's a few things," Rose nodded stiffly, lowering her eyes, "Tim, I just think you deserve better."

"Well, I think I have the best right here," Tim shot back, his eyebrows arched, "Rose, I want this. I want you. There's nothing I'm not willing to do for you."

"I can't give myself away fully, Tim," Rose replied, shaking her head, "These are things I have to sort out by myself. On my own."

"I want to help you-"

"Tim, you can't fix everything," Rose's wet eyes met his, "You're not super-human. There isn't a solution to everything. This is different. I'm telling you it is."

"I can't just lose you," Tim told her with an even voice, "You must think I'm crazy if you think I'll just let you walk away from this. I might not be able to fix it, but I can help, Rose. Just let me in. Please."

She pursed her lips and fidgeted with her fingers, "I have to do it alone, Tim," They were silent for a few moments before Rose sighed and looked to him. Tim seemed so lost inside his mind, tracing after his memories, "You shouldn't have to help, anyway. This isn't your problem. Who knows... maybe when I'm your age, I'll have it all figured out, too," She shrugged, rather helplessly, a few more tears falling down her flushed cheeks.

"I still want to see you," Tim said, "I still want you apart of my life."

"We won't be the same," Rose replied softly, breathily.

"Rose," Tim leaned in closer to the table now, his voice a husky whisper, "I'm not giving up on you. Whatever it is you're facing, we can face it together. Always better in pairs, right? I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm involved," Rose felt fresh tears spring to her eyes and she pressed her knuckles to her quivering lips, "I want to be with you. I want to help you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I have every intention of marrying you."

Rose's face became pinched and she looked towards her cold coffee, watching her tears drip into it. She cried as silently as she was able to, careful to not draw attention in their direction. Tim was leaned forward on his elbows, an intense fire brewing in his hazel eyes.

"Rose... Rose," He reached out to her, his hand firmly gripping her wrist. She nearly flinched at the touch of his smooth hands, "Please, talk to me."

"I need time," Rose finally croaked lifting her eyes, "I just... I just need time. To think about everything that has happened."

"How long do you need?"

"I don't know," Rose furrowed her brow, almost desperately, "Tim, I don't want you waiting for me."

"I'm going to," Tim said firmly, gripping her wrist tighter, "I'll wait for you, Rose."

"Please, don't," Rose stood up and gathered her bags, trying to flick some tears from her eyes, "I'm not the one for you, Tim. Stop trying to fool yourself that this is normal."

And with that, he listened to her heels clatter across the tile as she burst back into the winter wonderland that New York City was becoming.